How many friends is too many?



  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
    edited June 2016
    I don't think anyone can have "too many" friends. Every one of them brings something else to our lives. That said, I only really interact with maybe 10 on my list on a regular basis. Once every couple of months I do a purge; if someone hasn't logged on in over 15 days, or if they don't have at least an avatar or picture I'll usually delete those.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,041 Member
    First of all, yes friend collecting is a thing. On facebook there were strange contests to see who could collect the largest number of friends. The last one of those I heard about was probably about 5 or 6 years ago, and a friend of mine was in on it and collected several thousand friends ... and then just recently she started going through and deleting a whole bunch of them because she suddenly realised she had collected some really odd people who weren't very nice at all, and she was getting caught up in their drama.

    In my limited circle of friends on facebook, no one seems to be involved in contests like that anymore ... maybe the popularity of collecting a whole bunch of random people is wearing off.

    There's a lot of people here with a blurb on their profile page that says a message must be included with a friend request. If someone can't take the time to read your profile before they add you, I personally don't think you can count on them to be a friend in further interactions. So that would be something good for you to add.

    I have that message on mine ... unfortunately so few of the friend requests I get each week actually take the time to read it and provide a message. I don't know if that's unfortunately for me, or for them. But they sit in my waiting to be accepted list for several months and eventually get deleted.

    I've also added that I'm happily married. Thankfully, since I've done that, the number of male "friend collectors" has dropped right off.

    I keep it small and keep the active ones. Inactive ones get politely purged. I would rather have 5 great friends than 100 strangers on my friends list.

    As a guideline - I don't normally accept FRs from someone with over 100 friends unless there is a compelling reason, or a personal message as to why the FR.

    Yes ... if a person hasn't logged in or posted in 6 months = delete. And I think I've deleted a few earlier than that if they're the type that comes on for a few weeks, then vanishes for 3 or 4 months, then on again for a few weeks, etc. I've got one or two others which may go soon too because their diet ideas are quite different from mine ... fad diets ... and a couple times I've found myself chewing my fingers off to keep from typing something I might regret.

    I also tend not to accept friend requests from those who have a lot of friends either ... and the type of friends they have might sway my decision as well. For example, I'm a very active, hard working middle-aged woman ... I'm kind of past the partying phase.

    And if a person hasn't filled in their profile, it is unlikely I'll accept the request. If you're not going to tell me who you are, why should I include you in my circle of friends?

    Now personally, I don't mind if friends don't interact with me. I understand that people are busy and can't spend half their day going through the newsfeed clicking "Like" or making comments. And I certainly don't keep track of who does and who doesn't. However, it is nice when some do. :)
  • Hoohoohaa
    Hoohoohaa Posts: 48 Member
    I don't interact with all my friends all the time, but I do read through their posts at the end of the day. I may not comment, because I am about to go to bed, but often times something they have said sparks something in me, or tells me that yes, I can fight another day. Maybe some see my updates and get some motivation. I don't know. I don't expect to be close friends with anyone I don't meet in person, so I treat it as what it is - a community where I hope I can learn, and hopefully motivate some others along the way.
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
    edited June 2016
    MissusMoon wrote: »
    I don't "collect friends by the numbers". When I see a post that moves me, I send a friend request or tell the person they are welcome to add me. I get a lot of requests from the forums based on my posts. Unless it is some random guy who starts talking about kickboxing (dozens if not hundreds of ladies around here know what I speak of), I accept the request. I wound up with a lot of friends without any goal, and I never posted in the forums asking for friends. I try to go through my feed every day and encourage with a few words, likes, et cetera. Some I interact with more, some less. Those things flow naturally. I enjoy reading everyone's posts and cheering their victories.

    What you do is your business. What you want is your business. How you view your support network on MFP is your business, but imposing that definition onto others might not be fair. Unless someone is specifically trying to drive traffic to their social media sites,blogs or products, you can't possibly know what their motives are or how they wound up with so many friends. I find my MFP friends are wonderful and brighten my day.

    Very interesting response to my post, mainly because -as I told you- you were one of the friends that I deleted today. You haven't commented, cheered or interacted with me at all. Not a "like" not a comment. Not when I lost weight, not when I shared a new recipe or just updated my status. NOTHING!!!

    So if I may say answer it total Belloni, especially since I just asked a simple question. You might want to look the meaning of "imposing" up.


  • ydyms
    ydyms Posts: 266 Member
    I'm a terrible friend supporter. Recently I felt guilty that I offer no support so I defriended all my friends. Im slowly working my way back in the right way this time...
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,041 Member
    I will also add this ...

    The forum here works really well ... it's quick and easy.

