What were some "food rules" you had growing up? How does it affect you, today?
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Stay out of the kitchen after 6 pm!
Eat it or wear it!! ( I literally wore my mushroom soup once)
Water and Bread with every meal
Now? I eat when I want to, what I want to.....I drink alot of water, but found out years ago I'm allergic to most breads, so I never eat it.
Wear it? I never wear my food, unless I'm being a piggie with something messy...which does happen!
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We did not really snack between meals, and drinking anything other than water between meals was verboten! We only had juice/milk/whatever during meals. I kinda went buck wild drinking tons of juice and soda for a while once I was on my own, but now I rarely drink anything but water.
I also had the "clear your plate" rule. We all know what THAT does.0 -
MalbaJayne wrote: »What a fascinating question!
I don't think my family food habits affected me in a negative way - but my moms food and body insecurities were absolutely passed down to me. She constantly asked me if she was fat, talked about how fat she was, and would sometimes (in separate conversations) talk about our similar body types, leading me to think I was fat, too. Don't get me wrong - none of this was intentional or malicious, and she told me I was beautiful just like all moms, but her insecurities trickled down to me, and now I find myself being the obnoxious one to my boyfriend, asking him constantly if I am fat!
With my mom, either we were fat and eating too much, or not eating enough so we must be anorexic (both were causes for ridicule at the family dinner table). Sigh. I don't plan to have children but I will definitely be very body positive with my nieces (AND nephew)!
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- You HAD to finish what was on your plate (I was a fussy eater so would still be at the table when everyone else had left. Sometimes I'd ask for a tissue and then spit the food into it while pretending to blow my nose!)
- Couldn't eat crisps two days in a row
- You had to have a glass of milk every dinner time (which I HATED! Now I wont touch the stuff!)
- Sunday tea-time you were allowed 3 cakes each
- We had pudding EVERY DAY (mostly homemade but if not would always have yoghurts or icecream available)
- After you'd eaten pudding you were allowed a chocolate bar
- You could snack after school but it was made clear that you HAD TO FINISH YOUR DINNER!
I do feel that the 'clear your plate' rule is the reason i struggle so much now. It's especially hard when I visit home and am still expceted to eat everything (but mummmm my calories won't allow it!) Also, I've never quite got out of the habit of finishing a meal with something sweet.0 -
we always had to drink a glass of milk with dinner. never had soda in the house unless someone was sick, but my parents let us drink it if we were out to dinner, etc. while still suggesting seltzer or water after one or even two glasses of soda.
i only drink almond milk nowadays and that's only in shakes, coffee or cereal... never just a glass of straight almond milk or milk (maybe if it were chocolate and fit my macros though!).
i chose to cut out regular soda in middle school/high school and just drink diet soda now. i have a can of diet coke with lunch pretty much every day.0 -
My mother always wanted us to know where our food came from, to have respect for our meals. We were VERY poor – and our food came by way of bulk grains in bins from our church, food pantry, and my mom working for food payment instead of monetary payment in people’s farms and orchards. When she’d work in the fields, she’d bring my brother and I with her. We’d come home with bushels of apples, pears, berries, and vegetables that she’d go home and can in various forms, dehydrate for snacks, make sauces from, and leave enough fresh to last us for a while. She’d get buckets of wheat berries from church donations and crack her own wheat, which she would make bread and hot cereals from for us. We knew if we didn’t want the meal prepared for us, we wouldn’t get another option, but our food was always fresh, even if sometimes portions were small. Often times mom and dad “weren’t hungry” when it was getting close to payday and they were stretching our food supply. We never had “extras” like storebought chips or cookies, but my mom was an amazing baker and we did get to indulge in cupcakes and cookies every so often. I had my first piece of storebought bread when I went to college and couldn’t swallow it – I now realize how spoiled I may have actually been eating real food my whole life! Restaurants were a huge treat, and I still look at eating out that way now. I love cooking, as my mom always wanted my brother and me in the kitchen with her, and I learned my entire childhood. I will eat packaged foods on occasion, but I see how expensive they are for something that really doesn’t taste too great. I think my childhood food rules of knowing where your food comes from and how it’s prepared had put me on a pretty good track as far as nutrition goes.3
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My mom was/is a hoarder and over-complicates everything. After school and on weekends she would say "after you finish your snack, you need to do chores/clean the house/etc." The problem was that she wouldn't get rid of anything, and indeed kept bringing more stuff in, and had impossibly fussy and detailed rules for housecleaning, to the point where it wasn't possible to accomplish anything. Basically the time got spent moving piles and nothing ever got clean or cleaned up. But I was allowed to postpone starting this daily Sisyphean task by continuing to eat . . . and eat . . . and eat . . . so I was 140 lbs in 4th grade, reaching a size 18/180 lbs in 6th grade. I was a huge kid in a house that didn't have room for humans.
