Help! I keep falling off track

DaniDoll57

So I've lost a total of 18 lbs since I've started. I'm happy with the results and I still have so much more to go. But I will always end up falling off the wagon and struggling to get back on. This last week my Opa (grandpa in German for those unfamiliar) was in the ICU and I was really struggling with the idea of losing him. That obviously set me back because I began to emotionally eat again. And now this past week I've just done so badly that getting myself to just stop and get back on my elliptical and counting everything out has seemed pointless. Logically I can say to myself, no, it's not pointless, you can do this!

But the illogical side of me is all ehhhhhh, too late now, you might as well not care.

What have some of you done to get back into the truly motivated part of losing weight and staying on target? I think I may have the beginning traits of someone with severe food addiction because that's what I will sneak around to do. I will go get bad food for me and eat in my car just to quell any sadness I'm feeling and I know I need to stop. Please, any suggestions?

bugsypemberton

Okay Dani. First of all, I commend you for being so open about this. You may find people get upset when you're too honest. Ignore their 'tude, dude. You have a problem!

I am also an emotional eater. It's hard because you don't always catch it right away. Then, one day you wake up and 10 pounds has grown back somewhere on your body, right?

Half the battle is recognizing it.

The other half is starting from wherever your at- starting again.

They say not to kick yourself over it. I disagree. When we kick ourselves the bruise is a ready reminder that we don't want to go through this mess again! So kick yourself but get back on the wagon. This time, settling the goal from wherever you're at now.

I had to restart my myfitnesspal account. That gave me an on screen new beginning.

Also, find someone to be accountable to. I'm using space here to do it on the discussion board (much to the disdain of some) but hey, its where I can feel I'm being accountable to people.

Maybe you do better in "the real world" offline. Find a buddy, friend, anyone that you can call daily or weekly and check in with. Someone you can be transparent with.

Anyway, just a couple of thoughts. Hope it helped. And keep on truckin!!!

TavistockToad

It's never too late to get back on track!

DaniDoll57

Thanks you guys; Leah I think I needed to hear a few of those remarks. I know the Internet is an unforgiving place but I'm not a sociable person because of my weight so I don't have many real life friends. I have one or two but I'm still unsure how much I can share ya know? I don't want to be that depressed far girl that whines about her weight; I legitimately want to fix this health issue and be a happy person but sometimes I cave in too easy or I get too stressed. It's overwhelming

epac0127

Sending a friend request.

courtniekrebs

I'm the same way. In fact I just caught myself after a 2 week slip up. Getting back up and back on the band wagon shows huge strength in people. I had to face reality and am trying to figure out what my triggers are that cause me to spiral out of control.

ErikaHope203

I can completely relate to the emotional eating AND I've also fallen off many times and had a hard time getting back on, especially after difficult times arose in my life last year. So much of it is the way we think...our minds...it's so hard to change our thoughts sometimes. I feel sometimes that's my biggest obstacle. Especially when I do "mess up". For example, today I had an awesome workout and stayed right near my calorie allowance but then I wanted to eat pie that was in the fridge and instead of controlling the urge, I had it and went over my calories by a few hundred. Since then, I've been mad at myself all night and instead of just letting it go and realizing tomorrow is a new day. Anyway, I guess my point is that I can relate to some of the things you wrote. You're definitely not alone in these feelings and there's many people on MFP who can definitely relate and be supportive. Feel free to add me if you'd like. It'd be nice to support one another

DaniDoll57

That's exactly how I am. If I do a good workout I'll usually do really well good wise UNTIL there's a trigger whether it be food or stress or something RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I can't do avoidance well. And sometimes if I gorge on something and feel guilty afterwards I'll purge it which is so shameful but I get in this mindset that I've ruined everything unless I do that.

I have ptsd and depression from the army and food is how I coped; it's why I gained 50 lbs after the army and it sucks. It just sucks.

courtniekrebs

I'm so sorry you have that going on. I struggle with PTSD from childhood and a traumatic event as an adult. Today was a rough day for me emotionally and I completely over ate... I did catch myself and finally just fell to the floor and cried. I'd love to help you and would love help ad well. I'll add you as a friend

Trish1c

I'm sorry about your grandfather. As an outlet for your stress & worry, can you volunteer somewhere to help fight whatever ails him?

Since you were in the army, you know something about perseverance & physical conditioning. Draw on those old lessons to help you now.

You mentioned PTSD. Are you getting therapy for it? Group sessions really help. My husband isn't a big fan of the formal side of these treatments but stays in touch with the guys from his platoon, even just through FB sometimes but it's been a wonderful outlet for him to talk to people who "get it".

Since you know your triggers, you have to replace them with something. Instead of snacking, go for a run or journal when you are stressed. It's about building good habits.

NancyYale

I think everyone who has a serious weight problem has this issue to some degree. I certainly did. Teaching yourself to just push through it is the key. Start every DAY fresh. No waiting a week to get back on track. Accept the fall and move on. It gets easier to do the more often you do it. It did for me
112 pounds down to date.

Zombella

I have always had a problem with emotional eating and falling off track. For the month of September, I decided to print out a calendar and write my goals on it. Basically just goals for water, cals, etc. At the end of the day (or whenever I meet a certain goal), I check them off. It is nice for me to see how I am doing and that his motivating me.

