poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

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Replies

  • jvanessa89
    jvanessa89 Posts: 332 Member
    edited June 2016
    is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?".
    That's the key right there, you need to work on your body image issues and learn to love yourself or you will never be satisfied even if you were magically the size you want to be. I used to have really low self esteem too so I understand how it is.

    But why waste life wishing you were someone else? I'm 5'10 almost 5'11 and being tall used to be annoying (especially having big feet) but I like it now and wouldn't want to change my height. Even when I lose more weight I will probably always be a bit curvy which I like.. I wouldn't wish to be stick thin and it wouldn't look right on my structure anyway.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
    SueSueDio wrote: »

    You listed this lady on your profile as one of your inspirations, and she's certainly not petite and delicate - I always loved her and wanted to be like her, so go for it! (She is always the figure that comes to mind when I hear the word "Amazon".) I bet you could rock an outfit like this one day soon! :)



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    Screw delicate! Be Xena! Another woman who is tall and grr is Sally Solomon from Third Rock from the Sun. She used to tower over her dates and just oozed awesomeness!

    I'm short but far from delicate. ;)

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    PrincessTinyheart wrote: »
    I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

    (I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you).

    All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.

    Yes I have. I'm 5 ft 4 and always wanted to be....ahem....about 5 11! No kidding!

    You gotta love yourself even when you want to make changes, and the negative self talk does no good. If you have poor body image now it's not going to get better if you lose weight unless you work from the inside out.

    If we're overweight, losing weight is always worth it because it improves our health.

    I suggest seeking therapy to help with some of your issues.
  • stacelutes620
    stacelutes620 Posts: 10 Member
    Your pic is beautiful. I niece has the same build, but she lost a lot of weight (and gained it back) and it was an amazing transformation. Remember also, it's the inner beauty that really counts, how you treat others, your heart. Keep working on it and before you know it you will feel beautiful from the inside out!
  • zdyb23456
    zdyb23456 Posts: 1,706 Member
    I'm 5 feet with socks on. I've always wished I was taller. I have broad shoulders and narrow hips. So I've never considered myself petite either, just short and stocky.

    Also, 5 pounds on a short frame is apparent everywhere - my clothes stop fitting. 5 pounds on a tall person isn't even noticeable.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    Oh and I am short, lol. five three. I climb on everything to get stuff in the kitchen, the store, etc. Or I use a long pair of bbq tongs to grab things off the high kitchen shelves. I don't want to scream every 5 minutes HUSBAND COME REACH THIS PLEASE so I only do that if it's uber heavy or something.
  • alyssa0061
    alyssa0061 Posts: 652 Member
    After reading more of this thread I have decided that tomorrow I am going to call my mom and thank her, so much, for loving me and encouraging me to love the body that I have, not the body I may have wanted.

    I remember that as a child, multiple times throughout the school year I would come home and my mom would ask me, "Are you still the tallest one in your class?" I would either proudly say, "Yes!" or I would say no and she would always ask who was taller and by how much. I guess it was her way of showing me that whether I was tallest or not I had a lot to be proud of just by being myself.

    I am 5'10" and I have three sisters that are all 5'4". I have dark brown hair and they are all blonde. They're small. I'm big. I never, ever, ever felt like being taller and bigger and darker was something to be ashamed of or something to dislike about myself. My parents taught us all people are different and there's no reason to envy anyone when you have so many things to love about yourself.

    Sometimes it dawns on me how lucky I've been in that regard.
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    I think it matters where you are, too. When I lived in California I felt gargantuan at 5'11" and size 10. I felt ungainly and unfemenine then because almost every woman was at least half a foot shorter and need I expand on just how tiny women in LA are?

    Now I live in Minnesota. I am not unusually real or broad of frame here. Same size but I don't perceive myself to be a giant among Liliputians.