Both Weight Watchers and Flylady are good at recognizing that overeating is often related to a circle of other problems. Flylady calls our excess body fat "body clutter" and encourages people to get rid of clutter inside and out; physical, mental, and the traditional "clutter" around the house. Now I am blessed to live in a mostly clean house of my own. I am always cleaning out my closets and cabinets, so they're in good shape, but it saddens me how much time I still spend managing my physical possessions. Our stuff "rules" us, and the less stuff we have, within reason, the better. As Flylady says, if you're not using something, donate it and bless someone else with it. If it's trash, recycle or dispose of it responsibly today. Don't let your stuff weigh you down anymore.2 -
I remember being told to eat everything on my plate as a child. However, it was less a matter of "even if you're full" and much more a matter of, "Heather, you ate all your meat. Eat your vegetables and potatoes too!" I can't really fault my parents for wanting me to have a properly balanced diet.
Other rules my parents had: Ask before you take a snack from the cupboard (Usually, when I asked for a cookie/crackers/drink/etc. the answer was, "Knock yourself out." The only time this was different was when it got close to dinnertime. Then it became, "Can you eat that and still finish dinner?")
I was also told not to take more than I thought I'd eat. Leave some for other people. At restaurants, my parents never expected me to clean the plate. When I slowed down, they'd ask if I was full and we'd box up the rest to eat another time. Dessert was for special occasions, so they never held it out as a reward for having eating everything/anything.
My mother also instilled in us proper portion control. She'd give us one sandwich at lunch with a little baggie of chips (about 1 cup) and two cookies. Most cookies, if you read the package, the portion size is two. Dinner was the same: meat was about 3 ounces. Potatoes were a 1 cup. Then, we were pushed to "fill up on vegetables".
See... I don't blame my parents food rules for my becoming overweight. I can see why some of the rule parents give you could influence you that way. However, I became overweight because I wasn't active enough to make up for the "junk" that I ate.0 -
"Eat what you get, or you don't eat".
Today someone could put just about anything in front of me, and short of it being moldy, made of feces, or bugs, I'll eat it. When I'm cooking for myself I make a grand total of like 5 different things (variations of chicken/pasta/vegetables), but if someone else cooks I'll eat it even if I hate it.
Also it wasn't so much of a 'rule', but my sister, who is five years older than me, used to eat all the 'good stuff'. So if I got snacks at the grocery store, or if we had ice cream, or cookies, it would be gone whenever I went to get some. It caused me a lot of stress. As a result, I don't really share food, unless it's with my s/o. My roommate and I have separate milk/eggs/butter/etc because I don't want to get upset with them if I go to get something and it's not there, so it's easiest at this point for me to just have my own everything.0 -
No soda products except for special occasions or celebrations. Was a healthier concept and don't miss it. Pretty much do the same for my child and out to eat I usually get water with lemon.
Was told to take the servings of what you will eat. You can always have 2nd's if you finish but use to say leave a little for the Angels. To date, I've noticed I usually finish what I take. Hate to think the Angel's might not eat on occasion - lmao.
We sit and eat together as a family. Love that we do this!0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »No dessert if you don't eat your dinner.
Eat the dinner I prepared or go hungry.
Sit at the table until you clean your plate.
I think that's about it. The first 2 were good rules I also used when raising my own children. The third was not.
After reading some other replies I realized I didn't answer the second question. Since I remained thin for 20+ years after leaving my parents home I don't think any food rules I was raised with affected me negatively. I suppose everything from childhood affects us in some way but I don't think my mother's rules re: food were a big influence on my adult life.0 -
I also forgot to answer the second part. On the whole I think my family's rules were good ones and had nothing to do with why I got fat later. In particular, I am glad that I learned to like vegetables, and was expected to eat balanced meals and learned to cook a bit (although I really learned later as an adult it wasn't intimidating or anything because I'd had some exposure and had some meals down).1
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I never thought we had a lot of rules when I was a kid, but when I talk to other people and we compare notes, I realise maybe we did; but I think I now have pretty good habits as an adult regarding food so perhaps it was the right way to go! My brothers and I were all skinny kids, and are all between BMI 18 and 21 now, so apart from my plump phase in my late teens none of us have had any trouble with our weight.
