Venting

brialger

I'm currently a high school senior and I've lost about 40 lbs ( I had lost about 10 already before I started MFP) All comments I've recieved from other people have been positive. However, my mother and grandfather are the ones who make negative comments. It's mostly my mom, shes constantly making comments claiming I "dont eat" even though she watches me eat. I always have the same responce, I tell her that she knows I eat, I choose to eat healthy foods, and only eat when I'm hungry and until I am full. "I refuse to stuff myself" Also, when I eat with her and log my calories onto MFP she will always ask me what I'm doing on my phone then snark when I tell her im logging as if she wasnt the one who asked lol. Also, she will snarkily ask me "what have I eaten today" "have I eaten meat today" "have I eaten carbs today" (which by the way she thinks is only present in the grain food group) with this condescending attitude that makes me want to scream. My family has some of the most unhealthy eating habits you will ever see. Growing up my family loved watching me devour a whole stack of chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and three helpings of raviolis for dinner because they have this disgusting "the more food the better" mindset. I also don't think I had ever touched a vegatable (that wasnt saturated from top to bottom in cheese and/or butter) until I started my weight loss journey this year. To my surprise, leading a healthy lifestyle has exposed to me so many delicious and healthy foods I would have never tried had I not decided to change my ways! Out of my intermediate family (consisting of my step dad, grandfather, aunt, and mom) my mom is the only one who isnt overweight. And that is because she is naturally petite and literally only eats once (a large meal) a day and that is it. My house is stacked from wall to wall with various types of chips, cookies, and more. When a guest in my house you will be offered double your body weight in food no exaggeration. My mom will drop the "we're Italian thats how we are!!" line on multiple occasions usually to guests which pisses me off to no end because 1. you shouldn't use an ethnicity to justify your disgusting and unhealthy ways and 2. my grandfather moved to America from Italy when he was 13, him and his 8 siblings were dirt poor in Italy and he has no pride in having had lived there. It often appears that he tries to forget his time there which makes sense considering his family was not doing well there. I used to mention wanting to visit my grandpa's hometown in Italy and he would tell me not to, "that I'd be bored" My immediate family never speaks a word of Italian around the house ( me, my mom, and my stepdad don't even know the language), and my mom doesn't even like our extended family! So no, we are not Italian we are American it is ignorance at its finest. I have always been the type of person that once my mind is made up there is no going back. Therefore, all the junk food in my house and consumed around me doesn't phase me. I used to absolutely despise myself and I know I never want to feel that extreme self hatred again. Sometime's I'll doubt myself, getting scared that I'll revert back to my old excessive eating ways. But, when I am put into actual situations of temptation 85% of the time I'll resist and 10% of the time I'll have just one and log it. Part of me is terrified of gaining weight back in college. However, my family went on a 5 day trip without me recently and I found it easier on my own. If you read this whole thing thank you so much for listening to me I just had to get it out (: If anyone has comments and/or wants to vent about unsupportive people/situations feel free. I'm here to listen.

foen_i

I have a friend who is pretty much like your parents. I think they perceive our lifestyle as criticism of theirs. Maybe they are even jealous of your dedication? Anyway to defend themselves they lash out. Do not let them get to you!

medic2038

I think this happens with a lot of people. Your goals don't match their expectations, but that's fine because they're your goals. Maybe in their views you have to be chubby to be "a real Italian woman" or whatever; that's obviously not your view. Live your life according to your terms (within reason here).

There's plenty of reasons that people do this type of thing, and they're not always with bad intentions.

enterdanger

You should tell your mom that if she wants to see what you are eating she should join MFP and just set your food diary to public. Maybe it would be eye opening for her.

jayv85

Don't worry about college. I was in the best shape and the lightest of my life while in college. Just don't use it as an excuse to get lazy and eat crappy and you'll be OK.

My family is Italian too and I got the "your too skinny eat some more" all the time. Thankfully I was athletic so I kept it off. Plus they act like yours too.

As bad as it sounds, once I left home I think it was better for myself. I would never go back to living with my family (visit, yes). I'd rather the stresses of being an adult than that

LemeursKind

medic2038 wrote: »

I think this happens with a lot of people. Your goals don't match their expectations, but that's fine because they're your goals.

This is very true, and a mentor of mine once told me that if you start changing people around you will try to sabotage your change. They will try to hold on to the old you, because that is who they are comfortable with.

Need2Exerc1se

Ah family.

It's probably not behavior you will ever change and certainly not quickly. My best advice is just to smile and say "Thanks for worrying about me Mom! I've been eating enough." and go on with your business.

AJF230

brialger wrote: »

Part of me is terrified of gaining weight back in college. However, my family went on a 5 day trip without me recently and I found it easier on my own.

Don't worry about that. I started losing weight when I went to college (20 years ago now, yikes!). Plenty of walking and nutritious food. And not overdoing that food. Bad habits are what make people put on weight -- Late night pizza. Drinking alcohol to excess. Not exercising.

