What is going on?

arditarose

Hey guys. Some of you know me from the forums. I've been posting for two years. I lost weight using the app, then maintained, cut, bulked, then tried to cut again. Anyway, I understand what to do when it comes to reaching my goals.

I used to read posts in this section and think things like "come on, no one can give you motivation" and "if you're off track, just get back on". But now I'm not finding that so easy for myself.

I feel completely out of control. I'm not really stepping on the scale because I'm afraid, but looking in the mirror I can see myself gaining.

So...get back on track? Sounds easy. But I keep sabotaging myself. I feel like I NEED to eat over my calories. And even if I keep a tiny deficit, I overeat on the weekends.

I'm going through a really stressful time in my life. I mean...really stressful. So it might be wise to maintain. But I'm having trouble even doing that. It's like every time I get a little craving I just stop caring and walk to the refrigerator. Or I see a box of pretzels at work and just need to stuff them all in my face. One pint of Halo Top...why not two? Yeah.

It's even gotten to the point where I'll just stop logging mid day and saw screw it. I've never been like that before.

I don't know what the point of this is. Maybe I thought getting it off my chest and out in the open would make me take ownership.

Thank you to everyone on here who has been so supportive and helpful these past few years. I guess we all hit rough patches.

JeromeBarry1

Confession is half of success. The other half is knowing that we care. What's your stressor?

queenliz99

Could you take a break from "dieting", I know you have been at this a long time and have done really well.

arditarose

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

Confession is half of success. The other half is knowing that we care. What's your stressor?

I started a job at a failing charter school in the inner city. I work 6:30 am to 5 pm in a school where safety is a concern. I'm starting to feel the brunt of a breakup that was 5 months ago (super delayed response). I feel alone and scared. I'm worried I'll never have a family or kids. I miss my family. I haven't seen a good friend or had a hug from someone I love in months. I have cried every (minus about 3) since August 28.

I can't believe I admitted all that in the open.

queenliz99

Is changing jobs out of the question, sometimes it is not worth it if stresses you out.

arditarose

queenliz99 wrote: »

Could you take a break from "dieting", I know you have been at this a long time and have done really well.

But...I have taken a break. I haven't be losing, ya know? For awhile my goal was to lose a little fat. Then as I got closer to my power lifting competition I kind of threw that out the window. But the meet was a few weeks ago and I've been out of control since.

arditarose

queenliz99 wrote: »

Is changing jobs out of the question, sometimes it is not worth it if stresses you out.

I don't know. I'll feel like a failure if I leave. I did have an offer for an interview elsewhere last week but I am so slow in responding, I wonder if it's too late.

Therealobi1

You actually just have to snap out of it otherwise before you know it you have undone all your good work.
When I am like this I try and at least keep up with my exercise and fitbit challenges
I am not good with bad or sad news, I find myself overeating at these times, but then as I say I just have to catch myself. I don't weigh myself very often but keep an eye on clothes fitting. That's the sure sign to jump back to it.

Hope whatever you are going through passes soon.

queenliz99

You still need to lose weight? I think you look terrific!

arditarose

queenliz99 wrote: »

You still need to lose weight? I think you look terrific!

Aw thank you. It's not that I NEED to lose weight. It's that I'm out of control and starting to gain. I would like to be a bit more lean, but getting myself in maintenance control would probably be the first step. Maybe I need to start with clearly defining my goal. At the moment it seems to be: lose a little fat to undo the damage I've done over the past few weeks, then maintain during this time of stress.

Therealobi1

arditarose wrote: »

queenliz99 wrote: »

Is changing jobs out of the question, sometimes it is not worth it if stresses you out.

I don't know. I'll feel like a failure if I leave. I did have an offer for an interview elsewhere last week but I am so slow in responding, I wonder if it's too late.

Double check first thing Monday, you never know
Your responses came through whilst I was typing
You are going through loads at the same time, too much
Sorry

arditarose

Therealobi1 wrote: »

arditarose wrote: »

queenliz99 wrote: »

Is changing jobs out of the question, sometimes it is not worth it if stresses you out.

I don't know. I'll feel like a failure if I leave. I did have an offer for an interview elsewhere last week but I am so slow in responding, I wonder if it's too late.

Double check first thing Monday, you never know
Your responses came through whilst I was typing
You are going through loads at the same time, too much
Sorry

It's okay. It could always be worse

arditarose

I just responded so the other job. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to just go have the interview.

gracefilledfool

I agree with others... you are going through a lot.

I have found that hitting my goals as it relates to food intake, strength and cardiovascular work gives me a sense of control in one aspect of my life that helps me meet the uncontrolable nature in the rest of my life more easily.

