Obsessive - how do I know when and how to stop?

Nathanae

Hi all,

I find myself in a position where, as my best friend told me, it's no longer fun to eat with me because I try to weigh and track everything (except spices*) and I, too, find myself obsessing over every little detail.
So much so that I am now calculating how long I can visit my grandparents for and how to maneuver the tricky afternoon cake and food situation there, scared that I gain too much weight during those 3 or 4 days! I also am at a point where I am technically at a very healthy BMI at <23 and starting to get a flabby feeling around my stomach skin again. I lost about 7.5 kg in 46 days but have also lost sight of where I want to go, how fast, and most importantly, how do you stop dieting without going in the opposite direction again? How does maintaining for a while until your skin has caught up work?? I feel pretty lost at the moment. But since I have quite a few tricky situations ahead, like visits of family and friends, a holiday (which will require a bikini!) and no gym membership until at least early August (and I am TERRIBLE with self-motivation when it comes to work outs and never do anything on my own)... I find myself overstressing the details! - made more difficult by the fact that during the first month of this diet I went to the gym 3-4 times a week if I could manage, without really eating back the calories, so I find it harder to judge how this works in my current pretty sedetary life!

Sorry if this didn't make sense!

(*the reason for not tracking spices: I get overly fussy about stuff as simple and minor as lettuce and noticed that I eat much less fruit than I used to - (even though I started to ignore the Macros flashing red at me. maybe not ideal, but I am overly preoccupied with this diet as it is!) and I don't want to start obsessing over how much taste I am allowed to give my food and if it is okay to have a bit more cinnamon on my porridge or paprika in my bolognese etc. It's bad enough I stopped putting olive oil on my salads!) I don't want to turn into my aunt who leaves every family event with a sour expression just before dinner and always gives homemade food like jams, liqueurs and biscuits as a present, probably because she loves cooking and baking but doesn't want to eat it herself! And I felt terrible at the last BBQ I was invited to because I even persuaded the host to buy chicken instead of Bratwurst (yes, I'm German ^^") leave the Feta and also the walnuts out of the salad, even though they are healthy, just because I knew I wouldn't be able to say how many grams of them exactly I would have in my portion and didn't have any bread! I really hope she didn't notice too much!

RodaRose

Keep in mind that not all details matter all the time.
It might benefit you to trust the process. You have successfully lost weight. Pick which details actually matter.

CattOfTheGarage

Yes, you need to step back and let go a little. The fact you're trying to limit lettuce and spices, both of which have negligible calories, and the fact you're trying to avoid family events and control what's served, both indicate you're at an unhealthily level of obsession. It makes me think OCD. Have you ever had that checked out?

The fact is, as has been said repeatedly on another current thread, calorie tracking is only ever an estimate. You have to come to a point where you stop fighting to make it more accurate, because if you keep chasing those numbers then the tracking itself will become an obstacle to your daily functioning. It seems to me you've gone past that point and it's time to dial it back.

Accept that spontaneous eating will happen, at social events and otherwise. Don't refuse food because you can't track it properly, that's pretty unhealthy. Make your best guess at whether it will fit your daily goal, enjoy it, then track it afterwards, *and accept that that number will be less accurate than your routine tracking*. And that that's OK.

If you really can't handle that, I reiterate the point about the OCD and needing to get it checked out. If you do have it, that may be a more urgent issue than your eating itself.

As for the belly, it may be dysmorphia (unrealistic body image), which is common, especially in people who have lost weight. On the other hand, some strength or core training may help, and there are a lot of people on here who can advise you on that.

BrooklynApple88

No offense, but I can see why your friend finds it difficult to have fun with you. You have to face the fact that you will not always eat at a deficit. It's a part of life and making this lifestyle change has to be sustainable. You cannot control all situations and events. It's called living.

All this week I have been exercising and eating at a defiict. Later on today I'm meeting my brother for some cheese fries and a cheeseburger. The following day I'll be back on track. You have to allow yourself these types of situations.

Nathanae

if you could see my flat, my eating habits and my life you would laugh heartily about the OCD suggestion! I have had several days lately where I was out of control and had to wildly guess (and knew I was WAY over my daily goal, even past maintenance!) and it doesn't make me disorder-uncomfortable, just normal "I don't want to gain weight again"-nervous, maybe because it is going so well at the moment and I am scared of "falling off the wagon" again.
I did have Kebab with the friend (and cake the previous days), he just accused me of being no fun when I actually put it on the kitchen scales and decided to only have half of it! (but the kebab was enormous, even by my normal non-diet-eating standards! that shop didn't do small kebabs)

But of course you are all right! I myself feel like it is taking over my life a bit too much and I will try and use my few days at my grandparents' as a breather and try to relax a little bit!

Thank you for answering!

CattOfTheGarage

Nathanae wrote: »

if you could see my flat, my eating habits and my life you would laugh heartily about the OCD suggestion!

OCD does not mean "tidy person". That's a stereotype. OCD means you suffer from excessive worrying and obsession with bad things that might happen, and feel compelled to control yourself or your surroundings in an effort to prevent it.

Some people who suffer from it do tidy and clean obsessively, either because their obsession is related to hygiene or because they are convinced that if they have a messy house then something bad will happen . But the obsession can be about anything, and eating Is a pretty common one - being obsessed with the need to lose weight or fat and attempting to control your eating beyond a reasonable level. Anorexia is related to OCD, and so is orthorexia (an obsessive need to eat "healthy" or "right" or "clean").

All these things are to do with extreme anxiety and a need to feel in control. If your worries have nothing to do with cleanliness, there's no reason OCD would make you tidy - in fact it could do the opposite if the anxiety makes the task of cleaning overwhelming.

However, if you find you can loosen up over your calories tracking without it causing huge anxiety, chances are you don't have OCD (or at least, not about that!). Just try and strike a balance between keeping yourself accountable on the one hand, and trying to control every little thing on the other.

I personally try not to weigh food or discuss my weight loss efforts in front of other people, as it's socially awkward and can be annoying. In the kebab scenario, if I felt it was probably too big for my goals, I would have just eaten approximately half and then estimated the weight later, without saying anything to friends. It's no biggie. If you find over a few weeks you're gaining weight or not losing as fast as you want, make your estimates a little higher.

goldthistime

I'm pondering my approach to maintenance too. I'm considering a kind of bastardized IF, where I eat "intuitively", logging at the end of the day, and one day a week (2 if necessary) I eat to compensate. I assume that means eating less, occasionally even very little, but it could potentially mean eating more. That would mean I spend considerably less time thinking about it all. I'm not there yet, just thinking about it.

cmarangi

I agree with Catt that weighing the kebab in front of a friend is probably best not done. I've found that usually when people say things about my eating healthy or less it's usually because they feel like that means they eat too much, even though what they do is working for them. I try to say as little as possible and just eat what I eat and make it low key.

I have to say though, I tend towards the same behaviors as OP in that I can get overly obsessive, just because I am so proud of where I am now and don't want to go back to where I was. I constantly struggle with balance.