Its tough to change your eating habits around family, and friends. Its like you are revolting against your culture. Culture has an inertia to it. The lower key you play it, the better. Also, trying to keep active with them doing some of the 'non-food' stuff together will remind them you are still the same person

brialger

thank you all so much!! (:

DeficitDuchess

I find your maturity for your age impressive, if you hadn't mentioned being a high school student; I'd think your post were via someone twice your age!

brialger

DeficitDuchess wrote: »

I find your maturity for your age impressive, if you hadn't mentioned being a high school student; I'd think your post were via someone twice your age!

Wow thank you so much, that means alot. (:

roadlesswritten

Yeah I have almost the same situation coming from an Italian background. Then my mom is a vegetarian so she always complained when I went paleo and ate meat and veggies. It's super annoying! Lol I live alone now and it's so much easier to do what you want. College is the best! I'm sure you'll do fine on your own.

txfyreflye

brialger wrote: »

Hi Brialger. First, let me commend you for opening up. It's hard for us grown ups, it has to be harder for a young person such as yourself. You're on the right road, kiddo.

Second, I am a grandmama. So if you need an online grandma to talk to, let me know and add me to your list.

Third, it sounds to me like your family, having come from a poor background, perhaps "hoards" food to feel safe. This is often seen in people from poverty. Here in the USA it's seen among those from the depression era. My own Mom is going to be 97 this month. When I went to see her, she had a fridge full of bad food. When I went to throw it away, she wanted to "make sure" before she let me pitch it! I ended up sneaking it to the trash. Her in home care giver won't thwart her lol.

So what seems to be going on is, you're fighting the patterns of their behavior. You can't make them support you, unfortunately. And this is why community may well be the most important thing for you right now. Online is great and if you can find other supportive teens that might be better but be cautious about chat rooms. Lots of pervs and, well, just some very mean people.

Maybe there's a teen group on here?

Keep keeping on!! You CAN do it!

an8e

enterdanger wrote: »

You should tell your mom that if she wants to see what you are eating she should join MFP and just set your food diary to public. Maybe it would be eye opening for her.

Haha 32, have a family of my own and that's what I did with my mum so she would stop worrying and asking about it

brialger

this is the most recent, shes at work and im home bc i dont start school until tomorrow. This is an example of how she only eats one large meal a day but yet criticises me. For her information im planning on getting a whole Mediterranean Veggie Sandwhich on Whole Grain bread from Panera soon but im fed up of her insulting me so I'm just not texting back

llaurenmarie

I have this feeling she would have all kinds of remarks even if you ate exactly the things she does, at the exact same times.

cmriverside

That doesn't sound very insulting.

I think we all tend to take things our mothers say as more important or judgemental than they really are. Maybe you're being a little sensitive? I know in my life, I had to just not react to mom. She's gonna say what she's gonna say. It's kind of a mom's job to feed her kids and she's been doing it since you were born. She may not mean anything by it at all.

brialger

cmriverside wrote: »

That doesn't sound very insulting.

I think we all tend to take things our mothers say as more important or judgemental than they really are. Maybe you're being a little sensitive? I know in my life, I had to just not react to mom. She's gonna say what she's gonna say. It's kind of a mom's job to feed her kids and she's been doing it since you were born. She may not mean anything by it at all.

Maybe so lol but when she says it constantly with that condescending voice it starts to become a little offensive and extremely frustrating

cariduttry

i love my parents dearly but made tire marks getting out of there once i turned 18! it's tough when both you & your parents have strong opinions on things. you're doing awesome though, keep up the great work!

brialger

cariduttry wrote: »

i love my parents dearly but made tire marks getting out of there once i turned 18! it's tough when both you & your parents have strong opinions on things. you're doing awesome though, keep up the great work!

thank you (:

sandrachis

Lower your expectations of them and continue with your plan. It's a good policy for life in general. People just don't do what we want them to. When we try to please all of them it ends up taking a lot of fun out of life. They love you.

Shana67

My parents still make me crazy about my weight and I am 49. Freaking. Years. Old. When I am a lighter weight, I'm too skinny and clearly have anorexia, when I've gained weight I'm depressed and need to worry about my husband leaving me. Gah.

Sugar, you just do you. Keep it up, you're doing GREAT!! And - my mom's tone of voice grates on my nerves and like I a said. I. Am. 49. It never goes away - hang in there and keep it up, you're doing GREAT

S2tupidAss

enterdanger wrote: »

You should tell your mom that if she wants to see what you are eating she should join MFP and just set your food diary to public. Maybe it would be eye opening for her.

Am thinking of my parents, I would have told them the same. However, my dad got the food weigh machine, he never gets to use. My mom gets surprised with me login in food. I think I shoulda told her the same. One thing I know, the moment after showing her my login, no matter how good I can convince her..I even downloaded MFP for her. She's too busy with other things, but she complains every now and then that I don't eat enough. Don't let them change your ways girl, especially when it's for the good. Also, don't starve yourself to sickness