Greetings, this is my story.

ConnieT1030

Greetings all. Im more than a bit shy, but extremely verbose when i do open my (virtual) mouth, so bear with me.
Quick stats to know where I stand, I was at my max 220 pounds, and am at 197 now, aiming for approximately 135-140 pounds, and I am 5 foot 3 inches.

I have debated awhile whether to even let anyone know (on or off the forum) I was doing this, although my husband opened his mouth about it anyway to some folks. =P
I find though that I sometimes need to be able to talk to, or vent, to someone who is in the same boat, so to speak.
I hope its ok to say all this in the "hello" forum?

Anyway I actually started cutting what i was eating quite a bit before I decided to use MFP, and lost 23 pounds (I think in 2 months, approximately? I didn't make a note of the date or take pictures). It was sort of a right hand not letting the left hand know I was doing it kind of thing- it seemed less real if i didnt admit it or talk about it. That way i wouldnt immediately think- "omg a diet?! Im starving!" or tell people and then if I failed or something, I wouldnt have a bunch of "I told you so's" or whatever other kind of negative feedback. I tend to be contrary and was worried I would sabotage myself before I got any results to prove to myself I could do it.
By the time I got to mfp though, I had stalled out- I havent changed weight in over 10 days, and there is no mirror change, no clothes fit change, (although i didnt take measurements until today). Did alot of google research and basically I believe I crashed my metabolism by eating below 1200 for 6 weeks or so (even though i wasnt counting the calories, its clear I was, as I have been counting since and recognize how much i was eating.) I just knew I desperately wanted to be in smaller clothes sizes, I was tired of being at this size, and i didnt think it really mattered, as long as I ate less food.
Of course mfp wanted me to eat 1200 calories, but I have since pushed it up to 1350, attempting to "reverse diet" to bring my metabolism back up. I was having trouble even meeting that (1200) at first, having a mindset that I was terrified of eating too much and not losing weight.

The "vent" part comes in when it is so frustrating- and depressing, demotivating - to read about so many people with such high BMR's who can eat so much more than I can even at TDEE and still be in a calorie deficit!
I suppose it's because of age, Im a 52 year old woman (actually 53 in 8 days) and i have a sedentary lifestyle, I mostly use my computer all day. I bought an elliptical around the time I started eating less, but still dont use it too often, and after what i have read about cardio, I wish I had bought a weight machine or bench instead. Being extremely out of shape, its taken me a couple months just to work up 10 minutes on the elliptical! (I still have to take a few couple second breaks) =/ I walk a mile track at the park about once a week when hubby takes me. (took a while to get through the whole mile without having to stop too.)

Ive used several different BMR & TDEE calculators, and they put my BMR between 1303 and 1337, and for TDEE I get 1470-1560, depending which multiplier is used for sedentary.
So there's just not a whole lot of room to play with there, I mean its between 150 to 250 calories max, depending which figures you go with! I can't even subtract the suggested 20% without going way below BMR!

Reading how men are eating 2400+ calories and women are eating 1600-1800 or more is so frustrating, I just want to cry and give up the whole idea! I guess I just started too late so it feels like there's no hope. Even worse, Im used to eating a treat meal (like a restaurant) & having cake etc on my birthday, but there's no way that can fit in my calorie budget, and even a little splurge will barely handle a cupcake without ruining a week's worth of work!

When I go to specialist doctor appts, I have to travel an hour (one way) and we always stopped to get something to eat on the way back because its just so many hours we are gone. Our usual choices were either an AYCE buffet because it's cheaper than regular restaurants, or Denny's. Looking at calorie count on just about all their food, any meal is at or above my entire DAYS allowance of calories!! And i have no idea how to calculate calories for a buffet, except Im sure it adds up fast.

I know weightlifting is supposed to help, but as a complete out of shape noob, and having rheumatoid arthritis, its gonna be a long journey to meaningful lifting without doing myself injury. There's a lot of guides for teaching healthy young people to lift (on a budget!), but none Ive seen for middle-aged overweight out-of-shape arthritic ladies =/


tl:dr Im new, but already getting frustrated that my bmr is so low.

edited to add tl:dr and to clarify & correct grammar, punctuation

RaeBeeBaby

Hi there! Lots of people on here in the same or similar boat as you. I'm a 56 year old with degenerative discs and arthritis. I have found that moderate exercise at least 5-6 days a week allows me to eat quite a bit more than the 1200 and still lose at a slow rate. Yoga and aquasize helps a lot with mobility. You have to have patience as it does take longer when you're older. Whoever said a menopausal or post-menopausal woman doesn't have a slower metabolism has never been one!

