My confidence is low

bmclogins

I started MFP 25 days ago. At first I was doing pretty well. Tracking honestly and making small adjustments. I stuck fairly close to my calorie goals and was making better eating choices. I slowly started losing. Then I stalled a bit after having a few "parties" and celebrations that put me well over my limit. I gained back a couple pounds, and I've been fluctuating up and down a bit.

In 25 days I am down 3 pounds, but I can't help feeling like this is really not good enough. I mean, I am obese. I should be losing more (my goal is 1.5 pounds per week), so I know I'm headed in the right direction, but there is a hyper-critical voice in my head that says I'm not succeeding, it's not working, etc.

The thing is, I KNOW this will work if I stick with it, but my confidence is rattled and I think I'm afraid of putting my full efforts into this. Maybe because then I'd have to admit my thyroid problem is not to blame, and my genes are not to blame, etc. Etc. I just eat too much.

I've never felt bad about myself and my weight beyond just wishing I was fitter and healthier. I've always liked the way I look, more or less. But now I'm starting ti realize just how big I am. And it sucks. I'm bummed out. The veil has been lifted.

I need to kick this into gear. But I feel very vulnerable right now.

Help.

2snakeswoman

Hugs. I've "fallen off the wagon" so many times that I'm afraid to climb back on. I need a miracle.

mmfox54

The only thing that has helped me is OA. There comes a point and time you have to acknowledge we cant eat like everyone else. We have maladaptive coping mechanisms and certain foods must be off limits (like alcohol is for an alcoholic) because they create physical cravings/allergic reactions/inability to maintain control. Xo.

FrothyGibblets

Use the lifting of the veil as you put it to propel you along during the times where you feel unconfident.

I'm the opposite to you in that I've hated how I've looked for years, hated what being overweight has taken from my life, yet whenever I tried to change, I could never stick to it and ended up doing it half arsed. Now, instead of being "motivated" by negativity, I'm approaching this with a positive outlook and I'm currently the lightest I've been in 10 years, despite having 200lbs left to lose.

This isn't a quick process, and whilst 3lbs in 25 days doesn't seem much when you've worked hard for more, but it's still 3 lbs less than you were 25 days ago. Keep with it, and I'm sure the results at the end will make it worth it!

amusedmonkey

I used to feel this way in the beginning, but then I learned to look at the big picture: even if I lose just one pound in one year, this is still one pound less than I used to weigh last year. I evaluate my success not week to week, not even month to month, but every 3 months. If after 3 months I have lost more than I gained, or at least maintained a previous loss, that's a victory. I actually maintained for a full 8 months last year. On the surface it's discouraging, but when you look deeper: I lost 50 pounds and maintained that loss! Sure it wasn't my original 150 pound loss goal, but it's one heck of an achievement given most people find maintaining lost weight to be hard. I eventually got back into the mindset of losing again and I did not have to start right from the beginning. I had a 50 lb head start!

So what's the worse that's gonna happen if you put effort into it? Worst case scenario would be that your "off" days would be balanced by your "on" days. But look at all the nice things you will get in return: those "off" days could have caused you to gain weight but they didn't, you might even lose some weight. Not to mention all the tricks and experiences you will pick up along the way regardless of what your weight does. These are even more important than the numbers themselves because that's what's gonna help you keep your weight in check for life, making dieting and maintaining easier than it would have been if you kept yoyoing aimlessly and giving up every time.

You got this!

bmclogins

amusedmonkey wrote: »

I used to feel this way in the beginning, but then I learned to look at the big picture: even if I lose just one pound in one year, this is still one pound less than I used to weigh last year. I evaluate my success not week to week, not even month to month, but every 3 months. If after 3 months I have lost more than I gained, or at least maintained a previous loss, that's a victory. I actually maintained for a full 8 months last year. On the surface it's discouraging, but when you look deeper: I lost 50 pounds and maintained that loss! Sure it wasn't my original 150 pound loss goal, but it's one heck of an achievement given most people find maintaining lost weight to be hard. I eventually got back into the mindset of losing again and I did not have to start right from the beginning. I had a 50 lb head start!

