Does anyone else get intense anxiety around food and situations with food in it?
beckygirl177
Posts: 19 Member
For me, when I am at a family gathering or something or with my peers and there's a table of food I believe everyone is looking at me and laughing, calling me names, thinking I'm a disgusting, gross, fat pig. I feel like the room stops.
Or out to eat at a resturaunt... in my head I'm like "oh if I order that they will think I'm a nasty cow" "no they will make a comment"
does anyone else feel like that ?
Or out to eat at a resturaunt... in my head I'm like "oh if I order that they will think I'm a nasty cow" "no they will make a comment"
does anyone else feel like that ?
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Replies
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For you to have such extreme anxiety and paranoid thoughts such as you describe is ver unhealthy and is disordered thinking. I think you should see a therapist because it's not normal, and it makes me sad that you feel this way. I don't know your weight or anything, but even if you weighed 500 lbs nobody should be ridiculing you for eating. If people hve done this to you or presently do this to you, there is something grieviously wrong with them. Try not to concern yourself with other people during meal times. Just enjoy your food and company. I do hope you find a way to get beyond this.1
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Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.5
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Yes, all the time. I do know it is not real and something I'm making up in my own head, but I still feel that way when eating in public.0
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You need professional help, please get it.3
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Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.8 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.
You are judging. Not the angry, mocking kind you imagine in your head, but you looked at the woman's thoughts and judged them as not normal. The fact of the matter is that with someone who's got such fear about people passing judgment on their thoughts, often it's not helpful for people not so close to them to tell them those thoughts aren't normal because that just validates the idea that other people are passing judgment on them.
Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically, but it's perfectly reasonable to say "I have these thoughts, I'm not looking to get help for them, I don't speak about them because people immediately jump to 'get therapy'" in my opinion.7 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.
You are judging. Not the angry, mocking kind you imagine in your head, but you looked at the woman's thoughts and judged them as not normal. The fact of the matter is that with someone who's got such fear about people passing judgment on their thoughts, often it's not helpful for people not so close to them to tell them those thoughts aren't normal because that just validates the idea that other people are passing judgment on them.
Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically, but it's perfectly reasonable to say "I have these thoughts, I'm not looking to get help for them, I don't speak about them because people immediately jump to 'get therapy'" in my opinion.
To be honest, I figured @MorganMoreaux jumped to that conclusion because the OP has two threads on the front page; this one and one asking what is the absolute minimum calories she can eat. That would definitely set off warning bells in my head too.
As for the OP's question, I can't say that I've had this problem even at my highest weight of 190 pounds. However, my best friend is over 350 pounds and she says people have made comments to her while she's eating, so if this has happened in your life I can understand being worried about what people are thinking and always having it in the back of your mind. On the flip side, I'm 108 pounds and every time I eat around coworkers, there are always comments about my food. Shock/disbelief if I bring some cake and disdain if I bring fresh fruits and vegetables. I think people in general tend to be busybodies. They may be thinking something about your food choices and may even verbalize their thoughts. On the other hand, they may not even give your eating habits a second thought. I think all human beings have a degree of worry when it comes to how the rest of the world sees them, but if I were you I'd just take a deep breath and live my life. I know it's easier said than done, but constant worry about how others perceive you may lead to stress overload which isn't healthy for your mind or your body.4 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.
You are judging. Not the angry, mocking kind you imagine in your head, but you looked at the woman's thoughts and judged them as not normal. The fact of the matter is that with someone who's got such fear about people passing judgment on their thoughts, often it's not helpful for people not so close to them to tell them those thoughts aren't normal because that just validates the idea that other people are passing judgment on them.
Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically, but it's perfectly reasonable to say "I have these thoughts, I'm not looking to get help for them, I don't speak about them because people immediately jump to 'get therapy'" in my opinion.
