This lifestyle change is difficult, but not for the reasons I expected
kommodevaran
Posts: 17,890 Member
It feels "too easy". I expected losing and maintaining weight to be a daily struggle. Because that was what I had always heard. Instead, it's way less work and stress and worry than ever. It feels surreal but wonderful, I have a normal weight, I move every day, I'm pleasantly hungry before meals, and cravings are almost gone. I'm afraid I'm fooling myself. But shouldn't 22 months into maintenance be enough to know if it's working? I know I have to keep it working, but it doesn't even feel like "work". A little planning, a little awareness, that's all. I guess it's what "life" is supposed to feel like, but it feels like "nothing".
I have struggled with my weight since puberty - even when I wasn't overweight, I worried about getting overweight. I haven't done any really crazy diets, just the "normal-ish", slightly restrictive, slightly bizarre, 90's low-fat regimens, until I couldn't, and ate whatever. Then I found MFP and started to let go of everything I thought I knew about weight loss and nutrition.
I guess I don't know what a "normal" diet is? My current way of eating is simple, but feels extravagant. It's a lot like how I've always let myself eat on holiday: I'd eat to be able to do things, and eat food I wanted. At home, I've always strived to "eat healthily". I always lost weight while on holiday. I steadily gained when I was at home. All this has changed. Maintaining weight is effortless now.
I'm not doing anything particular, and that is exactly why this is so easy to do - and ironically, so difficult to take in: I'm eating the same foods as before, and I haven't added anything that I wouldn't have anyway in this time frame. I just eat more regularly of some things and less often or smaller portions of other things. I still eat foods I like and I eat whatever I want, but deciding what I "want" is now based on what I need and like, instead of what I "should" or "shouldn't". I don't exercise, but I walk, I guess I walk more often than before, but I'm mostly sitting, just like before.
This is possibly why I hate the term "lifestyle change", too; I haven't changed my lifestyle, I've just gotten a better structure to my shopping, cooking, eating, sleeping and moving routines. I couldn't have stuck to this for long if it were difficult, but "everybody" tells you behavior change is so difficult, and I guess I have changed my habits somewhat (I must have, to lose and keep off 50 pounds), so I'm confused.
Anyone else going/gone through something like this?
It may be relevant to mention that I have Asperger's syndrome, and (relating to) changes and unexpected events (big and small) is a bit more difficult for me than for the average person (maybe). I am also Norwegian, and the language skill level needed to discuss this properly in English, is perhaps slightly out of reach, so I apologize for anything unclear or seemingly strange.
I have struggled with my weight since puberty - even when I wasn't overweight, I worried about getting overweight. I haven't done any really crazy diets, just the "normal-ish", slightly restrictive, slightly bizarre, 90's low-fat regimens, until I couldn't, and ate whatever. Then I found MFP and started to let go of everything I thought I knew about weight loss and nutrition.
I guess I don't know what a "normal" diet is? My current way of eating is simple, but feels extravagant. It's a lot like how I've always let myself eat on holiday: I'd eat to be able to do things, and eat food I wanted. At home, I've always strived to "eat healthily". I always lost weight while on holiday. I steadily gained when I was at home. All this has changed. Maintaining weight is effortless now.
I'm not doing anything particular, and that is exactly why this is so easy to do - and ironically, so difficult to take in: I'm eating the same foods as before, and I haven't added anything that I wouldn't have anyway in this time frame. I just eat more regularly of some things and less often or smaller portions of other things. I still eat foods I like and I eat whatever I want, but deciding what I "want" is now based on what I need and like, instead of what I "should" or "shouldn't". I don't exercise, but I walk, I guess I walk more often than before, but I'm mostly sitting, just like before.
This is possibly why I hate the term "lifestyle change", too; I haven't changed my lifestyle, I've just gotten a better structure to my shopping, cooking, eating, sleeping and moving routines. I couldn't have stuck to this for long if it were difficult, but "everybody" tells you behavior change is so difficult, and I guess I have changed my habits somewhat (I must have, to lose and keep off 50 pounds), so I'm confused.