I also take a grace approach. Here is what I mean... each day (hour) is a new one... whether it is the number of calories (every day starts out at zero), the success (failure) I have with my work with people, even my relationships. For example, I only check the scale every two weeks... cause it feels like a sledge hammer otherwise.

For me, it is ONE CHOICE, ONE TIME... NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS

I have also found that I can only share kindness, compassion, forgiveness and understanding if I am first open to extending it to myself and those around me.

arditarose

gracefilledfool wrote: »

I agree with others... you are going through a lot.

I have found that hitting my goals as it relates to food intake, strength and cardiovascular work gives me a sense of control in one aspect of my life that helps me meet the uncontrolable nature in the rest of my life more easily.

I also take a grace approach. Here is what I mean... each day (hour) is a new one... whether it is the number of calories (every day starts out at zero), the success (failure) I have with my work with people, even my relationships. For example, I only check the scale every two weeks... cause it feels like a sledge hammer otherwise.

For me, it is ONE CHOICE, ONE TIME... NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS

I have also found that I can only share kindness, compassion, forgiveness and understanding if I am first open to extending it to myself and those around me.

Thank you. I like all this. I also feel like getting my fitness and nutrition in control helps me feel more in control at work/in life.

I just can't believe that after years of this I'm just literally...so BAD at logging and staying on track at the moment.

JeromeBarry1

This thinks about it from a different angle. Instead of improving your diet, why not try to improve your charter?
I know that there are some charters which are doing well, and I know that there are some which are doing and have done poorly. Can you take the bull by the horns and teach yours to do well by advocating for implementation of best practices in your industry?

In what way is safety a concern? You have access, probably, to lawful carry of concealed firearms as well as the training opportunities to safely and confidently carry a concealed equalizer. You also have access to excellent training in unarmed self defense. Start with something, then continue with something more.

arditarose

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

This thinks about it from a different angle. Instead of improving your diet, why not try to improve your charter?
I know that there are some charters which are doing well, and I know that there are some which are doing and have done poorly. Can you take the bull by the horns and teach yours to do well by advocating for implementation of best practices in your industry?

In what way is safety a concern? You have access, probably, to lawful carry of concealed firearms as well as the training opportunities to safely and confidently carry a concealed equalizer. You also have access to excellent training in unarmed self defense. Start with something, then continue with something more.

Yes...but the first step is getting through each class and maintaining a safe classroom. I can't walk into the school and create magic.

And...I'm not carrying a firearm. ?? Sorry. Confused.

JeromeBarry1

That's a little clearer. You're scared of some of the students. Run.

jemhh

Hey there. I'm a big fan of quitting when the quit improves your life. There's a Freakonomics podcast about quitting that may help you feel a bit better about it:

http://freakonomics.com/podcast/new-freakonomics-radio-podcast-the-upside-of-quitting/

I don't have great advice for diet and motivation because I'm going through a similar rough patch. 2016 has been a very difficult year for me work-wise and I'm finding that when one area of my life seems out of control, I try to control diet even more. Rather than helping, it makes things worse. Stress does crazy stuff to our bodies and minds. I've had to step back on attempted fat loss in order to fix the resulting health issues. So, no great advice here but I can commiserate and tell you that you are not alone.

arditarose

JeromeBarry1 wrote: »

That's a little clearer. You're scared of some of the students. Run.

I'm not so afraid of them, but I'm afraid of them hurting each other. Though last year two teachers were injured by students. A fractured wrist after they ganged up on her in the subway and a broken arm.

arditarose

jemhh wrote: »

Hey there. I'm a big fan of quitting when the quit improves your life. There's a Freakonomics podcast about quitting that may help you feel a bit better about it:

http://freakonomics.com/podcast/new-freakonomics-radio-podcast-the-upside-of-quitting/

I don't have great advice for diet and motivation because I'm going through a similar rough patch. 2016 has been a very difficult year for me work-wise and I'm finding that when one area of my life seems out of control, I try to control diet even more. Rather than helping, it makes things worse. Stress does crazy stuff to our bodies and minds. I've had to step back on attempted fat loss in order to fix the resulting health issues. So, no great advice here but I can commiserate and tell you that you are not alone.

Thank you. And thank you for the podcast. Maybe I can give it a listen tonight.

Are you saying that trying to control your diet even more during times of stress DOESN'T help you?

arditarose

I'm considering stepping on the scale at the moment. If weight has been stable for the past two weeks it might make me feel better and less out of control. If it's really high...I might lose my cool. I don't know if it's worth it.

cmriverside

Step on the scale. Reality trumps fear.

vingogly

arditarose wrote: »

... I feel completely out of control. I'm not really stepping on the scale because I'm afraid, but looking in the mirror I can see myself gaining. ... I feel like I NEED to eat over my calories. And even if I keep a tiny deficit, I overeat on the weekends. ... I'm going through a really stressful time in my life. I mean...really stressful. So it might be wise to maintain. But I'm having trouble even doing that. It's like every time I get a little craving I just stop caring and walk to the refrigerator. ... It's even gotten to the point where I'll just stop logging mid day and saw screw it. I've never been like that before.

