Once a big girl, always a big girl

harempriestess

A 40 year old girl, but very much still a girl. No kids, a cat, my parents are my best friends, have struggled with depression all of my adult life until only recently, after many years of therapy and finally finding the right medications, and I'm pretty lazy. I prefer sitting and reading or writing or watching television. I don't have a huge appetite, nor do I eat completely unhealthily. But the laziness and low energy level, coupled with PCOS and it's fun little effects, makes it very difficult to lose weight and keep it off.

But I feel better now mentally than I probably have since I was in my teens, and seriously need to get healthy physically. Not for my kids but for THE kids. First my niece and nephew, then my other niece and nephew, and all of the other kids in my life, and I want to see what they become. Because it would kill my parents if something happened to me.

Okay, and also because I HATE being in such terrible shape. I have been big all my life, most of my 20s and 30s I bounced between 230-250. But I could out-hike my friends, could walk miles and be out of breath and tired but not feeling like I was on the verge of a heart attack. I liked being strong, and yeah, I'm even starting to get tired of having to get back at the idiots who assume I'm pregnant ("I'm not pregnant, I'm fat." The faces are totally worth it). I want my back and my feet and my knees to not start hurting even worse. I want to get my lung capacity back because I really want to audition for a play and have a really hard time not having to take breaths in the middle of words when I sing.

And I need to. Because this is the only life I've got and I've still got enough of it left to do something with it, which I've not really done yet.

TL;DR Big girl is in a verbose word and maybe looking for some help on this journey.