Moderation is a basic life skill.
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LiftAllThePizzas
Posts: 17,857 Member
When moderation is mentioned, a lot of people act like it is some sort of magical superpower that some people are just born with, and you couldn't possibly expect them to ever practice moderation because they weren't lucky enough to be born that way. But the fact is that it's one of a great many learned skills that is necessary to getting along in a modern civilized technological society.
People have to learn how to walk, swim, ride a bike, reading and writing, basic math skills, polite skills, table manners, how to drive a car, how to use a toilet, basic hygeine, how to tie shoes, put on their own clothes, wait in line, take turns, share, oh and also, how to practice moderation. These are all basic life skills that everyone should have and preferably should be learned as a child.
Gluttony, moderation, and deprivation all lie on a spectrum that looks like this:
Gluttony is what happens when one is only concerned with short-term happiness and ignores the long-term consequences of their choices. Deprivation is what happens when one is too concerned with long-term consequences and never lets themselves enjoy things in the moment.
What is moderation? It is the balance of both long-term and short-term. Moderation is finding that point where you can enjoy yourself in the moment in a way that is sustainable, so that you are not destroying your future ability to keep doing the same. Moderation is sustainable behavior. It is grown-up, responsible behavior.
If you consider it in terms of money, gluttony would be spending your entire paycheck the moment you get it on pointless shiny things and maxing out any credit cards you can get, and deprivation would be putting all of your paycheck into a savings account that you can never touch for the rest of your life. As you can see, somewhere in the middle there is a happy point where you can enjoy spending some of the money you make AND do so without going broke. The same can be done with food.
Something moderation has in common with all other learned skills is that people make mistakes and have failures while learning them. But if they keep trying they can eventually learn from their mistakes and their success. That is when it becomes useful and the previous efforts pay off. Nobody just says "I'm going to practice moderation from now on" and then goes on without ever making mistakes, any more than one would say, "I choose to instantly become a saxophone virtuoso."
The reason to learn moderation is that the alternatives both lead to unhappiness. Gluttony also typically leads to poor health and early death. Deprivation also leads to unhappiness, or bad health in the extreme as well. And even if you 'succeed' at depriving yourself of the things you enjoy, what have you won? What is your prize? Prolonged misery? And the stress of depriving yourself also can lead to health problems, so there's not even "but at least I won't have any health problems" as a consolation prize.
As you can see on the chart, the best combination of happiness, and good health, and sustainability lies not on either ridiculous end of the spectrum of eating everything ever, or living on a strict diet of kale chips and twigs, but on finding the balance between 1- all the foods you enjoy, and 2- all the foods that give your body the fuel and nourishment it needs. You can do both, and it's worth learning how to do it.
Now I understand that many people come to the point of being overweight because they have other problems they need to work on as well. And also that many people are not fortunate enough to have been taught moderation as a child. But it is important, for your long term health and happiness, to understand that moderation is something you can learn, and that it's well worth the effort it takes to do so. :happy:
People have to learn how to walk, swim, ride a bike, reading and writing, basic math skills, polite skills, table manners, how to drive a car, how to use a toilet, basic hygeine, how to tie shoes, put on their own clothes, wait in line, take turns, share, oh and also, how to practice moderation. These are all basic life skills that everyone should have and preferably should be learned as a child.
Gluttony, moderation, and deprivation all lie on a spectrum that looks like this:
Gluttony is what happens when one is only concerned with short-term happiness and ignores the long-term consequences of their choices. Deprivation is what happens when one is too concerned with long-term consequences and never lets themselves enjoy things in the moment.
What is moderation? It is the balance of both long-term and short-term. Moderation is finding that point where you can enjoy yourself in the moment in a way that is sustainable, so that you are not destroying your future ability to keep doing the same. Moderation is sustainable behavior. It is grown-up, responsible behavior.
If you consider it in terms of money, gluttony would be spending your entire paycheck the moment you get it on pointless shiny things and maxing out any credit cards you can get, and deprivation would be putting all of your paycheck into a savings account that you can never touch for the rest of your life. As you can see, somewhere in the middle there is a happy point where you can enjoy spending some of the money you make AND do so without going broke. The same can be done with food.
