Supportive Partner/Spouse

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Kait_Dee
Kait_Dee Posts: 175 Member
edited July 2016 in Motivation and Support
How many people have a partner in their life that have similar goals to you?

When I started my journey in 2010, I had very little support from my fiancé at the time. He didn't see the point of why I needed to be healthier and wanted to have competitive and athletic goals, he was satisfied with who I was.. So why couldn't I be?

Simply put: I wasn't healthy, I was tired all the time, I wanted to look and feel better. So I pursued my goal of losing weight. I struggled to stay the course and manage my nutrition and eventually, I came up aces! I put in the work at the gym, I counted those calories and I stayed as consistent as I could with three kids, a household to run, and a full time job.

Fast forward six years and life is pretty different. I've engineered the body and the life I've wanted for as long as I can remember. I'm fit, I'm happy, I'm successful and I owe a lot of my happiness and success to my wife for life. My work life is hectic.. We still have one kid (also an athlete) at home and another we're training with for her goals (RCMP Officer!!) and of course we still have a household and many other things on the go.

She's been a key piece to my overwhelming success - it took some time for her, but she's adapted her health and athletic goals to align with mine (her choice, not mine!) and has adopted an IIFIYM lifestyle that works for her (she's far less rigid than I am) and has seen significant success as well. She's celebrated her 210th day logging today..! I'm so happy for and proud of her.

Who else has a supportive spouse/partner? Does anyone have any tips or ideas to help someone who's in a less supportive environment?
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Replies

  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Nope. That's not to say he's not supportive, but he has no interest in running and is trying to gain a few pounds so we don't have any similar goals!
  • Kait_Dee
    Kait_Dee Posts: 175 Member
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    @TavistockToad - my wife and I are pretty different in our goals too. She's a competitive female tackle football player (I used to play too) and I'm a competitive bodybuilder. Our nutrition is totally opposite. When she's carb loading I'm decreasing. Lol! We have similar goals as far as training and nutritional management tho.. So that helps!
  • Trish1c
    Trish1c Posts: 549 Member
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    He's not an obstacle to my desired changes but he could be more supportive. I have asked him to walk with me after dinner; he doesn't. I have begged him to bike with me; he doesn't. I have repeatedly offer to buy him golf lessons so we can play together. He has no interest (& clubs are too expensive for me to just buy some for him hoping he'll pick them up) Last night he promised to get up early to goy with me to buy a tennis racket so we can volley but he's still sleeping. He does eat the low calorie meals I make without complaint.
  • Wiseandcurious
    Wiseandcurious Posts: 730 Member
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    Trish1c wrote: »
    He's not an obstacle to my desired changes but he could be more supportive. I have asked him to walk with me after dinner; he doesn't. I have begged him to bike with me; he doesn't. I have repeatedly offer to buy him golf lessons so we can play together. He has no interest (& clubs are too expensive for me to just buy some for him hoping he'll pick them up) Last night he promised to get up early to goy with me to buy a tennis racket so we can volley but he's still sleeping. He does eat the low calorie meals I make without complaint.

    I am a little baffled by this. None of the things listed constitutes support in my opinion. Why should he do the same things you do or eat the foods you eat? To my way of thinking, support would be for example, him taking on more dutied at home so you have more time for walking/biking/whatever, him being discrete with any junk food he brings home or cooking or buying his own food without complaint if you are cooking diet food, etc...

    My point is, it is great when people's spouses are willing to adapt their lifestyles to their partner's as Kait_Dee's wife has done, but nobody *has to* and there is a whole range of ways that people express support.

    To the OP's question, yes, my husband is very supportive. He'll abstain from buying my trigger foods for himself, or eat them outside, or keep them out of sight of me when I ask him to. He looks after the kid so I can go swimming or running or whatever. He supports any decision I make for myslef, but will give me sound advice if I ask for it. That's the kind of support I function best with.
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
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    My husband and I are very different, in that he is healthy and does many things I can't. He walks, he treks mountain trails; I can't, but I am trying to get to the point at which I can. He even puts up with my slow walking (although I am starting to speed up).

    Further, as a relevant side note, we have many differing interests, but this is not a problem. Even when I left the cult we'd been in all our lives, he stayed for another 1.5 year. No problem.

    Why must spouses be a carbon copies of their partners? Why can't we share in the interest such differences bring? Why can't spouses simply support, bless, and enjoy the differences?