Not to be critical, but you say you have stalled after eating at a deficit for awhile. I don't believe there is such a thing as crashing your metabolism. You lost weight because you were eating at a deficit and now you're probably not. If you're used to having a treat/cheat meal and eating at AYCE buffets and Denny's, then you have your answer. You will have to change your lifestyle some and change your thinking. You seem to feel this is like a punishment. It can be an exciting adventure to learn new ways of cooking, healthy eating, moderate exercise. Try to find something you enjoy. I hate the elliptical. I think it's pure torture. But, I do lots of other kinds of exercise including cardio, strength and yoga. You don't need any equipment or weight machines to get a good strength workout.

Good luck on your journey. If you're committed, then you will find your way.

mysteps2beauty

Hi there...Welcome. Have you read any of the Success Stories threads? Filled with people who have overcome serious odds to be a healthier weight. If they could do it, we can too. There was a woman wheelchair bound who lost over 75 lbs....incredible.

To get more calories, exercise might be a key for you and RaeBeeBaby gave two excellent options. Whatever you do, start small, like 10 minutes worth, and build on it. I started only walking my dogs around half a block, while they do their business, and now I walk 2 30 minute sessions. Adds 300 to 400 calories a day! I don't always eat the calories now, but in the beginning I did cause I was soooo hungry! And now I'm doing Intermittent Fasting (IF) something I could not previously ever consider doing.

I monitor salt and sodium so this dictates what I eat. Restaurant food is gonna be a challenge, so I try not going at all...too much sodium, sugar and fat on one plate! So, I don't go at all unless I'm just having ice tea or black coffee, to be sociable. I brown bag lunch during the week. I have to admit it was challenging to switch what I ate and how much I eat. It's a process, sometimes fun, sometimes not. I always loved veggies, but now I eat more of them. Use to always have cream and sugar in my daily coffee....now, I drink it black and really enjoy it. So the thing is, the first few weeks you have to train your palate to enjoy things that will help you get to goal.....lots of veggies, lean meat, more complex carbs over refined carbs. I eat most foods with no added sugar, very little sodium, and they taste wonderful.

Just do the work....one day at a time, a little bit at a time. Nobody gets overweight overnite, and losing it is the same way. Change your thinking, change your life.. Gonna send you a friend request. Lots of great people helping the rest of the great people.

ConnieT1030

RaeBeeBaby wrote: »

Not to be critical, but you say you have stalled after eating at a deficit for awhile. I don't believe there is such a thing as crashing your metabolism. You lost weight because you were eating at a deficit and now you're probably not. If you're used to having a treat/cheat meal and eating at AYCE buffets and Denny's, then you have your answer. You will have to change your lifestyle some and change your thinking.

I found out about lowering & raising your metabolism in my research, and it only makes sense. Your body does its best to adapt to the amount you are feeding it, trying to stay at the same weight, homeostasis. I looked around and thought, who knows the most about weight loss and fitness? Bodybuilders. They can't afford not to know. So that came from the muscleforlife site I've been reading. (I dont ever plan to be a bodybuilder, i just want to know what they know on weightloss.)

You misunderstand what I wrote. When I started (and was losing) I estimate (I didnt count them) I was eating about 800 calories a day, based on what i know now about calories. When I stopped losing any weight after that, I was carefully *counting* every calorie and eating about 1200 calories, even under some days because I wasn't using any program to tell me that was a bad idea, I was just using a pad & paper.
When i started using mfp I started weighing my food as much as possible. I only just bumped it to 1350 calories a few days ago when i realized 1200 was too low.
So unless you are telling me my BMR is lower than 1200, then no, I was not overeating (above a deficit). Having to eat out while going to long distance appointments happened before I started counting. I actually ate out a number of times *while* I dropped the 23 pounds. Since I have started counting the calories, however, there have been zero cheat days or meals. There have been treats in my diary, but only because i had a lot of calories left to make my goal after my meals and i didnt want the level to be too low.

