What's Your Story?

msalicia116
msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
A couple things prompted this question. I just read a heartfelt comment of someone saying "how could I let myself get like this. Why did I let it get so bad". Reading that is crushing, you can feel the pain and guilt. Many of us can relate to that.

Another thought is the judgement people face. No one sees what happened or the why, they just see the weight and make assumptions.

So, if you feel like sharing, perhaps it will give you a sense of acceptance and release of that burden, so you can move on. Maybe it was as simple as, I didn't notice I was just living my life. Or perhaps there was trauma, and it was a coping mechanism. Whatever it is, I would love to hear your story. And I can almost guarantee someone will relate, and that's a bond that's very special.
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Replies

  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    My weight gain story was stupid and boring. I belived in the myth that there were foods I had to eat and food I shouldn't eat, and I only liked the foods I shouldn't eat. It made me feel miserable, so I ate a little more just to feel better :s
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    For me, I was a chubby kid. Never really that fat, but I had two brothers that would tease me constantly. I took it hard, developed an eating disorder at 11, got thinner and that was that.
    In college I ended up losing a lot of weight because I started running and lifting on top of the disordered eating.
    I stopped after college and gained the 10lbs back, maintained, then got pregnant at 25. I gained too much and lost it all in a year and have maintained that for 8 years now. I lost some and gained some over the years, all within a 10lb range.
    Last year I lost 10lbs and kept that loss until the past few months.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    @kommodevaran Fortunately we know better now! Although I see people come here all the time that STILL think that?!
  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
    I'm also super short, so 10lbs for me is like 30 on someone else - just under 5ft and every 2-3lbs is noticeable.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    @mysticatgal1 Now that you have the tools, those cute clothes, and the confidence, going back to that seems far less likely. Good for you!
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    Queenmunchy wrote: »
    I'm also super short, so 10lbs for me is like 30 on someone else - just under 5ft and every 2-3lbs is noticeable.

    That's how I feel too and I'm 5'6"! Some body types can distribute it well. Me, not so much.
  • hmltwin
    hmltwin Posts: 116 Member
    I was always underweight as a little girl. Even through the end of high school, I was at the very lowest end of what someone my height should weigh. I never worried about what I was eating or exercising. Once I was out of my parents' house, my diet went downhill. I went from eating a balanced diet to eating whatever I wanted at college, but I was super active, so I gained my weight slowly.

    Then, I graduated college and got a desk job. I continued to eat what I had been since living on my own and... with less activity, I went gained forty pounds. The first time I dieted, I ended up gaining ten pounds. It took my mom and my aunt exercising together and losing weight for me to give it another try. This time, I've lost a total of 34 pounds and I'd like to lose another eight (to get down to a healthy weight).

    So... yeah, no dramatic story for me. It was simply a matter of forgetting what my mother taught me about eating right combined with a lack of exercise.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    hmltwin wrote: »
    I was always underweight as a little girl. Even through the end of high school, I was at the very lowest end of what someone my height should weigh. I never worried about what I was eating or exercising. Once I was out of my parents' house, my diet went downhill. I went from eating a balanced diet to eating whatever I wanted at college, but I was super active, so I gained my weight slowly.

    Then, I graduated college and got a desk job. I continued to eat what I had been since living on my own and... with less activity, I went gained forty pounds. The first time I dieted, I ended up gaining ten pounds. It took my mom and my aunt exercising together and losing weight for me to give it another try. This time, I've lost a total of 34 pounds and I'd like to lose another eight (to get down to a healthy weight).

    So... yeah, no dramatic story for me. It was simply a matter of forgetting what my mother taught me about eating right combined with a lack of exercise.

    Nothing like gaining weight when you're trying to diet to make you feel like you don't want to do that again, haha! Glad you gave it another go, and congrats on your loss!

