It's time to change and start to live again!

MSV228

Hi everyone,

This is my first day on here. I'm tired of not feeling "normal". I have a trip coming up to Sydney Australia and my friends got me gift vouchers for the Sydney Bridge climb and a helicopter ride. I was soooo excited and then it hit me... will I be able to make it up to the top of that bridge being so heavy and unfit?? And oh no, what is the weight limit for the helicopter ride? And of course, I'm 5kg's (11 pounds) over the limit with 4 weeks to go. And then the last scare, will the seat belt on the plane fit me or will I have to ask the very embarrassing question and get the seat belt extender (with my very thin friends sitting next to me)?

As I lay in bed last night unable to sleep fretting about all of this and thinking of how I can get out of this amazing trip, I thought, this has to stop!!! I have to lose this weight!! I have to get healthy and start to live my life again. I don't do things I would love to do because I can't or of fear that I'll be embarrassed or even because I don't have clothes that are nice enough because I don't go clothes shopping because I hate the way everything looks on me. I know I don't need to be 60kg's (132 pounds) like I was in my 20's, I just want to be healthy.

I get so frustrated with myself because I can't find the motivation to do this. You would think that after watching my mom die at a young age due to a life of being obese, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, etc. that would be all the motivation I would need. Or just not living the life I want to live but somehow it's not.
After my mother passed away, and I was dealing with the grief of losing the best person I've even known in my life, someone asked me, "why do you feel everyone else is important enough to care for but you don't feel that you are important enough to take care of yourself?" I had no (and still don't have an) answer for that question.

Anyway, I am here because I want to enjoy my life. I want to stop isolating myself. I want to be able to walk past a mirror or see a photo of myself and not be disgusted. I want to feel that I'm valuable enough for someone to love.
If anyone out there has any suggestions or advice to stay on track, great low cal recipe ideas or share something that has helped them, I would really, really love to hear from you!!! Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you all have a really great day!!

Michelle

persephone145

Welcome I am just starting on my second week here myself if you would like you can add me a friend