Failing at maintenance

tjthegreatone

It seems that every few months I hit a mental block with my diet, start eating all kinds of rubbish, panic as the scale shoots up and struggle to find my self-control. However, this time I have been in a 'funk' for a least a month.

Ever since I transitioned into maintenance mode I've found myself eating very badly (eating when I'm not hungry, stuffing myself past the point of fullness etc).

I have lost all drive and desire to keep restricting or exercising self-control. Sadly, it was only 2-3 weeks ago that I felt happy with my body. Now I'm too scared to step on the scale as it will only confirm what the mirror tells me.

I love exercise and would happily spend all the day in the gym if I didn't have a full time job and other commitments. But I can't out-exercise this bad diet and I can't even guarantee that my exercise calorie counts are anywhere near accurate enough anyway.

The worst times are in the evenings after dinner when I inevitably find myself binging on cereal and peanut butter, and then 30 mins later I am uncomfortably full, bloated and annoyed with myself, promising to behave better tomorrow, only for the cycle to repeat itself. If I don't binge early evening, then it happens either middle of the night or early the next morning. I can't even remember when last I felt hungry.

I have a 10k run first thing tomorrow. Instead of being psyched for that I'm feeling discouraged: heavy, bloated, fat-faced and unhappy.

I guess this is a cry for help/consolation/advice - it's all in my head, I know what to do and how to do it, but the drive and motivation have completely vanished. I am an emotional eater and picky to boot, and part of this is a manifestation of my low-level unhappiness with life at this moment in time, but I've gone through rougher patches in the past and managed to stick with the script.

Argh.

crazybookworm

Sorry to hear this is happening!

What is it exactly that makes you turn to the food? Boredom? Emotions? Once you figure out the trigger, you can work on a solution. Also, I noticed the word 'restricting' in your post. Why are you restricting yourself? This could lead to you feeling deprived, which could result in a binge. I always say Portion control and Moderation is key.

It's all about finding a healthy balance. That healthy balance will lead you into a program you can sustain for a lifetime.

Good luck!

bumblebums

Maybe now that you've written all of this down, it will become easier.

Maintenance is not easy because there is no obvious interesting goal. Set yourself some non-weight-related goals, and track your calories and weight regularly even if you are "failing". Ranging within 5-10 lb of your maintenance weight is fine, but giving up and gaining 70 lb back is what happens when you keep up what you've been doing.

PunkinSpice79

What if you found something to do in the evenings? Meditate? Get a hobby? Hang out with friends? This sounds emotional. What is your identity outside of weight loss? Does that make sense? Work on that.

ostrichagain

What if you found something to do in the evenings? Meditate? Get a hobby? Hang out with friends? This sounds emotional. What is your identity outside of weight loss? Does that make sense? Work on that.

I think this is a good idea. Change up your routine a little.

tjthegreatone

Thanks guys! You've all hit the nail on the head in different ways!

First is the feeling of 'restricting' myself (which is how I lost the weight in the first place). Second is the lack of any defined goal at present. Part of it is the feeling that 'what difference does it make?' I'm thinner now but I'm not prettier nor am I getting any more external validation about my appearance. I do get positive feedback from being able much fitter (lifting heavier, increased endurance etc) but that isn't proving to be enough of a motivator at this point.

Third I think is a combination of boredom and general dissatisfaction with life. I am probably a bit on the autistic spectrum (self diagnosed!) and struggle with social interactions and prefer to keep to myself outside of work. Currently I am going through a less busy phase with work/career and so I have more free time in the evenings which I seem to spend in the gym and then watching shows online/reading novels and snacking. I have considered finding a new hobby - there are things I've always wanted to do (like learn to read music and play the piano) but that's daunting!

allshebe

What kept you from bingeing at night before you hit your goal? I can see how you might have a problem sustaining if you felt your eating plan was restrictive when you were in weight loss mode. Maybe you need to slide into maintenance more gradually - work on eating things you like (so not restrictive in that sense), but in reasonable portion sizes. You can also try variations on a theme - I find it much harder to glop on a thick coat of "real", "natural" peanut butter (the kind you have to stir) than the "modern" no stir kind because it's runny enough that if you get it too thick, it runs off the bread or cracker and makes a super mess. You could also do peanut butter on celery, instead of bread or crackers to save 60 or more calories (assuming the same amount of PB). Another option is to "grant" yourself a high calorie snack at night, but eat fewer calories at other meals.

