Need friends to yell at me

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sassyfeather
sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
in Getting Started
My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.
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  • NikeSoccRu87er
    NikeSoccRu87er Posts: 6 Member
    edited August 2016
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    ammo7 wrote: »
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving.

    No, you need to take responsibility for your actions and hold yourself accountable for your choices. If you want something, have the dedication and determination to see it through. If you don't have the motivation, then maybe you don't want it badly enough.

    Not sure about OP but sometimes, at a higher weight, feeling motivated to change (on a consistent basis) is very difficult--especially when depression, anxiety and lack of self-confidence/worth have taken their toll (your neurotransmitters are running on low) and your weight is just too damn high... all of these feelings/states interweave throughout your day causing you to feel stuck and more likely to compulsively overeat the wrong foods/drinks as a form of relief (which for many feels very pleasurable and comforting in the moment--but ultimately perpetuates the cycle, leaving you feeling even more stuck).

    Personally, it wasn't until I was prescribed a very potent drug (the amphetamine Vyvanse) along with an anti-depressant (that I never skipped a day on) to give me a strong boost/help control my impulsive relationship with food and aid me in the beginning of my journey (in my case, from 250lbs to the 190's) that I saw consistent results and was really able to pull through.

    Reaching a much healthier bmi (even if it's still considered "overweight" for your height) is more likely to keep you moving forward because you don't feel as overwhelmed and you're less stuck/defeated and it's hard to imagine being where you once were and how you felt again--that serves as a strong motivating factor. And even though I am off these prescribed drugs, I am still able to stick with the right routine and maintain a healthy weight (180lbs at 5'10''/wider-framed) and have days where I eat crappy, delicious stuff (but not overdo it) because I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin/much less fearful about the future/sad.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
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    Yeah. You gotta want this for yourself. At some point you gotta stop letting others make your decisions for you.
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
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    Well when I said friends I didn't mean friends in my everyday life so much as I meant friends on this fitness pal that are with me. My point being I needed to find friends to add onto this site that are prone to being successful and don't mind being honest with me no matter how it hurts my feelings. Of course I want this for myself or I would not have joined. I joined for motivation and there is nothing wrong with that. It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.
  • DanerTee
    DanerTee Posts: 263 Member
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    You can add me! I'm not gonna yell at you, I'm Canadian, I don't think I CAN be rude, but I WILL cheer you on when you accomplish great things, so that's something, right? :)
  • AnabolicMind2011
    AnabolicMind2011 Posts: 211 Member
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    Motivation has to come from within. I've never had one person in my daily life that assisted or supported me in my goals, I still reached them. Online friends can offer you a " you go girl" but that's really as far as it goes. If you want something, you gotta work for it.tons of us have struggled with depression and anxiety too. It's up to you to get help, it's up to you if you over eat or not. There's nothing anyone here can say or do to make you do it. When your truly ready to lose weight , you will do it.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    I'm your huckleberry!
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
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    I did not ask people to judge me for seeking motivation and help. I asked to find friends on this site that yes will be honest when I don't meet my goals in my diary. So yes when I don't excercise feel free to call me out on it. But unless I accept you as a friend on this site you are just a stranger attacking me for a small paragraph I wrote. How is that helpful? So maybe I should be more clear. If you want to be negative please just move on. Find someone else to harass to make you feel better about yourself.


  • ammo7
    ammo7 Posts: 188 Member
    edited August 2016
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    sassyfeather wrote: »
    It seems with a few of the responses I have joined the wrong site. I feel truly bad for anyone on here that is truly struggling with depression and obesity if this is what the members are writing to them. Seems like a lot of judgemental bullies who take things out on context.
    sassyfeather wrote: »
    I did not ask people to judge me for seeking motivation and help. I asked to find friends on this site that yes will be honest when I don't meet my goals in my diary. So yes when I don't excercise feel free to call me out on it. But unless I accept you as a friend on this site you are just a stranger attacking me for a small paragraph I wrote. How is that helpful? So maybe I should be more clear. If you want to be negative please just move on. Find someone else to harass to make you feel better about yourself.


