How do you let go of silly but destructive comments?

jgnatca

@magicpickles I have an adult son with a profound mental illness so I think I have some understanding of your situation.

I think your mom might be confusing you with a child as you sometimes appear more dependent. What was a relationship saver between my son and I was a frank conversation about boundaries. I think you two would do better by having more opportunities to display respect and trust.

For instance if it is difficult for you to remember to keep yourself and your room tidy, make a commitment to do so anyways without reminding. It's good practice for your future living with trusted friends. I also think you should cook two nights a week. Start with something routine and simple. Maybe a bagged salad and chicken strips warmed up.

You have a right to demand respect in regards to your weight and your food choices. If your mom comments inappropriately remind her of your boundaries talk.

cwolfman13

I stopped giving a crap about what other people say/think shortly after high school.

jgnatca

@Madwife2009 I recently learned that WW leaders are rewarded by the combined weight loss at the meeting. This might explain the pressure to perform. Every freaking week.

Back when I was getting a dietitian's support I gained a few pounds over Christmas. She shrugged and said that weight can fluctuate up to five pounds in a day so don't sweat it. I could have hugged her. A similar gain at a WW meeting would have earned a frown and a pep talk on what I might do differently next time.

ninerbuff

magicpickles wrote: »

Sometimes people say things to me that result in me feeling depressed and falling off track.

On my first week of losing weight, I lost 3 kilos (7lbs) which must have mostly been water weight and I was told if I didn't eat more I might faint and I was losing weight too fast.

After working out how many calories I had left, I had stuff like a burger, donuts etc and I was told I was eating badly, even though most of my diet was good and I was still losing weight.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I want to become a personal trainer or nutritionist or that I'm interested in food, because, well look at me. I'm still overweight.

Once, I was out with someone for a social event, and they grabbed my plate and they asked if they could dish up for me, in a way I couldn't say no. It was so humiliating, it seemed to imply that because I was a big girl, I was going to be greedy in public, there wouldn't be enough food for others and I would embarrass her. I still cringe thinking about it.

Some people seem to be able to shake these things off and move on in their day, but not me. I definitely hide and eat my emotions. I know I can't blame others, and its me that is the problem (thin skin) but I don't want this to affect my weightloss. Sometimes others don't know best, or they do but go about it the wrong way.

It's a behavior you try to change. The most successful people in the world (whatever it may be), learned to disregard comments or statements from people who stood within their way of success.
IMO this is how I look at it. If a person makes a comment and it has nothing to do with how I feel about my family, my work, or how I truly feel about myself, then I usually schluff it off. There will always be criticizers for things you do, but hey that's how they view it. You don't control what they say, you just control how you react. And many times people say things just to get a reaction out of someone.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

enterdanger

jgnatca wrote: »

@magicpickles I have an adult son with a profound mental illness so I think I have some understanding of your situation.

I think your mom might be confusing you with a child as you sometimes appear more dependent. What was a relationship saver between my son and I was a frank conversation about boundaries. I think you two would do better by having more opportunities to display respect and trust.

For instance if it is difficult for you to remember to keep yourself and your room tidy, make a commitment to do so anyways without reminding. It's good practice for your future living with trusted friends. I also think you should cook two nights a week. Start with something routine and simple. Maybe a bagged salad and chicken strips warmed up.

You have a right to demand respect in regards to your weight and your food choices. If your mom comments inappropriately remind her of your boundaries talk.

This. Totally this.

@magicpickles I think you are selling yourself short. It's hard for anyone to know what's appropriate to say when someone says hurtful things. Are you sure the person that thought it was appropriate to dish your food out for you at 27 isn't on the spectrum? YOU seem to be better at recognizing what is socially appropriate than these people who are being hurtful towards you. Have faith in yourself.

Like @jgnatca said. It is always a good idea to set an expectation with someone by telling them what you want and how you want to be treated, and then to live like you assume they will follow through. You can do it nicely.

People are stupid about food. That's why we are all fat. You've gone out of your way to educate yourself and make a change. You know what to do. Be sure of yourself when it comes to your health goals.

jacksonpt

A couple of things come to mind...

1 - If you are anything like many of us, you are probably more sensitive to those types of comments than the average person. Be aware of that and realize that it's probably more about how you take a comment than how that comment was meant.

2 - The average person knows very little about health and nutrition, and in most cases what they think they know is actually wrong. Realize that, and know that you are doing what you need to do to make progress.

Of course both of those things are easier said than done.