Recovered Anorexic

beanjo020297

Hi I'm Beverly! I have just begun my little weight loss journey here.

I have always felt like I struggled with my weight, even when I really didn't... I developed severe anorexia when I was 12 (My lowest weight was 90lbs when I was 14) and it lasted up until I was 17 when I finally could say I "conquered" my anorexia. Since then I've SLOWLY gained weight. So slowly that it has taken me until now (at 21 years old) to realize I needed to change some habits. I'm now 145 lbs with a BMI of 23. Changes need to happen now before I actually become overweight.

My goal is to lose 15 lbs. A goal I thought to be easy to accomplish. Just eat my veggies and spend some time on the elliptical right? For the past week while I've been keeping a food and exercise diary. I can feel my food anxiety returning. I've skipped meals because the thought of going anywhere near my calorie goal would make me nauseous. I've only been doing this a week and some of my anorexic habits are creeping back. I am so scared that this will only get worse.

Hamsibian

I can't even imagine what you're going through, and I hope you are getting the support you need. Recognize that you just took a huge step in recognizing the warning signs and talking about it here. Be proud of that. If you're not doing this already, I strongly suggest seeing a therapist and a dietician who is knowledgable with eating disorders.

beanjo020297

Hamsibian, you are right I should probably get professional help, I feel like I have to build up the courage to get help first. Coming here is my first step I suppose. Having to admit I need more help is really embarrassing for me.

I hate not having a healthy relationship with food. I'm either overeating or under eating...

BinaryPulsar

I agree that you need to work on getting the professional help you need to try and learn a healthier relationship with food and fitness. You need to change your mindset to focus on health and nourishment. And fitness and goals. Rather than weight loss and restriction. Let me find some resources that might help.

http://www.eatbreathethrive.org/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201101/what-weight-lifting-can-do-former-anorexic

jessilynmelendez

Really, really, really get professional help. This site is useful but can also cause a flare up in calorie restricting behavior. You are still square in the healthy range so perhaps you are overly focused on abstract numbers like the BMI. You're also going to go through changes as you get older and your body composition and chemistry will change. Two things: focus on how you feel physically and how your favorite jeans fit rather than the scale or BMI, and get a nutritionist and therapist.

It's really important to continue the success you've had rather than going backward. Weight can be lost, but the damage from severe weight restriction cannot always be reversed. Also, it's normal, all adults should be in therapy! I'm a therapist myself, and I have a therapist, and so does she!