Lost weight & regained... feel like there are more barriers now - need support and motivation!

Freefall321

Hi Everyone!

So after a moment of heartbreak in late 2012- early 2013, I decided to become healthier. I'd also seen a promotion of DietChef too of a months worth of meals. So after getting that, I started doing HIIT 3 times a week in my university dorm room, as well as taking long, refreshing walks, and within a month, I'd kickstarted my weight loss journey, and continued losing weight well into 2014. Initial 210 pounds - 170 pounds. Maintaining weight when I moved into a student house was a challenge, but I managed, as I controlled what I bought, and my room had plenty of space to workout.

However since graduating last year, I have ballooned back to the size I once was. Coming back home is kind of nice, but it's not so great for my independence & healthy eating when my family are big eaters of carby African foods, and devout KFC/Chinese takeaway fans. No matter how many times I've asked my mum to stop dishing big plates for me she never listens haha. On my part, I eventually give in and eat it.

Now, the small portion sizes I was once accustomed to & that self-discipline I taught myself has all but vanished.
It hasn't helped that whilst cholinergic urticaria (CU) has reared it's ugly head. CU is a thing I still don't fully understand, but sometimes when I'm exercising, or walking for a small period of time, my body will freak out in a hives-type way. It came so often when I was just walking, that I became scared of doing that, or exercising. So instead I'd sit at home searching for jobs all day, with no physical activity. I had Vit D tablets prescribed which didn't change anything (although oddly, when I recently went to a hot country for 3 months, I didn't suffer CU once).

Now I'm back home, and on the jobseeker hunt once more, but I want to turn my fitness around. I just don't know how to. I feel tired all the time (even though I sleep much more than I intend to, which is becoming problematic). The constant rejections on the job-seeking front is wearing my self-esteem/worth down and I know there is a comfort-eating issue. And seeing that it's cold or raining outside always puts me off trying to go for walks, cause I worry that may be a cause for my CU. It's more the public embarrassment of I know exercising may alleviate the tiredness over time. Since I don't have enough money whilst I look for jobs, I can't afford to dictate the shopping list by chipping in the majority of the money.

(THE TL;DR BIT/CONCLUSION)
The last three paragraphs just feels like me making up excuses, and they probably are to an extent. But I just feel like there's this massive psychological (and physical to an extent) barrier to me losing weight again, and it feels harder to tear down this time around. I should prioritise exercise at home where no one can see the cholinergic urticaria happening but my family, I know. And that diet > exercise so I need to find a way to healthier portion sizes.
I just need some motivation! I've just lost that... willpower to begin again. I start end my nights with resolutions, start my days with good intentions, and it falls apart every time.

Thanks for reading my rant.. needed to vent. I just feel so pathetic putting the weight back on yet I'm struggling to do what needs to be done.

JeromeBarry1

What did you graduate with? Education-wise?

tapwaters

To start: *hugs*

I went from 220lbs to 140lbs or so, then gained it all back plus 30. Now I'm near there again at 154lbs. I did it again, but after the first hurt of gaining it all back and more.

You can do it, but you have to get out there and do it.

bekim123

First off, remember that the job hunting experience is just a series of rejections until you get accepted, so by its nature it is pretty depressing. But, everyone goes through it. My second point is that you're not alone in losing weight, putting it back on, and so on (hence the term yo-yo dieting). Again, don't get down on yourself about it, you're in good company, including me. All you have control over is the present and the future, you can't change the past, so don't dwell on it. Last point it that trying to do it without support of your family is going to be tough. For what it's worth, I'd try to sit down with you mom and tell her why you want to have smaller portions, etc. Focus on the health side of it. But on that last point I'm not an expert. If I lived with my mom she'd have me whipped into shape. She's 81 years young, has always been focused on nutrition and health, and will probably outlive me.

