Exercise for children - constructive and positive

tiny_clanger

So, I've been thinking about when I was a kid and the problems I had with sport. And the more I think about it, the angrier I get.

I've not long finished the C25K, a wonderful supportive, confidence building programme. And I was chatting with my friend who has just learnt to swim as an adult - in a warm pool, small class, very confidence building. She's now preparing to do some epic open water adventure somewhere warm and lovely.
We were both saying that we were written off by school sports as children, I was unfit with poorly controlled asthma and couldn't run easily and she was scared of water. There was no structured programme - I was made to run until I collapsed or was sick and she was put in detention for refusing to get in the pool.
I don't really know what modern school sports are like (our experiences are from the mid to late '90's) but I was wondering whether other people felt that their confidence in sport had been wiped out as children, and whether you feel that makes you stronger training as an adult, or has been an additional barrier to overcome.
For me, it's definitely the latter - training out the self destructive "you can't do this, everyone knows you can't do this" voice has been very, very hard.

EvgeniZyntx

School sports were highly competitive and emotionally damaging for me in the '70-'80's - I had a coach that was verbally abusive to the point of getting fired and later being charged for hitting a kid at another school.

Despite things like that, it was also a place for learning and pushing yourself - and you can't get there without "some pushing". The 'bad' was also balanced by a better philosophy inside & outside school - good coaches and things like AYSO - everyone plays attitude.

I was always the last person on the swim team and my mother made excuses for being "uncoordinated" and "flat-footed" in several other sports. I was an awkward and clumsy kid in sports for a while.

But, as I tell my girls, if you are older than 21 you no longer get to use that as an excuse.
Move, train, excel like you own your body.
Because you do.

The 90s are almost 20 years behind us.
Time to move on.

sijomial

For context - I was born in 1960.
Up to age eleven I played and enjoyed any sport available to me but especially football (soccer). I was a particularly fast sprinter despite being a bit chubby. Parents didn't have the time or money to ferry me to organised sports.
From eleven to sixteen I went to a very stuffy and old fashioned grammar school with a dreadful elitist attitude to sports - which was fine if you were regarded as one of the elite but hopeless if you weren't one of the chosen few.

Main competitive sports were rugby and cricket, footballs were actually banned from the school premises for my first few years there!
All the boys that had played cricket and rugby before (Prep School mostly) formed the school teams and very few "outsiders" like me ever broke into the exclusive club in the next five years.
Zero support, encouragement or coaching was given unless you were in the first team. So my rugby education was of the "here's the ball, run forwards, pass backwards" variety. I learned more about rugby in my 40's during a three day coaching course than I did in five years of playing the game.
One newcomer was particularly talented and brave but was told he would never play for the school unless he got his long hair cut.

Despite being the fastest at 60m and top three at 100m my face didn't fit as I wasn't one of the chosen few so never represented the school in athletics. Our introduction to distance running was without any warning or preparation being made to run 3 miles cross country on the coldest, wettest day of winter. Hated long distance running ever since. Only ran 5k and 10k twenty years later as a challenge after my knee got wrecked but it's still not my thing.

My sports after school were very individual, motorcycle racing and squash mostly. Even now as a cyclist I'm a solo rider so wonder if my school experience put me off team sports? I'm still very driven, determined and self-competitive. I think my negative school experience actually helped develop that attitude and made me stronger and more determined, proving people wrong is a big motivator to me.

You can turn a negative experience into a positive motivator. I used the "Douglas Bader approach" (try everything) with my children and encouraged them all the way to find the sports they enjoy - both played rugby which I why I became a qualified coach. My son is a very gifted sportsman and lives for his cricket but has an irritating ability to excel at any ball sport with little apparent effort (no he didn't get that from me!). My daughter wasn't and isn't very sporty but uses the gym to keep fit and has good body confidence.

dutchandkiwi

School sport *shudder*
I was totally put off by the competetive nature of it Hated sports because of it. That said I remember one year fondly; I then had a teacher that really focussed on bringing out the best in what you could do vs competing with others. That year I florished and made great leaps.

It took me years to understand that I love excersise, just loath competing with others. I want the best out of me and if that means being last in the group I really could not give a toss, as long as I am having a good time.

Sued0nim

Actually I think the modern approach to sports education from the youngest child up gets it wholly wrong too, just at the other extreme of the spectrum

There's been a drive to removing all competitiveness, not aiming to promote personal effort or endeavour and progress and calling everyone a winner at all things when clearly the world is actually competitive

To develop resilience children need to be allowed to lose or fail, pick themselves up, dust themselves off and start again. To accept defeat and learn to practice and work at it.