Anyone else going/gone through something like this?
It may be relevant to mention that I have Asperger's syndrome, and (relating to) changes and unexpected events (big and small) is a bit more difficult for me than for the average person (maybe). I am also Norwegian, and the language skill level needed to discuss this properly in English, is perhaps slightly out of reach, so I apologize for anything unclear or seemingly strange.
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I understand what you're saying. And there was a great post a few weeks ago about someone else not liking the term "lifestyle change" as it implies large scale life changes, like changing jobs, cities, countries. Not diet and fitness changes.
I've also found things pretty easy compared to the past. Started this in January and never had any stalls in loss, had to up calories 3x just to keep my loss at expected rate instead of faster. I'm less than a lb from goal weight and have nearly moved into maintenance calories already as I'm planning a recomp to bring down the BF% and up my muscle mass. This is going to be a very long, slow process but I'm determined and stubborn (my gift from being Aspie too).
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A little planning and awareness is actually pretty huge relative to how many people go through life.16
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I had a similar experience losing weight when I was younger...it felt easier than what I had been doing before (when I had been trying more extreme things to lose, which never worked). I like having data and accurate information, so once someone explained the parameters of CICO and IIFYM to me, I found it easy to manipulate the variables in order to keep myself on track. It was a relief being able to let go of all of the low fat/low carb/clean eating/VLCD/etc. garbage I used to think were necessary to achieve weight loss.
I don't personally like "lifestyle change" either. It, in itself, is extreme. It just feels too dramatic to describe what is basically pretty simple.3 -
I've found that my regular diet seems extravagant when compared to what we think women are "supposed" to eat. I've had a lot of conversations with friends/coworkers where they're constantly complaining about what they "don't" or "can't" eat (chocolate, dessert, carbs, whatever), and I'm just sitting over here going "I eat every single one of those things regularly." At least in the U.S., we think that women are supposed to eat in a way that is restrictive and wildly unhealthy, so not eating that way seems odd.kommodevaran wrote: »I guess I don't know what a "normal" diet is? My current way of eating is simple, but feels extravagant. It's a lot like how I've always let myself eat on holiday: I'd eat to be able to do things, and eat food I wanted. At home, I've always strived to "eat healthily". I always lost weight while on holiday. I steadily gained when I was at home. All this has changed. Maintaining weight is effortless now.
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This thread needs to be stickied.6
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Great post. Thanks for sharing it. As I was reading, I was thinking maybe it belongs in the "success stories" section? To answer your question, yes, I personally think 22 months maintenance is long enough to know that you have fully adapted to your new habits and have it all under control. I agree with you that it is the small things done consistently and faithfully over long stretches of time that make the biggest differences in life, not the flashy or dramatic moves that often end as quickly as they start because they can't be sustained.
Good job!5 -
So far, I'm finding it easier to maintain than I did losing.4
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I'm so excited to see this thread and the positive vibes on maintenance. Thanks, and great job everyone.3
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Great post. I also found losing, and now maintaining my weight pretty easy. it IS a lifestyle change, but not in the way most people think. The changes I made were more mindful than that of a "lifestyle." Like the OP I continue to eat what I have always eaten.
The change is I have learned to moderate things. For example. It would not be odd for me to eat an entire bag of potato chips while watching TV. Today I rarely eat potato chips. Why? Because they aren't worth the calories most of the time. I still will occasionally have chips, but only if I WANT some, as opposed to mindless eating.
I still log my food every day. Some days when I get a bit exercise burn it amazes me how much I am allowed to eat and still be under my goals. I often come under goal, and then there are days I don't. I guess the change is in understanding weight maintenance is the sum of all calories over time and not a "good" or "bad" food, or day.2 -
Weight loss was very easy for me this time. In fact, I lost too much. Maintenance freaked me out for about a month. I was so nervous about increasing my calories or losing control again. I knew that I had to change my mindset because I wasn't enjoying life or my new found body with this fear. What helped me most was when I began to get those uncontrollable cravings and gave in to them and ate way over maintenance, but I got back on track the next day. That gave me some assurance that I could eat over and bounce back. Thank goodness those cravings didn't happen often, and as they happened, I realized they correlated with hormonal changes that were currently occurring.
