Obsessed with food

AveyHam

I constantly think about food i'm thinking when i'm going to eat, what i'm going to eat and how much. even when i wake up it's the first thing on my mind and i can't control it. I cook my own food and it's usually very tasty but i miss my mom's cooking so i asked if she could make one of my favorite dishes this week
Not gonna lie i'm pretty excited and a little nervous as well. even though i know i'll enjoy eating it and stay under my calorie mark but deep down i know i'm gonna feel a little guilty afterwards and that scares me.
I used to have cheat days but they never worked for me cause i always ended up binging. One time i even tried to purge but i stopped and didn't do it. I guess that's why i'm scared and don't want this to be another binge eating episode. Have any of you ever felt this way? Do you obsess over food?

Age-19
Height-5'2
Weight-129
I eat 1200 calories on rest days and around 1300-1350 on training days
Do you think i'm eating enough? Any advice and suggestions will be greatly appreciated

OmnomFox

It sounds like you might be developing issues with a disordered perception of food. I'd speak to your doctor if you're worried that food is taking over your life like that, they'll be in a much better position to help you.

kommodevaran

You are still very young. How long have you lived on your own? It's normal to miss your mom's cooking. But it isn't "normal" to feel guilty for eating and enjoying food. You have a normal weight and you should eat more than 1200-1350 calories; your TDEE would be around 2000 calories. If you want to lose weight, it will come off slowly. But I think it's more important to work on your relationship with food, first. Have you read this? What is Normal Eating?

AveyHam

kommodevaran wrote: »

You are still very young. How long have you lived on your own? It's normal to miss your mom's cooking. But it isn't "normal" to feel guilty for eating and enjoying food. You have a normal weight and you should eat more than 1200-1350 calories; your TDEE would be around 2000 calories. If you want to lose weight, it will come off slowly. But I think it's more important to work on your relationship with food, first. Have you read this? What is Normal Eating?

I live with my parents but i've been cooking my own meals and it's been a while since i've sat at the dinner table with my family.

i read the article and honestly i miss "normal eating" now it's just all about weighing food and obsessing over it. I count every last calorie and feel guilty when i don't follow my plans. It sucks.

Lindsay_the_great

I have been battling the same problems my whole life. I haven't found an answer, but I agree that it is a disordered relationship with food. I hope you find the answer sooner than I have. I'm 39 and I still don't know. I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor.

Cahgetsfit

sounds like ED habits forming TBH. I stopped my comp prep this year partly due to the red flags that were waving at me saying "ED! ED!"

Same sort of thing - food thoughts consuming me, not going anywhere unless carrying my little tupperware with meal in it, declining friend's parties because of food temptations (using the excuse "i'm on prep and it will only be for a few months so sorry once I finish I will come to stuff again").

Then I started to binge - when my cheat meals got cut out - I found myself hiding in the corner of the kitchen downing a bag of marshmallows I bought to decorate a cake months before. Or anything else I could get my hands on that wasn't chicken, fish or egg whites or vegetables.

I'd tell myself - it's OK - i'm doing 50000000000000000000 hours of cardio plus my weightlifting and my pinch sites are going down. But at the same time beat myself up for not sticking to the plan and not being strong enough to just eat the bloody egg white omelette already and be satisfied with that a little bit of hunger is not the end of the world, drink some water and go to sleep.

NOT GOOD.

So I stopped.

And have had a little bit of a hard time coming back to grips with eating normal food - still get a bit ansty or scared to get fat again or just scared to eat in general. Getting better though. I also decided to invest in an IIFYM coach for a short period of time (8 weeks) to make sure I don't go mental and reverse from the restricted diet back into real life health.

BTW - IIFYM to me doesn't mean eat donuts and pizza all day long.

And on prep I was eating 1800 "clean" calories. I'm now on 1900 (going up slowly to not shock the system) and I'm feeling so much better in terms of being able to eat a variety of foods and also be able to do social stuff like I had lunch with work colleagues yesterday without taking a bloody container of sweet potato and fish along or just declining the invitation.

My advice is talk to someone re your behaviour. Don't want to go down an ED route. really.

Good luck!