Need friends to yell at me

sassyfeather
sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
edited December 3 in Getting Started
My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

Replies

  • NikeSoccRu87er
    NikeSoccRu87er Posts: 6 Member
    edited August 2016
    ammo7 wrote: »
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving.

    No, you need to take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable for your choices. If you want something, have the dedication and determination to see it through. If you don't have the motivation, then maybe you don't want it badly enough.

    Not sure about OP but sometimes, at a higher weight, feeling motivated to change (on a consistent basis) is very difficult--especially when depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence/worth have taken their toll (your neurotransmitters are running on low) and your weight is just too damn high... all of these feelings/states interweave throughout your day causing you to feel stuck and more likely to compulsively overeat the wrong foods/drinks as a form of relief (which for many feels very pleasurable and comforting in the moment--but ultimately perpetuates the cycle, leaving you feeling even more stuck).

    Personally, it wasn't until I was prescribed a very potent drug (the amphetamine Vyvanse) along with an anti-depressant (that I never skipped a day on) to give me a strong boost/help control my impulsive relationship with food and aid me in the beginning of my journey (in my case, from 250lbs to the 190's) that I saw consistent results and was really able to pull through.

    Reaching a much healthier bmi (even if it's still considered "overweight" for your height) is more likely to keep you moving forward because you don't feel as overwhelmed and you're less stuck/defeated and it's hard to imagine being where you once were and how you felt again--that serves as a strong motivating factor. And even though I am off these prescribed drugs, I am still able to stick with the right routine and maintain a healthy weight (180lbs at 5'10''/wider-framed) and have days where I eat crappy, delicious stuff (but not overdo it) because I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin/much less fearful about the future/sad.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Yeah. You gotta want this for yourself. At some point you gotta stop letting others make your decisions for you.
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
    Well when I said friends I didn't mean friends in my everyday life so much as I meant friends on this fitness pal that are with me. My point being I needed to find friends to add onto this site that are prone to being successful and don't mind being honest with me no matter how it hurts my feelings. Of course I want this for myself or I would not have joined. I joined for motivation and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.
  • DanerTee
    DanerTee Posts: 263 Member
    You can add me! I'm not gonna yell at you, I'm Canadian, I don't think I CAN be rude, but I WILL cheer you on when you accomplish great things, so that's something, right? :)
  • AnabolicMind2011
    AnabolicMind2011 Posts: 211 Member
    Motivation has to come from within. I've never had one person in my daily life that assisted or supported me in my goals, I still reached them. Online friends can offer you a " you go girl" but that's really as far as it goes. If you want something, you gotta work for it.tons of us have struggled with depression and anxiety too. It's up to you to get help, it's up to you if you over eat or not. There's nothing anyone here can say or do to make you do it. When your truly ready to lose weight , you will do it.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    I'm your huckleberry!
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
    I did not ask people to judge me for seeking motivation and help. I asked to find friends on this site that yes will be honest when I don't meet my goals in my diary. So yes when I don't excercise feel free to call me out on it. But unless I accept you as a friend on this site you are just a stranger attacking me for a small paragraph I wrote. How is that helpful? So maybe I should be more clear. If you want to be negative please just move on. Find someone else to harass to make you feel better about yourself.


  • ammo7
    ammo7 Posts: 188 Member
    edited August 2016
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    I did not ask people to judge me for seeking motivation and help. I asked to find friends on this site that yes will be honest when I don't meet my goals in my diary. So yes when I don't excercise feel free to call me out on it. But unless I accept you as a friend on this site you are just a stranger attacking me for a small paragraph I wrote. How is that helpful? So maybe I should be more clear. If you want to be negative please just move on. Find someone else to harass to make you feel better about yourself.


    I think you are directing this at me, which I feel is unfair. I don't believe that telling someone to take responsibility for themselves is judgemental; I personally find it motivating to know that the outcome I earn depends on the effort I put in.
    Your post is titled "Need friends to yell at me". I believe I was more polite than you were asking for.


  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited August 2016
    Motivation and determination and adherence cannot be given

    If you don't do it for yourself nobody can yell you into doing it

    Get up every morning and weigh yourself, jump up and down naked in front of a mirror, recommit.

    If you are about to eat something you haven't logged, log it first by weight, ask yourself "if I eat this will I be hungry later? Is it worth it"