    Focus on the positive. As others said, we need step ladders less (but for the shortest let me point out I can't get stuff of the top shelf at home or target either). We are less likely to be patronized than shorter women, not that it doesn't happen, but there's something about starting down at people that makes them double think the downtalk.
  • SueSueDio
    SueSueDio Posts: 4,796 Member
    mathiseasy wrote: »
    Ohhh noooo, men long to cuddle and protect and cherish the women they LOVE. It has nothing to do with how big they are, or else DH would have decided I was too fat to love and left me already. He has not.
    The more I read, the more I really think you should seek a therapist. Do you truly believe one's relationship with a significant other is dependent on body type/size? To me, that is a sign of unhealthy thinking.

    And...you don't have to be thin to be a model ;) In my years of life on this earth and all the people I've met, I've met one girl and no guys who modeled, and she hated it.

    All of this, but especially that first sentence!

    And if you want to see some gorgeous, sexy plus sized models, check out http://www.hipsandcurves.com/

    If you don't want to lift weights that's fine, but please try to focus more on what your body CAN do and is, and less on what it can't or isn't. You have the frame you were born with and that's that - you can't become petite and "delicate" however much you might wish it, and thinking that your life would be better/easier/whatever if you were is not beneficial for your mental health. Please try to find a way to accept and be happy with your height. :)
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
    I am going to bed but I wanted to thank all you who offered input and opinions. You have all gave me so much to think about. The more I talk and think about it, the more I realize how much I dislike myself and attempt to mentally separate myself from other women. I don't know why, exactly, but it's there nonetheless.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,986 Member
    To give you some perspective: I'm 5'65 and only weigh 125lbs after losing 40lbs. You'd think: hey, cool! I'll be able to wear everything now. Well, I can't as I have very wide shoulders and pelvis. My pelvis bone actually sticks out not only at the front/side, but also at the back! it always looks like I'm wearing some kind of steel underwear, and adding a belt makes things even more ridiculous. My pants size is Eur 40 - I guess that's a US10 simply because I don't get most trousers over my hips and because my legs are too shapely. I only went down one pant size. But you know what? It's something I cannot change, thus I have to live with it. Accept it. And focus more on things that are more important, like having fun in life, enjoying my weekends, having a loved one.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Asher_Ethan wrote: »
    5'9" here and I have a huge bone structure. I was a dancer my whole life and was anyways told my bone structure didn't fit in with ballet. I always wished for a smaller bone structure when i was younger.
    Now that I'm older, I don't mind my freakish big bones. Finding a bra that fits sucks, but it's fun to see people's reactions when I tell them I wear size 11 in pants.

    Ok but looking at your picture I REALLY don't see a large bone structure.
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,342 Member
    We always want what we can't have, I'm only 5ft 2" and I'd love to be much taller, my sis is 5ft 9 and she looks fab. Be happy with what you've been given, be the best version of you that you can be and more than anything, stop looking at others and comparing yourself. Be happy.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
    There is a reason fashion models have to be taller than 5'9. Clothes just look better on tall women. I am 5'9 and often wear 4 inch heels because I would rather look down on people than look up at them!
    Embrace who you are and think of the benefits of being a tall girl. There are many. And think about the way you talk to yourself. If you had a tall friend with big boobs would you call her 'a moose'? No because it would be untrue and unkind. Extend that kindness to your own internal voice. That's the one that matters most.
  • tripple7
    tripple7 Posts: 22 Member
    edited June 2016
    There's 1000s of people on MFP? All here to either lose/maintain/gain weight. To an extent i would say we are all not happy with our images otherwise we wouldn't be here. It's definitely a common thing & most people like to deny it. But first step to healing is "acceptance & acknowledging the problem" and you've just done that, so well done.
  • ejbronte
    ejbronte Posts: 867 Member
    When I was growing up, one of the things I wanted to be was a stewardess (yes, this dates me!). I was told I would never be able to be stewardess because I wouldn't be tall enough (in those days, it was true). I couldn't aspire to be a model because of same. To this day, I do, indeed, have to ask people to help me get things: my partner's mail from the top drawer of the file cabinet. The paper clips and binder clips in the top row of the supply bins. And no one's ever in the supply room when I need these things. I say "grrrr" a lot during the day.