    I much prefer this version of a reason than something gut wrenching ;) Thanks for sharing!
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    @leeshults that's actually a very good way of putting it, and probably applies to more people than not. "Food was my friend". If only that friend weren't so addicting! I'm sorry about your husband, and I loved the part where you said, got married young...was really happy. Especially after the first part. Appreciate your response!
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    I don't know - I just never thought about food or getting fat. Yes, I was raised by a mother who was larger and always on a diet, but honestly I never even noticed until she told me she was fat, that's when I started to notice (and I remember that day well- I asked her why she never wore a bathing suit when we were on vacation and walking back to the cabin from the lake, that's when she informed me she was "fat" Huh- I had no clue!)

    Anyway, I always thought I was fat too. Even at 105 pounds and 5'4" - just the way it was. Nobody every taught me the "right way" or "wrong way" to eat. We just ate whatever we wanted when it was there. Really though, I was a pretty skinny kid and teenager and then got pregnant and had a baby at 17.... then became bulimic to help lose the weight, then got pregnant again and started NOT being bulimic- then I just ate whatever I could afford as eventually I ended up a single broke parent. We ate a lot of stuff that was high calorie and prepackaged because it was cheap. Food was also a fun thing, and emotional thing, a reward! So - one day, I discovered that I had gained as much as my 12 year old had since she was born. Yep, 70-some pounds- except mine was fat and hers was growth! I'd like to mention though, NOBODY other than me ever said a word negative about my weight, I had it inside my head that I was never the weight I thought I should be. I don't know why I thought that, it's just the way it was.

    I guess my fatness eventually came from lack of knowledge or caring. I never thought about fiber, fat, protein, carbs - etc. I ate what tasted good whenever I wanted it. I learned a lot when I joined Calorie King in 2006 - Then MFP in 2009 (when Calorie King got expensive)

    The thing is, when I was fat - and didn't really KNOW I was fat.... I think I was kinda happier. I felt sexy, I enjoyed the food I ate without guilt and never gave it a 2nd thought. Now I analyze everything, feel awful for eating stuff I shouldn't, examine every part of my body with criticism, don't think I'll ever feel confident naked and certainly not sexy. All I ever think about is food, cooking and eating. Perhaps I look better on the outside to others and I'm 100% sure I'm physically healthier, but I don't think I'll ever be completely happy with my body.

  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    leeshults wrote: »
    Unhappy childhood, alcoholic parents...food was my friend! Got married young...was really happy... food was still my friend! Husband passed away 4 years ago, keep busy but food is now my social friend too. Thanks for posting this. It's true we are all going through "something"....

    :(


  • Pelses
    Pelses Posts: 10 Member
    I was always active when I was younger. School sports, softball, basketball here and there. Then I found a rut and didn't realize it until it was to late. Now I'm 43 and need to get back to moving around more. I'm a truck driver now so diet is gunna be very important to success
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    "The thing is, when I was fat - and didn't really KNOW I was fat.... I think I was kinda happier. I felt sexy, I enjoyed the food I ate without guilt and never gave it a 2nd thought. Now I analyze everything, feel awful for eating stuff I shouldn't, examine every part of my body with criticism, don't think I'll ever feel confident naked and certainly not sexy."

    Hmm.. Something flipped a switch, do you know what that was? If you don't, then I'm not sure you'll be happy even if you reach your goal weight. Of course, sorting that out while getting healthy would be the ideal scenario.

    All I could think while reading that was, damn she's strong. And forgive me for saying because it's just my opinion, but it sounds like you deserve to finally focus on yourself and what makes you healthy, happy, and whole. I mean, if you can start raising kids at 17, believe me, you can definitely look and feel sexy again. You've already proven you can do anything.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    Pelses wrote: »
    I was always active when I was younger. School sports, softball, basketball here and there. Then I found a rut and didn't realize it until it was to late. Now I'm 43 and need to get back to moving around more. I'm a truck driver now so diet is gunna be very important to success

    It's not too late ;) at the risk of sounding cliché, it's just the beginning. 43 is the new 33, didn't you know?!
  • xvolution
    xvolution Posts: 721 Member
    My bad habits eventually landed me in the hospital for a few weeks, where I had to undergo quite a few unpleasant and painful procedures. After that I vowed never to end up there again, mainly to try and avoid some of those more painful procedures [they had to use a catheter to drain off a lot of water weight. Insertion/removal of those is extremely painful].

