Being called fat and undesirable sucks!
Stefie_G
Posts: 69 Member
I'm almost at the end of my weight loss journey - going from a size 16 to an 8. I worked my butt off to get here and I was very proud of myself; I thought I looked great! That was, until the guy I was seeing for the past couple months called me fat and said he didn't feel any physical chemistry with me. Needless to say, our relationship is now over. Problem is, I'm now left feeling like I'm unattractive; where before I was happy with my new size. Any ideas on how I can get back to that place where I was feeling great?
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Replies
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Sometimes people say things to be hurtful. He may have just been trying to hurt you by saying those things. Or he could've really meant it. Some men like very tiny girls and others like regular size girls and some like larger girls.
If this guy really felt like you where too big for him then why did he even bother starting a relationship in the first place? It sounds like he is just an idiot and your lucky things ended now instead of being stuck with this guy any longer.
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You've been seeing him for a few months and he just now says it? Sounds like a red flag in itself.
Regardless, do not let what he said bother you. It's hard, but all he was attempting to do is hurt you and be in a position of power. Easiest way towards a female is comment on appearance. You are doing wonderfully. Don't let what some douchecanoe says tell you otherwise.7 -
People can be real *kitten* sometimes. Keep in your head what you're doing this for, keep your goals in sight..this journey is for you, ABOUT you......obviously, he wasn't the right person for you to be with, and thank God you found that out nice and early.! You can do this, my friend! Chin up, fists up!!! xo2
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He's a jerk and you don't need negative people in your life. Probably jealous & insecure he'd be able to keep you. You've achieved a lot, well done5
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Well, you had some very undesirable extra weight that is now gone...HIS. This man is horrible.
No one rules how you feel about yourself. I know it's a kick in the gut, but this is truly his problem, not yours.8 -
Stefie,
You're to be congratulated on your accomplishments. A size 8 is a perfectly fine size to be for any woman. Amazingly enough.... 50 years ago anything smaller than an 8 was seen as "undesirable" as it was too small. I do, however, understand that was then and we live in the now. How to help feel better...not exactly easy, but I'll try.
First, his inmaturity is austounding. What an idiot!!!! He has a woman who went from a 16 to an 8....,and might go lower, who liked him and couldn't be okay,or happy, with that? This is on him...and that's what you should remember. Every body type is attractive to some, and not to other, but this guy changed his tone in the middle of the transition....which means it's not you. He need an excuse and used your weight, which is unfair.
Second, an 8 is great and worthy to date! I'm sure you are too! In the future...date men and not boys, we're way better!
Lastly, do it for you and let your results become the bitter taste in his mouth for having whatever hang up HE HAS, but it's not you!
Eric2 -
Um, glad you kicked him to curb (Hopefully that is what you did) and put him in his place.
I understand personally the insecurity of feeling unattractive after the shallow mind of a sad excuse of a man thought his opinion mattered.
You worked hard for your new body. You should love it, and the person who you are meant to be with will love it just as much as you do, and love the fact that you loved yourself enough to get yourself into the body you currently have.
That is such a low blow, and I'm so sorry someone made you feel bad about your body. I know after losing weight things have to adjust, like toning up loose skin, and being confident in general.
I'm sure you looked stunning at a size 16, and look even more stunning at a size 8.
Shake it off, the trash took itself out.
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What a dick. You've done good girl, he has some major issues.1
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Also want to say. it sounds like you should be thankful it ended. A lot of mentally abusive guys use the "You're fat and ugly and no one else would want you" to keep a girl insecure because they know they are such *kitten*, no girl would stay with them unless they break them down.6
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Im sorry that you found yourself in that situation. Better late than never a true lover or companion motivates you not the opposite. Look at it this way your looking and feeling good and its summer!1
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Thank you all - I really needed this!5
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Well we are all in agreement that the guy is a jerk, and I hope that will help with the healing, but I'm wondering, if it were me, what else I could do to heal my damaged ego? I might try some clothes shopping therapy, mani pedi, hair appointment that kind of thing. I might try pushing it a little harder in strength training or cardio. And hopefully, not too long from now, I might try to get back out there, and look for a guy who's not a jerk.
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I'm so jelly. I can't wait until I'm back down to a size 8.
And you unloaded a world class d-bag too. It's all good news.
Congratulations.1 -
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goldthistime wrote: »Well we are all in agreement that the guy is a jerk, and I hope that will help with the healing, but I'm wondering, if it were me, what else I could do to heal my damaged ego? I might try some clothes shopping therapy, mani pedi, hair appointment that kind of thing. I might try pushing it a little harder in strength training or cardio. And hopefully, not too long from now, I might try to get back out there, and look for a guy who's not a jerk.
You're awesome. Great suggestions.1 -
He's clearly a mean jerk. His opinion doesn't matter1
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I'm almost at the end of my weight loss journey - going from a size 16 to an 8. I worked my butt off to get here and I was very proud of myself; I thought I looked great! That was, until the guy I was seeing for the past couple months called me fat and said he didn't feel any physical chemistry with me. Needless to say, our relationship is now over. Problem is, I'm now left feeling like I'm unattractive; where before I was happy with my new size. Any ideas on how I can get back to that place where I was feeling great?
You know what is unattractive and undesirable? Someone who acts like that. His issues are his, not yours.
Attractiveness comes in all shapes and sizes. A good lasting relationship has more to do with your inside than your outside.
You've come a long way and should feel good about yourself. Like yourself. Treat yourself nicely. Have fun wearing smaller clothes. Get to know nice new people. Enjoy how you feel and what your body can do these days.
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It is hard when you feel judged by people, especially people you were close to, so my advice would be to use it as a catalyst to find something fun to do with your time now, find like minded people to be around. Try out a new sports club or exercise class for example.
You could take your cute dog for a walk to the park. It's hard to feel down when you're walking in the park with a dog that is loving the moment. Also, I've met lots of lovely people since getting a dog.
Also, he probably doesn't mean the things he said, he's just trying to hurt you and if he knows you've been losing weight it's an easy way to make you feel bad. He sounds like a knob.1
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