The real ME...

senorsol

My name's Andres and for the past four years I've been suffering from depression. For a while there I was able to maintain my weight anywhere from 180-190lbs and boy I felt great physically. I loved running and felt like I could run forever. Not until a year and a half ago has my depression gotten severe (along with other contributing factors) and that is when I started to pack on some serious weight and developing an eating disorder where I would binge eat along with taking laxatives on and off. Standing at 5'9 i was weighing at 190lbs and now am at 240lbs. It's only made things worse for me. I hate the sight of myself in the mirror.
Three months ago I was maintaining my weight at around 225lbs and was even able to get down to 213lbs (with the help of laxatives and starving myself obviously). About a couple weeks ago I stopped taking laxatives for the last time. I know what rock bottom is and I guess this is my way of saying I'm committed to change my lifestyle to a healthier one not only to lose the weight but to also be happy again.

pad31000

Hey, i feel you man, what you're doing is brave. I have similar problems, once the eating disorder starts taking control it s hard to come back. I used to eat till I puked. Be brave and dont push toi hard toi quick believe me ! 1 to 2 pounds a week is good enough

On a side note, you might wanna check out "the power of now" it helped me quite a lot. You ll notice that often, what makes you unhappy ils merely an illusion, a hypothetic or exagerated issue.

Be strong, but remember it's OK to fall as long as you stand back up asap.

senorsol

I appreciate the encouraging words, brother. It's feels good to know I'm not alone in this.

jahillegas_51

Sup Andres!!

Yeah man, I was a binge eater to like you described. Outside of my personal support, I want to give you some general guidelines that I used to stop binge eating. Not all of these tips may work for you and that is okay, I like to say that they are a framework for success. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions that I can answer for you.

First, admit there was a problem. For three going on four years, I blamed externals, my drive, and my dreams for my actions. Ignoring people in my life hinting at me that I may have a problem, including family, close friends, and girlfriend. I lied to myself, rationalizing it with the mask of a cheat meal. As the punishment for binging increased so did the amount of times I binged. At first once a week, then every couple days, every other, until it consumed my thoughts. At times I would drive to Walmart just to eat it all before coming home. Chances are if you are reading this it is because you are looking for help. Good for you, you are lightyears ahead of where I was!

Second, I learned to love myself for me, as a matter of fact I am still learning how to do this. Today, the emulated physique is seen as happiness. It is published on social media, magazines, and posters as the symbol of happiness. I believed it, I chased it and chased it. I had it for some time and I was still just as miserable. How you look will not make you happy! Now don’t twist those words as an excuse to just let ourselves become overweight. Chances are you will break step 1 which is lying and rationalizing it. We have to learn to accept our imperfections. We all have them and everyone tries to hide them. Here are my flaws (some I can fix, others are what they are):
Relationships: I am aweful. I wrecked a 15 year friendship with a highschool sweetheart, I was selfish and an *kitten*. I can also be abrasive and brutal with little to no compassion. However ever since I shared this personal story, I have gotten better. Although I am by no means finished working on this.
Skin Damage: I never wore sunscreen as a kid. Now I have moles, freckles, and scars. Some I wish weren’t there. Some girls won’t talk to me because of them. I am not “sexy” enough. They aren’t “interested”.

Don’t let your imperfections stop you from loving yourself. You are the only you this world will ever see, embrace yourself. Perhaps the worst thing about this cycle was I hated myself, I hated my life, I did not want to look in the mirror, I thought I was a failure that I would never make it, I contemplated suicide. When I would binge, I would punish myself. Don’t do that we are human, life is meant to be enjoyed. Life is much too short to never treat yourself to what you love to eat whatever that maybe for you. Look yourself in the mirror directly into your eyes saying “I LOVE myself” at least 10 times a day, if not more. P.S. try not to smile when you say this (harder than you think).

Thirdly, there is no such thing as good food, bad food. Placing labels on food, leads us to ban them from our intake. We say, “No, No, No, No, No…” We push for the perfect diet, once we eat this food that does not fall into this neat diet box; we throw our hands up, saying we failed so now is the time to eat everything we can. This leads to punishment. Which leads to more restrictions. This is the vicious cycle we as binge eaters face. I used to believe it myself, that there was clean food and bad food. It simply is this manifested idea. If you ask a vegan, he/she will say animal based foods are not clean. Someone who is a vegetarian will disagree, and say it is just animal products that are not clean. Then a paleo guy runs in screaming about how meat is clean, but grains aren’t. So someone has to be right? They are all wrong. Instead, adopt my grandmother’s wise old adage of “everything in moderation.” AKA IIFYM

Fourth, going along the lines of moderation. You can eat whatever you want just not all at once. I believe I heard Layne Norton say this, I believe this, like the 11th commandment, in fact it should be an amendment to the constitution. When I first began to escape cycle, I would eat one “treat” at every meal. Nothing crazy, but it will allow you still get your “fix” but you won’t binge on it. Any action in the right direction gave me more motivation and encouragement to keep improving. The small wins kept snowballing into large victories later that slammed the door on binging. Disclaimer, it is wiser to eat this food item from a plate not from the container. Don’t test your will to fight binging if you do not have too. As the old saying goes, “work smarter, not harder.”

Fifth, no more crazy spreadsheets and tracking of nutrients line item by line item like an accountant. I did not worry about counting calories and the works. I would instead eat (3) meals, breakfast, lunch and supper possibly a snack if I was hungry. I would eat slowly, and as I began to feel fuller I would stop eating. You may be like me and scared that you’ll get fat. Well what is our other choice? We can keep binge eating which is not working, because you wouldn’t be reading this. Or we can reach out and try something new. I need to be conscious of my eating, instead of speed eating (still struggle at times).

Sixth, 180, 190, 160, 225, 200…what number was it going to be today I thought I as I closed my eyes scared to look down at the scale after a night of binging (these were all weights I reached during this cycle). You do not need a scale to help you. It’s about small wins, small wins, they add up trust me; I have been there too. Most people overestimate the damage of a binge. You need to eat in excess of 3500 calories over your normal intake to gain a pound of fat. It is not as bad as we create in our minds. Additionally, when we stand on the scale after a binge our body is bloated, full of food, sodium, and other goodies. This only compounds the guilt feeling.

It is your lucky day! I said six, but here is a seventh tip. So, what about eating at restaurants and parties? Parties were my kryptonite, the amount of food that I saw and I thought I had to eat three people’s worth of everything. What helped me to win at parties was I made this a game in my head (who cares no one else knows..plus now you know I did it). I am very competitive; I hate losing even if it’s go fish with a girlfriend (I will be a terrible father I will never let my kids win). Since eating slower and not getting seconds was a struggle at first. The game I created was to be the last one done eating, and the last one to get seconds. This helped me in many ways, first to help me eat slower I talked with people, this helped to repair the relationships I had damaged in the past, plus I was not over eating (win/win). Which is why I was last to get seconds, so often I would eat so quick that my stomach didn’t even know it was fed until I was already 4-5 plates of heaping food deep.

Make that eight, workout for fun! For so long in this process I trained for results no I do not mean goals; I simply worked out to look good that’s it! It was the complete wrong direction, it made training no fun, I dreaded every gym session, and was having a miserable time. It doesn’t matter if you are into bodybuilding, figure, physique, cross fit, powerlifting, strongman, marathons, etc. just train for fun, train to get better and challenge yourself. For me this was powerlifting.