I started a job at a failing charter school in the inner city. I work 6:30 am to 5 pm in a school where safety is a concern. I'm starting to feel the brunt of a breakup that was 5 months ago (super delayed response). I feel alone and scared. I'm worried I'll never have a family or kids. I miss my family.

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." -- Epictetus

It's often our thoughts that make us unwell; when we're stressed old scripts rear their ugly heads again (see the highlighted phrases above). It sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than the difficulties you're having with weight. Find yourself a good cognitive therapist who can help you with your depression and sense of helplessness.

For the difficulties you're having staying on track with your weight loss, I suggest looking at the Beck Diet Solution; it's a cognitive program, not a "diet plan". You might find that getting control of that part of your life helps you with the root issues you're having.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com

arditarose

vingogly wrote: »

arditarose wrote: »

... I feel completely out of control. I'm not really stepping on the scale because I'm afraid, but looking in the mirror I can see myself gaining. ... I feel like I NEED to eat over my calories. And even if I keep a tiny deficit, I overeat on the weekends. ... I'm going through a really stressful time in my life. I mean...really stressful. So it might be wise to maintain. But I'm having trouble even doing that. It's like every time I get a little craving I just stop caring and walk to the refrigerator. ... It's even gotten to the point where I'll just stop logging mid day and saw screw it. I've never been like that before.

I started a job at a failing charter school in the inner city. I work 6:30 am to 5 pm in a school where safety is a concern. I'm starting to feel the brunt of a breakup that was 5 months ago (super delayed response). I feel alone and scared. I'm worried I'll never have a family or kids. I miss my family.

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." -- Epictetus

It's often our thoughts that make us unwell; when we're stressed old scripts rear their ugly heads again (see the highlighted phrases above). It sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than the difficulties you're having with weight. Find yourself a good cognitive therapist who can help you with your depression and sense of helplessness.

For the difficulties you're having staying on track with your weight loss, I suggest looking at the Beck Diet Solution; it's a cognitive program, not a "diet plan". You might find that getting control of that part of your life helps you with the root issues you're having.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com

I've considered therapy for a second. But then I thought...of course I don't feel well. Things suck at the moment. I first have to try to make myself feel better before I go out paying for someone to help me fix it. No one can make my job better but me either.

arditarose

I stepped on the scale. 142.2. Relatively stable since the beginning of September but I weighed between 136-139 all of August, so I'm definitely gaining.

cmriverside

vingogly wrote: »

arditarose wrote: »

... I feel completely out of control. I'm not really stepping on the scale because I'm afraid, but looking in the mirror I can see myself gaining. ... I feel like I NEED to eat over my calories. And even if I keep a tiny deficit, I overeat on the weekends. ... I'm going through a really stressful time in my life. I mean...really stressful. So it might be wise to maintain. But I'm having trouble even doing that. It's like every time I get a little craving I just stop caring and walk to the refrigerator. ... It's even gotten to the point where I'll just stop logging mid day and saw screw it. I've never been like that before.

I started a job at a failing charter school in the inner city. I work 6:30 am to 5 pm in a school where safety is a concern. I'm starting to feel the brunt of a breakup that was 5 months ago (super delayed response). I feel alone and scared. I'm worried I'll never have a family or kids. I miss my family.

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." -- Epictetus

It's often our thoughts that make us unwell; when we're stressed old scripts rear their ugly heads again (see the highlighted phrases above). It sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than the difficulties you're having with weight. Find yourself a good cognitive therapist who can help you with your depression and sense of helplessness.

For the difficulties you're having staying on track with your weight loss, I suggest looking at the Beck Diet Solution; it's a cognitive program, not a "diet plan". You might find that getting control of that part of your life helps you with the root issues you're having.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com

I agree with vingogly. It's all in the eight inches between your ears. Future tripping (What if???) fear, resentments, unresolved anger, etc. If you can get hold of your thoughts all will make sense

Can you sit down right now and write out a gratitude list? Surely you have many blessings in your life and if you purposefully begin to focus on them things will feel better.

arditarose

cmriverside wrote: »

vingogly wrote: »

arditarose wrote: »

... I feel completely out of control. I'm not really stepping on the scale because I'm afraid, but looking in the mirror I can see myself gaining. ... I feel like I NEED to eat over my calories. And even if I keep a tiny deficit, I overeat on the weekends. ... I'm going through a really stressful time in my life. I mean...really stressful. So it might be wise to maintain. But I'm having trouble even doing that. It's like every time I get a little craving I just stop caring and walk to the refrigerator. ... It's even gotten to the point where I'll just stop logging mid day and saw screw it. I've never been like that before.