    So far that motivation's been helping a lot. I've lost 67 pounds since then.
  • ashliedelgado
    ashliedelgado Posts: 814 Member
    Well I think it all started around 4th grade when my parents split. I went to live with my dad, and it was summer and he didn't really let me go do anything while he was at work so I just sat around eating... Kind of a tender age to learn that habit! Insert years of the cycle and nothing working. Ended up in a relationship with a man 12 years my senior who was a raging alcoholic, and I tried to keep up. In 6 months I had put on a good 20-30 pounds. That was my holy *kitten* moment. Quit drinking, and 10lbs fell off in a week. Started exercising and using MFP. Week two, dropped the raging alcoholic boyfriend. Fast forward 2 years, slowly lost 70lbs before getting pregnant. Now I'm just trying to manage the gain and grow a healthy little girl before losing the last 45-50ish.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    xvolution wrote: »
    My bad habits eventually landed me in the hospital for a few weeks, where I had to undergo quite a few unpleasant and painful procedures. After that I vowed never to end up there again, mainly to try and avoid some of those more painful procedures [they had to use a catheter to drain off a lot of water weight. Insertion/removal of those is extremely painful].

    So far that motivation's been helping a lot. I've lost 67 pounds since then.

    Awesome results! And that's some serious motivation, I can't even imagine!
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    @ashliefisch Talk about a complete 180! Especially in that first 2 weeks, wow. Goes to show, when your mind is dead set, the course of your life can drastically change.

    I have a 5 year old boy, and I've been baby girl crazy like you wouldn't believe. Enjoy every minute! I take it you'll be around MFP for awhile, that's awesome. Hope you fill us in as things progress! Little girls are so cute I can hardly stand it. See, I'm ridiculous right now.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    edited July 2016
    msalicia116 wrote: »

    All I could think while reading that was, damn she's strong. And forgive me for saying because it's just my opinion, but it sounds like you deserve to finally focus on yourself and what makes you healthy, happy, and whole. I mean, if you can start raising kids at 17, believe me, you can definitely look and feel sexy again. You've already proven you can do anything.

    Yea... strong. LOL - THAT is the story of my life, you gotta do what you gotta do, right??? (and I've heard that a lot, strong, logical, pragmatic, fair, etc)

    However - in the past I had surpassed and maintained my goal for almost 6 years (still wasn't happy)

    I mean, everyone THINKS I'm happy - and honestly, I AM happy in pretty much every other aspect of my life EXCEPT when it comes to my own body & self. So, in comes that strong thing - one day at a time, work on the positive and accept the negative. One of the things I've learned is don't complain about things you don't (or can't) change- appreciate the positive and change for the better those things you have control over. (meaning nobody ever hears about my weight issues, only if I mention something positive about it like I'm practicing for a race or bought a new HRM, etc - this post is an oddity for me to even mention anything)

    So anyway, life goes on - my "story" continues :)
  • lauraesh0384
    lauraesh0384 Posts: 463 Member
    My story isn't anything super dramatic other than I simply ate too much and found comfort in food. I also ate out of pure boredom a lot of the time. I was never skinny, but in high school I was pretty active with softball. I stopped playing softball and basically immersed myself in online chat rooms. Eating more and not being active anymore was the perfect recipe for weight gain. When I was 19 I started working in fast food and the weight piled on. Before I knew it, I was 240 lbs. I decided I need to make a change. I was fed up with being fat. Once I identified the triggers behind my weight gain, weight loss was actually pretty simple. I've had my struggles the past few years with gaining weight or maintaining, but now I know what I need to do to keep it off. Today I'm 156 lbs which is only a few lbs from a normal weight. I've come a long way from being 240.
  • msalicia116
    msalicia116 Posts: 233 Member
    @Wolfena something you said really connected with me. You said you're happy with everything except your body and self. Maybe if we don't have something beating us up, we do it for them. Maybe we don't know any other way. But it doesn't have to be this way. We can control how we feel about ourselves, that's the beauty of it. And what we can't control doesn't really matter. I think it's a practice that will one day become an actual thought and then an actual feeling. Until then, appreciating the positives like you said will get us one step closer all the time.
  • JDixon852019
    JDixon852019 Posts: 312 Member
    edited July 2016
    I thought I was one of those unicorns that could eat whatever they wanted and not gain weight. I would actually eat ridiculous amounts of food in front of classmates to prove I wasn't anorexic. I got bullied a lot by big girls. This lead me to develop a bad relationship with food.