So what's the worse that's gonna happen if you put effort into it? Worst case scenario would be that your "off" days would be balanced by your "on" days. But look at all the nice things you will get in return: those "off" days could have caused you to gain weight but they didn't, you might even lose some weight. Not to mention all the tricks and experiences you will pick up along the way regardless of what your weight does. These are even more important than the numbers themselves because that's what's gonna help you keep your weight in check for life, making dieting and maintaining easier than it would have been if you kept yoyoing aimlessly and giving up every time.

You got this!

Thank you! This makes complete sense to me. How have you been so patient with yourself?

bmclogins

FrothyGibblets wrote: »

Use the lifting of the veil as you put it to propel you along during the times where you feel unconfident.

I'm the opposite to you in that I've hated how I've looked for years, hated what being overweight has taken from my life, yet whenever I tried to change, I could never stick to it and ended up doing it half arsed. Now, instead of being "motivated" by negativity, I'm approaching this with a positive outlook and I'm currently the lightest I've been in 10 years, despite having 200lbs left to lose.

This isn't a quick process, and whilst 3lbs in 25 days doesn't seem much when you've worked hard for more, but it's still 3 lbs less than you were 25 days ago. Keep with it, and I'm sure the results at the end will make it worth it!

Thanks, you're completely right!

bmclogins

mmfox54 wrote: »

The only thing that has helped me is OA. There comes a point and time you have to acknowledge we cant eat like everyone else. We have maladaptive coping mechanisms and certain foods must be off limits (like alcohol is for an alcoholic) because they create physical cravings/allergic reactions/inability to maintain control. Xo.

I hadn't considered this, thank you. I think the thing that's caught me off guard about this process is how emotional I am all of a sudden. I'm normally quite stoic and self-confident, but now that I'm seriously doing this I have all these FEELINGS to contend with, especially a very deep disappointment in my self.

amusedmonkey

bmclogins wrote: »

amusedmonkey wrote: »

I used to feel this way in the beginning, but then I learned to look at the big picture: even if I lose just one pound in one year, this is still one pound less than I used to weigh last year. I evaluate my success not week to week, not even month to month, but every 3 months. If after 3 months I have lost more than I gained, or at least maintained a previous loss, that's a victory. I actually maintained for a full 8 months last year. On the surface it's discouraging, but when you look deeper: I lost 50 pounds and maintained that loss! Sure it wasn't my original 150 pound loss goal, but it's one heck of an achievement given most people find maintaining lost weight to be hard. I eventually got back into the mindset of losing again and I did not have to start right from the beginning. I had a 50 lb head start!

So what's the worse that's gonna happen if you put effort into it? Worst case scenario would be that your "off" days would be balanced by your "on" days. But look at all the nice things you will get in return: those "off" days could have caused you to gain weight but they didn't, you might even lose some weight. Not to mention all the tricks and experiences you will pick up along the way regardless of what your weight does. These are even more important than the numbers themselves because that's what's gonna help you keep your weight in check for life, making dieting and maintaining easier than it would have been if you kept yoyoing aimlessly and giving up every time.

You got this!

Thank you! This makes complete sense to me. How have you been so patient with yourself?

It took some mental effort at first, but I gradually switched focus from the numbers goal to the process itself. My main focus is now to learn as much as possible about what works for me and how to tackle certain situations such as social gatherings, stress, hormones..etc gathering all kinds of useful dieting tools and strategies along the way. Anyone can muscle through a few pounds and regain. What sets maintainers apart is their mindset and focus on making weight management as natural as possible. I'm terrified of putting time and effort into losing 150 pounds only to regain them later, so I use that fear to keep focusing on developing tools and habits.

I think of dieting as training wheels for maintenance, if you will. The patience comes from the fact that maintenance does not have a deadline like dieting, and the number on the scale is usually just a result of sound strategies instead of a measure of how much willpower you put into it. It takes time, but once you manage to change your mindset you will feel more triumphant when you find something that makes dieting easier for you than the actual numbers on the scale, feeling like you are one step closer to successful and natural maintenance that does not involve more willpower than is sustainable. My ultimate goal is to reach a point someday where managing my weight is near effortless and requires little more than general awareness with as little brainwork and willpower as possible. Basically, for maintenance to become normalized and near mindless.