Well, they are not normal. She would lead a happier life if she didn't have those thoughts. It's much better to be proactive about one's life to maximize happiness then to stick one's head in the sand and just accept fear and insecurity, and live one's life with that unpleseantness. She posted a question on a public forum for general feedback, which I provided. Maybe she didn't realize that most people don't have these thoughts, and maybe some encouragement to seek help might click with her so she doesn't have to live with these thoughts. Maybe she's more rational than you and is open to dialogue regarding these thoughts so she doesn't have to live the next fifty years of her life ultra sensitive, assuming everyone is automatically negative about her. I am not negative about her, or you however I have gone back and forth with you about other topics and realize it's pointless, I am only responding to you for her benefit, because she doesn't have to feel this way. Yes, the thoughts are abnormal but that doesn't mean she is less of a person or a bad person or anything negative. It means that she is very sensitive to outside opinions, and concerned but she doesn't have to be. Every person on the planet has abnormal thoughts or feelings of some type. Most of the time they are harmless, by when they start interfering with ones enjoyment of life then they become a problem.
OP - I sincerely hope you didn't take offense to my post. Contrary to what other individuals may read into that post, my intent was not to judge you. My intent was to let you know that you shouldn't feel the way you do, and you don't have to. I have used therapy in the past because I had issues coping with stress to the detriment of my health and well being. I was stuck and didn't know how to get past it, but didn't want to feel that way all the time for the rest of my life. There are mental exercises you can learn to shut down unproductive thoughts, and I think that may be beneficial for you. I sincerely hope you can work through these thoughts and not have to be held captive by them. Much of our social interactions in our culture are focused around eating, you have every right to enjoy the experience as other people do. If you ever need to vent or would like support feel free to message me. I wish you the best!3 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »MorganMoreaux wrote: »Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.
You are judging. Not the angry, mocking kind you imagine in your head, but you looked at the woman's thoughts and judged them as not normal. The fact of the matter is that with someone who's got such fear about people passing judgment on their thoughts, often it's not helpful for people not so close to them to tell them those thoughts aren't normal because that just validates the idea that other people are passing judgment on them.
Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically, but it's perfectly reasonable to say "I have these thoughts, I'm not looking to get help for them, I don't speak about them because people immediately jump to 'get therapy'" in my opinion.
Well, they are not normal. She would lead a happier life if she didn't have those thoughts. It's much better to be proactive about one's life to maximize happiness then to stick one's head in the sand and just accept fear and insecurity, and live one's life with that unpleseantness. She posted a question on a public forum for general feedback, which I provided. Maybe she didn't realize that most people don't have these thoughts, and maybe some encouragement to seek help might click with her so she doesn't have to live with these thoughts. Maybe she's more rational than you and is open to dialogue regarding these thoughts so she doesn't have to live the next fifty years of her life ultra sensitive, assuming everyone is automatically negative about her. I am not negative about her, or you however I have gone back and forth with you about other topics and realize it's pointless, I am only responding to you for her benefit, because she doesn't have to feel this way. Yes, the thoughts are abnormal but that doesn't mean she is less of a person or a bad person or anything negative. It means that she is very sensitive to outside opinions, and concerned but she doesn't have to be. Every person on the planet has abnormal thoughts or feelings of some type. Most of the time they are harmless, by when they start interfering with ones enjoyment of life then they become a problem.
OP - I sincerely hope you didn't take offense to my post. Contrary to what other individuals may read into that post, my intent was not to judge you. My intent was to let you know that you shouldn't feel the way you do, and you don't have to. I have used therapy in the past because I had issues coping with stress to the detriment of my health and well being. I was stuck and didn't know how to get past it, but didn't want to feel that way all the time for the rest of my life. There are mental exercises you can learn to shut down unproductive thoughts, and I think that may be beneficial for you. I sincerely hope you can work through these thoughts and not have to be held captive by them. Much of our social interactions in our culture are focused around eating, you have every right to enjoy the experience as other people do. If you ever need to vent or would like support feel free to message me. I wish you the best!
I didn't insult you. I explained the logic of the zyxst's post as I read it. Why are you calling me irrational? That's quite rude of you. I specifically stated in my post "Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically", drawing a difference between the two different people talking about how they feel. Just because they share those thoughts doesn't mean they're the same person - one says she doesn't speak about them for fear of people telling her she's not normal, the other is sharing them and asking people's opinions. I was speaking about one, not the other.
