I cannot stop being extreme!

serenad87

Honestly, I don't know how to stop binge eating and extreme dieting. I want to lose weight and I don't know how. If I don't count my calories than I eat too much in the day. If I count than I feel constricted and end up ruining it at night with snacks. I feel like I have no will power. I'll just not think and stuff my face and then I'm depressed. For two years I've been "trying to lose weight" but I'm the exact same weight as two years ago!
What do I do.

kommodevaran

You have the power, if you let yourself have the power. Read this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salutogenesis

RoxieDawn

Is depression at the root of this issue?

courtneyfabulous

Just stop.

Obviously this isn't working for you, right?

How about just setting your calorie goal for a MILD deficit- like 250 calories below maintenance (that's a loss rate of 0.5 pounds per week). Eating 250 calories less than maintenance isn't hard right? It's not restricting that much- that's like half a white chocolate mocha latte less per day. That's less than the calories in 2 slices of bread. It's not enough to where you would feel deprived and want to eat everything in the cupboard, right?

To find your daily maintenance calories use this calculator:

http://www.iifym.com/tdee-calculator/

(Your TDEE = yourdaily maintenance calories)

Now you're probably thinking: "ok but that's so slow.. if I restrict by 500 calories I'll lose twice as fast- or how about a 1000 calorie deficit- I'll be thin in no time!"

NO.

That mentality is what has got you 0 progress in 2 years. Because restricting too much leads to bingeing. And not sticking to the plan. And staying the same weight...

If you had been in that slight, barely noticeable calorie deficit for the past 2 years (instead of doing what you've been doing) you could have lost 52 pounds. That's a lot better than 0 pounds right?

And did you know going for too much of a calorie deficit is counterproductive to weight loss? At a certain point restricting too much lowers your metabolism, making weight loss slower and making you feel crappy too. Restricting calories too much also makes your body start using your muscle for energy along with or even instead of body fat. Or even your organs. Yeah.... You don't want to have no muscle and weak organs and still have a bunch of body fat, right? Nope!

Going to extremes doesn't work for you, so do the opposite. Be as un-extreme as possible.

Once you get in the groove and have stopped over restricting and over eating and started steadily but slowly losing weight, you will have earned the right to increase your calorie deficit SLIGHTLY... you can then try 350 calories below maintenance. If that goes well for a few months, then MAYBE go to 400 less, but that is honestly the most I think you could ever go, after that it's a slippery slope back into the over restricting/over eating cycle.

As you lose weight you will need to recalculate your TDEE and adjust your calories. As you weigh less you naturally burn fewer calories.

When you get to your goal weight (and you WILL get there if you do this the way I've suggested) then SLOWLY start to increase your daily calories back up to your new TDEE. Take a few weeks or months to do this so your metabolism has time to adjust and you don't get a lot of rebound weight gain. You might gain back like 5 pounds, but that's it, if you reverse diet properly & slowly.

Then go into maintenance mode - which does not mean eat whatever and stop working out... that's gain it all back mode. Maintenance mode means continuing to count calories and hitting your daily maintenance calories goal.

So that's it! Simple. You can do that right?

Or you can just keep doing what you're doing... and be the exact same weight in another 2 years (or heavier).

Where do you want to be in 2 years? As frustrated and unhappy with your body & behavior as you are now? Or maintaining at your goal weight?

It's your choice.

spring913

Are you restricting yourself too much? How much do you want to loose? Be realistic with yourself, for a lot of people 2lbs a week is too much of a calorie deficit. Personally, I find counting calories empowering, you ARE in control of you.

Try saving some cals for an evening snack. I'm an evening snacker too (or I was, not so much anymore), it's a habit more than anything else. You can get 100cal bags of popcorn, mini chocolate bars, stuff like that. Save enough cals to eat the snack of your choice. In the beginning, choose something that you can eat the whole bag and stay within your cals. That tricks your mind into believing you're doing what you always do. And you are! You're just being more mindful of it, and taking control.

courtneyfabulous

spring913 wrote: »

Are you restricting yourself too much? How much do you want to loose? Be realistic with yourself, for a lot of people 2lbs a week is too much of a calorie deficit. Personally, I find counting calories empowering, you ARE in control of you.

Try saving some cals for an evening snack. I'm an evening snacker too (or I was, not so much anymore), it's a habit more than anything else. You can get 100cal bags of popcorn, mini chocolate bars, stuff like that. Save enough cals to eat the snack of your choice. In the beginning, choose something that you can eat the whole bag and stay within your cals. That tricks your mind into believing you're doing what you always do. And you are! You're just being more mindful of it, and taking control.

Yes!! I find calorie counting empowering too- I'm a bit of a control freak so I love knowing exactly how much I've had and how much more I can have. I save calories for snacks too! I have a mid-morning snack, a Cooke of afternoon snacks, and often a small dessert after dinner. But all within my daily calories.

ahoy_m8

Have you tried calorie counting without restricting? I mean eat as you normally would week or two but track it all? Some people find that really helpful as a starting point (1) to get used to counting and (2) to see where calories can be cut without a big impact on enjoyment.

Excessive restriction and binging kind of go together.... one begets the other. The way to break the binge-restrict cycle is to log the binge and get back on your plan the next day (without cutting deeper to make up for the binge). The biggest success factor is setting an appropriate calorie goal in the first place and sticking to it (not eating under).

jankig

I agree with ahoy_m8. Just log your food for a week or two, don't restrict calories.