Since I am an abstainer, I do find that there are trigger foods that I just don't eat anymore. I am a big junk food junkie, but I abstain from my favorites because I absolutely cannot eat them in moderation.
Now, my challenge is to find the top end of my maintenance calorie allowance. I honestly think that I could eat more and maintain, but have been apprehensive about trying to get there. I'm enjoying the foods that I eat. I don't feel deprived, fatigued or any negative effects of my current calorie allowance, but I would like to eat a bit more if I can. Who wouldn't right?
So, I have found that maintenance may be a little harder for me than weight loss. I will say that I lost all my weight without MFP, but I am almost 100% certain that I couldn't maintain without MFP. It has been a life saver for me.2 -
I understand what you're saying. And there was a great post a few weeks ago about someone else not liking the term "lifestyle change" as it implies large scale life changes, like changing jobs, cities, countries. Not diet and fitness changes.
I've also found things pretty easy compared to the past. Started this in January and never had any stalls in loss, had to up calories 3x just to keep my loss at expected rate instead of faster. I'm less than a lb from goal weight and have nearly moved into maintenance calories already as I'm planning a recomp to bring down the BF% and up my muscle mass. This is going to be a very long, slow process but I'm determined and stubborn (my gift from being Aspie too).
I have mostly hated the term because its usage has replaced "diet", but "lifestyle change" is repulsive in its own right. It sounds kinda pompous. Having kids would be a "lifestyle change"; not eating better
Following rules is easy for me - until it becomes impossible. Dieting is just following rules, but the rules are often plain silly. MFP cut all that crap OUT, so I could focus on me and my own process. Numbers and tables, weighing and logging, is higly addictive for my Aspie personality, so this system of just hitting some goals, while eating the best food I could get my hands on, and ditch the sillyness, was perfect. Weight loss was painless and predictable - I had one week of "diet fatigue" as I neared normal BMI, everything else completely smooth.7 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »A little planning and awareness is actually pretty huge relative to how many people go through life.
Haha, I fear you are correct. The sad thing is that meal planning didn't even occur to me as something I could do - I believed it was only for families, maybe because I had never heard of singles who did it? And I was aware of how badly I ate, but I spent a lot of effort pretending I wasn't
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I had a similar experience losing weight when I was younger...it felt easier than what I had been doing before (when I had been trying more extreme things to lose, which never worked). I like having data and accurate information, so once someone explained the parameters of CICO and IIFYM to me, I found it easy to manipulate the variables in order to keep myself on track. It was a relief being able to let go of all of the low fat/low carb/clean eating/VLCD/etc. garbage I used to think were necessary to achieve weight loss.
I don't personally like "lifestyle change" either. It, in itself, is extreme. It just feels too dramatic to describe what is basically pretty simple.
The strange thing is that I was fully aware of calories, and understood how weightloss worked, but still all that garbage (maybe lucky for me, the "only" rules in my formative years were low fat/low taste) seemed necessary. I believed in fat being empty calories and the concept of "fattening" even though I deep down knew better. But I was afraid of fat, too, because it's (was) supposed to lead to cancer, diabetes, stroke and heart failure, and I don't want any of that, so I tried to eat low fat, but when I couldn't, I didn't eat normal food insted, I ate candy - because everything good was bad, and I can't keep up, and then it doesn't matter, so I give up
Eating and moving IS very simple, and I hate that it's being made so difficult.7 -
You say yourself that there are times when you were not overweight though... I'm not sure it's the case for all of us. I had a normal weight for maybe 5 years total between the ages of 16 and 34. I still struggle most days with the urge to eat a pack of cookies or go buy a piece of cheesecake or a croissant (which I just can't reasonably fit in most days).