Gigsluvscw

Instead of being discouraged about the 10K tomorrow, embrace it! The excitement of all the people around you might be just the thing you need to get back in the spirit of things. :-) As for hobbies, I gravitate towards things with tangible results. Right now I'm working on ornaments to give to people/family at Christmas time to hang on their trees. I also like to cross-stitch. You may like to crochet (I wish I was better at it) (In fact I think there's a crocheting "Group" here on MFP :-)) or knit... think of the scarves, throws you could make for yourself and gifts! :-) Things like this keep my hands busy and tend not to snack around them so I don't spill/get crumbs on them and mess up all the time I put into them. :-) Hang in there! You'll bounce back and do great!

devil_in_a_blue_dress

If you love exercise, why not do that in your down time? Get some have DVDs or walk or if you go to the gym.

taiyola

Omg, this is me too! :embarassed:

phyllisgehrke

I have one more pound to lose, How do I go about Maintenance.

Do I up my calories?

I can only do walking exercise for 30 mins a day, because of bad hips and bad knees.

Any Help out there?

HappyMommy0403

Sorry you are going through a rough spot! Maintenance is so difficult for many reasons. I remember being so overwhelmed when I realized that monitoring my eating habits closely was going to be something I'd have to do forever. Obviously I didn't and here I am.
One thing I did back then when I was struggling in the evening was to make a physical barrier to keep me out of the kitchen. I would put away dinner and clean up. Fill up bottles with ice water for the evening and I wasn't allowed back in the kitchen for ANYTHING! I used kitchen chairs and crepe paper to make a physical barrier. I would take it down in the morning and continued with that for several weeks until I didn't have any urge to go in the kitchen at night. It really broke the habit of grazing that I had gotten into.
I agree with embracing your run tomorrow! Use it to realize how far you have come and continue to make some goals that you want to reach!

kdeaux1959

The primary issue with many is that during the weight reduction phase, you have a goal... Now, you have met that goal, you don't have anything to work for... No "ata boys", no "wow, I can finally wear...", etc. One thing we can do to counter this is to set new fitness goals... "I can lift more this week than last week", "I can run further this week than last week", ... By setting new goals (that are counter to sitting and eating the kitchen sink) will help "maintain" by improving related areas... Best wishes on continuing your transformation.

1longroad

I found your statement about not getting enough positive feedback, except in relation to your exercise, very interesting!! Maybe it's time to help you feel better about yourself appearance wise, so that you will feel more confident and therefore 'help' people notice you differently. Fit is always much more attractive than heavy!! You said you don't feel 'any prettier', but I bet you are, as now you are fit!! Maybe try new makeup, or make up period. Visit thrift stores for new to you clothing, to show off your new fit figure!!

Also a good tool I use is keeping my hands busy. This prevents my getting up and getting munchy foods. When I am watching videos or t.v., I equate that with eating, which is a very bad habit I am trying to break. Believe it or not, crocheting, needlepoint or knitting if you are at all interested, keeps your hands and mind busy. You also end up with some awesome gifts to give.

If it's music, start a bit easier than piano, and try guitar lessons. You will learn to read music, at an easier pace and can move on to piano later!!

Congratulations on getting to your goal!! You rock!!

sewingdiscontent

Sorry you are going through a rough spot! Maintenance is so difficult for many reasons. I remember being so overwhelmed when I realized that monitoring my eating habits closely was going to be something I'd have to do forever. Obviously I didn't and here I am.
One thing I did back then when I was struggling in the evening was to make a physical barrier to keep me out of the kitchen. I would put away dinner and clean up. Fill up bottles with ice water for the evening and I wasn't allowed back in the kitchen for ANYTHING! I used kitchen chairs and crepe paper to make a physical barrier. I would take it down in the morning and continued with that for several weeks until I didn't have any urge to go in the kitchen at night. It really broke the habit of grazing that I had gotten into.
I agree with embracing your run tomorrow! Use it to realize how far you have come and continue to make some goals that you want to reach!