I actually do walk my dog up to 5 times a day, but not that far, varies based on whether my husband is home to do it or if I can put him on his tie-out cable, which he loves, but his barking at squirrels drives me batty =P But they aren't "walks" as most think of it, because he stops or attempts to, every 3 or 4 steps to sniff things or mark something. If I want an exercise walk, I have to not take him, or have my husband take the leash, as he's strong enough to make the dog keep up when he tries to stop every 15 seconds. =P

Another thing Im dealing with is some background I didnt bring up, because that post was long enough, lol. I tend to do pendulum type swings, and 7 years back, I went full on "food-nazi" mode. Nothing that wasnt natural, no sugar, no anything additives, no boxed stuff, whatever else you can vilify, I was against it-- the whole fear-mongering tinfoil hat nine yards-- for about 2 years. Eventually my cravings for chocolate (I never did like dark chocolate even though I ate it) and cravings for a few other indulgences got to me, a few other revelations, plus being heartily sick of the 2-3 hours it took making everything from scratch for *every* dinner- I even had to learn how to really cook, as I had never cooked like that before.

Now I had dropped about 45 pounds, completely unintentionally, doing that, but I dont ever plan to go that far down that food-nazi road again. I wasnt even a nice person, really! I've been there done that and tried to guilt everyone else into doing it, too.
So I intended to be moderate and reasonable after that, but instead the pendulum swung the other way and I put on 75 pounds in 5 years.
Now Ive put my foot down and said no more, but Im trying to figure out how to live with a caloric total that not only seems small, it seems unreasonably so compared to the next person. I understand some individual differences, but, man! Thats not even looking at exercise, this is pure BMR. Its not really a willpower thing, its trying to figure out how to achieve the different things I need at the same time.

As far as eating out, in 2009, I had completely stopped going anywhere, (and let me tell you it was boring, and a real bummer when a social group wants to go out but you say "I dont eat out") and back then I didn't have multiple specialists that, between my husband and I, we have to go to maybe 10 times a year or more, (it varies, one time was 4x in a month) and the trips take about 6 hours. I can't just not eat (even if i dont, my husband will, should i just sit and drink water?) and packing food to sit in a hot car (this is florida!) for hours isn't really a plausible idea.

So trying to find a way to get food on the road without taking 1000+ calories is a requirement, and a daunting one.

Not expecting people to solve my problems, just saying that's my frustration.

Tblackdogs

It can be frustrating or it can be like a game. I eat out a lot and I manage it a couple of different ways. If I'm going to a chain restaurant, I check the nutrition online before I go and decide what I'll order. Most things at restaurants taste better than you making them yourself, so it is still a treat even if you just get a cup of soup. If I can't look it up before hand, I might check MFP on my phone in the restaurant to see if I can get an idea of calories for similar items. Finally, since restaurant food is so high in calories I often order an appetizer as my meal. At Denny's you could get a couple of fried eggs and bacon with a side of fruit. Not too high in calories but yummy. Back to my first sentence, if you want to loose weight, try to see it as a challenge not a punishment. I predict that you will like it more and more as you lose pounds and hopefully you'll learn a lot here so it can be a life changing experience not just a one-time diet. Good luck! Feel free to friend me if you want some support.

mysteps2beauty

Dogs....they are either in investigation mode or running mode....The Dog Whisperer....he wore skates so that they could run...as a pack...so one day you are gonna have to run with them...

Packing food ([put in a cooler in your trunk] If you were diabetic (and let's face it, uncontrollable weight and poor eating habits will get us there sooner than later), you will figure a way out.

Seems like perfectionism is a quality you admire....I do too. This journey will break you of it or you will leave. So, I admit my perfectionism, my friends here address it, I deal with it, I move on. At some point, I will need to be at maintenance and learn how to adjust to it. Ten years ago, I lost 40 lbs via Weight Watchers....got to maintenance, blew it cause I was an either or kinda gal....never knew how to enjoy my yummy foods with my good for you foods...either or approach. Does not work.

ConnieT1030

LOL @ DogWhisperer. I used to watch that alot. I think my dog doesn't believe in him .
According to what Ive learned from him, my dog is NOT a match to me or my lifestyle, but i didnt get to pick, my dog showed up under our car abandoned, and we just took him in as no one claimed him. (Later I found out people abandon dogs on this road on a regular basis, in fact i just turned over one today to a rescue, but thats another story!)
Im really not trying to be a whiner, but just had to vent.

Im not intentionally perfectionist that I know of, I just have a hard time staying middle of the road or moderation in things. Not to be argumentative, but Im not a believer in diabetes being 100% diet-produced -not everyone who is overweight is diabetic- although certainly diet can control it if you have it. But thats neither here nor there.