    Oh, I watch my co-admin assistant casually reach those heavenly spaces, barely lifting her arm from her nearly 6-feet of height, and sigh with envy. Look how she can rock those maxi-dresses, which are too long for me even in petite sizes! Look at the air of dignity and strength she projects just by standing up! Oh, wow, if only I ...

    Then she tells me how she wishes she could wear the small skirts which I can wear because on me they aren't so short. And she says she'll show me how to rock some high heels when I walk, because she wishes she could wear heels as high as I could. And run down the hall like I can without attracting so much attention.

    But we've both actually come around (at last) to being happy with ourselves the way we are. The imortant thing is that we're both nice people who can work together and enjoy it. The rest is gravy!

    Incidentally, Mary Queen of Scots was almost 6 feet tall - remarkable today, let alone in the sixteenth century! And she was proud of that fact, making the most of it in her dress and 'tude.
  • RandiNoelle
    RandiNoelle Posts: 374 Member
    Comparing myself to others has always been my downfall. "I've never look like her, even if I lose all this weight, so why bother?" I had to change my entire perspective. I'm not longer trying to emulate someone else, but make strides to better myself day-by-day. I look at who I was at the beginning of the year vs now, it's a completely different person. For that, I'm proud! I can't change my body type but I can make the best of what I have.
  • Zella_11
    Zella_11 Posts: 161 Member
    Learn to love who you are OP--you are so much more than a weight, height, or body type. <3 You are a unique, beautiful, capable human being on planet earth. You have so much to offer--learn to change your self-talk and mindset--stop wasting your precious time on earth worrying about bodies/body types. Took me awhile to learn how to love and accept myself for exactly who and what I am, but it has made all the difference in my life. Best wishes for health and positive self-image!
  • BreonnaQueen
    BreonnaQueen Posts: 58 Member
    I'm 5'2 and some would consider me petite.... let me tell you there is nothing grand about being short with the exception of being able to hide in a small areas during hide and seek (and who really plays hide and seek as an adult anymore?!)

    My friend is 5'10. The first time I saw her (and even now), I thought "wow, she's so tall! Shes so Majestic..." Her legs are so long, shes tall and mystique... goddess like.

    I guarantee you that while you think you're some moose (which you are not!) there are people looking at you in awe wishing they had your legs, your arms, your presence and your ability to see over a counter. I hope you are able to see your beauty and not compare it to others... you're awesome as you already are.
  • MarziPanda95
    MarziPanda95 Posts: 1,326 Member
    I used to feel the same way. I'm 5'7, and have always towered over my female friends as they're all below average height. There was a guy I liked at university, he's about 6'4. We became friends, but he very obviously fancied one of my best friends, who is about 5'2. He told me the type of girl he likes would have long hair (I have short hair because of a medical condition, my hair doesn't grow) be below average height with blue eyes and an average chest (I have brown eyes and large breasts). I felt jealous of my best friend every time he'd tell me his type, because she was it. She didn't like him like that, though. The more me and him hung out, the more we realised we have in common. Now he's my boyfriend and we've been together eight months. He tells me that whilst I'm not his 'ideal type' - it doesn't matter, because I'm me, and that's what he loves. I came to realise that whilst I may not totally like the way I look next to my friends... I like how I look in general, because I know I shouldn't compare myself to other women. I'm me. And that's great!
    For the record, said best friend talks a lot about how she wishes she were taller. I can guarantee there are a lot of women that look at you and feel the same way you do about smaller women. Don't compare yourself to others, just work on being the best version of you that you can be!
  • magicpickles
    magicpickles Posts: 286 Member
    This post could have been written by me! I am 5'8 and have larger wrists, broad shoulders and no waist.
  • mccokat
    mccokat Posts: 130 Member
    Hey girl.
    I'm in the exact situation as you, build wise, almost six feet, ridiculous boobs, tiny waist, huge hips and stupidly long legs. My brother called me a mammoth my entire childhood and now that I'm taller than he is he refuses to be in photos with me when I wear heels or if I'm sitting down.
    But for real, this is all your mentality. You can do all those things, maybe you won't be a flyer, but cheerleaders need bases too. I was a competitive diver for years and was as much or more graceful than the other girls. I did horseback riding, ballet, gymnastics, modelling, pageants, and line dancing before deciding school was more my thing. I did all of those traditional delicate pastimes that you covet, and I rocked at them.
    And I've broken toes by missing doorways, so I'm not some magical graceful girl.
    It also took me years to be alright with how I looked. My whole life up until recently, and I still feel as though I don't fit sometimes. But it's my mentality, not my body that's the problem. (Also getting clothes that actually fit helped too, now that I think about it)
    As for guys, the ones that are worth cuddling won't care if they come up to your shoulder. You can feel protected by a guy who's shorter than you if that's what you're into. Women aren't the "weaker sex" though, and you don't need to be protected to be cherished.
    Add me if you ever need a pep talk, because seriously, I love the way I'm built and wouldn't trade it.
  • xtina315
    xtina315 Posts: 218 Member
    The moment you stop worrying about how everyone else looks, and the moment you accept yourself will be a great day for you
  • magicpickles
    magicpickles Posts: 286 Member
    I've been watching Third Rock from the Sun, and asides from being hilarious and brilliant(!), it has a woman called Sally Solomon who is an alien (but in human form), who is large but gorgeous. And when I say large, I don't mean fat, but tall and bigger framed. She is 6foot in real life. She is portrayed as being this gorgeous, sex symbol in the show, because, well, she is. Except, she thinks shes hideous (in some of the episodes anyway).

