Female friends over 50? Lonely caregiver over here.

MonicaInOntario

I'm new-ish here. I recently left my job to move into a small town so I can help my elderly and disabled mother. She needs me and is all alone. I had no choice but to leave my job and move in with her to help her. After many attempts at relationships, I am all alone too. No friends and no other family at all. So now it's just my mother and I here. I enjoy doing the community challenges here and reading the posts. I am an only child, and very introverted and a loner as well. So is my mom. When not helping her, I go for long walks, do some weight training at a nearby gym, read and listen to fiction books/audiobooks, watch Netflix, and logging into MFP!

I am not looking for advice on how to meet people. I know how and I'm really not interested anymore. I just prefer the online world for now.

I have failed and lost control in many areas of my life now. Many years ago, I used to be a binge eater when depressed. Now, I'm very disciplined about my eating. My food and weight give me some control now. Besides loving and helping mom, this is all I am good at right now. I lost 23 pounds since May.

Any females similar to me? No close friends and no or few family members? Introvert? Loner? Thanks for reading this!

klkarlen

I have the elder care thing in common, which is a challenge because my mother has dementia, and it gets a little bit worse as time goes one. This is a challenge to my lack of patience, and to my eating habits, as I can quickly fall back into the rut of stress eating.

it is also putting a damper on my social life, because I have to spend so much time caring for her. I have a full time job, and had to hire a home companion for daytime care while I work.

My mother moved from her home to mine in a small rural town, and had no qualms about making me know how miserable she is.

Congrats on your weight loss. It took me a bit longer than that to lose the 20 pounds that I gained post divorce 4 years ago.

I use the site Agingcare.com and their forums as a great venue to discuss the many and ever-changing challenges to elderly care.

MonicaInOntario

Thanks for your reply. I understand how stressful it is! I was working full time an hour's drive away and had to do it all. My mom always refuses any help from anyone else so it was put all on me. Moving mom into your home must be tough! I couldn't imagine that. Moving in mom's home has been easier for her and me.

I have no social life now and have accepted that. It's just mom. But knowing how alone she is and how much she needs me, helping her has given me a sense of purpose. I used to have a social life but with friends who I am putting aside now. I may never see them again and I have accepted that. They have their own lives and families who need them.

Good luck with this phase of your life. And do what you can for yourself and your sanity and health!

klkarlen

Thanks! Same to you! I hope you can find a way to balance caregiving and taking care of yourself and your social life. I don't think our mother's really mean to suck the life out of us, and I have to remind myself all the time that I won't be any good to her if I am not taking care of myself.

I could not move to be with my mother, it was 1500 miles away, and I had a child in school. So she decided to move here, and then did nothing but complain about it ever since. It has taken three years for me to finally learn how to deal with her and her anger, because she can't help being the way she is. It's part of the disease.
She is in denial that there is a problem of course.

The other tricky part is trying to keep my mother from wasting away, she eats like a bird. So I have to keep high calorie foods in the house, and use all my willpower not to eat them.

I am blessed that my daughter is able to stay with my mother from time to time so I can get away for weekends, and a few good friend that can some to stay when I want to get away with my daughter.

I know it is just a matter of time before my mother reaches the stage that I won't be able to care for her here.

Hang in there, you are not alone. And please do visit the agingcare site.

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