So Hard this Time

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I am having a really hard time wrapping my brain around losing weight right now. I know how to do it, eat all the right things, record every bite and exercise a lot (I love working out). I had successfully lost 40 pounds 8 years ago and kept them off until the last few years where the pounds crept back on ever so slowly. I have lost and gained the same 10 pounds for the last 2 years, and now it has managed to get to 20.
Losing weight at 54 and going through menopause is no picnic and half the time I ask myself, 'why bother?'.
Of course this makes me terribly depressed and I vow to get it off, only to quit after a week or two. Grrr. Also I always have something social on the calendar, whether its a get together or a short getaway. I vow to get back on the horse after but I think we all know how that usually works. Its just a slippery slope.
Any women here going through a similar situation and how are you getting your brain in the game?
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Replies

  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    edited September 2016
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    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
  • BoxerBrawler
    BoxerBrawler Posts: 2,032 Member
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    Think back to when you first lost that 40 LBs. How did you feel? When you realized you could fit into smaller clothes, the first time someone noticed and maybe said you were thin, the first time you were able to do something physical at the gym that you couldn't previously do, how you had so much energy, how you glowed, how you felt so confident, strong, beautiful... Remember feeling all of that? Don't you want to feel like that again? If the answer is yes then you're going to have to suck it up and do the work, just like you did the last time. There will always be an excuse... social engagements, menopause, family dinners, outings, weddings, etc. You did it before and you can do it again. Learn once again how to say "no", and learn again how to exercise your will power, discipline and control over food. Or... don't, and stay where you are.
  • yuggybuggy
    yuggybuggy Posts: 20 Member
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    hi
    I am in similar situation, except I lost the 40lb this year
    I am similar age and menopause is NOT an excuse - it is a fact that our bodies behave differently

    I was doing so well and now it has all caved in although unlike you, I struggle with exercise
    I enjoy walking, but found that although I was eating much better and losing weight, I grew more and more tired - none of that great energy boost others seemed to describe

    as a result I have crashed badly and now all over the place
  • theresakruse48
    theresakruse48 Posts: 76 Member
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    I am 50 and I have lost 58lbs since Easter...I didn't exercise at all when I started my journey...now I do 3 classes M,W,F, and workout on Sunday...I don't get that burst of energy from working out that everyone talks about, in fact, I have to come home and take a nap! When I am sick of this journey and lose ALL motivation I just remember that time is going to pass whether I get off my *kitten* or not and Rome wasn't built in a day so it all can't come off that way either!
  • dvdiamond11
    dvdiamond11 Posts: 24 Member
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    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!
  • mom22dogs
    mom22dogs Posts: 470 Member
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    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    The bolded is why people fail. Learn to work in what you want to eat, within your calories. It might mean you drink 1 or 2 glasses of wine instead of say, 4. But you don't have to quit it all together. Eat what you want, just less of it.
    And quit telling yourself it is so hard. You just have to be more mindful of how much you are eating/drinking.
  • NancyCaz61
    NancyCaz61 Posts: 136 Member
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    It definitely is harder this time around that's for sure. What worked for me 10 years ago just doesn't work now. I was using menopause as an excuse...until I did some soul searching and realized it was ME not menopause that was preventing me from losing weight. I would eat and eat and eat and complain, complain, complain. While it is coming off very slowly I have been consistently coming in under calories and exercising 4-5 days a week. I'm eating better and I know I'm doing good things for my body. It may take a while, but that's ok as long as the scale is moving in the right direction...I'm not going anywhere...
  • ItsyBitsy246
    ItsyBitsy246 Posts: 307 Member
    edited September 2016
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    I'm 51, half way to 52. Exercise has always made me feel depressed and angry afterwards, whether I enjoy it while I'm doing it or not, so I'm not doing any dedicated exercising (yet). I'm losing on average a pound a week just counting calories. I eat anything I want, but exercise portion control. That's it. I'm not sure why I never feel like giving up, maybe it's the lack of deprivation?
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?

    Hmm...everything is almost opposite for me. Boring foods tends to make me eat less and go do something else. Why would anyone want to fill way up with cucumbers, celery sticks? LOL. The key with this is...you actually have to eat boring foods in order to eat less. Interesting foods, occasions would make me overeat. Third grade logic here.

    Having one or two glasses of wine or whatever the restrictive amount of your favorite foods is very counterproductive to one's diet. You'll be stimulating your appetite and thus constantly testing your willpower, remembering to cut back. Why would you put yourself in a tough situation and then work hard to get out?

    In this regard, I would eat until I'm satisfied physically and emotionally (and skip other meals to make up) or don't eat that good food at all which is much easier to do (for your diet). Eating foods in a superficial amount is also counterproductive.

    Like you said, which I agree, food is meant to provide nutrients, a pleasure (but that has to be with enough quantify) and for socializing and what not, which has to be eaten the way it's meant.

  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Eh you can enjoy yourself once in a while. Just try not to go overboard and ask yourself if it's REALLY worth it to go crazy. But if it happens... what matters is not to give up... Log it, and move on.
  • ItsyBitsy246
    ItsyBitsy246 Posts: 307 Member
    edited September 2016
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?

