Just venting

Diana05100316

I was the "fat kid" that everyone made fun of in elementary and junior high. Needless to say it destroyed my self esteem. So when I finally grew into my body in high school I have seeked validation for the way I looked from others. Yet even in high school I never found it, I was too this, or too that... (I went to 4 different high schools *army brat*). I was always gaining weight, every year 5lbs here and there till one day I stepped on the scale and it read 185. I was horrified, this has been the heaviest I have ever weighted and I was scared. Since then I have lost 6% body fat, and gained 11lbs of muscle.... yes gained. I learned through body composition that your weight does not define you. Your composition does. You can be 130 and all fat or 170 and all muscle.
Even though I am at my fittest, I still struggle from self esteem issues. I can leg press 360lbs and dead lift 200lbs, yet it is not socially attractive. BUT I am working past it. So what if I am not a size 2! I don't want to be, I am learning to love myself for the full body figure that I have. I have a chest and bum, with hips. Yet I'm fit. My biggest self esteem boost came from watching the olympics in RIO. No one has the same body, gymnast are short and muscular. A marathon runner doesn't look like a sprinter, who doesn't look like a shock put person, who doesn't look like a swimmer, who doesn't look like a water Polo player and so on... Yet the are all elite athletes! So why do I need to compare myself to anyone else. Fitness comes in many shapes and sizes.. so my motto is to not let other people's image of fitness define my fitness or me.
Ok I'm done lol

Hornsby

I agree....to an extent.

sheresamcclain

Just be YOU. We all are different and have are flaws

Knoxvilla5

Right there with you! I went to tons of grade schools and was often the odd one out (biracial = off-putting to both blacks and whites), but I didn't start getting "fluffy" til high school. After that, it just never really went away.

It used to depress me that I would never be a stick figure girl, but I'm too old now to fuss over impossibilities. Just not in the cards, and you've got to make the most of what you've got.

So now I practice gratitude. I'm grateful for my fairly strong body. I'm making it stronger week by week. I'm trying to learn new things to do with it, to push its limits, to increase its agility. I'm starting to really, truly, respect it.

The difference came probably when I stopped thinking of my body as "me" and started thinking of it as "mine". It may not be the right way to look at things--I may in fact be objectifying myself--but it's gotten me on a good path I think. Towards health, accountability, self-respect, and in that, self-esteem.

So kudos to you and me, and anyone else who's increasing their stock in self!

Onward and upward!