GF just wants to be fat and happy....

Heartisalonelyhunter

michelleepotter wrote: »

_Waffle_ wrote: »

mbrown913 wrote: »

Ok, here's the deal. My gf asked if I would still love her if she just let go and became "fat and happy" . As long as she is healthy, it should be all good right?

Obviously this is an issue for her or she wouldn't be bringing it up. Can you solve this? No. She needs to want to do this. Can you love her if she decides to give up on being healthy? That's up to you. Personally I wouldn't mind the weight as much as the attitude of just giving up.

Putting the shoe on the other foot, how many women would be okay with the following question?
"Darling. I like this minimum wage job. Would you just be happy and love me if I don't try to make more money? I"m comfortable here."

First, that's kind of sexist, implying that women are materialistic. Secondly, it's more like if a man was working a minimum wage job, and struggling to find something better, and feeling like he's not getting anywhere despite sending out resumes and going on interviews, and in frustration said, "Would you still love me if I just gave up and stayed at this job?" Obviously a supportive wife would encourage him to keep looking, and that he'll find something, but he also needs assurance that she loves him no matter what. To say, "No, I will only love you if you start making bank," that would be pretty *kitten*.

Yep, it's a dumb, sexist analogy and is also wrong. If you start dating someone who is a size 12 or earns a minimum wage salary you have no right to complain when they choose not to change either of those things. OP, presumably you started dating her when she was a size 12 and you can't pressure her to change to please you. Otherwise just break up.

wizzybeth

*What I would give to be size 12...I'd definitely be happy!*

I think what she is looking for is reassurance that you love her. And you keep encouraging her. Tell her her progress is awesome, her expectations may be too harsh on herself, and that you are in it for the long haul, as long as she is healthy. You can tell her you would hate to see her cause harm to herself by giving up a healthy lifestyle in exchange for a cop out and putting her health at risk.

gothchiq

mpkanewske wrote: »

enterdanger wrote: »

I don't think you should try to "solve her problem." Women talk and have conversations to form emotional bonds....Men tend to talk to solve problems. She was probably just blowing off steam. I doubt she really wants an opinion on this.

Obviously, you know her better than me, but it just sounds like she is frustrated and wants to know if you still love her or would if things really went south with her weight loss efforts. She just wants you to tell her she is amazing. Give her some loving and things should be fine.

woman logic.

I think this is the best advice.

True for a lot of women; is this typical of the way she works? If so, then take that advice. If she's like me and wants *answers* when she asks, that's another story. If she wants answers you could always offer to accompany her to the doctor and discuss it together, if that would make her feel more supported.

lithezebra

If your girlfriend manages to be a size 12, and only moderately overweight, with pcos, she's doing a very good job with her diet and exercise already. Congratulations to her!

happyauntie2015

PCOS is rough. I have it. I'd it hard for me to loose weight yes sure is. I am larger than she is and it's coming off slow but it is coming off. I gained a lot okay most of my weight from several miscarriages and a terrible depression especially after having multiple however i have pulled myself back up with help from my husband and a therapist. The more we weigh the greater chance of infertility and miscarriage and PCOS well same there greater chance of infertility and miscarriage. I understand she wants to throw in the towel at times however I think she was looking for assurance from you that you will love her unconditionally no matter what. Maybe you both need to sit down ask what she wants does she want you to help her? If yes maybe try and help find her an obgyn that in PCOS and get on board with a dietician that understands what she is dealing with. I can't begin to say how supportive my husband has been and sometimes I think it has saved me! Good luck to you both. Also does she have a MFP? Maybe offer to help her set 1 up there are PCOS forums so she knows she isn't alone and has se support from others living with this as well

GobletofFlames

Yes, if she is happy and healthy that is great. It is important to be happy

happyauntie2015

Oh and you mentioned she is eating a healthier diet....is she measuring what she eats with a food scale? I ask because until I switched from measuring cups and spoons to an actual food scale for solid foods I wasn't noticing much of a change in the scale either infact sometimes I couldn't understand why I had a gain some weeks. Even my steamed veggies were off and some of my lara bars among other things...just a thought