Being called fat...

Laura

Does this bother anyone else?

I KNOW I'm fat. And most of the time I'm totally ok with being described that way. I'll use the word fat instead of plus size, big or curvy. Blah, I hate curvy!

But when I hear people calling me fat out of annoyance, that really upsets me and I'm not sure why. I guess I feel like their use of the word fat is more judgemental when it's said in that context? It happened this morning and it took me about 45 minutes to fight off the urge to cry, and now I feel... deafeated. And like it would be better if I don't eat anything at all today.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.

novamagma

It's kind of like "reclaiming" any words that are used against people. It's great to use fat as a descriptor in a way that's not negative, because it's not an inherently negative word! But when people use it as an insult, it's a harsh reminder that society really is toxic and loves fatshaming. It's definitely happened to, and bothered, me before. No matter how body positive I try to be it's still an awful thing to hear as an insult.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's awful and disgusting. Just remember that starving yourself isn't the way to go. If you feel like you need to make a change, eat healthy foods, exercise a bit. It will help you feel better, and will hopefully have a positive impact on your health too.

clicketykeys

I know exactly what you mean. For me, it happens the other way around. Because I'm tall, when/if I mention losing weight, people will say, "oh, but you're not FAT!" To which I respond that (a) according to current medical data, I am well into the 'overweight' range, and (b) that's perfectly fine.

The problem isn't being called fat. It's when people use "fat" as synonymous with lazy, or ugly, or any of a host of other derogatory terms that it has no correlation with. It perpetuates hurtful, disgusting stereotypes.

I have similar issues with "p u s s y." I have no problem with cursing. But when you take a word that is slang for a woman's genitals, and you use it to mean "weak or cowardly," you are equating being female with being weak or cowardly. That is a bad thing to do. And people who do it should be encouraged to feel shame for what they have done.

bexilashious

When someone calls me fat I simply think to myself
I am changing my weight
Shame you can't change your personality

besaro

might be a good read. i found it food for thought.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/transcript

kshama2001

besaro wrote: »

might be a good read. i found it food for thought.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/transcript

Thanks! I caught bits of that and have been meaning to listen to (or read) the whole thing. Based on what I did hear, I highly recommend.

jondspen

Yea...it can be disheartening, but realize that those people are putting you down b/c they are deflecting the severe problems in their own lives.

You can get rid of the fat, and when your a smoking-hot size 6/8/10...tell them to kiss your firm, sexy AZZ !

(sorry...MFP wont let me type in as-s) lol

Chef_Barbell

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. People will always have something to say. When you lose the weight people will have some sort of backhanded skinny shaming comment as well.

jemhh

Chef_Barbell wrote: »

You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. People will always have something to say. When you lose the weight people will have some sort of backhanded skinny shaming comment as well.

This is true. I started out obese and completely out of shape. Now that I am a healthy weight I've had new posters state that I don't understand their situation because they are overweight/out of shape.

OP, I am sorry that somebody called you fat out of annoyance. I understand what you are saying and I think that @clicketykeys summed it up really well. I hope that your day gets better!

carolinelanewa

What the hell gives someone the right to call anyone fat. Thats plain rude.

Sweet_Heresy

carolinelanewa wrote: »

What the hell gives someone the right to call anyone fat. Thats plain rude.

A former boss that I had not seen in a while stopped in to where I worked and the first thing she said to me was "Damn Nic, you got fat." The woman has no filter.

But I'm glad she did. I mean she was right, and it spurred me to look at myself honestly in the mirror and realize I needed to do something about it.

YvetteK2015

When I was thin, most people felt the need to tell me I was too thin. I really wasn't. I was right where I needed to be for my height in the BMI. But it didn't stop anyone from telling me to eat more. Now that I'm fat (I call myself fat all the time, I don't care) no one says a word about my weight. Not good or bad. Never heard anyone whispering about me, which frankly, i'm surprised. I had more negative comments about my weight when I was thin than I every have since I've been bigger. Seriously, you can't win.

JeromeBarry1

Nobody felt the need to tell me I was fat when I was fat. Now that I'm less fat they tell me I'm skinny. I guess as we change our appearance the difference is seen by others as so wrong that it must be remarked at once. People's brains have a fast response and a slow response. The fast one is for survival, and is the one that recognizes spiders and snakes. If one of us were to exhibit the symptoms of bubonic plague or leprosy, the fast response would be a key component of other people surviving. Since fat isn't catching, or is it?, the fast response is not helpful. The only way to actually provide evolutionary selection against the fast response is to choose to be patient and calm. Sorry.

Sued0nim

Fat is an adjective

IMHO It is an appropriate describing word, as is overweight

Why imbue it with negative connotations in its own right?

Now when put in a phrase like "you fat cow" it's clearly an insult...that's different.

But you can use any word as an insult if you care to

I have an issue with PCing up words ....and replacing them with others that don't mean the same.

Overweight people aren't curvy or big, they are overweight or fat

I was fat

Own it

goldthistime

Sorry that someone in your life is using an insulting term "out of annoyance". Is it someone you could speak to about it? Any chance you could convince them to say something like "I'm really frustrated with you right now, I need some space", instead?

bladebiker

That's incredibly rude and very selfish, please feel free to point them in my direction, that really makes me angry hearing things like that.
Rise above it Laura don't let it pull you down, let those comments empower you to succeed.