    Now that we are retired, living in the same small house 24/7, it's still the same. Why should I resent the differences when I have the chance to enjoy them?
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
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    My husband is supportive he will say well done when I weigh in each week and has stopped buying me the foods I can't control myself around as a treat. He will look after our three children while I run three times a week.
  • davidmartinez66
    davidmartinez66 Posts: 92 Member
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    My wife is somewhat supportive. We go to the gym, but she says she really doesn't want too, I do all the cooking and she does eat what I make, very healthy foods, but she stopped losing weight 6 months ago, I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds and she lost 33, she says she happy with her weight, but does complain when she gets on the scale.

    It has been fun and extremely educational for me, I don't want to go back to previous behaviors.

    David
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    edited July 2016
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    davidmartinez66 wrote: »
    I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds

    David

    Just throwing in a comment here, as a wife- I lost 70 pounds before my husband joined... he went from 265 to 215.
    Per bmi, six foot one he should have weighed closer to 180 or 190.

    I always wanted him to be happy with his body and healthy but I am silently glad he never got there. I thought he looked a bit too thin at 215!! Anyway we both fell off the wagon and have been riding the weight loss roller coaster together for a decade now...

    I just really don't think BMI standards apply to everyone. Yes I still would have loved him even at 180 pounds but physically I prefer him heavier ☺

  • Kait_Dee
    Kait_Dee Posts: 175 Member
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    Sounds like a lot of folks have it figured out - I love the different perspectives and the different approaches everyone has. In my previous relationship? There was a lot of attempted "sabatoge" that took place. Fear on his part mainly, but it wasn't healthy...

    My wife and I have very different goals, but similar paths and it's great to share that with someone who buys into the same lifestyle choice, for me personally, it makes adhering to the routine a lot easier and quite a bit more enjoyable. :smile:
  • Neanbean13
    Neanbean13 Posts: 211 Member
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    My partners supportive. But he's a lazy *kitten*. However I've never relied on anyone else to help me get to my goals. I've always been active there was a period I ate n drank too much n chose more of my partners preferences in life. He did go gym for a short while but that stopped. I kept going. I like having my thing. He will go hiking n walking weekends but I have to suggest it. How to get a lump off couch is question without bribery lol
  • davidmartinez66
    davidmartinez66 Posts: 92 Member
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    Wolfena wrote: »
    davidmartinez66 wrote: »
    I kept losing weight and now she is concerned that I have lost too much (I am still considered overweight by BMI standards, 25.3). I log everything on MFP and even weigh food I eat, she doesn't do any logging. Overall our journey has been very good, I have lost 92 pounds

    David

    Just throwing in a comment here, as a wife- I lost 70 pounds before my husband joined... he went from 265 to 215.
    Per bmi, six foot one he should have weighed closer to 180 or 190.

    I always wanted him to be happy with his body and healthy but I am silently glad he never got there. I thought he looked a bit too thin at 215!! Anyway we both fell off the wagon and have been riding the weight loss roller coaster together for a decade now...

    I just really don't think BMI standards apply to everyone. Yes I still would have loved him even at 180 pounds but physically I prefer him heavier ☺

    Excellent point! My Dr hates the BMI, I think I look good and I really do not want to lose much more if any, so hopefully maintenance goes smoothly.

    David
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
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    My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be
  • Pterod
    Pterod Posts: 131 Member
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    williammuney wrote: »
    My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be

    I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
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    bearbugbear wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be

    I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.

    Absolutely
  • RainaProske
    RainaProske Posts: 636 Member
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    williammuney wrote: »
    bearbugbear wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    My wife is as unsupportive as one could possibly be

    I'm sorry, that must be so difficult for you.

    Absolutely

    Well, stinkin'.
  • sunnybeaches105
    sunnybeaches105 Posts: 2,831 Member
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    Absolutely. My wife is very supportive. We don't have exactly the same goals, diets, or diet cycle, but we do support each other and understand give and take. We are fortunate.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    My husband is very supportive, but our goals don't match unless it's about going out to eat.
  • Madwife2009
    Madwife2009 Posts: 1,369 Member
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    My husband and children are really supportive, so I guess that I'm lucky.

    Whilst my family don't follow my calorie restrictions, they do encourage me, get involved in my exercise activities and will go on my almost marathon walks and cycle rides with me. If making dinner, my husband will weigh everything out for me, and the family have stopped offering me food that I won't eat (ice-cream, cakes, chocolate etc). They also celebrate each pound lost and each element of improved health with me.

    They were very excited when I'd lost the weight of my toddler, and then the weight of my 11yo :)

    And, as a bonus, they have all lost a bit of weight as well - I think that my husband has lost around 30lbs (without putting loads of effort in) and the children a bit but the main thing is that they are exercising daily and are much healthier than they were.

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