So yes, it will be easier for some people than for others. But yeah... awareness is key. Asking yourself if you really want something before you actually eat it, trying to listen to your hunger/fullness signals... that's something that definitely can be easier after a while.0 -
I've found that my regular diet seems extravagant when compared to what we think women are "supposed" to eat. I've had a lot of conversations with friends/coworkers where they're constantly complaining about what they "don't" or "can't" eat (chocolate, dessert, carbs, whatever), and I'm just sitting over here going "I eat every single one of those things regularly." At least in the U.S., we think that women are supposed to eat in a way that is restrictive and wildly unhealthy, so not eating that way seems odd.kommodevaran wrote: »I guess I don't know what a "normal" diet is? My current way of eating is simple, but feels extravagant. It's a lot like how I've always let myself eat on holiday: I'd eat to be able to do things, and eat food I wanted. At home, I've always strived to "eat healthily". I always lost weight while on holiday. I steadily gained when I was at home. All this has changed. Maintaining weight is effortless now.
This is quite possibly hitting the core of the "odd" feeling. I have a "preconception" of how I "should" eat, which is restrictive and uptight, and totally letting go of the concept of "should", is so liberating. Going to the table without thinking "what can I eat that is healthy", that is normal eating. Lucky for me, in all my disordered eating, I have always kept a sliver of normality - when eating at a restaurant, focus was on what I wanted, never on "healthy eating". My mother has also been a role model (a fair cook, always home cooked dinners), and as an adult I can decide for myself what I want to eat and adjust meals to my own taste. I have access to the same ingredients as restaurants have, and no longer feeling compelled to boil everything, and adding salt and fat to make the food taste just right, I do indeed eat "restaurant food" every day, and eating without guilt or feeling of failure, I enjoy eating so much, even though it's just ordinary food
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Great post. I also found losing, and now maintaining my weight pretty easy. it IS a lifestyle change, but not in the way most people think. The changes I made were more mindful than that of a "lifestyle." Like the OP I continue to eat what I have always eaten.
The change is I have learned to moderate things. For example. It would not be odd for me to eat an entire bag of potato chips while watching TV. Today I rarely eat potato chips. Why? Because they aren't worth the calories most of the time. I still will occasionally have chips, but only if I WANT some, as opposed to mindless eating.
I still log my food every day. Some days when I get a bit exercise burn it amazes me how much I am allowed to eat and still be under my goals. I often come under goal, and then there are days I don't. I guess the change is in understanding weight maintenance is the sum of all calories over time and not a "good" or "bad" food, or day.
I used to hate he term "mindfulness" too - until I discovered that it's what had been doing for the last few months
Overeating and mindless eating doesn't feel "normal" anymore. It's not like I have to "stop myself", it's just that I don't want to, because I want to enjoy what I'm eating, and paying attention and not feeling sick afterwards, is part of the enjoyment.
I'm also amazed at how much I can eat and maintain weight. I realize it has to do with food choices and only eating at meals, but still. I used to have big hauls to try to satisfy my "need" for junk food. It didn't seem like much once it was brought home. Now my shopping is two small bags of groceries per week and I cook/make almost all my meals myself
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You say yourself that there are times when you were not overweight though... I'm not sure it's the case for all of us. I had a normal weight for maybe 5 years total between the ages of 16 and 34. I still struggle most days with the urge to eat a pack of cookies or go buy a piece of cheesecake or a croissant (which I just can't reasonably fit in most days).
So yes, it will be easier for some people than for others. But yeah... awareness is key. Asking yourself if you really want something before you actually eat it, trying to listen to your hunger/fullness signals... that's something that definitely can be easier after a while.
I'm not really sure how long I have had a normal weight all in all. But for me, it's not that important, because I've always had the mindset of an overweight person. Always thinking I was fat, always thinking about fat and calories, and that I "should" start exercising. Soon. Maybe tomorrow
Oh, I have urges I shop guerilla style, full focus on the task of getting what's on my list and nothing else. I pat myself on the back when I get 100% I can't have any trigger foods in the house. So even though I haven't "officially" cut anything out, there are lots of foods I practically don't eat anymore.