We had 3 meals and 2 snacks a day, lots of fruit and veg in the house, and our parents took us out for lots of long walks and bike rides, and we also were encouraged to do either swimming/tennis lessons or to go and play football with friends etc. Pudding was almost always fruit or yogurt, except on the rare occasions we ate out, and on Fridays after school we got a chocolate bar. Never had fizzy drinks in the house, and I don't remember fruit juice being a common thing when I was young either. You had to try something new on two occasions before you could insist you didn't like it, and you had to eat your vegetables, but weren't forced to clear your plate if you didn't want to. Being picky or demanding was not tolerated. It was also OK to be hungry if dinner was half an hour away, you just had to suck it up and wait. We did have ice cream and cake and normal kid treat foods, but it was never just sitting around in the house.
My mum to this day complains that about 20% of her food shopping costs are fruit; we were definitely brought up to regard mango/pineapple/strawberries as something to look forward to.0 -
Desserts and fizzy drinks were for special occasions only. My parents are vegetarians and super healthy eaters, but unfortunately not great cooks. I hated the meals they gave me and would fill up on bread and butter instead, and the lack of sweet treats meant I would gorge myself on cakes and sweets whenever I could get my hands on them.
I had a very confused attitude towards food because I was convinced that all vegetables were disgusting and in high school I'd spend my dinner money on chocolate every day just because I finally had the freedom to eat what I wanted. It took me years to learn moderation and I'm still not quite there.0 -
We had a kitchen fully stocked with every type of junk food imaginable.
We had ALL the sugar cereals, chips, crackers, twinkies, ho-hos, hostess chocolate cupcakes, coffee cakes, donuts, canned pasta and meatballs, frozen fried chicken, frozen potpies, tv dinners, fake juice, big cans of colorful sugar drinks, pop, white bread, pop tarts, frozen toaster pastries, frozen pizza, frozen 'pizza bites', ice cream, popsicles, chocolate milk, hershey chocolate syrup, strawberry powder to go in the milk, fake cheese in a spray can, and on and on.
We could eat what we wanted when we wanted it. No rules.
Not one of us was even close to overweight. We were four skinny kids (we were all adopted, so it wasn't genes).
The only way it affects me today is that I am amazed at my mother's willingness to buy all that stuff!
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lemurcat12 wrote: »No dessert unless you eat your vegetables/meat. Don't spoil your dinner with snacking (a small after school snack was okay). Fast food/pizza/going out is for special occasions. If you don't want to eat what mom makes, make your own meal, I'm not catering to you. Eat dinner with the family (unless I had a dinner date or plans with friends on a weekend).
Lots of these - though our mother was almost always willing to cater if there was time and energy for it.
Also: don't swim after eating for at least an hour.
Weekend breakfasts could take a very long time while we all gathered at the table and talked - lots of times about medieval Spanish history.
Well-composed meal consists of a meat, a vegetable and a starch. I had an internal rule about this: eat meat first, then veggies, then starch.
My father always insisted on eating slowly and "shewing" your food nicely.
No pet food for people; no people food for pets.
No reading at the table when others are there too (read away when on your own!).
Always have food in the house: you never know when company will come, and you *must* offer food to company.
Try everything - how do you know you don't like it unless you try it?
On your birthday you get to choose whatever you want for dinner.
I think these were pretty much positive reinforcements.
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As far as rules, my parents were okay. If I didn't clean my plate, the only snack I could have later was fruit, but they didn't force me to finish it or withhold food later or anything. I had a friend whose parents would put her plate in the fridge and that's what she got for every meal until she finished it.
The biggest problem was my stepmom didn't cook anything that wasn't out of a box or a can, so when I got out on my own I had to teach myself how to cook real food.0 -
I'm from a poor Midwest family so my mom did her best to keep us healthy but she could only do so much. I remember "a bite to be polite" was a big one and my mom always tried to have meat with a veggie (but always canned veggies ugh). My mom also only took us to get fast food maybe once a month and pizza was a once or twice a month thing too (dad was a different story though lol)
However we were allowed to have seconds which is what I think contributed to my weight gain... but my brother was always skinny and ate like a madman so I really don't know.
