Just got dumped...
kandell
Posts: 473 Member
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and I've decided it's time to renew my dedication to getting healthy and in shape. In the three years we had dated I yo-yo-ed between the same 20 pounds, never able to get more than 2 or 3 pounds under where I was when we had started going out together. He didn't care about counting calories, and the only exercise he was interested in was bike riding outdoors (I hate outdoors. Very much an indoor person).
Now that it's over and he's moved out, my sister is moving in with me and I am seriously going to commit to getting in shape. I have so much more free time and I think it's time to focus on myself and the things that I want again.
Anyone other ladies recently single and looking to get fit? I could definitely use some friends :]
Now that it's over and he's moved out, my sister is moving in with me and I am seriously going to commit to getting in shape. I have so much more free time and I think it's time to focus on myself and the things that I want again.
Anyone other ladies recently single and looking to get fit? I could definitely use some friends :]
9
Replies
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I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.0
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Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Sounds a sweetheart....im surprised your still thinking tbh.11 -
Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.13 -
Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Kick 'im to the curb, pronto.5 -
All you ladies have the strength to do this with out without a mans help and support!4
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SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
I agree with this 100%. Mental and emotional abuse is never called for, it doesn't matter if it's directed at a male or a female either, it's just wrong. Empower yourself, you deserve better.2 -
michellealves90 wrote: »All you ladies have the strength to do this with out without a mans help and support!
Erm if he was a penis yes...you do this for you not anyone else. You'll probably find without bullying people do so much better0 -
SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.3 -
SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.
If you aren't attracted to someone anymore why stay in the relationship? Mental abuse is saying saying these things, bringing you down, making you feel insecure, AND STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP because it's a way to control you. I grew up watching this *kitten* with my parents. It doesn't always involve calling you names.
You can try an justify it all you want to make yourself feel better for doing it, but IT IS mental abuse.6 -
Make him jealous lol.2
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SassyMommasaurus wrote: »SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.
If you aren't attracted to someone anymore why stay in the relationship? Mental abuse is saying saying these things, bringing you down, making you feel insecure, AND STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP because it's a way to control you. I grew up watching this *kitten* with my parents. It doesn't always involve calling you names.
You can try an justify it all you want to make yourself feel better for doing it, but IT IS mental abuse.
To be fair, my recent ex-wife literally asked for it. I was content to leave it at "I'm done", but no, she just had to keep asking why. Some people just can't leave it alone, and want extra ouch thrown on top of it.0 -
Back to original topic, not single, but definitely support using your new status to help drive you to focus on you. Although I was the one that ended the relationship, I made a similar choice a few years ago. It was a rough break-up (rough relationship), but it helped me realize I needed to take care of myself rather than worry about taking care of everyone else. Watching the scale creeping up, I finally joined MFP. I'm not where I would have hoped and I yo-yo'd a bit after the first 30lbs lost, but I'm currently down almost 40 from my starting point and at least maintaining when not losing.
The focus on yourself and being ok as just you (not NEEDing to be with someone) I think also will be best for your next relationship too. For me, it helped me get the confidence (even before I lost the weight that I have) to really be completely myself and let potential new partners take it or leave it, rather than trying to be someone they would like. I'm now in a much healthier relationship where I feel completely comfortable that I'm loved for who I am, independent of my body, and my interest in further weight loss and toning is because it's what I WANT to do for MYSELF rather than to be more attractive to someone else.
Break-ups are never fun, but sounds like you have a great attitude to be the best version of yourself. His loss.2 -
SassyMommasaurus wrote: »SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.
If you aren't attracted to someone anymore why stay in the relationship? Mental abuse is saying saying these things, bringing you down, making you feel insecure, AND STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP because it's a way to control you. I grew up watching this *kitten* with my parents. It doesn't always involve calling you names.
You can try an justify it all you want to make yourself feel better for doing it, but IT IS mental abuse.
