getting a divorce has thrown me completely off the track

pattyandthemoos
pattyandthemoos Posts: 79 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have been so disciplined with logging my food, and exercising regularly. I left my husband (we were together 24 years, and married for 21 years next week). Pretty much the only relationship I've ever had. I have been all over the place. I am not normally an emotional eater but I'm doing terrible with food at the moment, haven't exercised but a few times. I have a terrible problem with anxiety and panic attacks and have major gymophobia I am trying to conquer.

I don't even know what I want here. Just some support and maybe some new friends who can relate. This has been the hardest, most stressful thing I think I've ever done and I can't quite get it back together.

Replies

  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
    Embarking on the weight loss process can be stressful at the best of times. Whilst it's fantastic you want to make lifestyle changes, is it realistic to start this right now when you are already at a trying time in your life? Be gentle with yourself - it is not just the body that needs to be healthy, the mind is just as important. When you are good and ready, you'll know when it is time to start the logging/tracking/weighing thing but make sure you are aware of what is 'too much right now'. Make sure you are well in yourself first and foremost. Good luck :)
  • whatatime2befit
    whatatime2befit Posts: 625 Member
    This is a very stressful time in your life, try not to worry to much about your weight and eating right now. Focus on your emotional and mental health and in a few months as things settle down, you will be ready to focus on the physical.
    I was in a similar situation last year, my ex and I separated, I was left with horrible anxiety as well. Feel free to add me.
  • Unknown
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  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    divorce is a traumatic event. we all respond differently. but give yourself time to recover. be kind to yourself. maybe make a list of things you want to accomplish with a time line.
    i feel you though. I'm not a new divorcee but my husband passed a few weeks ago and i've had a hard time taking care of myself.
    you get to create a new life for yourself. embrace it
  • pattyandthemoos
    pattyandthemoos Posts: 79 Member
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Embarking on the weight loss process can be stressful at the best of times. Whilst it's fantastic you want to make lifestyle changes, is it realistic to start this right now when you are already at a trying time in your life? Be gentle with yourself - it is not just the body that needs to be healthy, the mind is just as important. When you are good and ready, you'll know when it is time to start the logging/tracking/weighing thing but make sure you are aware of what is 'too much right now'. Make sure you are well in yourself first and foremost. Good luck :)
    I'm not on a weightloss journey. I'm actually trying to gain weight, but that doesn't mean I want emotional eat and gain fat.

    I am trying to get the exercise back on track first -- I ran three miles today YAH! And then I will worry more with the food. I prefer to meal prep so I don't have to think about everything. Just need to get back in the groove.
  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
    I am in a similar place as you. Married for thirteen years. Told my husband two months ago I wanted a divorce. We're seeing the mediator next week to get this going. The stress this has caused me, while for an end result that I want, has resulted in lots of emotional eating for me. I gained ten lbs over the summer as a result, and now I'm trying to get back on track. We've got a long ways to go before this is completely over, in terms of settling the practical stuff. It's fortunate that we get along most of the time. But it's not like I don't have temptation to just numb myself, even for a moment.
    Feel free to add me. We could use all the support we can get!
  • laura2813
    laura2813 Posts: 84 Member
    Divorce is a stressful thing even if you both want it and can go the simple (uncontested) route. I know cause I'm waiting on for a judge to sign my paperwork. Don't be too hard on yourself and the fact you wrote this tells me you are aware and trying to do the right thing. At some point in the process it will all fall into place and you'll be on track and feeling great. My marriage was HORRIBLE and I tried to hang on for years after it was over. Eventually I was the one to pull the plug even though I didn't want a failed marriage. It still took me a while to get to a place where I was comfortable with the decision and ready to look out for myself again. Hang in there gal!!!
  • sfcrocker
    sfcrocker Posts: 163 Member
    Any loss, chosen or not, even a loss that's eventually for the better, causes grieving. Let yourself go through the normal feelings of grief: anger, denial, depression, bargaining and then ultimately acceptance. Before you eat something, ask yourself "do I *really* want this" and wait a minute. Sometimes the answer may be "yes" and that's OK. Good luck!
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
    pattyandthemoos wrote: »
    PinkPixiexox wrote: »
    Embarking on the weight loss process can be stressful at the best of times. Whilst it's fantastic you want to make lifestyle changes, is it realistic to start this right now when you are already at a trying time in your life? Be gentle with yourself - it is not just the body that needs to be healthy, the mind is just as important. When you are good and ready, you'll know when it is time to start the logging/tracking/weighing thing but make sure you are aware of what is 'too much right now'. Make sure you are well in yourself first and foremost. Good luck :)
    I'm not on a weightloss journey. I'm actually trying to gain weight, but that doesn't mean I want emotional eat and gain fat.

    I am trying to get the exercise back on track first -- I ran three miles today YAH! And then I will worry more with the food. I prefer to meal prep so I don't have to think about everything. Just need to get back in the groove.