Something moderation has in common with all other learned skills is that people make mistakes and have failures while learning them. But if they keep trying they can eventually learn from their mistakes and their success. That is when it becomes useful and the previous efforts pay off. Nobody just says "I'm going to practice moderation from now on" and then goes on without ever making mistakes, any more than one would say, "I choose to instantly become a saxophone virtuoso."
The reason to learn moderation is that the alternatives both lead to unhappiness. Gluttony also typically leads to poor health and early death. Deprivation also leads to unhappiness, or bad health in the extreme as well. And even if you 'succeed' at depriving yourself of the things you enjoy, what have you won? What is your prize? Prolonged misery? And the stress of depriving yourself also can lead to health problems, so there's not even "but at least I won't have any health problems" as a consolation prize.
As you can see on the chart, the best combination of happiness, and good health, and sustainability lies not on either ridiculous end of the spectrum of eating everything ever, or living on a strict diet of kale chips and twigs, but on finding the balance between 1- all the foods you enjoy, and 2- all the foods that give your body the fuel and nourishment it needs. You can do both, and it's worth learning how to do it.
Now I understand that many people come to the point of being overweight because they have other problems they need to work on as well. And also that many people are not fortunate enough to have been taught moderation as a child. But it is important, for your long term health and happiness, to understand that moderation is something you can learn, and that it's well worth the effort it takes to do so. :happy:
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Replies
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not anymore it's not...hence the obesity epidemic.0
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It's still a basic skill, just not one that is as common as it should be.not anymore it's not...hence the obesity epidemic.0 -
Hell yeah...great post. It is definitely a learned skill...I've spent a good 9 months re-learning this skill. I think like many skills, it is one that is failed to be taught by parents these days...largely because they never learned and/or forgot the skill themselves.
<<<<Throwback Thursday0 -
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Good post. 10/10!0
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It's amazing to me that this post is necessary, but it is, and incredibly well said.0
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The happiness curve is actually log x0
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So here's the thing:
I'm excellent at moderation at MOST things. Managing my money, exercise, balancing work/play, drinking alcohol, and actually with eating MOST foods.
But sugary junk food? If I have a little, I turn into a crazy person who wants more sugar. It's like torture to stop. I can do it but it's a force of will and I don't always have it, and when I don't it snowballs. If I eat none, I don't crave any and I'm happy and relaxed. In fact, I can even go out to dinner with friends and watch them eat dessert and not want any myself. I definitely don't feel deprived.
I mean - do you tell recovering alcoholics that they just need to master moderation? No, they practice not having even one drink because it triggers them to go overboard. And I know a number of recovering alcoholics who are happy and healthy and never touch alcohol and I don't know anyone giving them crap about how they need to learn moderation.
I'm happy and healthy and feel much better (mentally and physically) when I eliminate certain things from my diet. No, it's not moderation, but when I try to practice moderation with things that trigger me to want to eat more and more and more of them, I'm definitely not happy or healthy.0 -
not anymore it's not...hence the obesity epidemic.
And glutony of all types, including the HUGE entitlement issue people have developed.0 -
I know what you mean, but IMO it is altered by the fact that people are not treated well by society and (in the extreme) become bedridden etc. So my curve is attempting to approximate net happiness, which would be (Basic Metabolic Happiness + Yummies Eaten Everyday) - (Social Hassles + Inconvenience Tally)The happiness curve is actually log x
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I know what you mean, but IMO it is altered by the fact that people are not treated well by society and (in the extreme) become bedridden etc. So my curve is attempting to approximate net happiness, which would be (Basic Metabolic Happiness + Yummies Eaten Everyday) - (Social Hassles + Inconvenience Tally)The happiness curve is actually log x
Lol well played sir, well played.0 -
The happiness curve is actually log x
I fixed it. Now it defintely shows happiness correctly.
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(Basic Metabolic Happiness + Yummies Eaten Everyday) - (Social Hassles + Inconvenience Tally)
Haha, I think the thing (the way I see it) is that you can train yourself to enjoy things that are actually healthy. My "yummies eaten" aren't what they used to be.