There are some scenarios when two people are initially attracted to each other, and then over time a partner may let him or herself go. Is it fair to the other partner if the other partner lets him/herself go? Is the other partner just supposed to keep his/her mouth shut and not express their concern and lie to make everyone happy?0 -
I went through a nasty break up a few years ago. It wasn't over my weight but I used the gym as a place to burn off bad emotions and frustrations and it helped me cope and move one. Good luck, you're doing what's best for you!3
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Learn to love yourself FIRST...take care of yourself FIRST. You will find someone who will appreciate YOU. I'm sure he will try to get back with you - don't let it happen. Everything happens for a reason. Welcome to a new chapter in your life!3
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Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
If your not married to this him I would say bye bye to this person. Sounds like you made up your mind anyway and now action is being procrastinated on. I know it's not my business but if this person is not attracted to you anymore then that person is not worth the procrastination. Your not wasting this persons time but your own.0 -
SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.
I share the man's perspective. It's up to each and every person to decide how important physical attraction is in a relationship. He might care about other things. She might care about other things.4 -
Not so newly single, but single nonetheless and just recently feeling ready to come out of my winter/breakup funk. I tend to isolate myself when I'm down (isolation does NOT help with my health goals-- hello comfort food and lazy netflix nights), and so I have been trying to be more social, and eat better. I'm hoping both will help my confidence, lead to better habits, AND help me lose 10 pounds. My scale says I only gained about 6, but I've lost so much tone that I'm looking/feeling like a blob these days. Anyway, you've got this girl. WE've got this. Let's go!0
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@kandell I'm all for transformations. If he didn't wanna help, you're so much better off without him. A good man will support you in anything you do. And I try hard to like outdoors but I kinda don't lol. I added you. Exercise also helps to keep your mind off of things. Good luck!! Keep me posted!1
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I will not put up with someone telling me they are not attracted to me and getting frustrated with me because I'm not changing like they want.
One of the few things my ex ever did right was constantly tell me how beautiful and sexy I was even at my heaviest, still does to this day. And he actually means it. Your attraction for someone should not change just because of weight gain. If it does, you're the issue, not them.0 -
SassyMommasaurus wrote: »SassyMommasaurus wrote: »Coldesthngwalkn wrote: »I'm not single but I've been thinking about going solo. I've gained 25lbs since the beginning of out relationship. I tend to gain and lose the same 10 lbs. He gets really frustrated and says I'm not trying. He even said he isn't attracted to me anymore.
Classic mental abuse, you need to kick him to the curb girl.
From a man's perspective, I wouldn't call that abuse if he is just saying what he feels. Would you rather he lie to you and say that he is still attracted to you when deep down he really isn't? I think the fact that he's being honest is a sign that he actually cares.
Now if he is calling you out of your name, calling you a cow, etc, then yeah that's a bad thing.
If you aren't attracted to someone anymore why stay in the relationship? Mental abuse is saying saying these things, bringing you down, making you feel insecure, AND STAYING IN THE RELATIONSHIP because it's a way to control you. I grew up watching this *kitten* with my parents. It doesn't always involve calling you names.
You can try an justify it all you want to make yourself feel better for doing it, but IT IS mental abuse.
Maybe he really loves her. Maybe he is hoping to refind that spark of attraction. Maybe, as @mbrown913 says he is just being completely honest, because he cares. Or maybe he is a complete a**hole and deserves to get the boot.
Theres no one size fits all for these situations, and we are never likely to know what the real case is in this particular instance either.
Honesty should not be automatically equated to mental abuse. Hearing something you dont like should not automatically be mental abuse. Sometimes it really is an expression of love, care or concern.
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My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, and I've decided it's time to renew my dedication to getting healthy and in shape. In the three years we had dated I yo-yo-ed between the same 20 pounds, never able to get more than 2 or 3 pounds under where I was when we had started going out together. He didn't care about counting calories, and the only exercise he was interested in was bike riding outdoors (I hate outdoors. Very much an indoor person).
Now that it's over and he's moved out, my sister is moving in with me and I am seriously going to commit to getting in shape. I have so much more free time and I think it's time to focus on myself and the things that I want again.
Anyone other ladies recently single and looking to get fit? I could definitely use some friends :]
I would really like to echo those saying you must do it for *you* and no one else. Its really, really important.
Love yourself and look after yourself.
Otherwise, good luck!
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Not a lady, but in same boat. Use it as motivation, such strong feelings can be the best motivation to commit to this. Before you reach your goal you'll realize it's for you and your health. But it doesn't hurt to use that anger/despair/feelings to kick start this journey. Head up my friend...1
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Bad dudes are bad. Don't let him get in your head. This is YOUR journey.
To quote the Avett Brothers:
"Ain't no man can change me. Ain't no man can enslave me."0
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