I think there's a fine line between inclusivity and raising a generation of children who aren't encouraged to try, try and try again.

I think parenting and education is starting to swing back and hopefully it will find a modern central ground

And I absolutely believe that sports / physical activity should be open to all - that everyone should be encouraged to find something they enjoy - for some it's team sports, for others just walking the dog, for yet others dangerous sports .. just get moving and have a good time.

Some should not teach sports that's true - but on the flipside I have seen some amazing, inspirational and inclusive teachers and some dogmatic, amazing kids excelling in their own stratospheres.

jemhh

I never had a horrible gym teacher or class.

From junior high on up I wasn't a big fan of it but it wasn't a huge deal. I'm not very coordinated and have trouble putting together several movements at the same time. My gym teacher tried and tried and finally said " I don't even know what is going on" when attempting to get me to shoot a layup in basketball. It's like my brain short circuits and I turn into a complete dufus with stuff like that. (That's why I like lifting weights. You pretty much stay in one spot and the movements are pretty simple. I consider trying Olympic lifts once in awhile but am a bit afraid of them.) I also was the kid who inevitably got hit in the face and ended up with broken glasses in dodge ball lol. Don't even get me started on square dancing. :cringe.

All that being said, I don't think I had any lasting problems because of it. I am pretty good at laughing at myself so that helped back then. And, really, it's good to have some adversity in life. Academics were pretty easy for me and I needed to learn about being challenged somehow.

sunnybeaches105

I have asthma and it was much worse as a child. It was a challenge and I learned to fight in spite of it. I'll leave it at that.

Fortunately, our daughters are healthy and I pray they stay that way. We are pushing our daughters into athletics and one is embracing it while the other is not. Our goal is to encourage and push without being overly demanding or insisting they move to more competive leagues. My biggest concern is that they stay healthy and fit and develop life long habits, and accomplish something they are proud of. I'm trying not to be "that" dad. Our oldest loves Girls on the Run and soccer, and runs with me on occasion. Long story short, I don't have any answers. Ask me again in 10-15 years.

French_Peasant

Oh my goodness, this made me laugh--I still think of the hours of time I put into attempting to do a Fosbury Flop as a 6th grader on the track team--FAIL!!! I just could not get it. And I was a horrible, horrible runner. But I always loved gym, even if I was bad--floor hockey! flag football! And when I got to high school, I regretted not listening to my middle school gym teacher and trying out for v-ball or softball, because I suddenly became coordinated and strong and pretty good at both those sports. Oh well. Now my husband comes from an athletically gifted family so there is a lot of pressure on my 10 year old daughter to join sports; she runs cross country but just doesn't have the killer instinct to push and push and practice. She was signed up for x-country and b-ball camp this summer over her objections. She has a very athletic and graceful form. My contribution is to take her to weekly riding lessons where she excels and rides like a centaur. Of course, she loves the most expensive sport with the least amount of scholarships, LOL.

sparklyglitterbomb

My experiences with my elementary school PE teacher have followed me my entire damned life when it comes to running. This year, I am going through the C25K to run an entire 5K just to prove I *can*... though I have still not rallied the courage to run outside for fear of being made fun of... pretty ridiculous for a middle aged woman to still have residual effects from something so long ago, but there you go.

I wonder if she had not been such a cruel, raging beeyotch if I would have continued playing soccer and gone out for other sports in school.

mommazach

I ran into my old high school PE teacher.... At a 5K! She was incredibly enthusiastic that I had changed. In High School I was lazy, and most of my life I was lazy. I decided to get in shape in my 40's! My children are all doing what they want. My 5 year old is active, my 11 year old rides his bike next to me while I jog, my 16 year old rolls her eyes (Extent of her exercise) and my 27 year old girls both exercise daily. My 23 year old eats. This is a choice all of them have made. I encourage them all to do something, but will never push too hard. I hated sports in school. I was the Cheerleading Captain. My mantra was the only time I would run is if a Bear was chasing me. (or snakes were visible I also found to be true) I don't know that the athletic directors actually discouraged me as much as that I really didn't want to. I was a chubby child until 7th grade, and even then I was bigger than the rest, but I was content to do what I wanted. My excuses ran out when my then 26 yr old joined the military, and this momma was there to encourage her. It's been a wonderful journey so far.

Lleldiranne

I have kids that are in secondary schools now. It does seem that the PE program has changed some in the last 20 or so years. They do a variety of activities in PE, including team and individual sports. It seems like the goal is more to improve individual fitness, but there are still some artifacts from the 20th century hanging on.

