How to be supportive?

MsAmandaNJ

I've been a member for a while...logging and forum fun. Recently, my husband mentioned that he wants to lose weight on our walks: commented that he should eat less junk and less food overall. I am thrilled to hear he wants to be healthier and I want him to be successful. My problem is that I don't know how to be supportive other than continuing to live as an example. I feel that if I say anything, it will be taken the wrong way...so many times I think I'm being polite or straightforward only to end up offending. I don't want to say things like, "You can do it!", it just sounds like noise, but I do want to help him. I appreciate any advice you have. Thanks!

tapwaters

That's wonderful!

Ask him. As with everything else to a successful relationship, talk openly and honestly. Ask him how you can help him and what he needs from you. Offer to show him this app. Be sure to tell him to let you know if you do anything that he finds unsupportive.

Good luck!!

upoffthemat

I agree with ask him, if he mentions it again ask him if he has any plan for accomplishing it and if you can help. Let him know if he needs anything you are happy to help, but you don't want to step on his toes either.

MsAmandaNJ

Thanks :-) yeah, next time he brings it up, I'll ask him. Our communication has been crap, but it's improving. So many times neither of us says anything because we don't want to hurt the other's feelings or seem pushy/naggy.

RoxieDawn

this is going to sound wierd, but me and my husband do not diet the same way. I use these tools and he uses nothing. But he understands that I need the tools. I keep doing what works for me and he does his own thing.

From 7:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. we are on our own paths till dinner.. we share dinner and evening snack together.

So be your own example, and do your thing, if he or you needs help along the way, be supportive in the way you know how, share your experience, but allow that person to make up their own mind. Also I might need to be cheered on once in a while my husband needs no cheering what so ever. So I respect his boundaries, but he always lends me an ear when I need one.

rainbowbow

I would say... continue on as you are leading by example.

If he asks questions (and you actually have the knowledge to answer) then you can provide him the information he needs. If you don't know the answer, you can encourage him to join MFP and ask here.

In my experience, trying to take control of his situation, trying to make him change, trying to tell him what to do, etc. is a disastrous idea.

Even now, 6 years later from when i began my fitness journey.... I'm a professional in the field (PT and Owner of a fitness company) and I still say absolutely nothing to my man unless asked. We do workout together sometimes (in the gym) but he generally goes and does his own stuff.


Believe me, nothing emasculates a man more than telling him how to get fit, how to get stronger, or how to "look good".

MsAmandaNJ

rainbowbow wrote: »

In my experience, trying to take control of his situation, trying to make him change, trying to tell him what to do, etc. is a disastrous idea.

For sure, I learned my lesson with that a long time ago - disastrous is the perfect word to describe it. I haven't pushed him to do anything which is why I'm happy to hear he's interested in making a change (a while back, he stated that there is no point in him living a healthier lifestyle - overeating, no exercise, smoking). I don't comment on his eating habits as I know how *kitten* that feels.

NewMeSM75

I would ask my husband what could I do to support him? Let him tell me what he would like for me to do to help him.

lorrpb

You could do your part to make sure there are always low cal, satisfying snacks in the house.

Chadxx

This can be kind of tricky or not depending personalities. You have already taken the biggest step by taking the lead and being an example. Definitely show excitement when he mentions getting in shape. For all our faults, we really do want our ladies to be proud of us. Also, make it easy on him. Only keep healthy foods around and any time he asks about a meal, always suggest something healthy.

I am in sort of the same boat with my wife right now. I was the one who really needed to lose weight and she already looks great but she wants to lose weight. The problem is she has heard too much of the low fat BS over the years and eats too many calories of the wrong foods, usually without realizing it and mostly processed carbs. She saw me lose weight in the past and got frustrated that I was losing a lot more weight than her. This time though, I think she is seeing the light. She is not only more supportive but more open to changes in diet that she sees working. It also helps that I am the cook. I used to ask what she wanted for dinner. Now, she asks what we are having because I AM cooking something healthy. Now, she is losing weight too. I have never once suggested that she needs to lose weight and wouldn't. She is already gorgeous but I do try to help with how to lose weight when she asks and let her know I am proud of her. Now, she has lost 12 pounds in just the last 2 months.

mattro7703

As a guy, I'm thinking maybe some sort of reward for effort thing might work. Maybe tell him if he gets to his goal weight he can go buy that motorcycle or 80"4k tv he's been wanting. Guys think different to ladies. We're hunters, so a target at the end might help......My goal is to lose 10kg and increase fitness for a dirt bike ride in laos in February. It's that that keeps me going.