Flying: what would you have done? What did I do wrong?

RainaProske

About 4 years ago, at age 63, I'd already lost most of my weight when I needed to fly somewhere. Then, I weighed about 130 lbs., maybe less. I was assigned the middle seat, and people were in the seats on both sides of me. The problem was that the lady to my left was very overweight, so that her seat could not contain her, and she spilled over into my seat, touching my whole left side, except my head, neck, and lower legs. I was literally pinned in my seat on that side.

I couldn't bring myself to say a word to her -- at all -- but I had compassion for her. I'd been overweight, so I could empathize with her.

She couldn't move over; there was no room for her to go anywhere. I also thought that if I said anything to either her or the steward, it would be very humiliating for her. I wanted to ask that one of us be moved, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

So the whole hour-and-a-half flight was miserable -- hot, pinched, and just awful in so many ways. I just sucked it up and said nothing, but admittedly, I was angry: angry with the situation and angry at me for just rolling over and taking it.

The next time I needed to fly, I didn't. Instead, I drove halfway across the U.S. by myself. On the way home (alone, remember) I became very ill, having to stop on the way for medical care for very heavy bleeding (at my age!) then driving on home.

So was I a jerk? What would you have done?

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jbconnelly

I used to fly every week for a job a few years ago and this happens from time to time. If it was just an hour and a half flight, I would've done the same thing, just sucked it up. I would always bring my headphones and just fall asleep. There was a lot of times I had to fly from SC to CA and I'm not sure I could've done that for 6 hours. On that long of a flight, if that were to happen, after takeoff I would've walked to the back and asked a flight attendant if there were any open seats to move to as to not embarrass the other passenger. Other than that, not much you can do.

MonkeyMel21

It was only an hour and a half, I would have done the same as you, but wouldn't have really thought about it again and it certainly wouldn't put me off flying again. Now, if the flight was over 2.5 hrs, that would have been a whole different story and I would have wanted to ask if one of us could be moved if all the seats weren't full .

Char231023

Yeah and hour and a half would be no biggie to me. Anything longer I would have asked to be moved. You had empathy for her but you shouldn't make yourself stay in an uncomfortable position, just because you don't want to hurt her feelings.

_incogNEATo_

Am I confused, or don't airlines typically make passengers that large pay for additional seating to accommodate the extra space they take up? Maybe that was just a movie? I don't know.

If it's any consolation, that passenger probably wishes you had asked so that she wouldn't have to be rubbed up against you either.

glassyo

I actually think you're a pretty awesome person for putting the other girl's needs and/or feelings above your own comfort.

RainaProske

Thank you, everyone. I don't know why it still bothers me, but it was also humiliating. I hadn't flown in years -- long enough that I remember even the economy seats as being fun and great experiences, so I dreaded the new attitude of flight. Although I was hopeful for the flight, the experience was almost a self-fulfilled prophecy -- that it was not going to be a nice experience. If I had to do over again, remembering the stuff on the way home (and other things that happened during my drive), I hate to say it, but I'd just stay home or pay more for better seats. . . .
Or is that even a guarantee today in flight?

rogermedic71

As someone who fills out a seat, I appreciate the way you treated this woman. I've lost about 50 lbs since I've been on here but still have plenty to go. Ill probably never have enough shoulder room on a plane but I've always been able to fasten the belt, barley. It has always caused me a lot of anxiety when traveling. I try to get the aisle seat and put my much smaller wife between me and anyone else. I always hope for the emergency exit too because I'm 6'2". I'm sure she was equally uncomfortable and probably embarrassed. You never know someone else's story. Obesity is caused my many things from metabolic and medical problems to depression and PTSD. It stinks you had to be uncomfortable but your consideration of that woman's feelings was remarkable.

chocolate_owl

RainaProske wrote: »

Thank you, everyone. I don't know why it still bothers me, but it was also humiliating. I hadn't flown in years -- long enough that I remember even the economy seats as being fun and great experiences, so I dreaded the new attitude of flight. Although I was hopeful for the flight, the experience was almost a self-fulfilled prophecy -- that it was not going to be a nice experience. If I had to do over again, remembering the stuff on the way home (and other things that happened during my drive), I hate to say it, but I'd just stay home or pay more for better seats. . . .
Or is that even a guarantee today in flight?

Things have changed a bit in 4 years.

First, the major airlines have become bigger sticklers about all things size-related. If your carry-on bag is too large, it's more likely they'll make you gate-check it. If you're too large, you'll have to pay for two seats, and if you don't book two seats in advance and you're on a full flight, you'll have to wait for the next flight that has two seats available. However, "too large" is still somewhat subjective, and the flight attendants are responsible for deciding if the person's size is a safety issue. It is more common for them to enforce the rules now than it was four years ago, and if you were to complain *before* the plane took off you would either be moved or the obese person would not be allowed to fly. There's nothing that can be done after the plane departs if the flight is full, and flights are almost always full these days.

Certain airlines like Southwest do everything they can to accommodate obese passengers - if you are large enough to require two seats, BUY THEM. You will be allowed to board first so you're guaranteed two seats next to each other (Southwest doesn't let passengers reserve seats like most airlines do), which also means you get to choose from ALL the seats on the plane and can be in the best location possible. Then Southwest will refund you for your second seat after you reach your destination. And if you're not obese, you're less likely to end up with someone encroaching on your space since Southwest has fat-friendly policies.

As far as paying for more expensive seats, buying a business/first class ticket is basically the only way to guarantee your personal space stays personal. Even in Economy Plus/Premium Economy, you don't gain much seat width, usually just an inch. You get 5-6 inches more leg room.

My husband is a business traveler who used to be over 300 lbs. He would get looks of dread when he boarded the plane from people hoping and praying he didn't end up next to them. He ended up booking extra flights at the end of the year so he could hit the top tier of his airline status - getting that status meant complimentary upgrades to first class, and therefore not encroaching on anyone's space. He's a lot smaller now, but when we travel together I sit in the middle and he sits in the aisle. He still hunches his shoulders in and tries to shrink himself down, even though he's only adjacent to me (and I want him all over me all the time!). I have a lot of compassion for obese travelers, it really is miserable and humiliating for them. I won't ever complain if I'm squished up next to someone as long as I'm not in physical pain because of it. But I also believe that if you're large enough to be a safety issue in a single seat, either in the event of an emergency or by cutting off the circulation of the passenger you're unfortunately sitting on, you need to buy a second seat, and it's well within the rights of the passengers around you to request that you do so.