Do you get told you don't need to lose weight?
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PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight
Heehee.)
How is telling someone they're too skinny and going to be anorexic if they don't stop a part of the script?
Anorexia is a mental disorder that is not that common. Because obesity is such a epidemic our perception of what a healthy weight actually looks like is greatly skewed. Striving to be at the lower end of the BMI scale is not anorexia.
Exactly. Accusing someone of having a mental disorder is not the same as being polite.1 -
kshama2001 wrote: »PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »Look, its considered hugely crass in this country to answer any comment about weight with "You're fat, lose more weight." I'm 46 years old and I work at a college and I listen to these conversations between young women ALL THE TIME, and they have not changed since I was in school.
The social script here is:
"OMG! I'm so fat! I have to lose, like, 20 pounds!"
"No, YOU'RE not fat! I"M so fat! You look great! I'm the one who needs to lose 20 pounds!"
"NO! YOU look great! But me, Iam SO FAT!"
Repeat ad infinitum.
None of those conversations reflect what people actually believe. They are a script we all learned in middle school. They're not "ignorant of BMI" or "refusing to accept they're the ones that need to lose." They don't actually mean that they think you don't have more to lose. They're just following the script.
I think this is a little different to what the OP is saying. This script is a typical teenage girl rooting for compliments. Obviously her friends are saying exactly what she wants to hear. I think that the OP is frustrated because she is actually trying to lose weight for health reasons but because she probably looks fairly slim at her weight, she is told by others that she doesn't need to.
Personally I think that is almost as rude as telling someone that you think they do need to lose weight. It's disrespectful because she is an adult who has made a decision about her body. Why would anyone think it's ok to tell someone what you think they should do with their body unless you were concerned for their safety? It's just unnecessary so I sympathise with the OP.
(Even though I most definitely AM overweight and have never been told I don't need to lose weight Heehee.)
How is telling someone they're too skinny and going to be anorexic if they don't stop a part of the script?
That's not what happened with the OP. Anorexia came up later in the thread, in a tangent about HAES.
That I understand.1 -
=>THISIt's your body and only you know what feels good and healthy to you. Whether it's that you feel great and happy when you're little chunkier or when you're a bit thinner - I think it's a very personal choice and ultimately your business (not someone else's). They don't live in your body! Unless dealing with disordered eating/serious body image issues I think you should do what you want to do with your body to make yourself feel healthy and confident.
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The majority of my friends are all significantly bigger than me. I am not allowed to mention anything about diet, weightloss, heathy eating, anything without getting my head bitten off and told basically told to shut up (eye rolls, tutts etc) Because according to them I don't need to lose weight and how dare I bring up insecurities when they have x amount more kgs to lose than I ever possibly could.
So, I am unable to talk about my journey to anyone. I agree that it's all about them, not about us and our journey. If we will fee better with a few (or a lot) of kgs less then so be it.
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Maybe it is my age, 47, but I don't give a flip what anyone says about my weight. Be heavy or skinny. I am focused on my health as well, I know what weight is good for my BP, insulin resistance. I have thyroid issues,too. Just trying to feel good and be healthy. I am a working mom of three. I need the energy. Plus I have seen a family member with severe diabetes not going down that road.1
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The majority of my friends are all significantly bigger than me. I am not allowed to mention anything about diet, weightloss, heathy eating, anything without getting my head bitten off and told basically told to shut up (eye rolls, tutts etc) Because according to them I don't need to lose weight and how dare I bring up insecurities when they have x amount more kgs to lose than I ever possibly could.
So, I am unable to talk about my journey to anyone. I agree that it's all about them, not about us and our journey. If we will fee better with a few (or a lot) of kgs less then so be it.
That is why I joined MFP so I can see others that share similar experiences. Isn't it sad when a person that talks about making healthier choices gets dismissed? smh
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The HAES community is made up of essentially the young, who have not had the chickens come home to roost yet. Sure, you're in otherwise ok shape at 25 and 100 lbs overweight. Update me at age 40, 50, 60.
My dear mother thinks I don't need to lose any weight. She refers to her brother in law as "emaciated" when in reality he is a very healthy BMI, even if he was not age 60 plus. Americans have become so accustomed to seeing fat people we think normal ones are too thin. Insane.1 -
I get this from some of the other women at work. The biggest offenders in the 'you don't need to lose any weight' game tend to be the very heaviest of the other weight loss folks.