    Everyone has their preferences, some people are probably envious of your height and frame, or think you are beautiful as you are. I feel less attractive because of my height and frame, but that doesn't mean others would change me, given the option.

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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Ironically, the tiny little petite ones likely wish they were not so tiny...at least that is what I've observed in the ladies I know...if they're bigger (even if they're fit and athletic looking) they want to be tiny...the tiny skinny ones wish they looked bigger and more athletic...the ones with curly hair wish they had straight hair and the one's with straight hair are getting perms. It's just too bad that none of them really realize how beautiful they are in their own respective and unique ways.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
    kristen6350 wrote: »
    I'm 5'11 myself and at my top weight I felt the same why you did. Now that I've lost 40lbs (193-153) I don't feel that way any more. At almost 200lbs I felt huge, that I stood out in a negative way and found out of place. Now that I've lost the weight, I feel I have the advantage. I feel clothes look better on taller people.

    I think if you really put the work in and get to where you like yourself, you'll feel different.



    ^^^^^This^^^^

    I totally get what the OP is saying. I am 5' 9" and was 5' 10" when I was younger.
    I didn't like being tall as a child but when I hit high school my tall & thin look started getting me attention. Good attention, like you look like a model attention.
    But the few times my weight has creeped up, I felt "big" instead of tall. Tall is good. Big didn't feel good to me.
    Trust me when I tell you, forget about any crap your family may have mentally fed you growing up. When you lose weight and gain body confidence from exercise, you'll be so glad you are tall.
    Oh, and the big shoulder thing, I get. When I'm thin I like how my shoulders make my waist look tiny, when I'm not thin I feel like a line backer.
    Keep pushing yourself in a healthy way to lose weight and exercise. You'll get there.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
    Oh yeah. Xena. My husband thinks she's hot. Me too!
  • limitles
    limitles Posts: 39 Member
    I'm 5'5 but I am the literal definition of a pear. I wear a size 2 shirt and a size 12 pants. I have a long torso and short legs. My one thigh is bigger than my waist. I have huge calves and also a very deep voice. I always thought when I got put together, they just used the leftover parts. I have always envied women that have long legs and without cellulite and broken veins. I haven't worn a dress in 10 years because I'm afraid for people to see my legs.

    I started lifting weights, which definitely has helped my body image, but ppl will never stop saying crazy things. I get told that I look like a man all the time because I carry more muscle than most women in my arms and back. I'm working on letting the crazy come from other people and not me. I'm learning to love the good and accept the bad. Everyone has stuff they don't like and I can guarantee that someone is looking at you wishing they had something that you have.
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