Raw and ashamed

sdnomaid2

I've never done this before where I lay all my issues out there for everyone to read but I need help. I need motivation and maybe making this public will help me find my motivation! So here's my story. I signed up for Weight Watchers in May of 2015. I did pretty well the first 12 weeks. Dropped about 15 pounds or so. But I quickly realized it was difficult to stay on track and if I overindulged Friday, Saturday and Sunday I could usually still lose some weight. So eventually overindulging took over and I kept paying for Weight Watchers but never tracked and ate whatever I wanted. This went on for about five or six months. Finally one day it hit me that I was creeping up on one year paying for a weight watchers membership and not utilizing it so a light flipped and I followed the plan pretty much exactly for about 16 weeks. Lost about 30lbs and felt really good! My pants were really baggy so I went to the store to buy the next size down and although they fit, they were still pretty tight. I was pretty devastated that after 16 weeks and 30lbs gone I still couldn't fit in pants one size down! Are you kidding me?! I gave in to my cravings that day and haven't been able to stop since. I've gained back everything I lost plus some. I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate that I can't seem to mentally win this battle. I can't bring myself to get started again. It seems like such a daunting task. I can't seem to take that first step.

KateTii

Don't give up. Okay, so while the pants were tight, they still went on. Losing a certain amount of weight won't guarantee a drop in dress size as you lose weight from all over your body, not just your butt/thighs/pants. I've lost around the same amount as you and it wasn't until the very, very end that I went down a size, as where it was coming from didn't result in a smaller size. Your normal pants were baggy - that's a win! You were doing it, but got discouraged.

flimflam87

Do you have a lot of weight to lose? 30lbs is a lot in 16 weeks, and we forget that the pants we always wear are usually stretched out!

OregonRunner5

((Hugs))

Chilli7777

You know that feeling you get after eating junk? The guilt trip and the feeling of letting yourself down and feeling hopeless? Try to remember that before you eat something that isn't conducive with losing fat. Smell the cookie if you have to and remember those feelings. Then make a better choice. The afternoon time is when I would always pick at food so I make sure that at 3pm ish I have a rice cake with a tablespoon of peanut butter (sometimes 2 if I have enough cals to spare) and log it. Enjoy it. I finish mine off with a cup of tea lite milk no sugar (if you're not a tea drinker find something else that suits) and it keeps me going until dinner. I go to bed earlier which is upstairs and far away from the kitchen, but to be honest Ive never gotten out of bed for a snack. The toilet sure but not a snack. I read in bed. I go through the forums on MFP and read motivational stories before I go to sleep. For me its having a plan in place. As I said the afternoon was always my weakest moment so I make sure I satisfy my tummy with something wholesome to fill it up and to avoid wanting foods that have zero nutritional value.
Its about changing a lot of bad habits. We all have them or we wouldn't be here in the first place. Decide that youre worth being healthy. If only stores carried the same uniform size rather than being 1 size in one store and a totally different size in another store. Okay so the pants are tight and it can feel really defeating...but in a week they will feel looser and in another week looser still. Before you know it youll be shopping for the next size down. Just keep going no matter what. Keep inspiring yourself or allow yourself to be inspired by others. We are all in this together xx

RaiderlovinGammie

Kate's right. As I see it, you just took that first step, the one that is the hardest to do. Asking someone for help. you mentioned the mental battle. Try looking at it not as a battle, but rather a step along a journey. A journey to a healthier you-physically, mentally, spiritually. You are not alone. I have tried so many diets, programs, regimens, dvd,etc, Until my doctor referred me to a nutrition specialist/RN. I just started two weeks ago. I cant say its changed my life, but it is changing my thinking.

sflisher

May I offer some thoughts. Firstly the word diet for me is a problem in itself. I don't diet I have just changed my lifestyle for the way I eat. Diets for me are temporary and you are always checking if you are 'maintaining your diet' and beating yourself up when you perceive that you are not. STOP!

I read between the lines in what you have said and I can see a strong determined person. You already have the ability, power and determination to succeed. You just need to find what works for you.

Lifestyle eating for me is 'this is what and how I eat' based on your choice and knowledge. If you don't meet the criteria today so what? no big deal. no need to feel bad 'mentally' and eventually your body will tell you if it feels bad physically. So remove the stress and guilt from eating.

For me cravings are based on addictions or comfort. And guess what... the whole food industry is against you and doing their best to get you addicted. Sugar! Bad Carbs! Bad Fat! Its a tough battle on it's own... I am now skeptic about any packaged food and always read the labels. They deliberately put stuff in the food to get you addicted. So don't blame yourself just empower yourself. The way to go is knowledge... arm yourself and become powerful.

I would recommend gaining knowledge first. Listen to podcasts from Chris Kresser (www.chriskresser.com) Dave Asprey on www.bulletproofexec.com. You don't have to buy their products. With all the knowledge out there its empowering and allows us to take responsibility ourselves. But nutrition at the moment for me is a moving target based on what I know today. I tweak and change according to what I learn.

Just become aware of addiction foods and also comfort foods which maybe things you eat that make you feel good because of how, why and what you ate in your childhood. Its always good to understand a reason behind a craving rather than just beating yourself up because you are giving in to cravings. It will empower you. Today you may give in to a craving or you may not. So what... no big deal... But in the long term you will give in less often.