Sara1791

Sued0nim wrote: »

Overweight people aren't curvy or big, they are overweight or fat

Totally agree, but I want to add that when I was NOT fat, I was curvy but I thought I was fat and so did some other people. I had wide hips and a round bottom, but was not overweight. I was 5'6" and 130-140 lbs. It was not stylish at the time. (Sorry, I'm not sure how off topic I'm taking this.)

PinkPixiexox

I have been called fat as a form of insult - for no reason whatsoever. Technically at that time, I was over-weight but that didn't mean I wasn't offended. In fact, I was utterly, utterly mortified, devastated and hurt. "Fat" is a term used, in my opinion, to totally demean and insult the other person. The truth is, I am NOT fat - I HAVE fat. But fat is not what I AM. I am unique, I'm funny, I'm quirky, I'm kind, I'm caring and I'm genuine. How dare someone, a complete stranger, overlook every positive and endearing quality I have and label me as one thing and one thing only - Fat. Is that all I have to offer the world? My weight determines my worth, does it?

I would never call another person fat. In fact, I wouldn't comment negatively on anybody's appearance. If they are over-weight, under-weight or 'ideal weight', it's absolutely none of my business. Please don't let someone's small mind ruin your day. And please eat. Your body needs the fuel. Your body doesn't deserve to feel what this person wanted it to feel. Keep your head up.

NicoleLynn0112

When I was 260 pounds no one told me I was fat. I knew I was and others knew I was, but no one made fun of me. Now after losing 110 pounds all I get is skinny shamed 24/7. I have never been picked on more in my life now that I weigh 150 pounds. I constantly get rude, snarky and smart *kitten* comments about what I eat and how I look. If someone calls me a "Skeleton" or "Skeletor" one more time I think I'm going to lose my *kitten*. I actually have started feeling ashamed about my body now because of people and their comments. How messed up does that sound to you guys?!?! Pretty damn messed up if you ask me! I know the people who say this stuff to me are projecting their body hate on to me but come on! I have feelings too and I worked so hard to get where I am right now. I shouldn't be punished for taking my heath seriously.

PeachesNcreamgal

In May, this year a girl passed a comment at me while I was running. This is what she told her boyfriend-->look an elephant is running. I almost had a meltdown lol but I took it as a challenge and started running hard and fast in the months to come by and lost some weight. I was 80 kgs in May now I am 75 kgs! So what I learnt is sometimes you gotta use other's negativity/criticism as motivation to attain your goals

MsAmandaNJ

PeachesNcreamgal wrote: »

In May, this year a girl passed a comment at me while I was running. This is what she told her boyfriend-->look an elephant is running. I almost had a meltdown lol but I took it as a challenge and started running hard and fast in the months to come by and lost some weight. I was 80 kgs in May now I am 75 kgs! So what I learnt is sometimes you gotta use other's negativity/criticism as motivation to attain your goals

Some people continue to leave me dumbfounded. You're working on yourself, she's satisfied with being an ugly human being. Gee, look who won!

Gamerchick00

Oh my gosh, I totally understand. I will never forget when I was a teenager walking home and a carful of guys drove by me. One shouted, "Harpoon that whale!" It was a horrible feeling that made me just want to crawl into the ground.

MeltingCookieMonster

It's your role now to control your emotions and lift yourself up and make them regret the day they dared called you fat. You are beautiful no matter how you look. Feel free to add me so we can support each other

TonyB0588

PeachesNcreamgal wrote: »

In May, this year a girl passed a comment at me while I was running. This is what she told her boyfriend-->look an elephant is running. I almost had a meltdown lol but I took it as a challenge and started running hard and fast in the months to come by and lost some weight. I was 80 kgs in May now I am 75 kgs! So what I learnt is sometimes you gotta use other's negativity/criticism as motivation to attain your goals

80 kg (or 176 lbs) is NOT an elephant by any means. Ignore them and look after your body for your own reasons, not because of unkind comments from anyone.

leanjogreen18

I think the reason it hurts is because you find it true, you even call yourself fat. If someone called you fat and you aren't you would tell them to bugger off.

Use it to help fuel your weight loss journey. This is something you can change for yourself not anyone else but you sure can shut them up:).

Therealobi1

Sued0nim wrote: »

Fat is an adjective

IMHO It is an appropriate describing word, as is overweight

Why imbue it with negative connotations in its own right?

Now when put in a phrase like "you fat cow" it's clearly an insult...that's different.

But you can use any word as an insult if you care to

I have an issue with PCing up words ....and replacing them with others that don't mean the same.

Overweight people aren't curvy or big, they are overweight or fat

I was fat

Own it

Yes fat is fat , but
Telling someone that they are fat is rude unless they asked for that persons oppinion.

Therealobi1

Laura wrote: »

Does this bother anyone else?

I KNOW I'm fat. And most of the time I'm totally ok with being described that way. I'll use the word fat instead of plus size, big or curvy. Blah, I hate curvy!

But when I hear people calling me fat out of annoyance, that really upsets me and I'm not sure why. I guess I feel like their use of the word fat is more judgemental when it's said in that context? It happened this morning and it took me about 45 minutes to fight off the urge to cry, and now I feel... deafeated. And like it would be better if I don't eat anything at all today.

Anyway, I just needed to vent.

To be honest I never called myself fat but I was. The nurse said I was obese which I thought was rude at the time but she was just stating facts
When the time was right I started to lose weight and that's it. I did get caught up for awhile obsessing with my bmi but the most important thing is to concentrate on for me was dropping the weight and getting fit.