When "Failure" is Really Success

9thChakra

I just wanted to share the type of success that I am currently experiencing.

I have learned, and I am beginning to acknowledge, that food and weight are not my "issues." Other stuff is my "issue" and my behaviors and thought processes surrounding food, eating, exercise and rest have frequently been affected by this for a large portion of my life.

I have learned that following a program doesn't work for me. Sure, I might do it for a while but I eventually stop. I know that I don't like being told what to do or when to do it by some smiling unknown on a book jacket or DVD cover. I'm not saying there's not good information out there...I'm saying I can learn about someone's idea, research any or all of it and then listen to myself about why I like it and what I might be able to incorporate what would be positive for me if at all. I certainly do not have to do everything to a T.

I am struggling with letting go of the "weight loss" mentality. However, I'm happy because I actually realize this. Before, I just thought I was struggling with weight loss. I'd focus on losing weight or "it's not a diet it's a lifestyle change" (Yeah, buddy...that may have worked for you...but me? Not so much...I really like potatoes, ice cream, and the occasional steak. NOTE: I also like broccoli and kale and lentils and raspberries - wow...that actually sounds like it might make a good salad ).

I'm learning to be okay with me. I don't mean settle and I don't mean give up and stop caring about being healthy. I just mean that, for me, being healthy cannot just involve looking at food and/or exercise only.

I'm learning to listen to myself. Do I really want to sit in the car with the pint of ice cream, 1/2 dozen doughnuts, dried pineapple, fill-in-the-blank go-to-food here ____ :drinker: ____? Or do I really want something else?

By listening...I've learned that, currently, I need more social activity and not ice cream after all.

Oh...and then I ate a bunch of ice cream anyway...but I didn't beat myself up because I know it's been happening much less frequently than in the past. I'm making progress! I'm getting there and I'm learning to give myself props for it. (*self-five!*)

And then, instead of feeling down or sorry for myself and wishing I were doing stuff with people, I actually TOOK ACTION TO DO STUFF WITH PEOPLE! :bigsmile: Who da thunk, right?
Anyhow...this is where I am. Now.

Best,

9thChakra

P.S. Here's a link to my most current blog post which kinda triggered this post here: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/9thChakra/view/thursday-july-11-2013-552976

pinkgigi

Great post, I know I have struggled with the same boredom type eating when I really needed to go out and interact with real people. All that self-examination hurts, which automatically makes me want to eat too.

Props for progress.

XXX GG

9thChakra

Thanks PinkGigi!

I've been doing a great deal of self-examination. It does hurt but it's also been amazing.

I've learned that sugar (my go-to comfort food) is what I use to numb the pain of past events.

I've learned that watching T.V. or playing video games is what I use to make me feel like I'm doing something and "getting stuff done."

I've learned I have no room left to move forward with all of my positive, creative goals unless I face my pain and learn to use healing and non-detructive habits to process my pain and experiences into something that I can manage whenever it arises.

I've learned to be okay that it is taking me what feels like forever. I'm glad I remember to stop and look back every now and then to see how far I've come.

It's also hard when I have low days...because I do. But I see that the time it takes me to get "back in the swing of things" has shortened.

I'm just happy to be here. Now.

9thChakra

9thChakra

Just putting this up there for a different crowd.