    Hmm...everything is almost opposite for me. Boring foods tends to make me eat less and go do something else. Why would anyone want to fill way up with cucumbers, celery sticks? LOL. The key with this is...you actually have to eat boring foods in order to eat less. Interesting foods, occasions would make me overeat. Third grade logic here.

    Having one or two glasses of wine or whatever the restrictive amount of your favorite foods is very counterproductive to one's diet. You'll be stimulating your appetite and thus constantly testing your willpower, remembering to cut back. Why would you put yourself in a tough situation and then work hard to get out?

    In this regard, I would eat until I'm satisfied physically and emotionally (and skip other meals to make up) or don't eat that good food at all which is much easier to do (for your diet). Eating foods in a superficial amount is also counterproductive.

    Like you said, which I agree, food is meant to provide nutrients, a pleasure (but that has to be with enough quantify) and for socializing and what not, which has to be eaten the way it's meant.

    Interesting. I guess everyone is different. I haven't found having one or two glasses of wine (or whatever smaller portion of foods) to be counter productive at all. This is coming from a woman who knows how to down and enjoy her wine/beer/liquor/food. I also don't feel like my willpower is being tested either if I eat smaller portions of foods I love. I wanted to say that maybe its because I've doing this for five months and it's second nature, but upon reflection, this wasn't an issue at the beginning either. Just a mental shift I guess.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    Losing when older IS different. With age we have more maturity and the experience of setting a plan and sticking to it! We have the motivation of health, family, and a longer life, not just a bikini. Lots of older women here have lost tons of weight (literally!). Age is just a number, so don't let anyone convince you differently, especially yourself.

    I'm 61. I started shortly after my 59th birthday and losing a dear friend to CHF. I believe at this point in life we have the experience, maturity, and motivation to stick to our commitments. For most of us, it's about far more than looking good in a bikini. It doesn't matter whether its "harder" to lose weight at this age. Menopause doesn't matter. Working, not working, having family, having medical issues, etc. doesn't "matter" for this journey

    What matters is that you decide what you want, make a plan, set some good habits, and follow them day in and day out. Don't sit around waiting to "feel motivated." Just act on your plan and follow your new habits, the same way you brush your teeth and take a shower.

    I don't think about whether I "feel motivated" before I fix my meal, go on a walk, or go to fitness class. I do it because that is my plan and my decision. I don't want to go back to where I was--I felt awful physically and mentally--and that's enough to keep me on track. It's not easy, but it can be done. I've done it and after 27 months I am only a few pounds from my goal.

    My view is that it's not necessarily harder at "our age". If it's a little harder physically, it can be easier mentally. Maybe we are more committed because "doing it for health" means a lot more. We have the life experience to stick with our goals and commitments. What "other people" think doesn't affect us as much. The mental aspect of weight loss is the hard part, and we have lots of skills in that area. Younger women frequently ask me what I've done & how I stay motivated. So it's not like they have it figured out and it's a breeze. Sometimes I feel bad that I'm not faster or stronger in classes, then I have to remind myself that at age 61 I'm often the oldest there and I've made immense progress in 2+ years. In the end, it's my own progress that matters.

    Mentally it can be easier to lose as we get older because we've lived with the weight longer, want to get rid of it more badly, know how to commit to a goal, are more aware of the health concerns, and just have more internal motivation. Forget all the chatter about whether or not it's harder. At my small fitness studio, I've earned a lot of respect from many younger people who've been bouncing up and down the same 10 pounds while I've dropped 147.

    I'd encourage you not to use age as an excuse. At this point in life we have the experience & maturity to overcome obstacles and reach our goals. Lots of women have done it!
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?

    Hmm...everything is almost opposite for me. Boring foods tends to make me eat less and go do something else. Why would anyone want to fill way up with cucumbers, celery sticks? LOL. The key with this is...you actually have to eat boring foods in order to eat less. Interesting foods, occasions would make me overeat. Third grade logic here.

    Having one or two glasses of wine or whatever the restrictive amount of your favorite foods is very counterproductive to one's diet. You'll be stimulating your appetite and thus constantly testing your willpower, remembering to cut back. Why would you put yourself in a tough situation and then work hard to get out?

    In this regard, I would eat until I'm satisfied physically and emotionally (and skip other meals to make up) or don't eat that good food at all which is much easier to do (for your diet). Eating foods in a superficial amount is also counterproductive.

    Like you said, which I agree, food is meant to provide nutrients, a pleasure (but that has to be with enough quantify) and for socializing and what not, which has to be eaten the way it's meant.

    I think diet food is supposed to have the effect you get from it, but I have overeaten the boring food to try to get satisfaction, and then I overate junk food to try to get satisfaction. It didn't work, and I don't think it works for that many people. I eat much less when the food is great, interesting, tasty, delicious.

    If wine is a trigger "food", and urges her to overconsume, then the OP shouldn't drink wine either. But we haven't been able to establish that.