OHHHh...and the dreaded pop habit. We *always* had pop in the house. Always...it's been so hard to cut that habit but I have managed to. I almost never have pop at my place unless my roomie buys some but my brother is always STOCKED when I come home lol.
In fact when I came home when our mom passed away a couple weeks ago (it was the first time he has seen me since losing weight -- he was all confused on what to feed me. He's like " I know what you like -- but I don't know what you like now" haha0 -
"You can't leave this table until you've finished everything on your plate."
I still feel like I have to eat everything and feel bad when I don't, even though I'm full. I see a lot of other grew up in the same type of house and struggle with the same things.0 -
When I was a young child, we lived with my great grandmother who lived through the Great Depression. She also raised my dad. It was expected to finish all the food, to the point where everyone would take pieces of bread at the end of the meal and wipe the plates clean. It's really sad to think where her thought processing came from. My dad still does the bread thing and always encouraged us to finish meals, but also stressed the importance of only taking as much as you need. So even today when I'm out at a buffet or something, I take smaller portions that I know I can eat and won't waste. I HATE wasting food!!!1
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Gosh I had so many strange rules. We NEVER got any type of candy or dessert unless it was Twix bars. So needless to say, I hate twix now, but really struggled with not binge eating on any type of dessert. We never had frozen or fresh vegetables, just canned. I hate canned veggies, but found I love lots of fresh and frozen veggies, if only I had ever been offered them as a child. Almost everything we ate was processed, out of a box or can, etc.0
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So for those of you who had to sit at the table until you finished everything on your plate - did you ever sit there until, like, 1 a.m. so your mother had to finally give in and let you go to bed? Like Dawn Weiner in Welcome to the Dollhouse?
I guess I wasn't that stubborn. I would whine and cry and beg for it to be reheated (which always happened), but once everyone had left, I would finish eating in a few minutes. I hated being alone more than I hated the mashed potatoes or whatever vegetable (spinich or peas, typically) were giving me grief. Like I said above: with me, it wasn't a matter of me being full and not being able to eat. It was a matter of, "Mashed potatoes are yuck." (Which they are, when they get to be ice cold, because you've put them off until the end.) For the record, I like mashed potatoes now, so I don't have the, "My parents forced me to eat X and now I can't stand it." Also... when I really couldn't tolerate something (winter squash, yams/sweet potatoes), my parents didn't make me eat it. They offered alternatives. "You don't like squash or sweet potatoes, eat some mashed potatoes and corn instead."0 -
- "This isn't a restaurant, you'll eat what I cook!" To be fair, my mother wasn't an awful cook and I liked most everything she cooked... even the macaroni & cheese and hotdogs that was a staple when I was a toddler. They were poor and it was all they could afford. My mother gags on macaroni and cheese; meanwhile, macaroni and cheese (or any pasta+cheesy sauce dish) is my favorite thing in the world.
- I don't remember there being an explicit "clean your plate" rule... I just always did. I think we all ate rather hearty servings. My mother always assumed that not finishing a meal meant you disliked it and would get upset. I recently realized that I didn't drink very much during the meal - I wolfed down my food (because YUM) before I probably had a chance to register being full. Nowadays I force myself to take breaks and drink because I'm still very much prone to eating too quickly.
- I had cousins who were horribly picky, fussy eaters. They refused to eat almost anything except crap and dessert. I was always praised as a child for having a "good appetite". I wonder how much of my excessive consumption as a teen was self-justified because "I just have a good appetite".
- I don't remember much of our food being "fresh". A lot of it would be prepackaged stuff - fresh meat with instant mash, or instant rice dishes, frozen veggies thrown in the nuker, or what have you. I grew up knowing how to make these things (obv) and how to make chicken or beef somewhat palatable, but realized later on that I had no damn idea how to work with fresh veggies or how to adapt a dish. Again... our family was poor most of my childhood and my father refused to eat veggies, so my mom's options were few and far between.0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »No dessert unless you eat your vegetables/meat. Don't spoil your dinner with snacking (a small after school snack was okay). Fast food/pizza/going out is for special occasions. If you don't want to eat what mom makes, make your own meal, I'm not catering to you. Eat dinner with the family (unless I had a dinner date or plans with friends on a weekend).