    I think you are directing this at me, which I feel is unfair. I don't believe that telling someone to take responsibility for themselves is judgemental; I personally find it motivating to know that the outcome I earn depends on the effort I put in.
    Your post is titled "Need friends to yell at me". I believe I was more polite than you were asking for.


  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited August 2016
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    Motivation and determination and adherence cannot be given

    If you don't do it for yourself nobody can yell you into doing it

    Get up every morning and weigh yourself, jump up and down naked in front of a mirror, recommit.

    If you are about to eat something you haven't logged, log it first by weight, ask yourself "if I eat this will I be hungry later? Is it worth it"

    Accept some hunger is not real, it's simply "I want it"... If you have eaten sufficient calories within the last hour and are craving something go for a walk for 20 minutes, still want it after log it and eat it ...at least you'll have moved in between
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
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    Haha I can't believe a few sentences that were meant to be lighthearted to find similar friends on this site have ruffled so many feathers. Has everyone become so serious and negative they have to look for things that are not there. Too many of you have read too deeply into what is not there. And most of you are wrong. If you are a positive person of course other people's success can motivate you and give you determination. Once again for all of you who aren't getting it I wasn't asking to be yelled at for what I wrote. I really could care less about your opinions even though I do find it funny that strangers get so upset about nothing. I am looking for friends on this site who are in the same boat and want to support each other. Most of you seem to like to tear people apart. This has been entertaining though. So thanks for that. And thanks to all the people who have sent friend requests to me. I see why most of you didn't participate in the thread. You would have just been picked on.
  • Mavrick_RN
    Mavrick_RN Posts: 439 Member
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    You don't want friends. You want someone to blame for your failure.
  • sassyfeather
    sassyfeather Posts: 16 Member
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    Well instead of arguing this ridiculous conversation I should be getting on the treadmill. Alright folks it has been fun. For all of those looking for motivation both ways friend me. For all of you who just like to kick people down why don't you get yourself a nice big cheeseburger maybe you won't be so cranky and angry. As for me I think I have had my fill of all this negativity so I am out. Good luck to all the people struggling. Don't let anyone put you down or tell you who you are. They are people hiding behind their phones and computers and have no right to make judgment calls on anyone over a few sentences. Good night.
  • Jessie24330
    Jessie24330 Posts: 224 Member
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    You must be new if you didn't know how this was going to go. To be honest, when I first joined, I would have felt the same way you do. But now, I read your post and I thought the same thing that everyone told you. You may not like how people say things, and yes, sometimes they can be buttholes, but they speak the truth. I've only just started getting friends now, I'm 55 lbs down. I had friends when I first started but then I deleted them all because I realized that I have to do this for me and by myself if I want it last. Even when my husband tries to be "helpful" and give me advise, I tell him to stop. Even now that I have friends on here, I don't open my diary to them. I'm accountable to me only. Friends are great to tell you good job and keep it up. But if you are looking for someone to tell you you are doing it wrong, it's not going to work long-term. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm being mean but I really mean the best for you. If you have questions and want honest answers, ask on here. But be prepared for a mob of people who've had long-term success to be brutally honest with you, they don't sugarcoat anything. And it may hurt your feelings but in the end, down the line, you will understand they were right. They were right in their advice and in how they were brutally honest in giving it.
  • starlight682
    starlight682 Posts: 35 Member
    edited August 2016
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    I like to join the challenges on this site, under the challenge section. They help keep me motivated and accountable as i'm moving towards my goal. :) Hope you reach your goals :smiley:
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    You're welcome for the advice

    I should start a rude people thread, would make a change from the usual mean people threads
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    sassyfeather wrote: »
    My friends and family are too nice. I need friends to hold me accountable for not behaving. They don't behave and then I don't feel guilty for eating junk and not exercising daily. Because after all I can start my diet tomorrow which has been going on for the last 3 years. I need help with motivation.

    No, you need to hold yourself accountable, not depend upon other people to do it. You are 100% responsible for your weight loss. Until you realize this, you will continue in the cycle you describe above. I know, because I was there for most of my life.

    Give your family hugs and tell them how much you love them for just being them. ;)

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