Frustrated, disencouraged...

Fatvaporizer

First of all, I'd like to apologize for such a negative-sounding topic. But here's the story. I'm age 24 and 5'7 in height. I started my weight loss journey in mid-July of this year, at 210 lbs, and now, in mid-October, I'm at approximately 183 lbs. I lost the most during the months of August to September (14 pounds). I'm mainly frustrated and feeling like giving up now because after a near 30 lbs loss, people aren't noticing.

I visited my relatives yesterday, only two of them said that my belly had gotten flatter. One of them instead of talking about my weight, said I had gotten some acne. I found that really disencouraging because I was hoping to get some notice about my weight loss, but instead I get comments on an acne breakout. My parents have said I lost weight, but my frustration is, they don't react the same way as several years ago, when I went from 210 to 185. Back then, they said how skinny my face looked, and were raving about my total change in looks. In fact, it wasn't just my parents, my uncle and other relatives also noticed and raved about that 25 pound loss. So it makes me wonder why, at 183 lbs now, they're not reacting the same way. How is it that I lost the same amount of weight as years ago, but apparently I don't look as slim as I did then. I find that strange. I told them about this and they were like 'well, I don't know...,' and had no explanation as to why I didn't look the same as when I lost the same amount of weight. There is one thing that I can think back and say about my previous 25 pound weight loss years ago that people noticed... I did cut down on carbs a lot, pretty much making them non-existential in my diet for two months (the timeframe it took me to lose the weight). In my current journey, I'm still eating carbs, and also doing more strength training. But my body is showing me that I've lost fat, a body fat detector said I lost some percentage, and I can see it in the mirror. So why...

I can't be doing something wrong if more than one scale shows that I've lost nearly 30 pounds. When I look at myself in the mirror, I see that I've lost a lot of belly fat, meaning I look slimmer than when I was 210 lbs, but I can't tell for sure if my face has gotten noticeably slimmer or not.

This is bad, I know, but I just ended up eating some cheesecake that I've avoided for months, due to all the frustration. I just have feelings of giving up, like there's no use in struggling and trying so hard to lose weight if people won't notice. I know I'm doing losing weight for them, and that I'm doing it for myself and my own health, but some feedback and compliments would motivate me and keep me going, which I'm not getting. It makes me feel like my efforts are of no use.

Sorry for the rant, and thank you for any advice or suggestions as to how I can deal with this.

pyro_guy7

I've got a very important question: What is your reasoning for trying to lose weight?

Fatvaporizer

I'm sure the better sounding answer would be 'for my health,' but to be 100% honest, it's mainly for looks and looking better, because I've been overweight my entire life and I want to live the life of being slim and see how different it might be.

leanjogreen18

So just to share with you that I understand that folks haven't noticed and the feelings that brings up...I've also lost close to 30 lbs and not many have noticed either.

Having said that, this really needs to be about what you want for yourself and not how others behave or it will never stick. This is the first time I'm losing weight for me, not a vacation, not for a party, not for a holiday, not for another person, this is for and about me.

Other people sometimes make comments thoughtlessly, out of jealously or because they THINK it's helpful. Don't give them the power over your feelings. Eat some cheesecake because you want to and because you have calculated it in your calories.

Don't eat because someone says something you aren't crazy about. Take your power back.

pyro_guy7

I'm glad you're being honest. It's not a bad thing to want to look better. Just make sure that you keep being healthy while you do! You want to be able to enjoy the good looks when you get them!

As far as your family's reactions, don't let it get you down. Some people just sometimes aren't as observant about these things (I sure as hell know I'm not). And sometimes, if you see them often enough, it's hard to tell that things are slowly changing. Also, lets face it: family can easily get under your skin, and sometimes are not the most sensitive of people!

In any case, what is important is that YOU are seeing the changes! If YOU think you're starting to look better, then keep it up! Don't worry about trying to SURPRISE and WOW others. Keep your goals in mind of what your ideal look is, and work towards that! It won't always go well, and it won't always be perfect, but what's important is that you're trying to get there! Do this for yourself, and work towards YOUR ideal, not theirs.

So, keep it up! You had your cake, and ate it too! Now it's time to work it back off!

nhaynie228

Here's the thing... People will always let you down. People will always have opinions that are frustrating and hurtful. You have to decide to listen to everything with a grain of salt and then power through with your own determination. Decide on a goal that isn't based on others' opinions of you... and then keep that goal in mind!