You're still equating judgment with "less of a person or a bad person or anything negative", which is what I separated in my original post. A judge can rule innocent as well as guilty; a judgment does not have to be inherently implying an insult. Your judgment was "that's not normal". It was not meant as an insult or negative and I certainly didn't assume it was - but it was still a judgment on that person's thoughts which is what zyxst (once again, a different person than beckygirl) was reacting to.
I feel like I spent this post just reiterating what I already said because you skimmed and jumped to assume I was attacking you...2 -
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Change your thoughts. You are working on getting healthy and when these types of thoughts come up fight them and turn the internal dialog around to positive thoughts.
Try a mantra during these times such as -I love eating healthy food and it helps me reach my ideal weight.
Everyone has a vice some just show on the outside, most people aren't judging you and if they are its so they don't have to look at their own issues or to make them feel better about theirs.
keep your chin up!0 -
I'm sorry you feel this way. As an anxious person myself (with confidence and body image issues on top of the weight issues), I know it's crippling. CBT has helped get me past some of my issues - e.g. binge eating, emotional eating. But I don't think I'll be "cured". I constantly feel that I'm only a vacation away from reverting to my former self, and I do still eat my emotions from time to time.
If I'm in the room with you, I can guarantee you I'm too busy unfairly judging myself (e.g. do I look fat in this outfit? How could I have eaten that extra serving! Ugh!) to dream of judging you.1 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »Yes. I don't talk about because of the reaction I'd get (see post above mine). I do understand that it's all my internal dialogue.
What's wrong with my post? Why not get help? Why continue to live this way when you don't have to? My post wasn't intended to be mean or harsh or judging - it's not normal thinking. If you can't over come thinking this way on your own there is nothing wrong with seeing a therapist to work through it. Why stay uncomfortable and insecure when you can get beyond it and enjoy the dining experience.
The therapy I've gotten for other issues was not helpful. The therapist preferred to doodle in her notepad and let me ramble without offering any advice. When I outright asked for medication from a psychiatrist, I received it, but it didn't help my issues and all I got from family/friends was "Did you take your pill?" When one is made to feel showing/having emotions is BAD, one tends to just shut up, suffer along, and (hopefully) figure out how to deal with it.
IMO, feeling this way is "normal" because I have them all the time. I have them because people did judge me for how I was eating, the way I ate foods, the kinds of foods I ate, etc. etc. and they were very vocal about it. When you're 4 y/o, it's not accepted to tell your elders to STFU about my eating.0 -
Well I actually have had comments made to me in regards to what foods I choose when out to eat or at gatherings. It has made me stressed at times that people will judge.0
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I didn't insult you. I explained the logic of the zyxst's post as I read it. Why are you calling me irrational? That's quite rude of you. I specifically stated in my post "Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically", drawing a difference between the two different people talking about how they feel. Just because they share those thoughts doesn't mean they're the same person - one says she doesn't speak about them for fear of people telling her she's not normal, the other is sharing them and asking people's opinions. I was speaking about one, not the other.
You're still equating judgment with "less of a person or a bad person or anything negative", which is what I separated in my original post. A judge can rule innocent as well as guilty; a judgment does not have to be inherently implying an insult. Your judgment was "that's not normal". It was not meant as an insult or negative and I certainly didn't assume it was - but it was still a judgment on that person's thoughts which is what zyxst (once again, a different person than beckygirl) was reacting to.
I feel like I spent this post just reiterating what I already said because you skimmed and jumped to assume I was attacking you...
Mentali - I sent you a pm - much of this post was not intended for you, I apologize. I use the app and the display does not always update so I was under the impression somebody else had wrote it.
I see your points regarding judgement, but imo sometimes I think it's better to say something and risk offending someone then to blindly encourage or support the behaviour. The OP didn't give specifics regarding the direction of the conversation which left the topic open. What if the OP thinks everyone feels this way, or doesn't realize that these thoughts could potentially lead to dangerous behaviour such as an eating disorder? She has another thread open regarding the minimum number of calories she can eat. She says she feels gross. These are not healthy thoughts and if left unchecked could lead to an eating disorder, self hatred, and a slew of other negative things. She shouldn't have to live feelings these things, and as nobody before my post mentioned that this is potentially dangerous.
