calling all parents, share your funny kid stories with me!

lenoresdream

So I miss my friend's kids and my nephews real bad and I need some funny kid stories to help me smile and get my cute kid fix till I can see my babies this weekend *_*

Any funny stories you can share?

alaine5377

My son sneaks the puppy into his bed every night and he sleeps on the top bunk....
And now that he has discovered what "mommy juice" is, he is not shy to tell every pre k teacher that mom drinks wine every night....

PamelaW41

You know the saying kids say the darndest things??? My oldest son was born when i was 16 and my husband was an 18 year old Marine. The other Marines in his unit didn't have kids, so my sons 2nd birthday was him and 20 Marines. They brought him gifts like toy helicopters and tanks. As they were playing with him I hear shoot that m***** f*****. So I'm like guys really??? Well for the next 5 years all helicopters were known as MFs. No matter what I said...still MF. He didn't believe me bc I was "just a girl". Lol. So my mother comes to visit. Grandma look at that m***** f*****. She looked at me all shocked, I said welcome to the Marine Corps. *shrug*

JessicaJS23

One time while buying feminine hygiene products at Walmart I hear my 6 1/2 year old daughter scream "MOM! MOM!.. So I along with everybody on and around that area turn to look at my child and she's holding up this box of vibrating condom ring things like she just found a million dollars and she says "I need these vibrating rings! They are so cool! Let's get them!" I've never wanted to just die so badly.

Another time around the same age she figured out the monkey bars. Instead of look mom I'm doing it .. She screams "oh my god I'm coming I'm coming" as she makes her way twords me at the end. I wanted to just die pretty hard that time too. Now she's 13 and don't say much : (

JessicaJS23

PamelaW41 wrote: »

You know the saying kids say the darndest things??? My oldest son was born when i was 16 and my husband was an 18 year old Marine. The other Marines in his unit didn't have kids, so my sons 2nd birthday was him and 20 Marines. They brought him gifts like toy helicopters and tanks. As they were playing with him I hear shoot that m***** f*****. So I'm like guys really??? Well for the next 5 years all helicopters were known as MFs. No matter what I said...still MF. He didn't believe me bc I was "just a girl". Lol. So my mother comes to visit. Grandma look at that m***** f*****. She looked at me all shocked, I said welcome to the Marine Corps. *shrug*

That's so cute and also what I'm going to start calling them!

Alatariel75

My nephew was 3. He walked out of the bathroom and my mum asks "did you wash your hands?" He says no. Mum days "and why not?" And he responded "coz i didn't pee on them!"

PamelaW41

JessicaJS23 wrote: »

PamelaW41 wrote: »

You know the saying kids say the darndest things??? My oldest son was born when i was 16 and my husband was an 18 year old Marine. The other Marines in his unit didn't have kids, so my sons 2nd birthday was him and 20 Marines. They brought him gifts like toy helicopters and tanks. As they were playing with him I hear shoot that m***** f*****. So I'm like guys really??? Well for the next 5 years all helicopters were known as MFs. No matter what I said...still MF. He didn't believe me bc I was "just a girl". Lol. So my mother comes to visit. Grandma look at that m***** f*****. She looked at me all shocked, I said welcome to the Marine Corps. *shrug*

That's so cute and also what I'm going to start calling them!

LOL, my husband and I still call them that too My son is 27 now, he doesn't think we are funny!?!?!? He always looks at us like we are crazy haha

LouLouStBijou

When my son was really little I had a cold and it made my voice a little croaky. He overheard me telling his father that I was a little hoarse and he came up and asked me to open my mouth so he could see the "horse".

Another time, I had told him that unless he ate his dinner he was not going to be allowed to watch an episode of Blues Clues (shows you how long ago this was) . He wouldn't eat and kept walking over to the VCR to put in the cassette and I kept removing it and taking him back to the table. Finally after I don't even know how many repetitions of this he took me by the hand, walked me down the hall and tried to lock me in the bathroom....

saragd012

Not my kid, but still hilarious. When my friends little boy was around 6 years old he figured out that people who make "video blogs" on YouTube, and decided he should also make videos. So we set him up with a webcam on a computer without internet access so he could make his silly videos without fear of some creeper finding them. It kind of became a thing that we would drink wine and laugh at these videos after he went to bed, until one day we are watching him do a "make-up tutorial" which was basically just him putting dozens of butterfly hair-clips in his hair and laughing like a crazy person; we were cracking up. He then figures out how to put a fake background up like a green screen, lands on a waterfall and has the genius idea that he will pull down his pants to pretend the water fall is him peeing. Of course it doesn't stop there, he gets bored of pretending to pee and begins dancing, with his pants down, head covered in butterfly clips, laughing like a maniac.

It was a train wreck, we were in tears from laughing, but also VERY aware how bad this was. Had to have a talk with him about how it wasnt ok to take his pants off in front of the camera, and not laugh (in front of him) at risk of encouraging him to do it again. We did have to delete the video for obvious reasons, but part of me wishes we could have held onto it to show him as an adult.

