Why do people feel the need...

yasef13 Posts: 63 Member
Hey all,
I have recently reached the 50lbs mark with still about the same to lose.
I've been hearing things from my husband, my mother and some other people that really get to me. They keep insulting my 'former self' to pay a compliment to my 'new self'!!
Does this happen to anyone else? And does it bother anyone else?
My mother just said to me after seeing a pic I posted online, "you look so nice, your face is long again instead of that awful round face you had" !!! Whaaaaah??
My husband keeps saying things like "wow, I was married to a whale before" ! Oookay?!
Am I being too sensitive? I'm still the same person! You can't insult me and expect me to take it as a compliment, just because I look different. I mean I don't even see that big of a difference.
Rant over! But I still would like to hear some insights.


  • mkh858
    mkh858 Posts: 93 Member
    Have you been overweight for a long time? 50lbs is a huge weight loss. I always say the only person who can insult me about my weight is my mom, she wants only best for a child she carried inside her for how many months she did. Now if my man said the whale thing he'd be in the dog house for a looonng time.lol

    People have seen me up in down in my weight so I can't really relate to you, but 50lbs is awesome! I bet you feel better too?
  • samwiserabbit
    samwiserabbit Posts: 153 Member
    Yowch. No, I haven't had exactly that experience, and if I did, yeah, I'd feel hurt. I hereby deem it appropriate for you to let your DH, mom, etc. know that your past self is still part of you and you'd rather they not insult "her" in front of you.
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 515 Member
    I make them uncomfortable by pointing out they're being insulting. "Wow, yeah honey - i can't believe you even considered climbing on me before" then give him a filthy look and walk away.

    Love this!

    --Yep, either way you look at it, these comments are insults. The only "sensitive" thing about this is that you picked up on it.

    Other than shipping these folks off to be eaten by bears... time has a nice way of fudging our memories, helping us all to eventually move on from... wanting to ship them off.
  • Jams009
    Jams009 Posts: 345 Member
    That's pretty insulting actually... they are being very insensitive. I'd try not to blow up about it, but let them know that it's not OK to say things like that and that it upsets you.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    Either all of these people have a really dark sense of humor or seem a little cruel in nature. As for the your mother, I have one like that, and just remember mothers always say what's on their mind. LOL

    I would have a really nice talking to as for my husband. My husband would never say anything like that to begin with knowing that weight is a sensitive topic or I am just a sensitive person to begin with.

    I would not even begin to take insults implied as compliments that would end very quickly.
  • delgrand
    delgrand Posts: 108 Member
    edited June 2016
    If similar comments were coming to me from a stranger or someone I don't know well, then I would consider them insults. However, if they were coming from my mother or my girlfriend, I would laugh with them and would make me more motivated. Don't see it as a big deal !
  • Colt1835
    Colt1835 Posts: 447 Member
    My wife and I have lost weight at about the same time. We regularly look at old photos just to talk crap about how fat we were. We never get offended about it. I look at it as a way to say good riddance to someone who had no self respect.

    We still have a long way to got so, I'm sure the photos we put on Instagram today will be just as heart warming to poke fun at.
  • mallomary
    mallomary Posts: 11 Member
    yasef13 wrote: »
    Thank you, all, for responding.
    I had been chubby my whole life. But it wasn't until my first pregnancy that I gained so much, coupled with postpartum depression, that went undiagnosed till I had my second child 2 years later. I gained so much, I was horrified, so wise as I was, I crashdieted and used diet pills. That was how I lost the weight the first time around, about 12 years ago.
    I got some of the rudest, meanest comments ever! One of my husband's female 'good' friends told me "I'm glad you lost weight, I was really feeling sorry for your husband before"!!!
    Another person went out of her way to tell me that she was happy I lost the weight, because she didn't understand how I had let myself go so bad!
    Even my husband's best friend mentioned something about me looking like a sumo wrestler!
    I took ALL these comments lying down and never responding, just had a stupid grin on my face.
    Needless to say I gained most of the weight back.
    But this time I'm doing things the right way and taking it slow, my goal is to become healthy and strong. Well, if I become hot and good looking in the process, I guess I'll learn to live with it. ;)
    My husband is sometimes an *kitten*, who's the only one to find his jokes funny, so I finally let him know , in no uncertain terms, that it was unacceptable to make these comments.
    My mother, however, is a different story. Our relationship has always been strained, and I learned to just let things go with her because, I don't want to confront her and hurt her, plus it's just easier.
    But, honestly, I dare anyone else to say something like this to me! :D let's just say it would not be in their best interest! :D I'm not the same person I was in many different ways.

    It sounds like maybe you didn't have PPD, as much as you had surrounded-by-*kitten*-itis.

  • annaweezer229
    annaweezer229 Posts: 40 Member
    Been on the receiving end myself...saying "Wow! That wasn't nice!", and letting them sort out why, goes a long way when dealing with passive aggressive "complements". It also let's them know you don't appreciate it, without stooping to their level. You are worthy of being treated nicely and only you can decide how others are ALLOWED to treat you. HUGS!
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