    The magic happens when we find a diet, structure, plan, whatever, that lets us enjoy food and eat to satiety, while losing and maintaining weight effortlessly. You will know it's working because it won't be hard. This will be something different for each person.
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?

    Hmm...everything is almost opposite for me. Boring foods tends to make me eat less and go do something else. Why would anyone want to fill way up with cucumbers, celery sticks? LOL. The key with this is...you actually have to eat boring foods in order to eat less. Interesting foods, occasions would make me overeat. Third grade logic here.

    Having one or two glasses of wine or whatever the restrictive amount of your favorite foods is very counterproductive to one's diet. You'll be stimulating your appetite and thus constantly testing your willpower, remembering to cut back. Why would you put yourself in a tough situation and then work hard to get out?

    In this regard, I would eat until I'm satisfied physically and emotionally (and skip other meals to make up) or don't eat that good food at all which is much easier to do (for your diet). Eating foods in a superficial amount is also counterproductive.

    Like you said, which I agree, food is meant to provide nutrients, a pleasure (but that has to be with enough quantify) and for socializing and what not, which has to be eaten the way it's meant.

    Interesting. I guess everyone is different. I haven't found having one or two glasses of wine (or whatever smaller portion of foods) to be counter productive at all. This is coming from a woman who knows how to down and enjoy her wine/beer/liquor/food. I also don't feel like my willpower is being tested either if I eat smaller portions of foods I love. I wanted to say that maybe its because I've doing this for five months and it's second nature, but upon reflection, this wasn't an issue at the beginning either. Just a mental shift I guess.

    If you have no problem eating smaller portions, I don't know what challenge there is for you to lose or maintain your weight. :)

    Another interesting (weird to me) thing from your previous post is " Exercise has always made me feel depressed and angry afterwards,"

    It should be the opposite, quoted the Web:
    "When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain. Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine."

  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Options
    What are the right things, and why do you quit eating them?
    I eat very healthy foods. No fast food, prepackaged foods, very low sugar consumption, etc... I just eat too much!
    Its really about wrapping my brain around what I want more, to eat and drink and be social, or to use my willpower to say no, or to not drink (wine) when going out (yeah right). Last night my husband and I were invited to a yearly get together with a lot of our friends. He went without me. I decided the temptation was just too much to deal with. BTW, I live in wine country. Drinking wine is a way of life around these parts. I also work in the wine industry. So wine is everywhere and one of my passions.
    I know I can do this,its just so danged hard!

    Boring food and restrictive behavior tends to lead to overeating. We can do anything for a while, but what counts is what we can do for life. Eating and drinking is an important part of social occasions, food is designed (also by nature) to be a pleasure, and we are supposed to eat end enjoy it - you can't rely on your willpower for long to stop you from following your instincts. It sounds really sad that you couldn't go and see your friends. What if you had one or two glasses of wine, like mom22dogs suggested? And balanced the eating with socializing?

    Hmm...everything is almost opposite for me. Boring foods tends to make me eat less and go do something else. Why would anyone want to fill way up with cucumbers, celery sticks? LOL. The key with this is...you actually have to eat boring foods in order to eat less. Interesting foods, occasions would make me overeat. Third grade logic here.

    Having one or two glasses of wine or whatever the restrictive amount of your favorite foods is very counterproductive to one's diet. You'll be stimulating your appetite and thus constantly testing your willpower, remembering to cut back. Why would you put yourself in a tough situation and then work hard to get out?

    In this regard, I would eat until I'm satisfied physically and emotionally (and skip other meals to make up) or don't eat that good food at all which is much easier to do (for your diet). Eating foods in a superficial amount is also counterproductive.

    Like you said, which I agree, food is meant to provide nutrients, a pleasure (but that has to be with enough quantify) and for socializing and what not, which has to be eaten the way it's meant.

    I think diet food is supposed to have the effect you get from it, but I have overeaten the boring food to try to get satisfaction, and then I overate junk food to try to get satisfaction. It didn't work, and I don't think it works for that many people. I eat much less when the food is great, interesting, tasty, delicious.

    If wine is a trigger "food", and urges her to overconsume, then the OP shouldn't drink wine either. But we haven't been able to establish that.

    The magic happens when we find a diet, structure, plan, whatever, that lets us enjoy food and eat to satiety, while losing and maintaining weight effortlessly. You will know it's working because it won't be hard. This will be something different for each person.

    Strange day for me to run into so many contradicting thoughts/ideas. :) But nevertheless, interesting.

    I think you use boring foods all wrong. :) Boring foods such as a simple sandwich, boiled eggs, cucumber salad, are meant for you to fill up quickly without a ton of calories, while aren't bad at nutrition. There's very little joy, satisfaction from them. That's why they are boring, per definition.

    You are the first one I see that says tasty, interesting foods help you eat less. I think overweight people's diet issue is they like their foods too much. Put it another way, foods are too much fun and tasty to them.
  • frankiesgirlie
    frankiesgirlie Posts: 669 Member
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    You can drink your wine. You can work it into your calorie goal. I don't drink but I have my daily "sweet treat".
    Total deprivation is NOT necessary!!