My mother body shames me

mzfrizz15

@Isabelle_1929
There reason some of us are "dramatic" is because we were abused by people who either would not or could not behave in a socially acceptable manner. Only OP knows if her mother is a toxic person or not. Some cases a healthy self esteem is all that is needed to deal with someone. Other times, the person is so bad for one's mental wellbeing that ties need to be cut.

joans1976

OP, I totally get that you want a relationship with your mom, even if she is critical. My mother is my best friend and harshest critic. She is also very critical of herself. In the past 2 years, I have been setting boundaries with her, like another poster said where you start out with "I love you but when we talk about my weight, relationships, work (whatever is the sore subject)it stresses me out. Let's change the subject." And I did it about 100 times and now it sticks. And I had to be firm. It sucked but it makes things go so much more smoothly and I don't feel like we aren't "close." I had started avoiding her because she stressed me out and I missed her so even though it was hard and it took time, I set boundaries and she finally got it.

I hope that helps and everyone's suggestions help. If she gets mad, stick to your guns. You've conquered a lot and are strong, so I'm sure you can set a boundary with your mom! Good luck!

thatdesertgirl777

joans1976 wrote: »

OP, I totally get that you want a relationship with your mom, even if she is critical. My mother is my best friend and harshest critic. She is also very critical of herself. In the past 2 years, I have been setting boundaries with her, like another poster said where you start out with "I love you but when we talk about my weight, relationships, work (whatever is the sore subject)it stresses me out. Let's change the subject." And I did it about 100 times and now it sticks. And I had to be firm. It sucked but it makes things go so much more smoothly and I don't feel like we aren't "close." I had started avoiding her because she stressed me out and I missed her so even though it was hard and it took time, I set boundaries and she finally got it.

I hope that helps and everyone's suggestions help. If she gets mad, stick to your guns. You've conquered a lot and are strong, so I'm sure you can set a boundary with your mom! Good luck!

Best answer

vikinglander

OP: I didn't read through the entire thread, so I'm not sure what may have already been said, but my initial gut response to your post is draw some clear boundaries in your relationship with your Mom, and anyone else in your life. From personal experience, I have had to have some pretty blunt conversations with family, friends and co-workers about what is and what is not OK. For instance, people have a tendency to interrupt when I'm talking to someone else, just to walk up and start talking to that other person as if I wasn't there, when I'm in the middle of a sentence. About 5 years ago I decided I wasn't going to accept that anymore, and now I cut them off by saying, "Excuse me. I'm speaking here..." Unless it's my boss's boss's Boss, or the F(ing)POTUS, I won't accept that anymore. Amazing what the responses have been, mostly contrition.

Draw a line in the sand; if Mom steps over it, walk away. Good luck...

ninerbuff

Lol, if you're an Asian girl, body shaming (not intentional though) is common in the Asian community. It's gotta be a cultural thing because when I was back in the Philippines, I heard a lot of it directed to one of my cousins who's overweight.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

st476

Why are people telling you to stop talking to your mom? Thats crazy. Your mom might be used to seeing you at a bigger weight so you losing weight and looking "bony" might just make her nervous. I know that whenever my grandma sees me she goes on a rant about how I'm too skinny and going to become anorexic like the girls she sees on TV. I know she's just concerned. I'm sure she doesn't mean it to hurt you. Just tell her that you're still a healthy weight and that you feel most comfortable being 105. Tell her you don't like being called bony, I'm sure she would understand