JeromeBarry1

And have your mum use a much smaller plate for you.

leed12345

Stay strong! I had the same issue. I lost 65 lbs. by eating super healthy low carb meals. After my divorce I moved in with my parents and they are very loving and generous, but keep their home stocked with cheeses, pastries, ice cream, wonderful fattening foods. It is very hard for me to have self-control. I have re-started my journey as well. Sometimes I just have to eat alone. Sometimes I have a protein "snack" before dinner to get through without bingeing. Eating protein first helps to kill my appetite. I just am staying away from red meat for now bc of the calories. It's easier to have to same meal constantly right now to make healthy eating a habit. Good luck and please feel free to add me as a friend.

SueSueDio

I feel you on the job hunting issue - I've been unemployed for several months now, and the search is soul-destroying. All we can do is keep at it, keep hoping and do whatever we can to maximise our chances.

On the food front - if you've asked your mum to serve you smaller portions and she's not listening, can you just eat half of what she gives you? She may complain at first, but if you can be strong and refuse to eat it all then maybe she'll get the message and give you less rather than waste food. I presume that no one is forcing you to eat, but I do understand that it can be harder to resist if there's family disapproval or pressure involved!

Does she get angry or upset if you try and eat less? It might be that she feels feeding you well is an expression of love, or maybe she missed you while you were away at school and felt you'd "got too thin" so she thinks she needs to fatten you up again. I've seen a lot of people here say that friends will tell them they're too thin when really they're a healthy weight, it's just that others aren't used to seeing them at that size and they look "thin" in comparison. Are the rest of your family overweight? There's a possibility that they don't want you to be different from them, and they might see it as disapproval of their own eating habits.

Try talking to your mum again, some time when she's not cooking or dishing up, and explain what you want to do for your health and general well-being and that you'd love her help and support. See if you can find out why she seems to take no notice of your requests... maybe she doesn't even realise it's a problem, or doesn't think you're serious.

For exercise, doing something at home would be great - there are lots of free videos on YouTube, if you don't want to buy something just yet, and you could just try something like Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home program. I like those myself, and it's the only exercise I do right now.

I wish you luck - you've done it before and you can do it again, you just need to find the motivation to do so and unfortunately that has to come from you. No one else can make you do it. (And I know it's even harder if you're feeling depressed over the job situation. I've found that focusing on myself and my eating habits, learning about nutrition and portion sizes, and so on has really helped me and given me something to do other than mope around the house snacking on anything I could find. Walking is supposed to be great for depression as well, so if you don't want to go out due to your condition then walking indoors is the next best thing.)

Find ways to work around the issues you have... any little changes you can make will help, and it will all add up over time.

MrSimmers

First of all great work on sticking to your HIIT routine and eating well before - you've already proven you have the willpower and determination to make anything happen.

Lack of energy from things that are running you down emotionally is indeed a huge barrier to getting back into your former routine. Have you thought of taking some natural herbs in your diet, such as ashwagandha or St Johns wort? These will have adaptogenic properties to both relieve stress and stimulate you in exercise. Also, what is your diet like now? Are you still eating healthy? Are any refined foods sneaking in? These can also have a mental impact that leads to fatigue.

kimby303

I **totally** understand where you're coming from! I did the same thing, having lost 65lbs only to regain it after a break up. And I feel like I've been *stuck* for months, to the extent that I cannot even figure out what to eat in a day! I believe what had me stuck is fear.... fear, and maybe even some depression. I'm fearful that I cannot do it again.... although common sense tells me that's flawed thinking. I don't have a solution for you as I'm still struggling myself, but im guessing you just start doing "that one thing" that is a step in the right direction.... and then that one thing turns into two things. We can both do this.... we already know we can. One step....

GaleHawkins

MrSimmers wrote: »

First of all great work on sticking to your HIIT routine and eating well before - you've already proven you have the willpower and determination to make anything happen.

Lack of energy from things that are running you down emotionally is indeed a huge barrier to getting back into your former routine. Have you thought of taking some natural herbs in your diet, such as ashwagandha or St Johns wort? These will have adaptogenic properties to both relieve stress and stimulate you in exercise. Also, what is your diet like now? Are you still eating healthy? Are any refined foods sneaking in? These can also have a mental impact that leads to fatigue.

@MrSimmers have you tried Ashwagandha and if so what was the results in your case.

MrSimmers

@GaleHawkins I take 1g every day as part of a herbal mix and have had great results. Less stress, more focus.