I grew up a habitual overeater. Normal portions were for wimps; in my family, we ate till there was nothing left. After noticing I could trust MFP (I didn't die from starvation, what a surprise), I found "the hunger scale" a great tool. I had to adjust it to my own personal cues; I spent a few weeks grading my meals, quite interesting 6 -
kommodevaran wrote: »It feels "too easy". I expected losing and maintaining weight to be a daily struggle. Because that was what I had always heard. Instead, it's way less work and stress and worry than ever. It feels surreal but wonderful, I have a normal weight, I move every day, I'm pleasantly hungry before meals, and cravings are almost gone. I'm afraid I'm fooling myself. But shouldn't 22 months into maintenance be enough to know if it's working? I know I have to keep it working, but it doesn't even feel like "work". A little planning, a little awareness, that's all. I guess it's what "life" is supposed to feel like, but it feels like "nothing".
I am also Norwegian, and the language skill level needed to discuss this properly in English, is perhaps slightly out of reach, so I apologize for anything unclear or seemingly strange.
Part 1: I want what you have - sounds wonderful!
Part 2: Your English is amazing... it's better than mine and I'm Anglophone...4 -
Glad I'm not alone in enjoying maintenance and hating the term "lifestyle change" applied to a period of calorie restriction!!
Getting married, having children, carving out a new career, retirement (soon hopefully) - those are lifestyle changes to me not eating slightly less.
I'm sure there are people who do need to make real lifestyle changes for health or weight loss but it's become a trite and badly over-used phrase.
My diet is the same as it's always been, I'm just more conscious of calories and the choices I make daily but don't feel the need to log my food.
By the way your English is excellent, please come over to England and teach in our schools - where the irony of Pink Floyd's lyric we don't need no education was sadly lost on huge swathes of the population.8 -
@kommodevaran thank you for your post. It was very insightful for me to read your comments, thank you.
Hey, I just realised that the person who started me off on this healthy journey was most likely an Aspie in many ways, I just didn't realise it at the time. He works in a kind of data input or claims management section of a health insurer within our health system. A kind of medical nerd. Getting all the details right are a critical part of his work.
Anyway, he told me that he has an avocado on rye bread for lunch every day so clearly, he likes his (healthy) routines. He told me how all his work mates think he is a bit weird because he eats an avocado every day but he also told me that THEY have their own routines eating unhealthy food every day- they just think that their routines are NORMAL! This is so funny! I mean, we all have our own rules don't we?
Some rules might be "I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want". Other people might have a rule, "It doesn't matter what I eat, I am still going to be obese!". Well, I just think that intelligent people who understand nutrition can make their own healthy rules with the help of apps like MFP and sites like diet doctor etc.
I just realised that I have been gaining weight because I have this rule, "I must eat the food that other people people prepare for me". I work teaching English and my students are always giving me food to eat. I feel it is rude to say no when they are being so kind to me. I don't want to hurt their feelings by refusing their food. The trouble is that my body doesn't like their food. It is tasty but not healthy for me. So it is time for me to change my rules around eating to something like "I eat food that I like; I eat food that is good for me" or "It's OK to say no thank you when people offer me food"
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It was easier than I thought - I just had to follow directions. I'm in my 50's. It was my first diet. I lost 40 pounds and have maintained 4 years.4
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To the original poster your comments were very insightful and your English was very good.
I think the common thread for people who succeed is the fact that something clicks mentally. The way I explained it to people who ask me how I did it is to lose the weight is very simple it's a simple matter of eating less calories than your body Burns every day. The tough part is the mental aspect. Once you can conquer the mental aspect the physical aspect is a piece of cake. I absolutely have enjoyed the past 8 months I really didn't feel like I sacrificed anything at all.
When people ask me how I lost all the weight I just looked at them and I explained the process. The big question was how much exercise are you doing. My answer is you don't have to exercise to lose weight all you have to do is eat less calories than your body Burns and they all looked at me very confused. When I tell them you can eat whatever you want there an absolute shock. During the past eight months I've eaten Pizza Wendy's hamburgers have plenty of beers on the beach potato chips everything. It's just a simple matter of fitting it into your caloric goals.
