Depressed and Discouraged

cindibutler80

I don't know what to do anymore. I am female, 5'7", and 300 pounds. I can't seem to workout without hurting myself and I love food too much to go to a bland, depriving diet.

I lost about 60 pounds before by doing that but I'm much heavier than when I started that and each time I try to workout now, I hurt my back, my bum knee, or my bad foot. I don't have the money to go to the doctor about it, and I don't want to be put on meds.

I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I worry I'm on the edge of developing diabetes. I'm only in my 20s. I've been overweight my entire life. My job is sedentary. I don't sleep well. I have gotten to the point that I don't care.

I spend the money I do have for groceries on junk food, I can go without showering for a few days because it's too difficult and tiring to do it, and I don't even try to clean anymore.

I know it's disgusting. I disgust myself. It's so hard to do these things. I have no motivation at all for being healthy and having a life. I try for awhile by working out and eating healthy but then my budget is busted and my back/knee/foot starts really hurting.

I have constant aches and pains and I deal with those and soreness, but the other pain is too much. I have a stressful job that I do not enjoy and the people I'm around are always negative. I would try to go to therapy to get my mind focused on good things but I can't afford it, or take off work for it. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid I'll have a stroke or heart attack soon if I don't do something. The fear of that is for what my family would have to go through though, not fear for myself. That's what makes it harder to try and do anything...I just don't care about myself. Help please.

Sooze_1975

Hey there,
I am certainly not a therapist, but it sounds like you are in a low place right now in life. It sounds like you feel you have a mountain to climb and are overwhelmed by where to start. I think that maybe there are many other people out there who feel the same, so do not feel like you are alone. Maybe you can start with the simplest of things and then build on them slowly. For example, maybe this week, in regards to nutrition, you can vow to give up or severally cut back on one thing, such as soda, and increase your water intake. In regards to fitness, maybe you can walk every day for 10 or 15 minutes. Next week, you could cut back on chocolate or potato chips and walk for 15-20 minutes each day. (I'm just using those food items as examples, I have no idea if you actually eat those things). Sometimes, we need to take a step back and approach a task in baby steps instead of trying to tackle the entire thing all at once, head on. As long as you are taking one step in the right direction, then you are working on accomplishing your task. The worst thing you can do is give up and think that you're not worth it. You are worth it. I know it's not easy, but sometimes the best thing to work on first is an adjustment in attitude. Good luck, don't give up, be patient :-)

KatieD060982

Hi Cindi,

First **virtual hugs** Second, breathe in....breathe out.... this too will pass.

Third. We allllllllll get down sometimes. In fact, I came here to the motivation board because, like you, I've lost my motivation. I get frustrated because when I was trying to do the C25K program, my back would spasm or my knee would hurt. I'm feeling a little depressed and discouraged too. I found that all I want to do is sleep!

However, the only way we can "fail," is if we don't don't get back up when we fall.

Instead of looking at the big picture, how much weight we have to lose....because that can seem very overwhelming, let's focus on one small thing we can do today to move in the right direction. For instance, go get a big glass of water, let's focus merely on drinking our 8 glasses of water today. We can do that, it's one little thing.

If you want, friend me on here and we can encourage one another. You stated that at one time you lost 60lbs, that is AMAZING! I've never lost more than 10lbs...never. So, you're ahead of me!!! You go girl!

JDHINAZ

It sounds like your in a tough spot, but not an impossible one.
Two suggestions.
Make a menu, complete with recipes, and then make your shopping list from that. ONLY buy food for the menu. Don't worry about eating different foods every meal If it's easier to make a larger amount of a certain thing, then do that and eat it every night until it's gone. I have the recipe for Chock full of beans chili that is easy, cheap and makes a lot. I can send you the recipe if you like. Have a small salad on the side. Eat a salad filled with crunchy veggies and chicken or tuna every lunch. I eat the same breakfast every single day. Plain greek yogurt with frozen berries and chia seeds (you could put in oatmeal instead) and two eggs. I usually boil a dozen eggs so I don't have to cook in the morning. Then I add hot sauce. Being prepared is the biggest battle.

The other suggestion - walk around your house for 30 minutes every day. Just inside your house if you have to. You can do it 10 minutes in the morning, and then twice at night if you need to. When you are watching tv, stand up and march in place during every commercial break. Or, go to the wall, standing a couple feet away, and do push ups against the wall for the entire commecial break. The key is to move in any way you can. Just move. Standing is better than sitting. Walking is better than standing, and everything you do on top of that is better yet. Don't worry about jogging, lifting weights, walking a mile outside without a break. That will come, but right now you just need to move. And on that note, think of your shower as moving. It may be tiring and difficult, but it will get easier. Think of it as non-traditional exercise.