    I got an office job and my unicorn horn broke off. I gained 40lbs in about 3 years. I took off 34 of those pounds already and have fallen in love with strength training and trying new adventures.
  • Elaina291
    Elaina291 Posts: 87 Member
    edited July 2016
    For me, I have always been obese. At 10, I was over 200lbs. And by high school 280. No one told me growing up that my weight was unhealthy and I needed to cut back. They said it was just baby fat. When I look back now I laugh because baby fat is 5-10lbs as a teen not 100+.

    I grew up in the south so eating in my family was a way to bring us closer together and it usually included fried heavy foods. It didnt help that my mom and grandma were also extremely overweight and didn't know a thing about CICO. They would do slim fast diets and nutrisystem and hcg shots but nothing stuck for them. Watching them probably greatly influenced my disordered way of eating and thinking.

    My estranged father probably was another great influence. The one time I did stay with him, he criticized how I was eating. I remember we were at subway and my sister (who was skinny) got the white bread and when I ordered my sub with white bread he said, "Wheat bread is healthier."

    Or when I ordered soda he would say, "Pop is bad for you, you should drink juice."

    With no explanation as to why that was.

    Granted it was true but my 14 year old brain took it as he didnt approve of me and since then I have been apprehensive in seeing him until I lose most of the weight and can say aha whose fat now (I know its childish but it hurt and still hurts).

    I didnt know it then but I developed an eating disorder. I would not eat at school because I was ashamed of eating in front of people. And then pig out at home. Then I didnt really see it as a problem but looking back I wish I would have gotten help for my behavior because I probably wouldn't be the way I am now and at a healthy weight.

    When I reached my senior year, I became determined to lose weight and started on Calorie Count. I lost 25lbs but by beginning of college it didnt stick and I gained 15 of it back.

    Sophomore year, I developed a crush on someone and thought if I lost weight that it would make them "see" me. Lost 60lbs and found that it didn't work. Gained it back. Fell head over heels in love with someone I knew would never love me back. Again thought weight loss would change their mind. It didnt and I began again in 2014 after my college graduation.

    Now fast forward two years later and I am 70lbs down and have about 70 more to go.


    What I have learned in all this:

    1. Don't lose weight for people
    2. Don't lose weight to expunge demons
    3. Let go and let God
    4. Learn from your mistakes
    5. Take note of everything and try to execute the things you've done right more thoroughly and mark out the things that didn't work on my weight loss journey
    6. Take it one day, heck one hour at a time
    7. I am not my mother or father
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    edited July 2016
    I do have stories, but I'm not sure if I can tell them yet.
  • kmsnyg
    kmsnyg Posts: 100 Member
    edited July 2016
    I had to deal with mental abuse growing up. I've been chubby since I was little (like seven years old) and a family member would berate me if I even went into the kitchen for a drink or to eat lunch. I was told that I was fat, that I was disgusting, that no man would ever love me, that I'd never amount to anything. I spent my childhood in fear of this person, hiding whenever he was around. I'm sure that upbringing had some impact on the morbid obesity I have faced as an adult.

    But I am an adult now, so I really can't use it as an excuse for two reasons: 1) By not taking care of myself, I'm letting that person win (and hurting myself), and 2) I'm an adult now and I control what I put into my mouth.

    I guess I have self sabotaged alot in the past when I've lost the weight, and put it back on. Like maybe I'm not worthy of being healthy, but I'm trying to get past it.

    The one good thing about dealing with what I dealt with is it has made me exceedingly motivated in my career. I was told I'd never succeed in life, and that I'd never make it through medical school, and I graduated in 2008, finished residency and fellowship in 2012-2013 and now work it a great institution in the northeast. I need to use that same motivation to get this weight off once and for all.

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