    Apologies.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,474 Member
    time for you to get smoking hot and get a new life!, sounds fun to me!
  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
    edited September 2016
    Stressful events will throw you off. Just do your best and get thru it; know it's ok not to be perfect. It will even out and you can get back on track.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    edited September 2016
    It sounds like you made a decision that was incredibly difficult but that had to be made. I am divorced and like GuitarJerry I used it to fuel lots of positive changes. In the beginning I had a lot of circular thoughts, but it settles down pretty quickly. You'll be okay!

    This too will pass. :) ((hug if it would help))
  • teetertatertango
    teetertatertango Posts: 229 Member
    Sometimes when things are out of control, food is something that you CAN control.

    If you like to meal prep, schedule a time to do it. In the past, when did you meal prep? Can you do it that day/time? What about Sunday afternoon? You will feel better (about that at least) when you do it.

    Good luck on this new chapter of your life.
  • pattyandthemoos
    pattyandthemoos Posts: 79 Member
    teetertatertango wrote: »
    Sometimes when things are out of control, food is something that you CAN control.

    If you like to meal prep, schedule a time to do it. In the past, when did you meal prep? Can you do it that day/time? What about Sunday afternoon? You will feel better (about that at least) when you do it.

    Good luck on this new chapter of your life.

    I am planning to do some meal prepping this weekend. I think that will help.
  • pattyandthemoos
    pattyandthemoos Posts: 79 Member
    My biggest problem right now is my moods (I'm bipolar) and anxiety. Everything is totally out of wack because of the change. I don't do change well or stress well. I also worked out at home on 8 acres so I never ran out in the public and never went to gym. I've been kinda isolated and it's just been really really hard for me to adjust. I am not shy but I have very bad anxiety and panic attacks. First time I went to the gym I left crying. Second time I cried in the parking lot for fifteen minutes before I could go in. Today is going to be my third attempt at going to the gym. I'm trying not to let the anxiety beat me.
  • htimpaired
    htimpaired Posts: 1,404 Member
    Don't let it win! I don't know about others, but when I am consistent with my exercise and eating nutritious foods, I feel better mentally. I have OCD and social anxiety, so I'm very shy in public, very insecure, and stress tends to cause flair ups. I'm lucky my OCD hasn't started up yet, but I'm taking preventative measures by attending a support group in my community.

    When you go to the gym, sit through the anxiety. It WILL pass and it CANNOT hurt you. I've learned this with my symptoms-it may feel like you're going to die, but you won't. The longer you can sit with it, the less it will be, and eventually it will become more tolerable. Might even go away :smile: Bring something to distract you, like music or an audiobook.

    I always tell myself, I never regret a workout, but I often regret skipping one.
  • johnnylloyd0618
    johnnylloyd0618 Posts: 303 Member
    ahhhh, been there done that! Went off the dang deep end after my first marriage. 6-10 get much easier! J/K It took a few years to get back on track and a few more to correct the train wreck I created in those few years. LOL . You will get through this and be a better person :)
  • pattyandthemoos
    pattyandthemoos Posts: 79 Member
    htimpaired wrote: »
    Don't let it win! I don't know about others, but when I am consistent with my exercise and eating nutritious foods, I feel better mentally. I have OCD and social anxiety, so I'm very shy in public, very insecure, and stress tends to cause flair ups. I'm lucky my OCD hasn't started up yet, but I'm taking preventative measures by attending a support group in my community.

    When you go to the gym, sit through the anxiety. It WILL pass and it CANNOT hurt you. I've learned this with my symptoms-it may feel like you're going to die, but you won't. The longer you can sit with it, the less it will be, and eventually it will become more tolerable. Might even go away :smile: Bring something to distract you, like music or an audiobook.

    I always tell myself, I never regret a workout, but I often regret skipping one.
    This was the best advice anyone has ever given me. I am going to try to put some of it into practice.
  • MrShahan
    MrShahan Posts: 1 Member
    Hello.
  • sandrachis
    sandrachis Posts: 52 Member
    Sometimes just going on a walk can be exercise. Maybe getting a walking partner. A dog. You really don't have to do anything. I have classes with others but like Qin gong best. No interacting when I need some private time. Be good to yourself and try to relax. I have a fit bit and it encourages me to get some steps in every day. I had a year with a ton of losses and lowered my expectations, sometimes just getting out was an accomplishment. Things will get better.
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    I can totally relate to how major life events can impact your relationship with food and exercise. I relocated with my family this year, a happy thing, but extraordinarily stressful. Just wanted to throw my support out there - I'm struggling big time so I cannot imagine how tough it must be with your circumstances. Good luck.
  • mwopm3
    mwopm3 Posts: 21 Member
    Lots of great comments and thoughts here. We all suffer with losses of one kind or another. Sometimes in stress I under-eat and sometimes overeat. That's just the stress trying to find a way out of your body/mind. Consciously replacing those tendencies with heathy habits is the key for me. I agree with others to treat yourself with kindness as you find your new normal.

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