And be proud that you're trying, and be proud you reached out for support. That's a big deal. I'm glad to see you did! Keep reaching out. Take care and keep doing the small stuff, and focusing on what you accomplished, not what you haven't.

lawkat

I think you do care about yourself, which is why you are posting. Being depressed can hurt a person in so many ways, but there are ways to bust through it if you can't afford therapy or medication.

First and foremost, what you need to do is not go on a diet. Instead, make a lifestyle change. The days of cottage cheese and lettuce as the only way to lose weight are gone. You don't have to eat bland food to lose weight. You can do so much with fruits and veggies. Add some herbs and spices and it is far from bland. You don't have to get fresh fruit and veggies all the time. Frozen can be good too. There are tons of recipes on here and other websites that are low calorie and delicious. Go to Cooking Light, great recipes and low calorie. Eating healthy can also give your mood a boost compared to sugar and fat that will bring you up quickly and then you crash just as hard.

As for exercise. Take it slow. Go for a walk and slowly build from there. Make sure you get a good pair of walking shoes or sneakers and get out there. You would be surprised how a little exercise can lift your spirit. I know it does for me. When you build your muscles, it will actually help ease some of your lower back pain and knee pain.

Thinking positive takes work. When you start that pity party, tell yourself to stop it. It isn't true. Think about what you do have to offer. Also, don't turn to food when you get depressed or stressed or bored. Realize that food won't comfort you but just make you feel worse and bloated. Find something you like to do, or something you always wanted to learn and do it to keep the need to emotional eat at bay.

It takes time and a lot of self awareness. Trust me, I still struggle with it, but I don't let it get me down. I dust myself off and move forward. Life is too short to sit there and wallow. You can do it. Believe in yourself and get excited for this new lifestyle change.

AmandaAnne307

Sometimes when we look at the whole process it's easy to get overwhelmed and want to give up. I agree with the previous posters - you have done this before and you can do it again. Start with small goals - like just logging your food everyday. Then start to make some small changes, the more you see yourself achieving these small goals the more you will want to do more.

You don't have to work out very hard to begin with, just taking small walks or cleaning up the house (that counts!) can help you to get more motivated.

But the BIG thing here is that you need to know that you are worth putting effort into. I have struggled with depression my whole life and I know there are times that I thought my family would be much better off without me. But guess what, you are the only one that thinks that - your family would be devastated. And lucky for you, you don't get to decide if you are good enough/thin enough/strong enough - it's a hard truth to come to but you wouldn't be here now if you didn't have some work left to do.

I find it helps to look in the mirror and forgive myself daily, I know it sounds cheesy, but we make mistakes and rather than think about how awful I am I look at myself and say, "I know I overate yesterday, but I forgive you, you were only doing the best you could."

I hope this helps, please feel free to add me as a friend and message me anytime. MFP is a huge support system, you just need to ask...

tlou5

I think you need to start small so that you don't overwhelm yourself. I also think you need to see a doctor because you seem REALLY depressed and I think this is part of what is making it difficult for you to get started. I know you don't have money for this, but it seems pretty necessary.

thesupremeforce

Don't go on a "bland, depriving diet." It's more about portion control than it is about what you're eating (naturally, you'll get more bang for your calories out of healthier foods).

In regard to exercise, start with something you can handle and build from there. If that means taking short walks, then take short walks. When I started down this path, I had ankle, leg, foot, knee, back, and shoulder pain on a daily basis. Most of that is gone now. I went from being convinced that I would never be able to run again to doing whatever I want physically. You've just got to want it and keep making strides.

kreza98

Completely agree with the people above that "going on a diet" will not help in the long run. A lifestyle change is the only thing that works, and eating right is at least 80% of that. If you can get your daily calorie intake under control, you'll drop plenty of weight! You don't actually have to exercise at all to do that, but exercising regularly (even just going for short walks) will help you burn more which means you can eat more (so long as you stay within your limit for the day).

And a healthy lifestyle does not have to mean bland food! There's a huge range of guilt-free, easy recipes you can make that taste really good and aren't high in calories. After a week or two of eating good, clean food, you will begin to love it, and junk food will gradually become less and less appealing.

You've made the right decision by joining MFP - there's a great community of people here that have the experience to help, and are extremely kind and supportive. I don't post often but I read the forums every day and am continually amazed by how nice people here are to each other.

lucystacy71

You are not alone. I know I have felt that same way, as have many of us, but it will get better. *hugs*

First, don't worry about a bland diet. I love food and I love to cook, but it's more about portions. Also, I love experimenting with spices and seasons to really enhance flavors.

