Feeling or choice?

OhRobin
OhRobin Posts: 9 Member
edited December 2 in Chit-Chat
I was asked yesterday by a personal male friend if I thought loving someone was a feeling or a choice? My knee jerk reaction was a feeling of course!! But his question got me thinking ... is it truly a feeling? Or is it really a choice one makes in how they will feel about another? Perhaps love starts out as a feeling, and moves into a choice? Maybe this is how couples "fall out of love?"

Curious to know what others think ...

Replies

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  • jayele72
    jayele72 Posts: 51 Member
    From the viewpoint of someone going through a divorce, a long-term loving relationship is equally commitment and feeling.
  • OhRobin
    OhRobin Posts: 9 Member
    I am impressed by the comments provided, such thought provoking and deep responses, and I happen to agree with you all here.

    Love is all encompassing, the good and the bad, and yes, one can choose to live their love completely, or they can choose to squelch it, stuff it down, and live a lie.

    Those that ignore their heart are the ones that truly suffer, they carry that missing piece of themselves by denying their emotions, learning to live that way.

    This friend of mine, he is torn between two women, an ex of his that wants to "try" again, and a new woman he's dated several times. He's trying to be logical, sensible with deciding who to pursue, and asked that question of me. The ex, is a choice, the new woman is a feeling. I said to pursue the feeling, and to do so swiftly, before any and all options are removed for him.

    We'll have to see what happens.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    "Love" is primarily a chemical imbalance easily cured by marriage.

    Just kidding. But only a little.

    What starts out as "love" is the chemical drive to reproduce. It notably falls off after about 18 months - which just so happens to be enough time for any potential offspring to be fairly well developed and not quite so dependent.

    After that, depends on each partner and how committed they are and how compatible they were to begin with. Because once the drug glow wears off, you're left with every day life.

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  • OhRobin
    OhRobin Posts: 9 Member
    Again, awesome thoughts to consider!

    Perhaps it can be summarized with love the feeling belonging to the heart, whereas love the choice belongs to the head.

    And whether something is everlasting depends on how well the heart and the head communicate.
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  • Speedzter972
    Speedzter972 Posts: 48 Member
    To love is a choice: such as when you love chocolate chip cookie or that Mercedes Benz, but to be in love is a feeling without choice. I don't think you can ever fall out of love once you truly fall in love with someone. You can make that choice to be separated, but love stays with you forever. I don't think most people even understand true love these days; some folks are falling in love just to have that experience but true love requires commitment, trust, sacrifice, loyalty, and patience.
  • anl90
    anl90 Posts: 928 Member
    I truly think it depends on the situation. In some cases, I think the person is so dead set on making the relationship work they subconsciously choose to love that person. From personal experience, I never planned to be with my now fiancée. It just all of a sudden hit me one day that I loved her.
  • MrsBooBear
    MrsBooBear Posts: 12,618 Member
    PlaydohPants wrote: »
    I think love as a noun is a feeling, love as verb is a choice.

    This. :heart:
  • Shana67
    Shana67 Posts: 680 Member
    Love that continues over a lifetime is a choice. There are so, so many times when I am annoyed, irritated, upset, but I make a CHOICE to continue to love my husband. It's not like it's hard - he's a great guy - but there are times when I feel like "where's the love?" and that new-love, the flutters - where did it go? It comes back, when we are less stressed, have more time together, and can connect. And comes back HARD, because my husband is AMAZING. But he is also annoying LOL and I do have to choose to love him at times.
  • OhRobin
    OhRobin Posts: 9 Member
    Ahhhh .... yes!

    "I don't think that's what I meant. Love the feelings (in love) are more hormonal, whereas love the choice (a more I love you even whether it feels good or not) is more the heart."

  • Speedzter972
    Speedzter972 Posts: 48 Member
    Shana67 wrote: »
    Love that continues over a lifetime is a choice. There are so, so many times when I am annoyed, irritated, upset, but I make a CHOICE to continue to love my husband. It's not like it's hard - he's a great guy - but there are times when I feel like "where's the love?" and that new-love, the flutters - where did it go? It comes back, when we are less stressed, have more time together, and can connect. And comes back HARD, because my husband is AMAZING. But he is also annoying LOL and I do have to choose to love him at times.

    Sorry, but that's not true love. True love is unconditional and doesn't come and go like the rain.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    It's a little bit of both.
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  • OhRobin
    OhRobin Posts: 9 Member
    I believe in true love, that once in a lifetime occurrence, but I also know that you have to choose to be committed in the hardest of times and realize that you'll come out the other side stronger, better, more tightly woven together than ever before.

    The problem is both people have to have that kind of stamina, that kind of commitment, and if one doesn't, even with true love? It'll crash and burn.
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