I heard about checking restaurant foods online, just started doing that when I found Denny's had only like 3 items that were under 550 cals and 2 of them were egg white dishes. Bleah, without the yolk most of the nutrition is gone and I read the whites actually bind some nutrient(s) (I dont recall the details because i didnt need to, i already think scrambled eggwhite is nasty alone, I only eat them when hardboiled, lol) Anyway i need to check a few more and see what I can find.

I dont really think of this as punishment, so much as the "unfairness" that my bmr is lower by virtue of being female, short, and middle-aged. =P (trust me I know, life is not fair!!) On the other hand, Ive gotten so accustomed to eating less (at home) I keep having calories left over at the end of the day, and frantically try to find calories to fill it up! =/ Planning would of course help with that, but planning is not my strong suit, and repetition in food quickly leads to boredom & distaste for me. I find too often around here, plans get changed more often than they get followed. So what Im trying to say, what bothers me is not having calories when I really want them, not necessarily daily.

Ming1951

I am 65 and have re started my diet about 29 days ago. I've been a yo yo dieter, doing well losing the weight, going off the diet one day which leads to another then another until I am back to old eating habits and put all the weight on again. The last time I lost almost 50 lbs was 3 years ago and I've put it all back on. I have learned more about me...while I was lighter I was more active, walked more, joints didn't hurt as much, not getting out of breath, and not tired all the time. I've always done low carb, sort of Atkins style. This time I tried and tried and just could not get a handle on it. So I've saved a little extra $ and started Nutrisystem. For me this is working because I do not have to stop and prepare meals for me, just pop it in the microwave and presto. Plus I get a wide variety of meals so I'm not eating the same meal over and over.The amounts are so small, but guess what I learned those are actually serving size. I get to add a fruit, fish, and lots of "free" veggies. I was never big into veggies but now...I'm really liking them and they fill me up. I also now am drinking water, 64 oz per day and I drink 8-10 ox at a time in order to get it all in before 7pm, or I'm up all night running to the bathroom. Also I drink a full glass of water before every meal. I've been good now 29 days and have lost about 12-14 lbs. I now also drink my coffee black to save some calories however I do use 1 packet of stevia. I really have lost any desire for soda, I use to drink diet coke but tasted a sip the other day and really just didn't want it. I haven't begun exercise yet. In the last journey I was up to 12000 average steps a day just by walking around the neighborhood but since putting the weight on, I truly was having a problem with my knee arthritis just walking to the bathroom at night. Right now I'm averaging about 5000-5500 without any structured walking, and thats only since I've lost the first 10 lbs. I can eat out but I choose not too for now. Yeah your right Denny's doesn't have a real good menu when it comes to watching yr weight but I'm sure there are other places you can stop when necessary or bring a cooler with you. Diabetes 2 is a risk you take when you do not eat properly and are overweight. I watched it occur to my mom and after she had it it was so difficult for her and caused many other problems with her heart .

You can do this and vent all you need too. I also noted 10 days I didn't lost anything but I stuck to my 1200 cal. and finally I am back to losing 1 1/2 to 2 lbs weekly. Next time I halt I will walk more to get my metabolism moving. Exercise even simply walking will boost your metabolism. For me I am learning portion control, wow was I ever eating more than my body needed, which is why I packed all the weight on. Oh one more thing I never eat back any calories earned.
I hope you continue and figure out what works for you.

ConnieT1030

Ming1951 wrote: »

I hope you continue and figure out what works for you.

Thanks! I enjoyed reading your story, I definitely know what it is to have gone this route before, although previously I wasnt actually attempting to lose weight. I know I should drink more water, but I never did like water, and I just am rarely thirsty, so i struggle to get through one bottle a day. =/
I have been tempted to try some of those meal systems, but cant manage the cost, as we would still have to get my husband's meals. He is basically mimicking me, because i am eating less, so he is trying to also, so thats a plus. He would need to get his own motivation though, beyond just doing it because I am, and wishing he weighed less, because I cant do it for him, so that's up to him. But i had to let him know, his calorie amounts are WAY different from mine, when he was looking at some frozen meals and thinking the calories were too high. (We figured out with a little rough bmr calculations, he can eat close to my complete DAYS worth in one meal and still lose weight! Talk about jealous!!)