My 14 yr old daughter is over-weight and I need advice

julslenae

My 14 yr old daughter is 5'3" and 180 lbs. She is very self conscious about her size. She has struggled with this most of her life but has gotten more over-weight than usual over the last year. I've tried everything I can think of to help her. We have discussed good nutrition. I keep very little junk food in the house. I've even gotten rid of sugary cereals. She isn't active in sports but we try to go for evening walks when our schedules permit and she takes a zumba class once or twice a week. I really don't want her counting calories because I'm worried at her age that she could easily get obsessed with it. Any positive suggestions would be very appreciated.

FabianMommy

Make an appointment with her doctor as the first thing, then they can refer as needed. You are wise to try to get this under control now as a matter of urgency but she could well need professional help and you could probably use some professional advice on how best to help her too. You are a good Mom for taking this extremely seriously and I can't urge you enough to get expert help for her before it gets worse.

There is nothing wrong with counting calories also for your daughter and it could be this will have to become a way of life for her if she is to lose and keep the weight off, please don't discount such proven methods as they might be a great tool for your daughter to use to help manage her weight.

Your daughter is obviously eating way too many calories for her energy needs and it's possible she's eating outside the home or even inside it, getting food from stores, friends or other family members? Is anyone else in the family overweight? Its easy to find a way to eat too much and be secretive, do you think she's being totally honest with you and also if you aren't counting the calories of what she is having, then you have no idea whether the amount consumed is appropriate for her needs, other than seeing how overweight she is as a result of what she's doing....

First port of call is your daughter's doctor for blood workups and a complete physical, then they can refer her to another professional as they deem appropriate. You can be a huge help to her if calorie counting is recommended and as her main cheerleader, it might not be easy but she'll thank you in the end.

hollyrayburn

We won't really offer dieting advice for a minor on here. I would suggest taking her to her physician for a general checkup, and maybe he can offer some advice.

In the meantime, it sounds like you are setting a great example with exercise and healthier eating.

mommazach

Dr. Appointment and allergy testing. My nieces have found same major allergy issues causing them to gain weight. After finding out what their allergies were, they worked with a nutritionist who helped them work through specifics. Wish we would've started earlier. Main one for both of them was wheat. Changes from diet have helped them both lose around 100lbs each. Well worth the $ and time.

julslenae

Thanks Fabian & Holly. I need to schedule her a doctor's appointment for a couple other things so I'll be sure to add that to the list.

magicpickles

Maybe get a nutrition plan from a dietitian? Does she buy her own food or eat stuff from school or friends? You could also get some tests done she might have an underlying condition.

KorvapuustiPossu

Since I assume you are making food (?) you could easily control her portion sizes and count calories for her without her necessarily knowing. Of course you would tell her you are introducing new healthier eating habits so she would not think of it as 'diet'. Getting more active is a good thing and also not getting too restrictive with food since at that age she is still growing.

swezeytba

It sounds like you are doing the right things.....Sometimes it just has to click. My daughter is 15 and has a large frame (thanks to Dad). She always said she was interested in losing weight, but never actually stuck to any kind of routine until recently.

I felt like I didn't want to push the message too hard, because I certainly didn't want her to develop body image issues that would turn into an eating disorder....

TrainerNaomiGutierrez

julslenae wrote: »

My 14 yr old daughter is 5'3" and 180 lbs. She is very self conscious about her size. She has struggled with this most of her life but has gotten more over-weight than usual over the last year. I've tried everything I can think of to help her. We have discussed good nutrition. I keep very little junk food in the house. I've even gotten rid of sugary cereals. She isn't active in sports but we try to go for evening walks when our schedules permit and she takes a zumba class once or twice a week. I really don't want her counting calories because I'm worried at her age that she could easily get obsessed with it. Any positive suggestions would be very appreciated.

I know you don't want her counting calories because you are worried she will get "obsessed" about it, but understanding calories is essential to weight loss. She is probably already learning about calories in school.

It seems to me, your daughter is highly unlikely to become anorexic, so getting a little "obsessed" about the calorie content in food is a good thing.

Her obesity is not only her fault, the responsibility is with the entire family. Think about what you are doing as a family that is leading to obesity. Think of everything you did wrong that lead up to this point. That has to be fixed first, that is, parents are responsible to make sure their 14 year old children do not become obese. Where were you when she was packing on the weight? Why not intervene when she was 10 pounds overweight? Why not intervene when she was 15, 20, or 30 pounds overweight? What was going on with your family? Those are the real problems that have to be addressed. This is not just her problem, but it is a family problem.

I think your daughter will need a lot of support, and also she will need a family willing to make changes too.

Kimo159

As a former fat kid I can only speak to my own situation and the things I wish I knew then. I hated sports, I was horrible at them, PE class was a nightmare for me. I did, however, love snowboarding. So I assumed I was destined to be a sedentary person most of the year. I later found that it wasn't that I hated being active, I hated team sports or anything that I could let a team down by playing poorly. I found yoga and weightlifting and started to love both of them. Perhaps you could go try a range of different activities with your daughter to find the physical activity or activities that she may love. Calories are king for weight loss but exercise is great for health and it helps increase maintenance calories which will make leaning out a lot easier for your daughter.