DaniDoll57

I currently don't see a therapist or take medication for a few reasons. 1) my insurance is through the Army and I was married last year. For some reason I can't get my name changes so my insurance is under my maiden name. 2) I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome (my life lottery hit the jackpot apparently) and am currently doing a medical study which I can't be on other prescriptions for. 3) Almost every therapist I've seen has decided I should move on within a month of seeing them (with the exception of one therapist when I was stationed in Virginia. I owe him so much) and I stop seeing those therapists.

So far I've gotten through today without going over calories. Tomorrow I have workouts scheduled in so I'm confident I'll get back on track. I'm just uncertain of how long I'll stay. Yes I remember the training and discipline from my time in the military but up until I went through my experience that caused my ptsd I was pretty dang healthy. I didn't have these demons to fight or these issues hindering my every move. I was a lot stronger. Not so much anymore.

foen_i

Really guys? This thread feels like affair justification forums xD

It just happened. I didn't realize I was sleeping with your wife until after she had my 3rd child.
Reality check: Stop excusing each other. If you want something get your *kitten* together and take it. Log EVERYTHING. Nothing just sneaks up on you. And yeah I have a lot of stress too. I know the struggles. My ex is exploiting every legal loophole to keep me from our daughter.

No excuses to ignore my diet. I would be easy to find the though...

Sorry for the rant.

fposte2016

The purging detail here concerns me. I'm sure you know how dangerous that can be and how unhealthy for your teeth, throat, and psychological wellbeing. It's good you could be open about it so you can address that kind of self-destructive behavior. It's also plain ineffective. Throwing up recently eaten food often does not rid you of the calories you think it does (and your body does not get the benefit of breaking down the fiber in what you ate, which actually would have burned a few calories). If you binge, crystallize in your mind how bad it feels and start fresh the next meal. It happens to the best of us, but won't be fixed with more self-destructive behavior.

TavistockToad

DaniDoll57 wrote: »

That's exactly how I am. If I do a good workout I'll usually do really well good wise UNTIL there's a trigger whether it be food or stress or something RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I can't do avoidance well. And sometimes if I gorge on something and feel guilty afterwards I'll purge it which is so shameful but I get in this mindset that I've ruined everything unless I do that.

I have ptsd and depression from the army and food is how I coped; it's why I gained 50 lbs after the army and it sucks. It just sucks.

Are you getting treatment for the purging?

goldthistime

DaniDoll57 wrote: »

I currently don't see a therapist or take medication for a few reasons. 1) my insurance is through the Army and I was married last year. For some reason I can't get my name changes so my insurance is under my maiden name. 2) I also have polycystic ovarian syndrome (my life lottery hit the jackpot apparently) and am currently doing a medical study which I can't be on other prescriptions for. 3) Almost every therapist I've seen has decided I should move on within a month of seeing them (with the exception of one therapist when I was stationed in Virginia. I owe him so much) and I stop seeing those therapists.

So far I've gotten through today without going over calories. Tomorrow I have workouts scheduled in so I'm confident I'll get back on track. I'm just uncertain of how long I'll stay. Yes I remember the training and discipline from my time in the military but up until I went through my experience that caused my ptsd I was pretty dang healthy. I didn't have these demons to fight or these issues hindering my every move. I was a lot stronger. Not so much anymore.

Is your weight loss set to 2lbs a week? Consider lowering it to 1lb or even .5lb or even maintenance, which is where I have mine set. If it's a struggle, make it less of a struggle. Each week you should move forward toward your goal but there is no law saying it has to be every day.

BoxerBrawler

One day at a time girl. One baby step at a time. Setbacks happen, we are only human. Just keep getting up and moving forward even if it's only by inches. You are much stronger than you think you are. As soon as you realize, and believe that, there will be no stopping you!

Chilli7777

I suggest looking up bob proctor on youtube and find some clips of his about living in the past and forgiveness... its truly amazing and made so much sense for me. It will help you with your ptsd. With life, it is what it is. Don't let past events define you...and this is coming from someone who has endured some pretty *kitten* stuff which i refuse to let control me any longer. You can do this! Xx

GuruOnAMountain

I totally feel you. I'm very frustrated at myself for losing weight multiple times and always gaining it back again sooner or later. Like you, quite often the gaining back is triggered by emotional eating. The last time that I gained weight back was when my mum was very ill and I was trying to finish my PhD at the same time. The stress and the upset just got on top of me and I gained back over two stones but the PhD is well and truly finished now so I've got no excuse to not get back on it but seem to just keep falling off the wagon!

I'm not sure I have an answer but I totally feel your struggle. If you want to add me as a friend, feel free and we can start this thing together.

DaniDoll57

I didn't realize I had so many responses until I checked this today. Okay.

No, I haven't gotten treatment for the purging because I haven't really admitted it to anyone, even my husband. I can admit it freely on here because, well, it's the internet. You're all strangers and if you judge me, that doesn't really bother me as much. Having to tell family or friends or my husband makes it more real and upsetting. I know my mother knew I did it when I was younger and she was really great at support; she's been so super supportive of me losing weight now that I don't want to disappoint her by admitting that I still do this once in awhile. It's not often but it's more than I should.

My weight loss goal is really whatever it ends up being tbh. I have my calories set for 1440 (or roughly around there) along with half hour of exercise most days of the week. I haven't lost weight in a few weeks (I had a trip to Texas and my Opa was very ill so I had a lot of stress I didn't account for) but I'm finally starting to trickle back down.

I'm just not good with talking to people about my problems in real life The internet is a different entity. I can share these things because I guess with everything crazy that's on here, it's not as weird or horrible?

gothchiq

If you have the money, I know that online therapists exist.