In junior high my daughter had "pacers" where they had to maintain a certain pace through laps back and forth across the gym (blech). They also had to improve their mile times. My son's class did regular runs, and I believe there was a goal time for them to reach ... no idea how those were determined. But they also did a lot of games and activities they found enjoyable.

In high school, my daughter has also had the "regular" gym class. Again, quite a variety, including work in the weight room (and they actually learned how to properly lift!) Next year, she gets to take a class that is basically going to the Gold's Gym down the street for regular workouts.

One big change I've noticed is that the PE classes are now co-ed, whereas when I was in Jr High and High in the early to mid 90s it was boys and girls separate. Good thing about it is that there is less "that's a girl's exercise" or "that is a boy's exercise" mentality (I never got to step foot in the weight room in high school).

We need to encourage our kids, from early elementary school on, to stay active and be willing to try different things. I'm not big on the required runs (I wasn't a runner in high school, hated it, and felt pretty incompetent for years because of it) but we also need to get every kid moving more!

stealthq

I never really had a horrible gym class, either.

I hated gym on general principles - most of the activities seemed particularly pointless to me, and being the smallest kid by a long shot did not help - but we did all the usual sports as well as things like dodgeball and everyone was expected to play. Teams were chosen randomly, so there was no peer pressure there, and only rarely was there a team that was all that much more athletic than any other. So, everyone got a chance to win, everyone got a chance to lose no matter how excellently or terribly they played.

Not a bad way to go about general PE, looking back.

Our competitive school sports were an entirely separate thing, and didn't count as school PE credit until junior and senior year. Everyone could try out, only the best were accepted. My school was extremely competitive - we were state champs in multiple sports. And no, I was not part of any of those teams, though I had a friend that was.

My bad competitive sports experiences were things my family paid for. I was a competitive ice skater early on. My teacher screamed at me for failing to perform an axel the first time I tried. I was seven, confident, and mouthy. I skated to her and told her that she was nuts to think I'd get it the first time. She slapped me. My mother (who witnessed the whole thing) told me when I got to the side of the rink that if I wanted to quit on the spot, I could. And I did. I liked ice skating, but not that much.

Then, I was an equestrian (age 7-21), and I did love riding that much. To say my trainer was 'colorful' would be a huge understatement. Let's put it this way. I learned to avoid drugs and alcohol from observing her (came in handy at my school). I learned the proper use of most of the foul words I'd heard up until that point. I learned from her how to deal with abusive language if you aren't willing to get away from it (knuckle down and use it as fuel for the fire - or, turn around and lambast the person face-to-face if you're willing to take the consequences).

Now, much later on, she turned her life mostly around and I did learn more positive things from her - perseverance, and such. But that wasn't until after I was an adult.

cwolfman13

I started competitive track and field when I was in 3rd grade, but not with school...with Hershey T&F. I also did gymnastics outside of school and played youth football outside of school. I always enjoyed gym class as well and didn't start playing competitive sports in school until high school where I ran track, played football, swim team, and a short stint on the wrestling team.

I loved every minute of it and just grew up involved in sports and athletics. It made things much easier to pick back up a few years ago when I decided I like fit me a lot better than unfit and fat me.

Timshel_

I am biased because I am athletically gifted, so I always had attention and support in gym class or school sports. I didn't always have good coaches, but even in those less-than-positive situations it wasn't completely negative to me.

stuart959

Firstly, I was born summer 1985 in Washington state and remained there to the present. My experiene was mixed. I had always been heavy, and varying degrees of unconditioned but with no major health issues. Due to lack of atheticism I was excluded to a degree by my peers. Honestly, I saw some of the yay everyone gets a trophy stuff. I didn't feel stigmatized by my gym classes but often being in the bottom half of physical capacity testing was discouraging. As a twist of irony during my best time of fitness in eighth grade I felt horrible about myself for other reasons, junior high was terrible. What I really wanted was to be accepted by my peers and not be seperated along physical lines. I found that outside school in the cub/boy scouts, which was great for all sorts of things. When I did participate in things having a good time was my focus. It always has and it grated on me to be surrounded by a competitive structure.

ponycyndi

I was terribly out of shape as a kid, growing up in front of video games. Then as a teenager, I was obese. Exercise was like a punishment, and you were either good at it, or you weren't. If you were overweight like me, then you weren't good at sports, and never will be.