Everybody's allowed their own personal opinions but to those who say this isn't a lifestyle change here's my response to that. The diet in the eating may not be a lifestyle change. More a change of habits but what happens to your life as a result of the weight loss is a lifestyle change.
I can walk without being in pain
I can go to the store and buy whatever kind of clothes I want without having to worry do they have them in my size
My blood pressure has decreased
When someone pulls too close to the driver side door I can squeeze in
I can park anywhere in the parking lot and not be in pain and when did when I walk
I can climb stairs without pain
I look in the mirror and I don't hate what I see
My interaction with people is different now and I've noticed women smile differently at me
I can do stuff with my friends and family and not be exhausted
I'm not afraid to try new things
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Wow, thank you for all the kind words everybody! And helping me clear things up! I am actually feeling less confused today
I am aware that "someone" - the diet industry, the food industry and the media - wants us to be confused and think that eating, weight maintenance and health is terribly difficult and needs lot of effort, struggling and pain, but oh, they can help, for just a small fee It dawned on me that I have subconsciously listened to that, even though I have seen through it, consciously.
I also realized that I haven't adjusted my diet a little bit - the change has been radical. I used to eat "healthy" food - "green, lean and mean" - for long periods when I was able to exert strict control and asceticism, followed by long periods of no boundaries whatsoever. The last frontier of normal eating was eating at restaurants. Consistently eating like I did when I wasn't worrying about what to eat, and cooking good food I want to eat, and not feeling guilty afterwards, and feeling strong and energetic, and comfortable in my own body, feels amazing - because it is!5 -
Great post. Not much else to say. The process is definitely simple, and once I figured that out it has been easy ever since.3
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Oh, the irony I have an endless row of posts behind me where I have adviced people "if you're struggling, you're doing it wrong". I can't have been very convincing, when not even I believed me 1
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Great post and great replies. .some days I still have cravings and do give in a bit but not like I used to. I still eat normal food and treats and stay within a 3 pound maintenance range. Been on maintenance for 1 year. I feel bad when people restrict so much as that's tough to maintain. Society has taught us so many black and white eating rules which don't work
There's big money in the diet industry2 -
I love mfp …yet.. all the obsessing and over thinking weight issues is disheartening. To me, it is a form of eating disorders..i think logging every single bite forever is really weird. I find it happy news to learn that many of you find it easy. Thank goodness!!!2
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What do you think is the difference that makes it feel easy to some people, and so torturous, maddeningly difficult for others? Is it that the "easy" people are trying to maintain a more natural weight and the others are striving for something that is difficult for them to maintain? Or something else?3
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That explanation certainly makes sense, @robingmurphy. Maybe also, attempting several big behavior changes at once is harder than doing a couple small changes really consistently. Both that and reaching for a less "natural weight," as you say, can be less sustainable over the long haul. Expectations play a big role, too. If someone expects to go back to pre-weight loss habits, it will be tough. If they expect to maintain by doing the same thing they did to lose, not so much torture.
On the other hand, life experience has left some people just tougher than others. Used to work with a guy who was a Navy Seals commander. If nobody died and everyone got a meal, it was a good day in his book, no matter what else was going on. Great perspective to have.4 -
I did not make any dramatic sweeping changes to my diet and fitness. It has all been small changes and never felt painful. But those small changes really add up. I eat drastically different than 10 years ago.elisa123gal wrote: »I love mfp …yet.. all the obsessing and over thinking weight issues is disheartening. To me, it is a form of eating disorders..i think logging every single bite forever is really weird. I find it happy news to learn that many of you find it easy. Thank goodness!!!
For me it is just the opposite. In the past I would want a piece of cake or some ice cream. I would worry and fret that I might gain weight. I would feel guilty if I was trying to avoid high calorie treats and gave in. I find it really freeing to know that I can eat what I want - and know how much I can eat while meeting my goals.5
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