Exercising can be tough, so just start off small. Don't beat yourself up if you can't go out and walk a mile. Just try walking for a few minutes and allow yourself to build up over time.

Good luck to you and I'm sure that one day we'll be reading your success story!

jljshoe1979

Hi sweetheart - please add me as a friend, if you would like. I went through similar feelings when I was first diagnosed with cancer. It was like a cycle: something would bring me down, I couldn't really exercise, I was stuck at home with my pets and my fridge. I gained about 20 lbs (which for me was a lot), even being sick all the time. I know what you mean about getting cleaned up and taking care of the house. Even on days where I had energy, my attitude was like "what's the point?" That was 4 years ago...

One day, and I'm not really sure how it happened, I had one of those internal revelations - this is my life and I have to make the best of it...no one else can do it for me. I can't guarantee that today will be that day for you, but I hope it is. One of the first things I did to break the cycle was take care of myself. It was the afternoon: I took a shower, fixed my hair, put moisturizer and makeup on (even though I wasn't going anywhere) and put on "day clothes" (instead of the pajamas which I had been wearing regularly). These activities alone wore me out, but it helped to stop the cycle. As far as the house goes, find something small you can do and do it everyday (ideas: make the bed, clean out your kitchen sink). There is a website that may be beneficial to you regarding this (the lady who runs it also went through depression, and she is very open about it)...I'm not sure what MFP's rules are regarding posting a link to the site, so PM me and I will send it to you that way, if you are interested.

As far as doing healthy stuff, well that came later and in stages. For instance, I really like the water suggestion on here...water is as cheap as we want to make it, its awesome for our bodies, and drinkable water is an amazing blessing that many people around the world do not have.

Finally, your job is a means to an end, meaning its a way to make money to live your life the way you want too. I know its hard, but if you can leave the stress at work. Give yourself permission to only think about work AT work. As for the people with the negative attitudes, that is their problem to deal with, not yours. If you can distance yourself from those people, do it...if not, ignore them.

I know this was a lot of info...I do hope some of these suggestions help!! :flowerforyou:

sjkcwatson

I found that if i made a challenge out of trying to find some new foods it kept them from being so boring. For example, I got tostadas and cooked some canned chicken breast with some salsa, added some shredded cheese and avacado and baked them. It was good, something different, and overall lower calories. My favorite lately is a cup of yogurt with some fresh strawberries and blueberries in it. I do that at night for something sweet. I've found that I've started to crave things like broccoli that I used to hate. Just small changes - and try searching for simple receipes that look good. I found that made me excited to try the healthier stuff rather than frustrated at the things I couldn't eat. Like the others have said - start small - don't overwhelm yourself. Little changes go a long way towards creating new habits. And there are lots of people here who will support you along the way!

greentart

At 5'2 and around 250, I completely understand. I also suffer from lower back pains, too high arches on my feet, and a wobbly knee. I didn't care, for the longest time. I suffered (suffer) from depression and anxiety, the anxiety making the gym pure torture.

This is what has started working for me. I'm focusing on getting HEALTHY. Why? Because I want a good future. I want to live long, I want to travel, I want my kids to have a parent who can keep up with them and not slow them down, I want my kids to have a good role model and not struggle with weight like I always have. I want to feel GOOD in my wedding dress. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. I want to be able to outrun the zombies. I want to skydive. I want to sit next to someone on a train and not worry about my flesh touching theirs.

These are things that, while they CAN be downers, I've decided to make them DRIVERS. They DRIVE me to become healthier. They're reasons and ideas and MY LIFE. And guess what? I want to be able to live it. I don't what to be afraid of what people are going to think of me, and I don't want to look in the mirror and think 'ugh' anymore.

Therapy? Start a blog. Start a journal. Somewhere that you can write your worries, fears, thoughts, dreams, goals, frustrations, setbacks... anything and everything. Start taking a multi-vitamin AND Vitamin D & B. Multi-vitamin will help your body, while D & B are both proven to help with depression. They GREATLY help mine. Beyond belief, really. I've stopped all other meds, and just rely on proper eating and my lovely vitamins.
Motivation? You have to find that for yourself. What do YOU want for your life? Those aches and pains that you get? Those will most likely go away once you lose weight. Such irony, right?
Food? STOP BUYING JUNK. You are doing this to yourself, and the only way for it to stop...is for YOU to stop. So... stop. Rearch healthy food and healthy meals. Make a grocery list of ONLY healthy items, and stick to it when you go shopping. Buy ONLY what's on the list. It's amazing how great you feel after eating well. Vegetables and fruits have made a HUGE difference in your mood, and the greens will help lower your chance for diabetes.