I started a job at a failing charter school in the inner city. I work 6:30 am to 5 pm in a school where safety is a concern. I'm starting to feel the brunt of a breakup that was 5 months ago (super delayed response). I feel alone and scared. I'm worried I'll never have a family or kids. I miss my family.

"People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them." -- Epictetus

It's often our thoughts that make us unwell; when we're stressed old scripts rear their ugly heads again (see the highlighted phrases above). It sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than the difficulties you're having with weight. Find yourself a good cognitive therapist who can help you with your depression and sense of helplessness.

For the difficulties you're having staying on track with your weight loss, I suggest looking at the Beck Diet Solution; it's a cognitive program, not a "diet plan". You might find that getting control of that part of your life helps you with the root issues you're having.

http://www.beckdietsolution.com

I agree with vingogly. It's all in the eight inches between your ears. Future tripping (What if???) fear, resentments, unresolved anger, etc. If you can get hold of your thoughts all will make sense

Can you sit down right now and write out a gratitude list? Surely you have many blessings in your life and if you purposefully begin to focus on them things will feel better.

I know. And as soon as I wrote this post I realized I have so much to be grateful for. Writing it down would help I'm sure.

jemhh

arditarose wrote: »

jemhh wrote: »

Hey there. I'm a big fan of quitting when the quit improves your life. There's a Freakonomics podcast about quitting that may help you feel a bit better about it:

http://freakonomics.com/podcast/new-freakonomics-radio-podcast-the-upside-of-quitting/

I don't have great advice for diet and motivation because I'm going through a similar rough patch. 2016 has been a very difficult year for me work-wise and I'm finding that when one area of my life seems out of control, I try to control diet even more. Rather than helping, it makes things worse. Stress does crazy stuff to our bodies and minds. I've had to step back on attempted fat loss in order to fix the resulting health issues. So, no great advice here but I can commiserate and tell you that you are not alone.

Thank you. And thank you for the podcast. Maybe I can give it a listen tonight.

Are you saying that trying to control your diet even more during times of stress DOESN'T help you?

Yes, it hasn't helped me this year. It has just made me more stressed, retain more water, look puffier, see less scale movement, repeat cycle. Plus add in a missing period, leading to fears of bone density loss and horrible DEXA scan. The tighter I've tried to control my diet, the worse it has become. I ate at maintenance almost all of 2015 and felt (physically/mentally) and looked better than I do now after months and months of eating in a deficit.

arditarose

jemhh wrote: »

arditarose wrote: »

jemhh wrote: »

Hey there. I'm a big fan of quitting when the quit improves your life. There's a Freakonomics podcast about quitting that may help you feel a bit better about it:

http://freakonomics.com/podcast/new-freakonomics-radio-podcast-the-upside-of-quitting/

I don't have great advice for diet and motivation because I'm going through a similar rough patch. 2016 has been a very difficult year for me work-wise and I'm finding that when one area of my life seems out of control, I try to control diet even more. Rather than helping, it makes things worse. Stress does crazy stuff to our bodies and minds. I've had to step back on attempted fat loss in order to fix the resulting health issues. So, no great advice here but I can commiserate and tell you that you are not alone.

Thank you. And thank you for the podcast. Maybe I can give it a listen tonight.

Are you saying that trying to control your diet even more during times of stress DOESN'T help you?

Yes, it hasn't helped me this year. It has just made me more stressed, retain more water, look puffier, see less scale movement, repeat cycle. Plus add in a missing period, leading to fears of bone density loss and horrible DEXA scan. The tighter I've tried to control my diet, the worse it has become. I ate at maintenance almost all of 2015 and felt (physically/mentally) and looked better than I do now after months and months of eating in a deficit.

Thank you for sharing this. I feel the same way you are describing when I try to eat in a deficit. I have been skipping periods too. Maybe I would feel better if I just settled on maintenance as a goal.

Stingersquad1981

Ok, let's start with the reasons:

1- The security concern in the school and job- There had to be a reason why you got a job at that school, if money wasn't involved, dig back inside of you and relight that lamp. 0630 to 1700 is not bad, I have somewhat the same hours and what I do is I get up at 0300 to PT. Try Muay Thai and use that as an excuse to learn self defense in lieu of your security.

2- Worried about a break up/kids and family? Is that you on that picture on your profile? If that is you don't worry you won't have a problem finding a substitute