Nice! That's the kind of willingness that gets results!

tjthegreatone

Thanks so much for the kind words!
I'll go for my run and hoping for a good time with that (it's a warm day in London, whew).
The tip about habit-forming is so true (and I really admire your dedication to keep out of the kitchen!).
For today and onward I'll create a simple goal and stop all post-dinner snacking, until the habit is broken. I'll report back on my progress

Kadje

I am 58 years old and have been struggling with my weight since I was 15. I've been slim a few times but could never maintain my weight loss for long. Now I have over 30 pounds to lose again and I finally realize that maintenance is the key to stopping this cycle. I find it harder than losing the weight and am already thinking ahead to what I'm going to do differently this time when I reach goal. I understand the problem with motivation! I think you have to think of yourself sort of the way an alcoholic does, never considering yourself cured from addiction to emotional eating. Family and friends ca be less than supportive, which makes it harder. You can avoid alcohol or drugs forever but you need food to live, so you have to set some limits. Just realizing that it's not easy helps, I think. You've taken a good step in admitting your problem and asking for support.

Kadje

Thanks so much for the kind words!
I'll go for my run and hoping for a good time with that (it's a warm day in London, whew).
The tip about habit-forming is so true (and I really admire your dedication to keep out of the kitchen!).
For today and onward I'll create a simple goal and stop all post-dinner snacking, until the habit is broken. I'll report back on my progress

I find it helps to brush my teeth after I'm finished eating for the day. And I second the suggestion to find something to do with your hands and work towards new goals.

anemoneprose

Thanks guys! You've all hit the nail on the head in different ways!

First is the feeling of 'restricting' myself (which is how I lost the weight in the first place). Second is the lack of any defined goal at present. Part of it is the feeling that 'what difference does it make?' I'm thinner now but I'm not prettier nor am I getting any more external validation about my appearance. I do get positive feedback from being able much fitter (lifting heavier, increased endurance etc) but that isn't proving to be enough of a motivator at this point.

Third I think is a combination of boredom and general dissatisfaction with life. I am probably a bit on the autistic spectrum (self diagnosed!) and struggle with social interactions and prefer to keep to myself outside of work. Currently I am going through a less busy phase with work/career and so I have more free time in the evenings which I seem to spend in the gym and then watching shows online/reading novels and snacking. I have considered finding a new hobby - there are things I've always wanted to do (like learn to read music and play the piano) but that's daunting!

1- It is completely, utterly normal to have a bounceback after a period of deprivation, with a related a loss of motivation. Completely.

2- If aesthetics is a motivator: what's your wardrobe like? When I settled into a size, I *had* to buy new clothes, but I made a point of only buying things that made me feel amazing, and compromising as little as possible. I got most things to work together, too. New hair, shoes, everything. Presentation goes a long way, and it can be fun to play at dress up

3- Definitely take music lessons! It adds so much to the texture of life to have things that you do, which you love.

LadyAsrai

Also a good tool I use is keeping my hands busy. This prevents my getting up and getting munchy foods. When I am watching videos or t.v., I equate that with eating, which is a very bad habit I am trying to break. Believe it or not, crocheting, needlepoint or knitting if you are at all interested, keeps your hands and mind busy. You also end up with some awesome gifts to give.

If it's music, start a bit easier than piano, and try guitar lessons. You will learn to read music, at an easier pace and can move on to piano later!!

Congratulations on getting to your goal!! You rock!!

Just a bone to pick with the music bit-- guitar is definitely fun, lends itself to learning popular songs and singing. But I think it's better to start with piano (my instrument, so I'm prejudiced) since all the notes are laid out in front of you, it makes it easier to understand theoretical concepts, which makes learning other instruments much easier. ... Just saying. But sound advice, overall.

anemoneprose

Also a good tool I use is keeping my hands busy. This prevents my getting up and getting munchy foods. When I am watching videos or t.v., I equate that with eating, which is a very bad habit I am trying to break. Believe it or not, crocheting, needlepoint or knitting if you are at all interested, keeps your hands and mind busy. You also end up with some awesome gifts to give.

If it's music, start a bit easier than piano, and try guitar lessons. You will learn to read music, at an easier pace and can move on to piano later!!

Congratulations on getting to your goal!! You rock!!

Just a bone to pick with the music bit-- guitar is definitely fun, lends itself to learning popular songs and singing. But I think it's better to start with piano (my instrument, so I'm prejudiced) since all the notes are laid out in front of you, it makes it easier to understand theoretical concepts, which makes learning other instruments much easier. ... Just saying. But sound advice, overall.

I really hope piano might be taught differently now than it was mumble years ago, or, maybe with a different approach for adults. Because yes, it's good to support theory etc, but starting with scales is not so fun, always... takes a while to learn a thing you could enjoy playing. (Especially if a nun is rapping your knuckles with a ruler, but hopefully all that's done)