If she were really guarded and afraid of judgement, I doubt that she would have created the thread. I think she is working through some issues with her relationship with food and self image, and I think being honest and forthcoming is a useful response. I don't have those thoughts or feelings, I cannot relate on that level. I wanted to give an outside perspective as I think it would be horrible to feel the way the OP does. I think encouraging her to find a solution is going to be much more beneficial in the long run that just agreeing or disagreeing. There will be other people who respond who can relate, so she gets a variety of responses. While I understand she may just want someone to relate to, having people validate her thought process via relating may serve to perpetuate and escalate it further, which doesn't help the OP much in the end.
While my post may be "judging", it's also reassuring that most people do not ridicule others for eating, and that her fears are unfounded.
At any rate, if it were me, I would want someone to tell me, especially if it were causing me pain. I appreciate your perspective and it's definitely something I will continue to consider for future situations.0 -
MorganMoreaux wrote: »I didn't insult you. I explained the logic of the zyxst's post as I read it. Why are you calling me irrational? That's quite rude of you. I specifically stated in my post "Obviously I wouldn't apply that to the OP since she asked specifically", drawing a difference between the two different people talking about how they feel. Just because they share those thoughts doesn't mean they're the same person - one says she doesn't speak about them for fear of people telling her she's not normal, the other is sharing them and asking people's opinions. I was speaking about one, not the other.
You're still equating judgment with "less of a person or a bad person or anything negative", which is what I separated in my original post. A judge can rule innocent as well as guilty; a judgment does not have to be inherently implying an insult. Your judgment was "that's not normal". It was not meant as an insult or negative and I certainly didn't assume it was - but it was still a judgment on that person's thoughts which is what zyxst (once again, a different person than beckygirl) was reacting to.
I feel like I spent this post just reiterating what I already said because you skimmed and jumped to assume I was attacking you...
Mentali - I sent you a pm - much of this post was not intended for you, I apologize. I use the app and the display does not always update so I was under the impression somebody else had wrote it.
I see your points regarding judgement, but imo sometimes I think it's better to say something and risk offending someone then to blindly encourage or support the behaviour. The OP didn't give specifics regarding the direction of the conversation which left the topic open. What if the OP thinks everyone feels this way, or doesn't realize that these thoughts could potentially lead to dangerous behaviour such as an eating disorder? She has another thread open regarding the minimum number of calories she can eat. She says she feels gross. These are not healthy thoughts and if left unchecked could lead to an eating disorder, self hatred, and a slew of other negative things. She shouldn't have to live feelings these things, and as nobody before my post mentioned that this is potentially dangerous.
If she were really guarded and afraid of judgement, I doubt that she would have created the thread. I think she is working through some issues with her relationship with food and self image, and I think being honest and forthcoming is a useful response. I don't have those thoughts or feelings, I cannot relate on that level. I wanted to give an outside perspective as I think it would be horrible to feel the way the OP does. I think encouraging her to find a solution is going to be much more beneficial in the long run that just agreeing or disagreeing. There will be other people who respond who can relate, so she gets a variety of responses. While I understand she may just want someone to relate to, having people validate her thought process via relating may serve to perpetuate and escalate it further, which doesn't help the OP much in the end.
While my post may be "judging", it's also reassuring that most people do not ridicule others for eating, and that her fears are unfounded.
At any rate, if it were me, I would want someone to tell me, especially if it were causing me pain. I appreciate your perspective and it's definitely something I will continue to consider for future situations.
I do agree that if there ever was a time to bring it up, now would be it as far as the OP goes.
