6 steps to success - Satire

JasonT1973

MFP - we are now home to the greatest diet guru of all time... ME. For just a nominal fee I will follow you around advising you on the best course of action while eating. I employ the latest and greatest of technics. Technic #1: Guilt - "You really think that peanut butter pie is a great idea right now?" #2: Professional advice - "One more slice of that pizza and you probably won't get promoted." #3: Fashion advice -"Damn, I guess you don't want to fit into your LBD!" #4: Snark - "You are making the right choice with the mega cheese fries, because mega means diet right?" #6: The ultimate weapon... Samuel L. Jackson approach: "Put that mother****ing cheese burger DOWN!"

Jenny9000

You're hired.

phonepest

Too funny! Humor is an excellent "dieting tool"!

LassoOfTruth

Where can I get some peanut butter pie?

JasonT1973

Thanks Jenny - My first client!!

sakuragreenlily

How much is this "nominal fee" and are you willing to relocate?

sabified

.... peanut butter pie??

JasonT1973

How much is this "nominal fee" and are you willing to relocate?

I will relocate if the cost of moving is paid.
As for the fee - I apologize now to the fellas but the ladies get a huge discount.
guys 50 air dollars
girls 25 air dollars

JasonT1973

.... peanut butter pie??

I love peanut butter pie - although it is evil.
1 jar of jiffy creamy
1 cup confection sugar
1 pint heavy whipping cream
1/2 cup melted chocolate
1 pie shell
1 week of guilt