I, like you, did not mind being fat and even liked the way I looked. The reason I decided to lose weight was the effect my weight started having on my health, and taking care of my health is a life-long commitment. It can't end as soon as I hit a certain number on the scale.

sandrachis

I started MFP with 6 exercises a week and following calorie counting plus singing 6 hours a week ( which is exhausting) and ended up gaining 4 pounds in a month. Doctor says its muscle and jeans were big today but it is discouraging when we live by the scale. My health is improved and I feel much better because I'm trying. I figure if it doesn't work in a year I'll try something else. Don't give up.

silverfiend

Feeling hungry can also make you moody and far more self judgmental. It's going to work out for you, just don't give up! You broke your planned eating a few times, but you are still in positive territory! Be happy about that. This isn't a race, it's a lifelong journey. You didn't put the weight on overnight, it's not reasonable to take it off that fast either.

So get back on track of eating right and exercising. Every pound is a victory. Look at the long goal, you can do it!

Justforme160yee

I feel the same way, food is my drug and I am an addict! Better choices day by day. For our own greater good! Stick with it! It's a life battle. And to survive we must kick foods but!!! ( sugars butt )

frankiesgirl21

Been fighting this battle for 2 years. I can. You can. We WILL!

bmclogins

Thanks everyone! I'm feelng a bit more positive. I've been maintaining for a couple days and I'm back on track. Met my calorie goals today and I've been really active. I said NO to several situations that would harm me -- was offered sweets, am on a mini vacation right now, etc., but I'm making those changes!

I just need to remember that this is a slow process. I want this weight OFF.

Skrib69

We all have good days and bad days. I used to bad days to learn about my trigger points - what makes me want to eat beyond my calorie goal. As has been said, a loss is still a loss and should be celebrated (but not with a wedge of cake!!). Concentrate on the long game of where you want to get

satisatisati

bmclogins wrote: »

I started MFP 25 days ago. At first I was doing pretty well. Tracking honestly and making small adjustments. I stuck fairly close to my calorie goals and was making better eating choices. I slowly started losing. Then I stalled a bit after having a few "parties" and celebrations that put me well over my limit. I gained back a couple pounds, and I've been fluctuating up and down a bit.

In 25 days I am down 3 pounds, but I can't help feeling like this is really not good enough. I mean, I am obese. I should be losing more (my goal is 1.5 pounds per week), so I know I'm headed in the right direction, but there is a hyper-critical voice in my head that says I'm not succeeding, it's not working, etc.

The thing is, I KNOW this will work if I stick with it, but my confidence is rattled and I think I'm afraid of putting my full efforts into this. Maybe because then I'd have to admit my thyroid problem is not to blame, and my genes are not to blame, etc. Etc. I just eat too much.

I've never felt bad about myself and my weight beyond just wishing I was fitter and healthier. I've always liked the way I look, more or less. But now I'm starting ti realize just how big I am. And it sucks. I'm bummed out. The veil has been lifted.

I need to kick this into gear. But I feel very vulnerable right now.

Help.

Don't worry be patient. Weight loss is a very slow process. Weigh everything you eat. Eat whatever you like but inside your macros under your calories budget. You can do it. Weight loss is all about number of calories in verses out

frankiesgirl21

Log every bite every day. Log on and read every day. Repeat.

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jennifer_417

Slamming face-first into reality isn't always much fun. I had to go through that in my own process, too. However, now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to hide from it, or are you going to let it spur you on to meeting your goals?

bmclogins

jennifer_417 wrote: »

Slamming face-first into reality isn't always much fun. I had to go through that in my own process, too. However, now that you have this information, what are you going to do with it? Are you going to hide from it, or are you going to let it spur you on to meeting your goals?

I'm making the change. There's no doubt. Facing reality has been a shock, and it was like I had blinders on for over twenty years. I can't go back now that I "know" the truth.

ellielittlewood20

You guys are brilliant! I was feeling similar and thought I'd have a read, thankyou to people for being so honest I've found with all of it that it's about recognising that food/calories aren't your enemy in all of this and it's about alternatives... so I can still enjoy that yummy Chinese I want to eat, but I'll make it at home and stir fry up a load of veggies together with a bit of ginger, five spice and some beans/tofu (I'm vegetarian) which is a fraction of the calories and guilt but totally satisfying because it's food I love eating.

nowine4me

ANY loss that is maintained is a step the right direction.