So as I see it today a basic lifestyle change involves:

Stomach Acid: Most people probably don't have enough stomach acid to digest food efficiently. I have raw apple cider vinegar before a meal to help my digestive system. Take your time to chew foods properly so the stomach has less work to do.

Fix your gut health: Look at probiotic foods and prebiotic foods. Your gut health has an immense impact on your weight, mood and overall health. Most people on a 'western diet' of processed foods, high sugar and bad fats have bad gut health. You can change this! I have keffir daily.

As a lifestyle I would recommend cut out gluten, most dairy, have lots of good fat (butter from grassfed cows, coconut oil, olive oil). I also eat eggs from organic freerange chickens.

Once you have gotten over the likely addiction to sugar then it becomes easier to say no. Your taste will change and you will become more sensitive to sweet things. Sugar is addictive... did you know that babies are born addicted to sugar based on what their mother ate. What a great start in life!

I know you have the strength to make the change but try a new approach and see how it goes. Most of all stop the pressure and anxiety. Stop beating yourself up. Become powerful!

Charis50

I've been where you are now (repeatedly!), and it sucks to feel the way you're feeling. But you're here and you're reaching out for support and encouragement, and that's great!

I'll second the comment on the craziness of sizing. Right now, I have 3 different sizes of jeans in my closet and they all fit. A size is just a number, and you're much, much more than that!

One thing that always helps me be more accepting of my body is to take a minute and appreciate all the things it makes possible. No matter how much I've weighed or what size I wore, my body has let me walk outdoors on a beautiful day, splash my toes in the surf, and hug the people I love.

I bet yours makes it possible for you to do a lot of things that bring you joy, too.

So please try to be kind to yourself and to your body. It's a really important part of changing your mindset.

Every day, every one of us makes dozens of decisions about eating and activity. Fat or thin, fit or not. That's life. The good news is that you don't have to get every single choice "right" to achieve your goals, and change is not a timed event.

Feel free to start small. Picking something you can absolutely, 100% achieve (An extra glass of water a day? Swapping one sweet snack for a piece of fresh fruit? Taking a flight of stairs once a day?) could give you a sense of some control that you can build on as you start to feel a little more confident.

You do have what it takes to change your mind, and change your life.

But I'll send best wishes your way anyhow. Can't hurt. Might help.

jdawson002

when you lose weight you lose it from all parts of your body not just your waist....that's why the next size down were tight.

I've lost 20lbs and dropped only one size but my face looks thinner and now have only 1 chin....everyone can see a difference in me even though I only see a little.

make tomorrow your new starting day.....keep at it....keep logging your food and exercises....and make some like-minded friends on here who can give you support.

fresh start tomorrow....go for it

jgnatca

I think you are a fellow hedonist. I suggest Habit by Duhigg. Lower your expectations just a little bit, allow yourself to celebrate the little wins, and the next time you derail try and catch yourself sooner than six months after the fact. Spend some good time figuring out why you derail and come up with fresh strategies to stay on track, while respecting your inner hedonist.

fposte2016

Lots of great advice here. I would just note that laying your rawness and shame out there and owning it is a very brave and empowering thing to do. We are all human, all faulty, all prone to doing what is easy over what is uncomfortable. Eating less and moving more will be uncomfortable, for awhile. But you are already in a better position to live with that discomfort, having identified exactly how vulnerable you (and we all are) in this challenge. It will take time to get where you are going, but you are very strong right in this moment simply for naming and confronting the pain that has been standing in the way of your goals. Good luck. You've got this.

howekaren

Good grief. There's so much BS in sflisher's response I don't know where to start. To your issue, however, you're doing something right, obviously, since you'd lost 30 lbs. Forget the size of your pants. A size 12 at one store often isn't even close to what a size 12 fits like in the next store down. As to weight watchers, I just read this article this morning: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/10/why-weight-watchers-doesnt-work.html?x=1. Short version: diets don't work, changing your lifestyle does. If you want some actual science based advice, I'd recommend James Fell or Dr. Yoni Freedhoff. Short version for their advice: Eat the food, everything in moderation, and if you can't enjoy the life you're living while losing weight you won't keep it off after you're done losing. Planning and organization are key. Personally, I have days where I love my body (it's strength, great skin, etc.) and days where I can't stand the mirror because I haven't gotten where I want to. I've been up and down weight wise, but the important thing is I keep getting back on the horse. Ultimately, eating nutritious food and exercising are very importing to your health. Eating less calories than you burn is the only way to lose weight. They way you accomplish that varies, but if you don't enjoy it, it's not the one for you. Take it one day at a time, don't beat yourself up over "failures" because life happens. Recommit and don't look back. Learn to love yourself! That's important too.

Alishia6606

Many of us all have gained back weight we previously lost. It is a challenge sometimes to not fall back into our old habits. If it was easy to be thin and fit and lean, everyone would do it. The point is that it is hard work and dedication that gets us to our goals.

I too was feeling discouraged about my journey too. I only restarted 17 days ago, and already I am seeing changes. I have found muscles in places I didn't even know muscles were supposed to.

Get some support friends. (You can add me if you want) and hold yourself accountable. But on the other hand, don't beat yourself up if you slip up once in a while.

In no time you will see the changes you want. Best of luck!