    Accept some hunger is not real, it's simply "I want it"... If you have eaten sufficient calories within the last hour and are craving something go for a walk for 20 minutes, still want it after log it and eat it ...at least you'll have moved in between
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
    Haha I can't believe a few sentences that were meant to be lighthearted to find similar friends on this site have ruffled so many feathers. Has everyone become so serious and negative they have to look for things that are not there. Too many of you have read too deeply into what is not there. And most of you are wrong. If you are a positive person of course other people's success can motivate you and give you determination. Once again for all of you who aren't getting it I wasn't asking to be yelled at for what I wrote. I really could care less about your opinions even though I do find it funny that strangers get so upset about nothing. I am looking for friends on this site who are in the same boat and want to support each other. Most of you seem to like to tear people apart. This has been entertaining though. So thanks for that. And thanks to all the people who have sent friend requests to me. I see why most of you didn't participate in the thread. You would have just been picked on.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
    You don't want friends. You want someone to blame for your failure.
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
    Well instead of arguing this ridiculous conversation I should be getting on the treadmill. Alright folks it has been fun. For all of those looking for motivation both ways friend me. For all of you who just like to kick people down why don't you get yourself a nice big cheeseburger maybe you won't be so cranky and angry. As for me I think I have had my fill of all this negativity so I am out. Good luck to all the people struggling. Don't let anyone put you down or tell you who you are. They are people hiding behind their phones and computers and have no right to make judgment calls on anyone over a few sentences. Good night.
  • Jessie24330
    Jessie24330 Posts: 224 Member
    You must be new if you didn't know how this was going to go. To be honest, when I first joined, I would have felt the same way you do. But now, I read your post and I thought the same thing that everyone told you. You may not like how people say things, and yes, sometimes they can be buttholes, but they speak the truth. I've only just started getting friends now, I'm 55 lbs down. I had friends when I first started but then I deleted them all because I realized that I have to do this for me and by myself if I want it last. Even when my husband tries to be "helpful" and give me advise, I tell him to stop. Even now that I have friends on here, I don't open my diary to them. I'm accountable to me only. Friends are great to tell you good job and keep it up. But if you are looking for someone to tell you you are doing it wrong, it's not going to work long-term. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being mean but I really mean the best for you. If you have questions and want honest answers, ask on here. But be prepared for a mob of people who've had long-term success to be brutally honest with you, they don't sugarcoat anything. And it may hurt your feelings but in the end, down the line, you will understand they were right. They were right in their advice and in how they were brutally honest in giving it.
  • starlight682
    starlight682 Posts: 35 Member
    edited August 2016
    I like to join the challenges on this site, under the challenge section. They help keep me motivated and accountable as i'm moving towards my goal. :) Hope you reach your goals :smiley:
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    You're welcome for the advice

    I should start a rude people thread, would make a change from the usual mean people threads
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

    No, you need to hold yourself accountable, not depend upon other people to do it. You are 100% responsible for your weight loss. Until you realize this, you will continue in the cycle you describe above. I know, because I was there for most of my life.

    Give your family hugs and tell them how much you love them for just being them. ;)

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    Well when I said friends I didn't mean friends in my everyday life so much as I meant friends on this fitness pal that are with me. My point being I needed to find friends to add onto this site that are prone to being successful and don't mind being honest with me no matter how it hurts my feelings. Of course I want this for myself or I would not have joined. I joined for motivation and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.

    Really? You're serious....? Please look at what you wrote.

    The first line of your posting is that your family and friends are too nice to you, and then you go on about how you want them to yell at you and hold you accountable. To me, it sounds like you are blaming them for you not being able to lose weight. You don't say anything about asking for support at MFP.

    There are no judgemental bullies in this thread, just a bunch of people telling you the truth. I am sorry you are offended, but I stand by my words. I've been there, done that, and it's 100% beneficial to take responsibility for your own weight loss. Good supportive friends and family give you verbal motivation, not scold you or tell you what you can and cannot eat.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    SLLRunner wrote: »
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

    No, you need to hold yourself accountable, not depend upon other people to do it. You are 100% responsible for your weight loss. Until you realize this, you will continue in the cycle you describe above. I know, because I was there for most of my life.

    Give your family hugs and tell them how much you love them for just being them. ;)

    This ^^

    Just as you are responsible for gaining the weight you are now trying to lose (unless someone tied you down a force-fed you!) you are equally responsible for turning that around. And unless you can find the strength within yourself without relying on others to motivate or 'make you behave' any weight loss you may achieve will be short-lived.

    You can do this, but you need to get yourself into the right mindset first in order to make it stick. :)
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

    It's not motivation that matters--that will always wax and wane, and if you don't want to do something you are likely to just avoid the voices that would remind you you are failing to live up to your own expectations, which is why so many people quit the site without achieving their goals.

    My advice, for what it's worth, focuses on the "I can just do it tomorrow" as I think this is a major reason people don't get started. It certainly was for me before I lost weight and, if I'm honest, is something I've been struggling with in trying to get back to losing after maintaining for a while (although at a healthy weight, at least).

    What helped me originally in getting past this, and with determination (better than "motivation" as you have more control over it), was making the reasons I am doing this crystal clear. Humans have a really hard time often when the benefits of an action are in the present and the benefits of not taking the action/negatives of taking it are in the future, especially far in the future. Easy to say "what difference will this cookie make in the scheme of things" or even "this one more day of overeating."

    So to deal with that, what I did was have concrete goals. Some, for me, were weight related (as I knew I'd be fine if I didn't make them exactly). For example, if you have enough to lose that a goal of 50 lbs in 6 months or 9 months is realistic, think about what that date is, what you will be doing, and how great it will be to have lost substantial weight -- what you will be able to wear, stuff like that.

    Beyond that, I also had non-weight related goals -- stuff I wanted to do in 6 months or a year, like a big race or biking event to train for. More important than that for the non weight stuff was having shorter term goals -- I wanted to get back into running and biking, so set realistic short term goals for 1 month or 3 months and then used that for motivation weekly. I also set daily and weekly goals like "keeping within my calories" or "exercising 30 min/3x per week and stuff like that -- kept it really easy and doable at first so I could have successes and build up the habits.

    I think focusing on why you are doing it, concrete achievements, and regular daily and weekly goals that connect to a bigger overall goal (and that you can believe in) make more difference than motivation, and bring about the determination that is needed.
  • PBWaffleCakes
    PBWaffleCakes Posts: 900 Member
    You need to be accountable for yourself to be successful. I know that hurts a little but this journey is about YOU and ONLY YOU . No one else is accountable for the food you eat, the exercise you dont do, and the lifestyle you choose.
  • stevencloser
    stevencloser Posts: 8,911 Member
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-sfG8BV8wU
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    stevencloser wrote: »
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-sfG8BV8wU

    I am somewhat concerned that I really enjoyed that @stevencloser
This discussion has been closed.

Categories