I too hope she takes your advice because I have dealt with those thoughts before and they're rough. 1 -
I haven't had the exact same experience that you have had, but sometimes I do wonder if I'm being scrutinized by people if I eat a donut or whatever. And I do have stressing about food situations. First, I am more likely to overeat if I go out for lunch or dinner. Second, I have food restrictions because of a stomach problem. It makes me so uncomfortable to explain what I can and cannot eat. So yeah, I get what you're saying. Not so sure that you need therapy though.1
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Woah. I'm really sorry how some of the people on this post reacted. We all have distorted thought processes on different things, that's "normal", whatever the heck that means. What we do with them (distorted thoughts) is an entirely different thing. I'm assuming that since you're posting a post asking about other people having them, that you realize that everyone has irrational thoughts time to time, in regards to different things (I know I definitely do). I hope the next thoughts that come after those are a lot kinder, " Oh wait, no one else is thinking about what I'm eating, I should enjoy the food I want to."4
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Right on, mayburcm1--"Oh wait, no one else is thinking about what I'm eating, I should enjoy the food I want to." This is so true, but for me it's about everything and I am just now really believing it--Things are not all about me. People do not think about how I look more than a few seconds. Same thing for the things I say or how I laugh or how I stuck my foot in my mouth. People mainly are thinking about themselves just as I do. I am just not the center of other people's realities. Of course, if I hurt someone it can make a real difference in their day, just as someone's behavior can make a real difference in my day. But on the whole, I am forgotten a few seconds after a person sees me sitting in a restaurant or meets me briefly at a party.
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I'm nervous around cucumbers and zucchinis...0
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Woah. I'm really sorry how some of the people on this post reacted. We all have distorted thought processes on different things, that's "normal", whatever the heck that means.
Um, I interpreted "not normal" as "distorted" or "not a helpful way to think" or "not a good reason to feel bad or anxious." Don't get why it's being taken as an insult or you are apologizing for something perfectly fine that SOMEONE ELSE said.
I've been looking at CBT some, and one suggestion in dealing with cognitive distortions (which OP's post is about, IMO) is the survey method -- if you think some thought of yours might result from a cognitive distortion rather than reality, one option is to ask around and see if others think the thought tracks reality or is off. OP was basically doing that here, and telling her "no, you shouldn't feel bad about what you order or eating in public" is, in fact, helpful. Not every single thought should be validated!What we do with them (distorted thoughts) is an entirely different thing. I'm assuming that since you're posting a post asking about other people having them, that you realize that everyone has irrational thoughts time to time, in regards to different things (I know I definitely do). I hope the next thoughts that come after those are a lot kinder, " Oh wait, no one else is thinking about what I'm eating, I should enjoy the food I want to."
Agree with this, except that one can be a lot less passive on working on irrational thoughts than just "hope the next thought is nicer!" I've struggled a lot with irrational thoughts or cognitive distortions, and working on it rather than just accepting it as something we all have (we all do, but some struggle with them a lot more than others and it can have a very harmful effect) has been quite helpful to me.
So my answer to the OP, like Morgan's, is that no, it's not just a normal way to think. I used to avoid ordering anything high cal in public too, when I was fat, so to a certain extent I understand it, it doesn't make you a weirdo to feel that way, but it's not simply a way that everyone feels and that you should just accept. It's probably overall unhelpful and counterproductive and worth working on getting past.1 -
beckygirl177 wrote: »For me, when I am at a family gathering or something or with my peers and there's a table of food I believe everyone is looking at me and laughing, calling me names, thinking I'm a disgusting, gross, fat pig. I feel like the room stops.
Or out to eat at a resturaunt... in my head I'm like "oh if I order that they will think I'm a nasty cow" "no they will make a comment"
does anyone else feel like that ?
Not as anxious as that. I never felt people were really paying that much attention to what I was eating that the whole room was focused on me.
I felt much more self concious or negatively judged though when I was viewing myself and others negatively all the time. When I let go of that negative mentality I found I don't feel as judged by others. I don't care what other people eat.
Do you think negative things about other people or scrutinize their eating habits constantly?0 -
Not usually, although when I was heavier I sometimes did. Years ago, I once had a tactless coworker watch me cut a piece of cake once, then exclaimed loud enough for anyone walking by to hear: "oh my god! That's a HUGE piece of cake!" Needless to say, I was self conscious for a bit after that.
Thankfully I don't work with that person anymore, and last time I saw her she'd gained quite a bit of weight herself. So, it's easy to be guilty of overeating.
I figure what people think of me is none of my business. I'll eat whatever I want.0
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