    However, my newsfeed on my home computer or my work computer is painfully slow. I click "Like" and minutes later it indicates that I like someone's comment. Meanwhile it has hung up my whole computer so I can't do anything else while I'm waiting.

    I go to type something and I've got to type like: G .............. r ............ e .................. a ............... t .................. ...................... j .................. o ................. b ................. ! with all those dots between letters representing me sitting there waiting for the character I've just typed to appear on the screen.

    I have discovered that my smartphone works better, I can go through and "Like" things quite quickly, but I still find commenting really awkward.

    So there are times I'd like to comment or "Like", but just can't be bothered going through all that.

    I presume others experience the same thing.
  • buxbert
    buxbert Posts: 244 Member
    You are here to get support and to support others. If your friend list is too long for your taste and you think there are more people on it that you can handle delete the ones that are not useful (sorry for the hard word) for you. It is hard enough as it is, you don't need to burden yourself with people that don't help your progress. Many people just add friends without thinking so no need to feel guilty about it.
  • DM01234
    DM01234 Posts: 317 Member
    edited June 2016
    I houseclean my friends list on a regular basis. People who do not interact with me after a month or two are deleted. People who insist on things being "their way or else" - gone. I have also gotten to the point where I am deleting friends who are seemingly on here for whatever reason - but who show little to no interest in logging food or exercise on MFP - even if they do interact with me. Hopefully they are doing it elsewhere. Heck, I've had some people not last full 24 hours. I guess I look for people who are here for the reasons this app/site is geared towards.

    When I send a request, I always send along a message asking them to please read my profile and then accept if they feel like we are a match. If not, I wish them good luck in their journey. These go to folks who I see interact with other friends on my list who I think we'd have something in common. Or, they go to people on the forums who have posted somethings that make me feel that way as well.

    I also tend to keep my list under 50. Can't productively keep up with more than that in the manner I like to.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
    I don't interact with my friends at all, I'm pretty much the worst mfp friend ever but I'm going to start making a better effort ( who am I kidding, I still won't make an effort)
    But do whatever works best for you. Some prefer a small list
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
    To each their own.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,375 Member
    I have 46 friends on my list. Some are not active, and some come and go. Some write alot everyday about what they think and what they're doing. Some are very young, and a couple have EDs. I don't respond to them all--just those that I think need alittle help or encouragement. I have some that are an inspiration--one guy bikes for 3 hours at a time, alot workout, garden etc... They are very active and busy, and I enjoy them. Some don't show up on my feed, but I see them posting on the boards and they make me smile. Yes, I have some awesome friends, and I'm honored that they chose to friend me. I can't bear to "unfriend" someone, even if they don't log in for months. Sometimes people are going through a difficult patch, or are just plain too busy, or, like me, go to the beach for 3 months. If I had a 100, I don't know, but alot don't log in or drop out after awhile.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    One thing that dawned on me last night... I usually use a PC to for the forums, but if someone is exclusively an app user, profiles aren't displayed the same way. You can't see people's blurbs about themselves, so maybe that's why so many FR with no message. I still consider a message polite and a sign that they're interested in interacting.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
    One thing that dawned on me last night... I usually use a PC to for the forums, but if someone is exclusively an app user, profiles aren't displayed the same way. You can't see people's blurbs about themselves, so maybe that's why so many FR with no message. I still consider a message polite and a sign that they're interested in interacting.

    This is true. I'm on the Android app and it's very different from logging in through a PC.
    I'm sure lots of newcomers are just eager to find friends and don't send notes along because they don't know it's expected and some probably can't see full profiles anyway if they are Android app users.
    If I send one, I try to at least say hello or something of that nature but I'm sure many just don't know any better.
    When I first started, I accepted requests from anyone and everyone. I was just so happy to be here.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,041 Member
    One thing that dawned on me last night... I usually use a PC to for the forums, but if someone is exclusively an app user, profiles aren't displayed the same way. You can't see people's blurbs about themselves, so maybe that's why so many FR with no message. I still consider a message polite and a sign that they're interested in interacting.

    Yes, I just checked on my Android. I clicked your name to see what I could see. It gives me your photo, your name, first visit, most recent, and number of comments. From there I could either send you a message (there's a button that says, "Send a Message") or ignore you (there's a button that says, "Ignore"). If I click your name again, then I can send a message or add as friend.

    But you're right, there's no profile.

    I wish there could be a "comment to potential friends" or something.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I also ask people to include a message with a request. I have been accepting them without one recently because I don't think that information is viewable on the app. It's the same reason why I don't fault them for not having their own profile filled out.

    If someone unfriends me for whatever reason I don't take it personal. I would find it odd if they felt the need to message me the reason why or announce it on the forums.