Guilt brought back my discipline

dancing_daisy

Towards the end of last week I was really struggling so I decided that this week rather than struggle again and likely end up cheating/over eating I would raise my calories slightly. A smaller deficit as a kind of break. I made peace with the fact I'd likely not lose or lose very little but better than potentially gaining. The idea was that rather than reach for seriously calorie and carb damaging cheat meals I’d eat slightly more but good choices: creamier yoghurt, some extra meat and a bit of cheese with lunch.

It didn’t really work and instead I’ve had those things plus a bottle of wine, a cheesy hamburger and a double chocolate ice cream lolly. This morning I decided I was going to give in to the cookies which have been sitting in the office and even logged the whopping 250 sugar laden calories on MFP before I went for it.

I literally got caught with my hand in the cookie jar by a woman at work who has been praising me and calling me an inspiration. That was enough to stop the reaching and step away. Not only that but I feel a new strength to get through the day and the hope I’ll get back on track for my new week that I was before devoid of.

After all the positivity pushes I’ve tried; trying on old clothes and seeing them fit, checking my BMI to find its back in healthy, comparing photos now that I’m happy to have my picture taken again….it was the feeling of guilt that has brought me back. Spending all this time not beating myself up and trying to see thing positively wasn’t half as powerful as feeling that bit of shame!