Supportive Partner/Spouse
Kait_Dee
Posts: 176 Member
How many people have a partner in their life that have similar goals to you?
When I started my journey in 2010, I had very little support from my fiancé at the time. He didn't see the point of why I needed to be healthier and wanted to have competitive and athletic goals, he was satisfied with who I was.. So why couldn't I be?
Simply put: I wasn't healthy, I was tired all the time, I wanted to look and feel better. So I pursued my goal of losing weight. I struggled to stay the course and manage my nutrition and eventually, I came up aces! I put in the work at the gym, I counted those calories and I stayed as consistent as I could with three kids, a household to run, and a full time job.
Fast forward six years and life is pretty different. I've engineered the body and the life I've wanted for as long as I can remember. I'm fit, I'm happy, I'm successful and I owe a lot of my happiness and success to my wife for life. My work life is hectic.. We still have one kid (also an athlete) at home and another we're training with for her goals (RCMP Officer!!) and of course we still have a household and many other things on the go.
She's been a key piece to my overwhelming success - it took some time for her, but she's adapted her health and athletic goals to align with mine (her choice, not mine!) and has adopted an IIFIYM lifestyle that works for her (she's far less rigid than I am) and has seen significant success as well. She's celebrated her 210th day logging today..! I'm so happy for and proud of her.
Who else has a supportive spouse/partner? Does anyone have any tips or ideas to help someone who's in a less supportive environment?
When I started my journey in 2010, I had very little support from my fiancé at the time. He didn't see the point of why I needed to be healthier and wanted to have competitive and athletic goals, he was satisfied with who I was.. So why couldn't I be?
Simply put: I wasn't healthy, I was tired all the time, I wanted to look and feel better. So I pursued my goal of losing weight. I struggled to stay the course and manage my nutrition and eventually, I came up aces! I put in the work at the gym, I counted those calories and I stayed as consistent as I could with three kids, a household to run, and a full time job.
Fast forward six years and life is pretty different. I've engineered the body and the life I've wanted for as long as I can remember. I'm fit, I'm happy, I'm successful and I owe a lot of my happiness and success to my wife for life. My work life is hectic.. We still have one kid (also an athlete) at home and another we're training with for her goals (RCMP Officer!!) and of course we still have a household and many other things on the go.
She's been a key piece to my overwhelming success - it took some time for her, but she's adapted her health and athletic goals to align with mine (her choice, not mine!) and has adopted an IIFIYM lifestyle that works for her (she's far less rigid than I am) and has seen significant success as well. She's celebrated her 210th day logging today..! I'm so happy for and proud of her.
Who else has a supportive spouse/partner? Does anyone have any tips or ideas to help someone who's in a less supportive environment?
2
Replies
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Nope. That's not to say he's not supportive, but he has no interest in running and is trying to gain a few pounds so we don't have any similar goals!1
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@TavistockToad - my wife and I are pretty different in our goals too. She's a competitive female tackle football player (I used to play too) and I'm a competitive bodybuilder. Our nutrition is totally opposite. When she's carb loading I'm decreasing. Lol! We have similar goals as far as training and nutritional management tho.. So that helps!1
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He's not an obstacle to my desired changes but he could be more supportive. I have asked him to walk with me after dinner; he doesn't. I have begged him to bike with me; he doesn't. I have repeatedly offer to buy him golf lessons so we can play together. He has no interest (& clubs are too expensive for me to just buy some for him hoping he'll pick them up) Last night he promised to get up early to goy with me to buy a tennis racket so we can volley but he's still sleeping. He does eat the low calorie meals I make without complaint.2
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He's not an obstacle to my desired changes but he could be more supportive. I have asked him to walk with me after dinner; he doesn't. I have begged him to bike with me; he doesn't. I have repeatedly offer to buy him golf lessons so we can play together. He has no interest (& clubs are too expensive for me to just buy some for him hoping he'll pick them up) Last night he promised to get up early to goy with me to buy a tennis racket so we can volley but he's still sleeping. He does eat the low calorie meals I make without complaint.
I am a little baffled by this. None of the things listed constitutes support in my opinion. Why should he do the same things you do or eat the foods you eat? To my way of thinking, support would be for example, him taking on more dutied at home so you have more time for walking/biking/whatever, him being discrete with any junk food he brings home or cooking or buying his own food without complaint if you are cooking diet food, etc...
My point is, it is great when people's spouses are willing to adapt their lifestyles to their partner's as Kait_Dee's wife has done, but nobody *has to* and there is a whole range of ways that people express support.