Lots of these - though our mother was almost always willing to cater if there was time and energy for it.
Also: don't swim after eating for at least an hour.
Weekend breakfasts could take a very long time while we all gathered at the table and talked - lots of times about medieval Spanish history.
Well-composed meal consists of a meat, a vegetable and a starch. I had an internal rule about this: eat meat first, then veggies, then starch.
My father always insisted on eating slowly and "shewing" your food nicely.
No pet food for people; no people food for pets.
No reading at the table when others are there too (read away when on your own!).
Always have food in the house: you never know when company will come, and you *must* offer food to company.
Try everything - how do you know you don't like it unless you try it?
On your birthday you get to choose whatever you want for dinner.
I think these were pretty much positive reinforcements.
We had lots of these additional ones too: swimming, make up of the meal (not a rule, but that's what it was -- I always saved my favorite part for last -- usually ate the veggies first, but not if they involved some special preparation with cheese, heh), the reading one (I also read when eating on my own, can't do it now), the company, the trying things. We also were required to eat what we were offered if at someone else's house (for a meal, at least). I remember choking down some things I hated and never would have been forced to eat at home. I also have this weird hatred of cold cereal, and recall that being the one thing I hated about slumber parties or staying the night at a friend's, since EVERYONE but us seemed to love cold cereal and eat it for breakfast.0 -
Learn to cook or learn to tolerate microwaved frozen meat0
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The only one that was bad for me was my mom's insistence on my drinking a glass of milk, which I have always hated and do to this day. I could stand it if it was skim and ice-cold and I downed it quickly (sometimes I plugged my nose so I couldn't taste it) but the absolute second she relented on that when I was a teenager I stopped drinking it and haven't since. Lots of tears and tantrums in my childhood over milk but for some reason it just makes me gaggy although I'm not a picky eater at all.
Other than that my parents were really reasonable. Appropriate portions, vegetables, not a lot of junk in the house, pizza and fast food and soda only infrequently. I never had a weight issue until I went to university and started bartending and piled on 30 lbs from eating and drinking like crap and never sleeping and all that. Nobody forced me to finish stuff (except the milk), "bad" food wasn't banned, and my mom baked almost every day but I ate it only moderately or sometimes not at all.0 -
So for those of you who had to sit at the table until you finished everything on your plate - did you ever sit there until, like, 1 a.m. so your mother had to finally give in and let you go to bed? Like Dawn Weiner in Welcome to the Dollhouse?
No. I remember putting my head on the table and falling asleep, but not often. I wasn't allowed to whine and cry or beg to be released from the kitchen. My only recourse was to dump the food, lie, and be sent to bed.
While we lived in California, we had plenty. We moved to Mississippi when I was 8-1/2, then we became dirt-poor and remained so for years. In Kentucky when I was 12-13, we were given food by the church where my father ministered a few months. It was full of weevils. . . . the food, not the church.
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Because of my IBS (irritated bowel syndrom) my childhood was full of "don't eat"s. Don't eat white bread, cornflakes, skimmed milk, candy, fat food and so on.... So when I moved away from home I ate all the forbidden food - resulting in wheightgaining and stomachache. So I quickly stopped again, but not after gaining approx 10 pounds. Except for the fat - it helps my IBS, but I have to be aware of the calories.
I have allways loves vegetables especially raw, so that was never an issue.
My biggest problem however is that I eat with my emotions, both when I'm sad, happy, stressed, tired and bored. And any food will do, and eating more than I burn results in owerwheight.0 -
Looking back, there are a few things that my mom consistently talked about when it came to food. It was:
-eat your vegetables!
-eat your vegetables!
-don't waste food b/c there are people in the world who are starving.
-Avoid foods that have a bunch of dyes (ie: juices. Mom always got 100% juice).
-Limit foods that are overly processed. Here she meant frozen TV dinners, food in a can like spam/Chef Boyardee stuff/soups, etc.
-Cooking your own meals is better for you.
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Clean your plate...but my parents always gave us plates with reasonable portions appropriate for our ages and what we were doing. Things like sodas or juice or whatever were reserved mostly for special occasions and outings...not part of daily life. We didn't eat out all that often...it was usually a special thing when we did and it felt special...we just didn't have the money to eat out regularly. We ate desert usually only on Friday or Saturday nights. Sunday lunch was usually a feast of some kind after church.
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