Once I stopped eating added sugar in everything - things like fruit became amazingly (and deliciously) sweet. Fruit is my dessert now and tastes better than the crap I used to eat. I'm just as excited about eating treats as I ever was, but the treats that I eat now are just different than they were before.
I guess I believe in moderation of the things that are reasonably healthy for you to do. Other things - there is zero healthy amount for you to do, so you should do none. Some of those things are probably universal and others aren't but I think that's part of growing up too. You learn to say no to things that you've realized aren't a good idea for you to do. And you don't feel deprived when you realize that the choices you make are making you feel better overall in your life.0 -
very helpful perspective thank you0
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Would I tell an alcoholic to learn moderation? That's not my choice to make but I would be willing to bet that many of them could learn moderation. But there are two key flaws in your analogy.So here's the thing:
I'm excellent at moderation at MOST things. Managing my money, exercise, balancing work/play, drinking alcohol, and actually with eating MOST foods.
But sugary junk food? If I have a little, I turn into a crazy person who wants more sugar. It's like torture to stop. I can do it but it's a force of will and I don't always have it, and when I don't it snowballs. If I eat none, I don't crave any and I'm happy and relaxed. In fact, I can even go out to dinner with friends and watch them eat dessert and not want any myself. I definitely don't feel deprived.
I mean - do you tell recovering alcoholics that they just need to master moderation? No, they practice not having even one drink because it triggers them to go overboard. And I know a number of recovering alcoholics who are happy and healthy and never touch alcohol and I don't know anyone giving them crap about how they need to learn moderation.
I'm happy and healthy and feel much better (mentally and physically) when I eliminate certain things from my diet. No, it's not moderation, but when I try to practice moderation with things that trigger me to want to eat more and more and more of them, I'm definitely not happy or healthy.
1- Alcohol is not mandatory in life. Food is.
2- The consequences of failure in the learning process can be vastly different.
But regardless, I haven't told anyone here that they have to learn moderation. I am telling people that the reward is worth the effort. (Especially those who think it's a talent others were born with and never had to work for.)
I didn't tell you that you have to eat cake. It's about finding the optimum point on the curve for yourself. But when people talk about food addiction, sorry but you aren't going to just be able to never eat again so you are eventually going to have to learn how to get along with foods or be miserable for the rest of your life. Unlike alcohol it's a choice you deal with several times a day so it's much more likely to be worthwhile to figure it out.
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I love this! It's not some magic skill that some people have and others don't. Everyone can learn it.0
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Agreed. Moderation in moderation. I wouldn't do heroin for the same reason.(Basic Metabolic Happiness + Yummies Eaten Everyday) - (Social Hassles + Inconvenience Tally)
Haha, I think the thing (the way I see it) is that you can train yourself to enjoy things that are actually healthy. My "yummies eaten" aren't what they used to be.
Once I stopped eating added sugar in everything - things like fruit became amazingly (and deliciously) sweet. Fruit is my dessert now and tastes better than the crap I used to eat. I'm just as excited about eating treats as I ever was, but the treats that I eat now are just different than they were before.
I guess I believe in moderation of the things that are reasonably healthy for you to do. Other things - there is zero healthy amount for you to do, so you should do none. Some of those things are probably universal and others aren't but I think that's part of growing up too. You learn to say no to things that you've realized aren't a good idea for you to do. And you don't feel deprived when you realize that the choices you make are making you feel better overall in your life.0 -
I love this! It's not some magic skill that some people have and others don't. Everyone can learn it.
Seriously! I was at the far end of gluttony not to long ago. With everything...Money, food, dodging responsibility, etc, etc. Teaching myself moderation with food has spilled over into other parts of my life. It's like everything is finally coming together.0 -
Good read.0
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I love this! It's not some magic skill that some people have and others don't. Everyone can learn it.
Seriously! I was at the far end of gluttony not to long ago. With everything...Money, food, dodging responsibility, etc, etc. Teaching myself moderation with food has spilled over into other parts of my life. It's like everything is finally coming together.
You beat me to it!0
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