To the OP's question, yes, my husband is very supportive. He'll abstain from buying my trigger foods for himself, or eat them outside, or keep them out of sight of me when I ask him to. He looks after the kid so I can go swimming or running or whatever. He supports any decision I make for myslef, but will give me sound advice if I ask for it. That's the kind of support I function best with.2 -
My husband and I are very different, in that he is healthy and does many things I can't. He walks, he treks mountain trails; I can't, but I am trying to get to the point at which I can. He even puts up with my slow walking (although I am starting to speed up).
Further, as a relevant side note, we have many differing interests, but this is not a problem. Even when I left the cult we'd been in all our lives, he stayed for another 1.5 year. No problem.
Why must spouses be a carbon copies of their partners? Why can't we share in the interest such differences bring? Why can't spouses simply support, bless, and enjoy the differences?
Now that we are retired, living in the same small house 24/7, it's still the same. Why should I resent the differences when I have the chance to enjoy them?1 -
My husband is both my biggest supporter AND my biggest enabler.....
He loves me no matter what I look like, yet he also wants to lose some weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle, however - we both LOVE eating and cooking.
So, we go walking together, we shop healthy together then we go to the Chinese buffet together on the weekends and complain to each other when we get home about how we shouldn't eat there anymore.
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My husband is supportive he will say well done when I weigh in each week and has stopped buying me the foods I can't control myself around as a treat. He will look after our three children while I run three times a week.2
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My wife is somewhat supportive. We go to the gym, but she says she really doesn't want too, I do all the cooking and she does eat what I make, very healthy foods, but she stopped losing weight 6 months ago, I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds and she lost 33, she says she happy with her weight, but does complain when she gets on the scale.
It has been fun and extremely educational for me, I don't want to go back to previous behaviors.
David2 -
davidmartinez66 wrote: »I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds
David
Just throwing in a comment here, as a wife- I lost 70 pounds before my husband joined... he went from 265 to 215.
Per bmi, six foot one he should have weighed closer to 180 or 190.
I always wanted him to be happy with his body and healthy but I am silently glad he never got there. I thought he looked a bit too thin at 215!! Anyway we both fell off the wagon and have been riding the weight loss roller coaster together for a decade now...
I just really don't think BMI standards apply to everyone. Yes I still would have loved him even at 180 pounds but physically I prefer him heavier ☺
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Sounds like a lot of folks have it figured out - I love the different perspectives and the different approaches everyone has. In my previous relationship? There was a lot of attempted "sabatoge" that took place. Fear on his part mainly, but it wasn't healthy...
My wife and I have very different goals, but similar paths and it's great to share that with someone who buys into the same lifestyle choice, for me personally, it makes adhering to the routine a lot easier and quite a bit more enjoyable.
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My partners supportive. But he's a lazy *kitten*. However I've never relied on anyone else to help me get to my goals. I've always been active there was a period I ate n drank too much n chose more of my partners preferences in life. He did go gym for a short while but that stopped. I kept going. I like having my thing. He will go hiking n walking weekends but I have to suggest it. How to get a lump off couch is question without bribery lol0
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davidmartinez66 wrote: »I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds
David
Just throwing in a comment here, as a wife- I lost 70 pounds before my husband joined... he went from 265 to 215.
Per bmi, six foot one he should have weighed closer to 180 or 190.
I always wanted him to be happy with his body and healthy but I am silently glad he never got there. I thought he looked a bit too thin at 215!! Anyway we both fell off the wagon and have been riding the weight loss roller coaster together for a decade now...
I just really don't think BMI standards apply to everyone. Yes I still would have loved him even at 180 pounds but physically I prefer him heavier ☺
Excellent point! My Dr hates the BMI, I think I look good and I really do not want to lose much more if any, so hopefully maintenance goes smoothly.
David2 -
My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be0
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williammuney wrote: »My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be
I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.
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bearbugbear wrote: »williammuney wrote: »My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be
I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.
Absolutely0 -
williammuney wrote: »bearbugbear wrote: »williammuney wrote: »My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be
I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.
Absolutely
Well, stinkin'.0 -
Absolutely. My wife is very supportive. We don't have exactly the same goals, diets, or diet cycle, but we do support each other and understand give and take. We are fortunate.1
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My husband is very supportive, but our goals don't match unless it's about going out to eat.1
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My husband and children are really supportive, so I guess that I'm lucky.
Whilst my family don't follow my calorie restrictions, they do encourage me, get involved in my exercise activities and will go on my almost marathon walks and cycle rides with me. If making dinner, my husband will weigh everything out for me, and the family have stopped offering me food that I won't eat (ice-cream, cakes, chocolate etc). They also celebrate each pound lost and each element of improved health with me.
