Why is asking for help so hard

Chesirekate

Hi...this is the first time I find myself writing. I've used fitness pal on and off for years. When I started I was 155 and wanted to lose 15 lbs, seemed easy enough...Now 7 years later, I have watched the scale and my waist size slowly get bigger and bigger despite all of my efforts, but the one thing I never did was ask for help. I am now 190 lbs at 5'4". I need to let that sink in...190lbs. It makes me want to cry. I am a firm believer that we are beautiful no matter our size, but at the same time I have this double standard for myself. That aside, I am asking for help. For advice, for suggestions, anything that I can do to take this weight off.

Goals:
1. I already, walk 4+ miles a day. So I will work on increasing my speed
2. I eat low carb, no white pasta or bread, as little processed sugar as possible (except occasionally)...I will work on continuing this habit
3. I am bad about writing what I eat: Every day at 9pm after my son has gone to bed I will make sure I've recorded my calories for the day.
4. I will lift weights or do muscle building 3 days a week
5. I will drink 8 glasses of water a day
6. I will give up drinking alcohol for a month (and go from there)

These are my goals. I have written them and posted them on my mirror at home, as well as my refrigerator. I am also going to take a picture of myself and post it where I can see it...as motivation.

So the point of this post was to ask for help, and discuss why asking is so hard for so many of us. I think it has a lot to do with how I was brought up, to be self sufficient, and fight for myself. To be hard..that american idealism..I can do anything on my own. But I can't, raising a son as a single parent I know, it takes a village.

Perhaps it takes a village to lose weight too..that's what I'm hoping. Please be my village.

Thank You

gothchiq

For me it's hard in certain situations because I haven't got the patience for trollish replies like "well you have no will power" and crap like that. I tend to go to trusted friends or my doctor when I need serious advice on weight loss matters.

1shedev

To lose weight, you have to eat less than you burn. It's important to log all your calories and eat at a deficit. You can start with eating what you normally eat, just a little less of it. Try some new things.
I think it can be hard to ask for help because then we have to admit to another human being that we need help. Good luck to you, you can do this.

VeryKatie

My only suggestion would be for number 3. If you don't log the food until after you eat it, it's hard to know how much you're eating until it's too late. Can you find time to pre-log your food and just make sure to measure out the amounts you logged throughout the day instead? Your method might still work, it might just take some time to get used to it.

Chesirekate

VeryKatie wrote: »

My only suggestion would be for number 3. If you don't log the food until after you eat it, it's hard to know how much you're eating until it's too late. Can you find time to pre-log your food and just make sure to measure out the amounts you logged throughout the day instead? Your method might still work, it might just take some time to get used to it.

Thanks for that...I am going to try and log as I eat, or before, but if I always start out strong, and then fail..but you are right...amended goal

Keep MFP up on my work computer and log things before or as I eat...

Thank You!

JoenDeb1958

Also if you're not losing but you're working out and watching your diet you might want to mix things up.
My trainer and my nutritionist said mix things around because sometimes your body needs a little push to get to losing weight.
I had plateaued for 3 weeks and was discouraged. Then I changed how I was working out and the weight came off.
Add me Kate we will work it out together

tricia8439

I'm new here and nobody's heard from me yet, but I was really touched by what you had to say. When I read your post it seemed to me that you were trying so so hard to change everything about yourself all at once: your diet, your walking, your water, your weights, you have a son-- that's massive! I think maybe taking it easy on yourself would be a good place to start. I know what it's like to beat your self up over your goals. And I'm one who is impatient and wants to do everything all at once. And I've never been successful ever at doing it all at once. So today's my first day, and today I've done the best I can, and tomorrow will start again. I hope that kind of courage will come to you. I think you have it in you. Good luck!

DoneWorking

tricia8439 wrote: »

I'm new here and nobody's heard from me yet, but I was really touched by what you had to say. When I read your post it seemed to me that you were trying so so hard to change everything about yourself all at once: your diet, your walking, your water, your weights, you have a son-- that's massive! I think maybe taking it easy on yourself would be a good place to start. I know what it's like to beat your self up over your goals. And I'm one who is impatient and wants to do everything all at once. And I've never been successful ever at doing it all at once. So today's my first day, and today I've done the best I can, and tomorrow will start again. I hope that kind of courage will come to you. I think you have it in you. Good luck!

GREAT first post!

SueSueDio

I agree that it's probably hard to ask for help because then we have to admit that we've "failed" in some way, that we can't do something by ourselves. There will always be those who might say "stop making excuses" or "you need willpower" or whatever, but there are many wonderful and helpful people on this site who WILL be happy to make suggestions and try to help you.

KateDaoudaPaul wrote: »

Thanks for that...I am going to try and log as I eat, or before, but if I always start out strong, and then fail..but you are right...amended goal

Keep MFP up on my work computer and log things before or as I eat...

Thank You!

You might like to look into the idea of weekly food prep, if that's something that appeals to you and you can set aside some time to do it (maybe at the weekend). Then you know exactly what you'll have coming up for your meals during the week.

I've found it really helpful to pre-log my food at times (I should do it more often but it hasn't become a habit yet) - if you log your food, or at least your main meals, the night before, then you know how many calories you have left over if you want a snack or treat and can make an informed decision. You can pre-log your snacks, too, if you know you'll want something. Also, if you have certain foods you often eat together, make use of the "remember meal" option in the food diary to save them as a group. This makes it much faster to add them on another day! The longer you keep at it, the faster it will get because your most common foods will be in your 'recent' list.

Do make sure to get yourself a food scale, if you don't have one already, and use it for everything except liquids. If eating low-carb is working well for you then carry on, but a specific way of eating isn't really necessary - it's the amount you eat, and not so much what you eat, that's important. Many people find, though, that following some kind of plan does help them to control their intake better. (Personally, I prefer to just eat the things I like but less of them! )

One more thing I would say is don't try to change everything at once. You have some great goals, but if it starts to seem overwhelming and impossible then scale back a bit and just tackle one thing at a time or go more slowly. (e.g. If you like a glass of wine or whatever, and find it hard not to have any at all, you could try to gradually cut down on how often you drink rather than immediately cutting it out completely.) Do the same with your weight - don't look at it as having to lose 50lbs, break it up into smaller and more manageable chunks. Give yourself other goals besides just weight, like inches lost, clothes to fit into or fitness goals to reach, because you probably won't lose weight every single week. And celebrate every achievement along the way!

Check out the sticky posts at the top of the forum sections, they're full of useful advice.

Be consistent, keep at it, and don't give up - you can do this!

Chesirekate

See how that went...I was all enthusiastic and then I dropped off. sigh...but I'm back now..still trying. I did shift my focus significantly. I decided I was too focused on the scale..so I stopped weighing myself and focused on things that I could do consistently. I started using food delivery services, green blender for smoothies and blue apron for dinner for me and my son. When I went to the doctor I was happy to discover I'd lost 25 lbs..(I posted I was 190, but I went up to 200) which I was thrilled with.

I came back on here, because I needed a check in with the amount of food I was eating and I'm glad I did. I hadn't even read any of these posts..but I'm back now..going to give it another shot. Thank you all for your wonderful advice!