RavenLibra

Try to engage her in organized sports... whether it's a team sport or an individual pursuit, doesn't really matter... kids heck... adults... will do better if there's a reason to the madness... swimming lessons, court sports. Give a kid a reason to move and they will move.

baciodolce18

TrainerNaomiGutierrez wrote: »

It seems to me, your daughter is highly unlikely to become anorexic, so getting a little "obsessed" about the calorie content in food is a good thing.

This is definitely not necessarily true. No telling who will get an eating disorder. I was 210 at 5-5/5'6" when I was 14 and a light switch went off in my brain one night and I stopped eating and lost 50 pounds in 4 months. I struggled on and off until college with anorexia and bulimia. If someone uses food to soothe there's a possibility they'll use restriction to soothe as well. And it's not uncommon for recovering anorexics to become over eaters because they're still using food to fix a problem. Or they never learn good eating. I gained all the weight back in my 20s because I never learned how to eat healthfully and control my portions to maintain my weight. I only knew how to restrict.

I don't know what the right way is to help a kid become healthy. I think I became overweight because of the immense pressure my much older sisters put on me to be thin. Pre-puberty I had about 10-15 extra pounds which I think is honestly normal sometimes until height catches up. But they were so awful about my weight they killed my self esteem and made me think I was obese. I was doing Atkins and WW at 12 and 13 even though I was barely overweight and still going through puberty.

I think a Drs visit is the best option. Make it about health and not vanity. The younger she is getting to a normal weight, the easier it will be keeping it off in adult hood. especially if she learns nutrition and portion control and being active for fun.

oocdc2

Yeah, please don't ask the laymen this question--this requires professional guidance. Good luck!

Francl27

She can check sparksteen also.

julslenae

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice. I really appreciate it. You offered new things that I hadn't considered.

vixtris

Thats great you are supporting her with her struggles. I was obese throughout my childhood. I really wish I had someone by my side supporting me and helping me lose the weight, so I am happy to see that she has someone that cares. Could she perhaps be eating extra food when you aren't around? Does she eat school cafeteria lunches or packed lunch? Maybe she can find another activity she can be enthusiastic about (for me it was horseback riding and swimming). I agree that calorie counting should not be introduced at such a young age, but perhaps, if you haven't already, you can explain to her the types of foods that are more calorie dense, the types of foods that aren't (and also filling, ex veggies) and why that is. And also how food provides us with energy, and certain foods give too much energy, and the un-used energy (from movement - not necessarily exercise) turns into fat. Use the term 'energy' and not calories.

Kettle_Belle14

Former chubby kid over here...Really the thing that got me into losing weight and getting in shape was aerobic classes at the local womens' gym. I started going with a friend when I was 15, and got a gym membership soon after. I was terrible at all sports but the gym was like an amusement park for me. It's pretty easy to find Zumba classes where I live so maybe you guys could try it out together or she could go with a friend. Once I started exercising, it made eating healthier much easier.

gnarlykickflip

A registered dietitian is probably a safer bet than a nutritionist afaik. I believe that almost anyone can become a nutritionist, whereas dietitians need to actually be educated. Not to say that all nutritionists are wrong, of course, but I think a registered dietitian is more likely to know what they're talking about.

tanyaltrl

I can speak from my own experience. At 14 I gained a lot of weight. I had been self conscious about my weight since age 12 but my mom told me my body was fine and that she would tell me if I did need to start losing weight, so I can stop being so self conscious. At 14 In hindsight I think I had a random drop in thyroid function that caused me to be very tired all the time and gain weight. My mom took me to the doctor for HER to tell me I was overweight and gained 20lbs. I was mortified she had to bring in a third party to tell me this. Doctors have no good advice with nutrition (they only take a few hours of it in school) and she recommended I run every day even though I was so tired all the time. So NO help at all. I felt she had a shaming attitude about the whole situation, when it could have been more heartfelt and productive straight from my mom. My moms argument was "you should be able to tell from looking at yourself, take some responsibility". But I think all teenagers minds are skewed out of proportion. I think most teen girls in the US feel fat no matter what their actual size is. I know I trusted my moms promise that she would tell me if I was indeed "fat" and I felt betrayed. I don't see how a doctor can help your daughter in any way. Just have her step on a scale at home and say that you're looking to lose weight and count calories and maybe she'd like to join you?

Btw I started weight watchers after this, counting points, and I was actually relieved I was given "permission" to do this. I would have been self conscious doing this in front of my family before. Maybe give her a conservative goal of losing .5 lb/wk just to get used to it at first.

kermax39

As a mother of 2-teenage girls I agree counting calories isnt the best way forward, have u thought of slimming world? Filling up on.healthy food and limiting treats (syns), she would be learning how to permamently eat healthier without going hungry or getting obsessed about counting calories. The great thing is if your cooking slimminng world meals in normal portion size the whole family can enjoy she wont feel like shes been put on a 'diet'.

cariduttry

tanyaltrl wrote: »

I think all teenagers minds are skewed out of proportion. I think most teen girls in the US feel fat no matter what their actual size is. I know I trusted my moms promise that she would tell me if I was indeed "fat" and I felt betrayed.

^^^ this.

when i was 14 and fat, i knew i was fat. i didn't need my mother or anyone else to tell me that; in fact, for anyone to tell me that would have been extremely embarrassing and it would've terribly hurt my feelings (because teenage gals are psycho lol). what i DID need was to come to the conclusion that i wanted to change it.

my advice is for you to be the living example and hope that she becomes interested and curious.