They were very excited when I'd lost the weight of my toddler, and then the weight of my 11yo
And, as a bonus, they have all lost a bit of weight as well - I think that my husband has lost around 30lbs (without putting loads of effort in) and the children a bit but the main thing is that they are exercising daily and are much healthier than they were.
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Oh, @lorrpb ! You made me SMILE!!1
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My husband has sacrificed a lot so that I could finally get my health in order this past year. He takes the kids to school in the mornings most days because he knows that it helps me out tremendously. He doesn't complain if I don't make food for him, he just takes care of himself. (Although he is very happy and grateful when I do.) He doesn't complain that the house is a mess, or that I'm taking too much time for myself, he just deals with it. I am a stay at home mom, and he only complains mildly about the money I have spent on protein powders, supplements, workout clothes, race entry fees, etc. because he knows it has all been essential to my weight loss and improvements in my health. I should not be able to complain, but it does make me sad that the one element missing is any encouragement from him. It would mean so much if he would bring the boys to cheer me on at a race, or to even just say, "Hey, you are awesome!" I know that I am totally sucking as a wife this year, but to tell the truth, the first 6 years were probably even worse because I was so angry and depressed. I do owe him big time, and am going to work my butt off next year to get our house in order and be a more involved mom and wife.
My husband never does anything (that is not of his own mind) without some serious pushing. So I am signing our family up for a day of racing in a couple of months. He will be doing a 5K, me a half marathon, or a 10K, and my two sons a 900 meter run. He is not excited about it, but I am hoping that it will help inspire him and my boys to join me in my fitness journey. It's going to be a long journey...a for the rest of my life journey, so I would really like to have them along for the ride. I want us to be a team that always supports and cheers one another on.
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I've had 2 spouses and neither one was ever supportive0
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My husband is supportive for the most part...lol. He keeps junk out of the house if I remind him that I am trying not to eat so much of it (if it's here I'm eating it as I have no will power) He will walk with me, bike with me, work out with me........However....I am the one that has to initiate all of it. He won't say...Hey, let's go for a walk, bike, whatever. We are both procrastinators which doesn't help, but if I don't say it then it won't get done.0
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Support to me from dh looks like:
Him saying I love you no matter your size, I want you to be healthy and happy.
Not complaining about my exercise or nagging me to do it.
Not complaining about or judging my eating choices. Not complaining when I weigh food.
Not judging my progress.
Listening to each other.
Sometimes he joins me in exercise. Doesn't keep me from exercising if he doesn't.
When I started losing weight we talked and as long as my goal was healthy and my method of reaching it was healthy that was all dh had to say. I did not totally change my diet or start exercising for hours every day. My dh and dd did not change their behavior.
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My husband has been supportive of everything I've done in all aspects of life for 39 years of marriage. That's what makes our marriage work. Communication and understanding in all areas is important, I don't think it's an isolated issue related to weight loss. I've never seen anyone post "My hubby is totally supportive in all areas except weight loss, and in this is the one area in which he sabotages me." Just sayin'.1
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I do have a very supportive spouse. He knows how salt affects my body and keep sit out of ALL foods he cooks. When I am having a doubt my self kinda day, he says you can do it. Once I lost several pounds and it started to show, he started weighing his foods and eating more healthy. So far this year we total 90 lbs loss. Not bad for a couple who thought they could never do it.
I don't tell him what to or not to eat. Or what to watch for. And he doesn't tell me either. We don't get after each other about exercise, but we do discuss how much we done or didn't do. We share our ups and downs on the the scale. When one of use is doubting we discuss if something may have changed and we didn't realize it. I give him his space when he is using the exercise machine. And he gives me mine. It's our alone time. We both like to walk so weather permitting we take nightly walks together. Sometimes we go at my pace, sometimes his.
I would say be supportive , but not a dictator. When asked , offer suggestions . Don't force. Be patient as not everyone loses at the same rate and not everything works for everyone.
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My DH is very supportive! He has never tried to lose weight and never needed to, but he is interested in health and fitness.
He watches the kids every day while I exercise and never complains. He eats all the healthy food I make and tells me it's delicious. He has never said a word about my weight and I have been in a 45 lb range throughout our marriage.
We don't workout together and he doesn't have or need goals like I do. But he doesn't judge mine or tell me what to do or don't do. If I'm feeling down or sore, he does tell me to take it easy and give me a back rub 1
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