Essentially, it's up to you. You can the tools and help at your fingertips. You just have to DO IT, and STICK to it. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change. It's a BRAIN change. You can do this. If you need help, just friend me and I'll be here for you.

cindibutler80

Thank you all so much for the encouragement. That's exactly what I needed. I have to start on those baby steps.

Goddessmaker1

Before anything weight wise you will have to get to the bottom of your depression. Like I can tell it's a deep one. I speak from a very personal vantage point. When you start caring about you on a real deep level not that surface I'm going to be cute foolishness level but a deep I'm important and deserve the best level, you will do more and more and you will pick up speed. Before you know it you will be on the fit life change and it will be effortless. Will it be easy no but nothing is easy honestly. Your too young to feel this way. Life can be ugly but your worth it.

leiden68

Baby steps definitely the best way to start. If you make small goals for yourself, when you accomplish them, it builds you up and encourages you to keep going. Even with your weight loss goals. Before using MFP, I was in weight watchers. And the one thing that stuck out at the beginning of my journey, was starting small. For example, your first weight loss goal is 5% of your weight. Once you hit that, set your next small goal. It really helps to not feel overwhelmed and that your goals are out of reach.

I also love the idea of each week setting a goal with your food choices. Small changes at first. Drinking more water, adding veggies or fruit.

Then just get up and move. Walking is so great!! It makes it even better if you can get a friend to go along. Before you know it, you'll be walking those pounds right off.

You are worth it. Don't give up.

RhonndaJ

I can relate to your struggle. Believe me. I was there for far too many years.

Baby steps is really the only way to go when you're that far down. You need to build little success on little success until you can face larger ones.

Don't count on any sort of revelation or 'aha moment', because for some of us it's never going to happen, you just have to do.

That's how I started. I'm 5'7" and was 410 lbs when I started. Nothing was easy at first. Exercise of any sort was painful, but then so was living the way I was. That was my first choice. The pain which could move me forward over the pain that wasn't.

My first exercise was three minutes at a time and I was miserable doing it.

One thing I already knew was that I wouldn't survive a diet that deprived me of the things I loved, so I didn't do that. I still had everything I loved, just in smaller portions, or with modifications. Like pizza, I love it, could live off it. So we started making our own, healthier crust, healthier toppings, more veg, less pepperoni, less calories. That sort of thing, you know.

One thing begat another and so on.

I'm back to struggling with things again, have been for months now. I go up, I go down, so right now I'm at 350. It doesn't freak me out the way a struggle might have in the past. Because those 60 lbs I lost... they're gone and they're staying gone.

My road is a long one, I understand that, I'm okay with it. And I'm back to the baby steps myself. Except this time I'm starting with bigger ones, because I'm better prepared than I was a couple years ago.

One thing I have noticed when people suggest baby steps as the way to go, that what they example sometimes seems like huge steps to me. I had to start smaller. Much smaller. Something to think about.

deb3129

It is very overwhelming when you have a lot to lose and you are just starting out. I am also 5'7'' and weighed 338 pounds when I first started. For the first 50 pounds, I did not exercise at all, I just changed the way I ate. Then I started to feel better, and I started walking. But I could only walk very short distances to start with. Over time the pounds came off, and the distance increased. Now I regularly hike 7 or 8 miles in the national forest.

I was 41 years old when I started, and I was miserable and unhealthy. I thought that I could never change, but one day I just decided it was time and I did it. You can do it too. You are young, and I promise you that the difference losing weight makes in your life makes it all worth it.

When I started, I completely changed my eating habits overnight, and that worked really well for me. But everyone has to find what works for them. Maybe for you it is making small changes, a little at a time. Like giving up soda or cutting back if you drink them, or eating more veggies, etc. It is not a race to the finish line. Just take it one step at a time and find the things that work for you.

cebreisch

I'm 5'4", and started on this path at 376 pounds. I have been exactly where you are: not caring, not wanting to shower because my back hurt too much to stand there for that long. I parked as close as I could to the doors of where I was going. I would look for the first place I could to sit down. I couldn't sit at booths in restaurants because I was too big. My back ALWAYS hurt - I couldn't go buy groceries because without leaning on the cart and I was too stubborn to use one of the scooters so I ended up begging my husband to go to the store all the time. My back would just ache all the time...my feet always hurt - my joints hurt. I have two kids that I couldn't keep up with that I constantly asked to bring things to me because I was too out of shape to get things myself. I was miserable.