Cameron_1969

I have hundreds of stories. . Why can't I even think of ONE!?

synchkat

Mine told me the other day "Mommy you know you go to bed pretty late, maybe that's why you're grumpy a lot"

synchkat

This just happened. We're having a thunder storm and the boy was like I'm going to go to the basement to go to the bathroom because it's safest. You know thunder comes from the sky and the basement is farther away from the sky.

Um sure why not

BlendaBrenda

The other day my 6yo asked me to feel her arm muscles. She was exaggerating her huff and puff saying she was so tired from 'rubixing' and really 'feels it'.
I ask her, what is rubixing?
Apparently she thought her brothers rubix cube was an exercise tool, and you got muscles by twisting it.
Oh honey if only it was that easy.
I almost cried keeping in all the laughter, kids are so cute with what they come up with.

MonkeyMel21

Hubs and our 6 year old son are home today while I'm at work. DH text me and said that DS was trying to convince DH that his raccoon beanie baby (yes, it's from my childhood, lol) named Raccooney is part of our family and that I gave birth to him.

No.


lol

cuckoo_jenibeth

My then 3 year old niece ran away from me crying every time she saw me for weeks on end! Turns out that when her mom told her that I had a baby "in my belly" (20 years ago) she was afraid that I might eat her, too!

Cameron_1969

Okay.. so we are driving and my 8 yr old son is in the front seat because his two friends are in the back and for some reason they get on the subject about how they pee at the urinal and my son says "I just pull it out of the leg-sleeve". . and next thing you know I look over and he's got it sticking out and I say "PUT IT AWAY" but he can see me trying not to laugh and so he says "He's happy". . and I'm like "I don't care. .put it back". and his friends are dying in the back seat . and he repeats himself. ."he's happy" and then he says "He want's a nugget" and he starts poking it with a chicken nugget. .

synchkat

We have a squirrel that keeps trying to claw through our screens and windows. Yesterday the boy saw this and grabbed a plastic knife to go shoo it away

megemrj

We had a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix before my boys were born. We let my stepdaughter name it. So she gave it my husband's middle name.

Years later we named our 1st born son as a Junior. He has always used husband's middle name. One day when he was about 3 yrs, we were going through family photos and came across a picture of our deceased dog. He calmly asks "who is that?" To which I nostalgically respond "That was Emory, baby." He turns to me all excited and says "THAT was ME as a DOG???". I still get the giggles over that one every time.

My youngest was a hoot. He definitely has a mind of his own. He also had an issue with using an indoor voice and loved being loud. We were on vacation when he was around 3-4 yrs old. We were staying at a Universal property in Orlando, FL. As a perk you could charge items to your room with your room key. We used it ONE time when purchasing a gift for my mom & dad on the way into the park one day. Only so we wouldn't have to carry it around or return to the hotel, we charged it and had it delivered to our room.

We all had hard theme park passes (you know like credit cards are) which my child would pull out & flash at anyone and everyone all while shouting in his loudest voice "CHARGE IT!" for the entire remainder of our trip...

We went to lunch one day at a seafood restaurant. I love crab legs and lobster. I often shared with my two boys. On this visit I didn't want lobster but decided to get crab legs. Unbeknownst to me, my youngest didn't agree. When the waitress asked him what he wanted, after we had all ordered, he very loudly says "I want lobster!" To which she starts to add to our order. He was like 3 yrs old! I told her really quickly "No, he is not getting lobster!"

mommyrunning

My oldest daughter is always saying stuff that makes her sound grown up but makes me laugh. Here's a few from when she was 4.

One day she wasn't listening and when I fussed at her she said,
"I couldn't hear you so I just said okay. Sometimes when I say ok it's because I didn't hear you and I don't know what you're saying."

Daughter: "we don't say shucksy (sexy!) and I know it. Right? Cuz that's a bad word."
Me: "right" (trying not to laugh)
Daughter: "Anthony (her classmate) says it all the time. That's why he's always getting in trouble!"

Me: What movie do you want to watch?
Daughter: I'm not sure so you can pick for me
Me: thanks
Daughter: all the time if you have good behavior and don't put me in timeout you can pick the movie

Cameron_1969

Villae81 wrote: »

Cameron_1969 wrote: »

Okay.. so we are driving and my 8 yr old son is in the front seat because his two friends are in the back and for some reason they get on the subject about how they pee at the urinal and my son says "I just pull it out of the leg-sleeve". . and next thing you know I look over and he's got it sticking out and I say "PUT IT AWAY" but he can see me trying not to laugh and so he says "He's happy". . and I'm like "I don't care. .put it back". and his friends are dying in the back seat . and he repeats himself. ."he's happy" and then he says "He want's a nugget" and he starts poking it with a chicken nugget. .

You must have an oversize 8 year old to be able to sit on the front seat lol but my question is did he gave it a drink after?

Naaa. . he wasn't technically big enough but there are only two seatbelts in the back and rather than buy a new car I let him sit in the front. . .

I think we arrived at our destination before he thought to give it a drink. . thankfully! .

lenoresdream

You guys omg. This thread has me laughing so hard! Please share more!