Cross posted from the motivation boards an intro of sorts/looking for friends

weightforme8134

I have not used this site in well over a year. In fact I never consistently use it or I will do well for awhile lose about 20lbs or so and then there we go back to *kitten*. I WANT to be healthy. I WANT to have a healthy lifestyle. I had to buy clothes recently and the 1x tag really got me down.

A bit about me. I am 31 years old and a mom of four kids. I just had my last baby 9 months ago and he is still nursing quite a bit. I have not been wanting to weigh myself lately (always a sign I'm going down hill again) but Im around 215lbs at 5'4. I feel so unattractive and unhappy with my body. I wasn't always overweight but I have been now for about 10 years. Even before I got this big I have always had a hard time controlling portions and eating properly. I really believe I may have some food addictions. Not only do I want to lose the weight but I really want to clean up what I am eating. I know I need to start by tracking and even that feels hard at times. I guess I am looking for support, some new friends, and people to help hold me accountable. I am struggling as to how many calories to set myself up at being that I am nursing quite a bit (He does not eat many solid foods yet and I believe about 90 percent of his diet comes from my milk). I want to do the whole cliche start on Monday (tomorrow). Sometimes I feel so motivated to lose and this time I feel like I am forcing myself but it needs to be done. Don't even get me started on exercise! I need to figure that out too.

I look forward to any replies I receive thank you for listening!