I went to a school event with my daughter and could hardly walk to the door - had to stop a few times on the way to catch my breath and once inside the door, I had to sit down. I had the nerve to blame the staff there for having to sit because "they had me walk 3 miles to get to the door". I couldn't walk around with her like I wanted to; I couldn't do anything. I remember sitting on the floor with people climbing over me thinking, "Something has got to change. I can't do this anymore." My daughter was standing there just watching people go by. I was embarrassed for her that her mother couldn't do what the other mothers were able to do...walk around with little/no effort and not have aches/pains.

I felt guilty about not exercising even though I had all the aches/pains like you're having UNTIL I went to a lap-band seminar, and the doctor said it's more important to focus on what you're putting in your body than what you're doing with your body...let's get some of the weight off and we can focus on the exercise part later when some of the aches/pains subside. I've lost the 122 pounds without lifting weights (well, maybe I did that literally 3 times), without doing workout video's or classes, etc. I haven't gotten the lap-band surgery yet because I was losing at a pretty decent rate.

Build up with baby steps. This week drink more water. Next week, don't stop at McDonald's or other places for breakfast - bring your own. If you absolutely have to stop at one of those places, get yogurt or oatmeal. Then work on adding a fruit/veggie to lunch. One thing that helps me with my sweet tooth is Chocolite Triple Chocolate Fudge protein bars (www.healthsmartfoods.com). I like that they have about 10 g of fiber, and no weird diet-food-aftertaste.

The negative self talk stops now. Limit your exposure to negative people as much as possible....if they're all at work - then keep the conversation strictly professional - ask what you need to ask or answer whatever question as courteously as possible, then make an excuse to end it so the conversation doesn't go to "the negative (dark) side". The negative self talk and being around toxic people can be just as bad or worse than any of the junk food you might eat.

What it all boils down to though is: you can't want it because you are (or your family is) fearful about what they (family) might have to endure. You have to want it for you because ultimately, whether or not you lose weight is up to you.

You can do this. There isn't anything special about me that magically made the 122 pounds come off. If I can do it, anybody can - and that's the fact! One step at a time, one breath at a time, anything is possible.

TheBitSlinger

If you want this to end, you can make it end and change your life completely.

I treat my relationship with food like an addiction. Like any addiction, the first step is to assume full responsibility for what you do and why you do it.

Step 1, deal with your addiction to overeating. Do not proceed to step 2 until you believe you understand what your addiction is and what you are prepared to do about it.

Step 2, lose weight by eating high protein, low carb, and reducing calories. Put aside working out until you get some of the weight off.

Step 3, once you have lost some weight and can move easier, start working out. Add carbs (complex ones, not highly refined carbs) back into your life, because I do not believe eating low carb for life is feasible or healthy.

Step 4, deal with the physical things, if any, at this point that prevent you from working out. See your doctor for help.

Food addiction is not like any other addiction, ever. Imagine beating an addiction to alcohol only to discover that you have to drink alcohol in a controlled manner an average of 3 times a day for the rest of your life, just to survive.

autumnrunning

I was in a quite similar situation a few years back. I spent all my money on junk, came home depressed, cried and ate and felt worse the next day so ate more to feel better but ended up feeling worse. Went sometimes even over a week without showering because my body disgusted me and i didn't care enough to take my clothes off end step into a shower for a few minutes. I was studying something that wasn't for me and i didn't want to let my family down so i kept on doing it while i was destroying myself.

but finally i could not take it any more. i sat down with my family and told them about a plan to change schools, etc... anyway to make your life better and come (slowly) out of depression, you should know what your priorities are. What do you want out of life? What are you good at? What kind of job would you like to do? It seems like this is the main reason everything is falling apart, because if you aren't satisfied with it, it brings down your mood and all the motivation out there in your heart and soul.

I started feeling better when i decided to start fresh, spent the whole day cleaning, reorganizing, took a shower, went grocery shopping for healthy foods, made some to-do lists or wrote down short/long-term goals. Started appreciating breakfast and preparing proper meals. Started jogging, it didn't matter that i could not even run for a minute at first, i tried and tried and didn't give up...
if you have problems with your health, take it easy because progress does not happen overnight. Maybe you can research them online and find some solutions. Ask your family for help since what i've learned is that if you have no one or you think you have no one and are completely on your own - your family is still there for you and should support and encourage you no matter what.

I wish you the best and you see that coming here and writing and wondering around is already a good step towards getting out there and taking control over your health and body and life.