It's not much better for my own kids now. One is thin but tall and awkward, so not coordinated enough, and gets discouraged easily. The other is overweight, and can't run well for long, so is made fun of and also discouraged easily. Both have a great dislike for any organized team sports.

rainbowbow

Well... when i was a kid i entered into gymnastics. at first it was just a fun thing to do, but as i progressed quickly into acheiving some basic skills (kip, back walk over, cartwheel on balance beam, flip flop, lay over vault, etc.) they moved me into "team". This is when i began competitive gymnastics where not only was i competing against other teams throughout the county, state, and then region (region 3 represent) it started to become soul sucking as i competed against the girls in my own gym.

Luckily my mother was poor and i was a kid whose team membership/leos/competition fees were handled via fundraisers. My mom was also always working so i got rides from my other team members parents and my mom rarely saw me during the 4x weekly practices. Other parents on the other hand... they ruined this sport for their kids. it became their job, not something to do for fun. It was something that was expected of them. And i was generally looked down upon by the team moms because my mom was "trash" compared to them. These stay at home moms with their fancy SUVs used to literally talk shnit about the other girls on our team "Oh, you know rainbowbow is going to choke on vault." OR "My little becky is just more talented than sally and the coach should spend more time with her".

if you could only hear the way these grown women behaved...

All that being said, i was never required to take P.E. in school because i was training in the gym more than 20 hours per week. I received some sort of state exemption and i was always allowed to take 2 electives instead.

So... how are school sports? I dont know. But i do know that as an adult I don't enjoy sports that much because i always feel like i have something to prove, i have to be the best to prove my worth, etc. And if it's something i'm not good at i've always refuse to try because i don't want to be judged or looked down upon.

These are things i'm working on now. There are a few things i'd probably find fun to do (like swimming which i don't know how to do, or tennis, or volleyball) i just need some direction. Most of the things i want to learn to do require someone else and i don't know how i feel about subjecting someone else to my suckage.


P.S. if it's any consolation on saturdays (for 8 years) our practice was from 7am-3pm. The first 45 minutes we had to do a 3 mile run or a 5 mile rollerblade session. we usually went in groups of 2-3 girls.

Even in the peak of my physical fitness i hated running and sucked at it. I can do sprints, but just steady state cardio? Kill me. I decided one day to rollerblade instead and part of the path we were using was a 1 lane road with a ditch on both sides. A car flew past us and i fell face first into the ditch where i was then covered in 200+ (atleast!) stickers. I braced with my hands so they got the brunt of it. My coach went in, ripped them out, poured hydrogen peroxide over my palms, taped me, and then said "okay ladies, we're working bars next".

This memory (and many many more) haunt me to this day.

Enjcg5

Competitive sports aren't for everyone. Riding bikes, running around the neighborhood, jumping on trampolines, playing at parks is for everyone. That's what I encourage my kids to do. PE classes here are more about learning games and learning about the human body/health. They donsome fitness testing bug nothing too traumatic.

daweasel

I was at an all girls school, graduated in 2008. School PE for me was awful, I hated to run and I hated netball, and I couldn't play tennis (lots of the girls had lessons, a minority of us had no idea) and those seemed to be the go-to options from our teachers. I used to swim a lot, often up to 12 sessions a week with two different squads, but I couldn't run for s**t so the PE teachers decided I was unfit, lost cause...despite the fact that when we had school swimming lessons and they assessed our ability they told me to just go and swim in a lane by myself or with one other girl because there was no point them "teaching" me to swim.

That experience put me off sports and running for so long, until towards the end of school when I had stopped swimming with the squads and wanted to keep fit, when I started running occasionally by myself and playing social games of anything besides netball at lunchtime. I found I actually didn't mind running when someone wasn't barking orders at me and looking exasperated because I was slow. I started running more and more, eventually most days, supplementing with swimming and the occasional spin class. Then last year when I was injured bought a bike and have been racking up 250-300+km/week for the last year or so and I love it! It was never even presented to me as an option growing up.

My little sister (currently 15, ten years younger) has had a vaguely similar experience. She was not a bad runner, they asked her to join the cross country team...and then made her hate it so much she gave up running altogether and now does absolutely nothing in terms of sports or physical activity.

I think school teachers really need to be mindful of the way they approach this sort of thing, it really put me off being active for years and made me feel awful about myself because they'd always tell me I needed to "get fitter". I might not have been able to run, but I could swim, and their dismissal of my ability and fitness was unfair.

jgnatca

One of my fondest childhood memories was an epic tag game with the neighbourhood children until dark on the longest day of summer. This far north we are talking nearly midnight.