I think they look at me and see a weight/shape that they'd be happy to get to and being told that I'm actually still overweight (not for much longer!) makes them realize that they have a bit further to go than they realized to get to a healthy BMI. No one wants to be told that this journey is gonna be even longer than they thought.1 -
Haha I get this from my family sometimes. My Mom will say you don't need to lose any more weight! She'll bring over cookies, chips, candy, etc. I don't listen to what others say when it comes to things like that. I just say ok and move on to something else.
Today in our office we had a birthday celebration and we were all eating cheesecake and apple pie. I decided to pass this time and of course it became a big deal. Oh are you on a diet? Are you trying to lose weight? C'mon live a little, it's really good! I just said no thanks I'm good.
Some people genuinely care, some people are actually concerned, some are jealous, some get upset because it makes them realize that they should be doing the same thing, etc. Doesn't really matter though, I have my goals and I'm sticking to them.2 -
Colorscheme wrote: »My friend, quiet frankly, is one of those body positive, HAES kind of person and she's obese at the age of 18.
I've never heard of any HAES type who is NOT overweight. Funny that.
Ignore her.1 -
Yes all the time. I'm nowhere near the standard definition of "overweight" (I'm 5'1" and 105 lbs) but it's all subjective. Here in America people would consider me skinny but when I go to Korea (where I'm from) people call me chubby and comment on my excess weight. So all that really matters is how I feel and what I think. And I think I could have a better body that I'm more happy with, and be a better version of myself so that's why I choose to lose weight. I do it for me.1
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It's funny how my friends and family have already told me that I don't need to lose any more weight since they now see my body as "average" build... In reality, I have about 50 lbs to go. I also feel like I'll probably always see some extra lbs on myself that I'd like to lose.0
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I saw my Dr yesterday and he noticed I had gained weight, from 180 to 230. He said it looked much better and I am at a good weight for my height. He said "Your BMI is 28, you are at the perfect weight". What? I am overweight, how is that a perfect weight. My stomach almost hangs over my belt now, which it never did when I was 180. I understand that I have low muscle, but to say that I look better overweight than I did at a normal BMI? The guy is obese himself, so his perception may be skewed, but it doesn't matter what he says, I know I need to lose this weight again. I won't be happy until I get back there and I am sure as hell not happy at this weight.1
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just say thank-you and move on. most people don't want you succeed, maybe their own insecurities. then they like to tell you, "you are too thin". what they really want to say is" like you when you are fat/bigger/healthy! jmo
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I saw my Dr yesterday and he noticed I had gained weight, from 180 to 230. He said it looked much better and I am at a good weight for my height. He said "Your BMI is 28, you are at the perfect weight". What? I am overweight, how is that a perfect weight. My stomach almost hangs over my belt now, which it never did when I was 180. I understand that I have low muscle, but to say that I look better overweight than I did at a normal BMI? The guy is obese himself, so his perception may be skewed, but it doesn't matter what he says, I know I need to lose this weight again. I won't be happy until I get back there and I am sure as hell not happy at this weight.
That is probably his personal bias. The doctor probably wants to be 28 BMI (for himself) since it is considered "overweight" BMI but not "obese" which is 30+ BMI. Even a 10% drop in weight can be beneficial from a health point of view.
I do that sometimes too, unintentionally. I like 22 BMI the best aesthetically. So when women say that they are going for 18-20% I will pipe in that they look perfect the way that they are. But really that's really my own opinion.
I'm learning on MFP that there are people happy to get into overweight from obese or from "fit" to "ideal", etc. Plus there are some who are athletes who need lower BMI to function well in their sport. It is all individual perpectives.
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kshama2001 wrote: »leslienicole318 wrote: »I started at 151 and am now 141.6. When I tell my aunt (my diet buddy) and my mawmaw and other various close relatives I want to weigh 115 they tell me no way and I'll look disgusting and I don't even need to lose any weight at all. I think I'm gonna look great at 115 (I'm 5'5" and its a health BMI) so when family tells me I'm fine how I am, it's a little disheartening but I know what's best for me
115 is at the low end of the Normal BMI range for your height. What's your frame size? http://www.myfooddiary.com/Resources/frame_size_calculator.asp
It says thin body frame. 2" elbow width, 5.5" wrist0
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