Doing strength-training along with your diet modifications could be nothing but even BETTER for you than the first time around. Don't be discouraged! You've got this! Keep plowing.

PennWalker

nhaynie228 wrote: »

Here's the thing... People will always let you down. People will always have opinions that are frustrating and hurtful. You have to decide to listen to everything with a grain of salt and then power through with your own determination. Decide on a goal that isn't based on others' opinions of you... and then keep that goal in mind!

I agree with this ^^

Fact of life: most people are into themselves, not you or me. Sad but true. Keep doing what you're doing. You're a success story right now. Look at all the weight you've lost. You know you look better and feel better.

Just keep at it for yourself. Eventually the comments will come, both the compliments and the nosy remarks.

goldthistime

I'm the opposite. I'm embarrassed when people comment on my weight loss. I want to pretend that I didn't just yoyo up 35 lbs, down 20 lbs, up 25 lbs and now back down 30 lbs. I also got many more comments the first time I lost weight vs this time. I'd rather not get the compliments, but I do wonder if people worry I won't keep it off this time either. Jokes on them. I'm done with yoyoing.

amandaeve

Just something to think about...I went from 220 to 140 in 2006. I felt a lot better! It was amazing, and the biggest challenge I ever faced. It was really hard and I SUCCEEDED! But, nothing else changed. No one started paying me any more attention. Many people commented when they first saw me, but after that it was business as usual. I didn't get any more dates like I'd hoped and strangers and friends treated me just the same. Even the comments that I was "too fat" or "didn't need to loose weight" kept on, just the same! My actual size made no difference!

pyro_guy7

amandaeve wrote: »

Just something to think about...I went from 220 to 140 in 2006. I felt a lot better! It was amazing, and the biggest challenge I ever faced. It was really hard and I SUCCEEDED! But, nothing else changed. No one started paying me any more attention. Many people commented when they first saw me, but after that it was business as usual. I didn't get any more dates like I'd hoped and strangers and friends treated me just the same. Even the comments that I was "too fat" or "didn't need to loose weight" kept on, just the same! My actual size made no difference!

That's both hilarious and saddening at the same time. People's ignorance makes me sad.

On a better note: Congrats to you on your success!!

Fatvaporizer

I'd like to say thank you to everyone for taking the time to read my post and replying. Always appreciate more comments/advice.

BarbaraJatmfp

That happened to me. I looked forward to a family reunion to show off my 38-pound loss. But not one person noticed!!!!! I had to tell them! Their response: "Oh. Really? Well congratulations."

What they DID notice was that I skipped the bacon, chips, and garlic bread in favor of fruit and vegetables.

What I have noticed in my 50-years of dieting is that it takes about 30 pounds gone before people notice your weight is changing. But they won't comment on it because they won't be sure if or are gaining or losing. So keep doing what you are doing and look for the non-scale victories: clothes that fit better, smaller sizes, fitting into chairs easier, etc. Others will notice it soon.

Nice ending to my story: At this year's family reunion, EVERYONE noticed. I had lost a total of 61 pounds, and they noticed. FINALLY!

It felt good. So stick with it and people will notice.

But keep telling us about your weekly successes. We know how hard it is to stay the course and we celebrate every little victory.

Fatvaporizer

So 60 lbs is like the key number it seems, hahaha.

amandaeve

pyro_guy7 wrote: »

amandaeve wrote: »

Just something to think about...I went from 220 to 140 in 2006. I felt a lot better! It was amazing, and the biggest challenge I ever faced. It was really hard and I SUCCEEDED! But, nothing else changed. No one started paying me any more attention. Many people commented when they first saw me, but after that it was business as usual. I didn't get any more dates like I'd hoped and strangers and friends treated me just the same. Even the comments that I was "too fat" or "didn't need to loose weight" kept on, just the same! My actual size made no difference!

That's both hilarious and saddening at the same time. People's ignorance makes me sad.

On a better note: Congrats to you on your success!!

Actually, if anything, loosing 80 pounds was a negative impact, particularly professionally. I've been in a labor/trade career most of my life and "skinny me" faced more sexism than "fat me." More strangers assumed I wasn't tough enough to do the job (I had been doing my whole life!) when I was thinner. The moral of the story is the same, this has to be for you and no one else.

jemhh

OP, part of it may also be people not saying anything specifically because you did it before. I know people who yo-yo in weight frequently and now when I know they have lost, I do not say anything because it would be equivalent to noting their gains. If they kept the weight off longer I might say something about it but not until then.

Fatvaporizer

Thanks.