You and I have a very similar story. I always have an all or nothing attitude towards food, extreme eating. I was on a couple of weight loss challenges. And lost the weight. But felt so deprived and restricted that I rebelled against it after and just binge ate for months after. I'm at the point now that I have to figure out what "normal" eating is for me. I'm trying just to log my food, not worrying about restricting calories, but I do work out regularly and I also log my exercise too. I figure if I eat "normal" and not binge eat, that's an improvement. Once I feel confident in that, I'll try to start restricting calories. It'll be a slow process, but I'd rather figure out what my normal is than just keep yo-yo-ing.

Hope this helps.

serenad87

Thanks everyone. You're all completely right and I'm going to do what you're suggesting, starting now.

FernRunner

You're definitely not alone in this. Don't give up!

singingflutelady

I can relate. I'm a former anorexic so the only way I know how to lose is restrict a lot and I often fall into the restrict-binge cycle

sllm1

I would also ask if you are restricting too much. Set your goal to lose more slowly so that it's something you can stick with. There's nothing wrong with 0.5 pound per week. Work your evening snacks into the allotment. Pre-log and make sure to include things that you enjoy. Losing slowly is better than not losing at all - and if you keep over-restricting/quitting you're not losing.

I would also say that if you decide to go at this with a more sustainable approach and smaller calorie deficit, you have to be more patient with the scale.

"Do what you know is right and the number on the scale will follow." Eventually. Just stick with it.

You can do it!

texasleahgirl

Agree 100% with everyone to just log, no deficit for a while. I did that for 3-4 weeks and I was able to look at the accumulated data and eliminate foods that honestly just weren't worth the calories when I was ready to start a small deficit. Think of it like doing research before writing a paper, or comparison shopping before making a big purchase...your future choices stand a greater chance of being more beneficial with a little research

courtneyfabulous

singingflutelady wrote: »

I can relate. I'm a former anorexic so the only way I know how to lose is restrict a lot and I often fall into the restrict-binge cycle

I'm a former anorexic too - in my teens I managed to make myself very ill with it.. I got down to barely a hundred pounds (with my frame & height I shouldn't weigh less than 130) and started getting sick all the time - colds, flu, mono... then I literally started going crazy from it - auditory hallucinations and memory loss - and that scared me enough that it finally snapped me out of it. I started caring about my health instead of my weight, thank goodness!

But with age, stress, and some major health issues (genetic, not self induced this time) I have become overweight which is really hard to deal with from a past of anorexia - but learning how the body works and the mechanisms of metabolism and weight loss has helped keep me from from falling back to anorexia for weight loss - I learned there are slower healthier methods instead that result in body fat loss without the muscle loss, immune system suppression, organ damage, and general crappy & crazy feeling that comes with over restricting.

Also after the more recent health issues (and ultimately a surgery to fix them), I now have a renewed drive to be as healthy as possible. There is no room for anorexia in a healthy lifestyle. There's a quote I heard somewhere: "If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything". I've been very very sick a few times now, so I know this to be absolutely true. I will NOT do anything intentionally which harms my health- there's enough that can go wrong with our bodies already without us causing extra problems by abusing ourselves.

It's funny, at one point I just wanted to be as thin as possible at whatever cost and loved the look of thin lanky underweight models... but now I don't even find that look attractive at all! Now I like the look of fitness models with their curves & muscles and glowing skin and their strength & athleticism... I know I'm a bit too old now (35) to look quite like that, but I'm glad I have a healthier aesthetic in mind now. For myself personally I just want to be at a healthy weight, be as fit as I can, and feel as goods possible

serenad87

You're all amazing. I'm so glad I posted on here, I was having a really bad day.

Orphia

serenad87 wrote: »

Honestly, I don't know how to stop binge eating and extreme dieting. I want to lose weight and I don't know how. If I don't count my calories than I eat too much in the day. If I count than I feel constricted and end up ruining it at night with snacks. I feel like I have no will power. I'll just not think and stuff my face and then I'm depressed. For two years I've been "trying to lose weight" but I'm the exact same weight as two years ago!
What do I do.

Congratulations, you know how to maintain weight, that's half the battle!

Lots of good posts in this thread. A less extreme approach will see you lose weight.

Less restriction will lead to less bingeing.

A smaller weekly weight loss goal will make it easier to stick to your calorie limit.

DebSozo

Orphia wrote: »

serenad87 wrote: »

Honestly, I don't know how to stop binge eating and extreme dieting. I want to lose weight and I don't know how. If I don't count my calories than I eat too much in the day. If I count than I feel constricted and end up ruining it at night with snacks. I feel like I have no will power. I'll just not think and stuff my face and then I'm depressed. For two years I've been "trying to lose weight" but I'm the exact same weight as two years ago!
What do I do.

Congratulations, you know how to maintain weight, that's half the battle!

Lots of good posts in this thread. A less extreme approach will see you lose weight.

Less restriction will lead to less bingeing.

A smaller weekly weight loss goal will make it easier to stick to your calorie limit.

^Good point! OP, the bright side is when you get out of this maintenance mode you will likely be able to keep future weight off too.

Others made good suggestions to record your calories just as you are eating them. Average them out and that should be your TDEE for maintaining. Then cut 500 daily from that to lose 1 pound a week. If you are close to goal then cut 250 off for 1/2 pound loss a week. I find TDEE to be easier because then I don't have to play the "eat back calories" game with NEAT. But some people love counting back, so no worries if it is your preference.

I'm stuck on a plateau right now and am figuring out my TDEE for my goal weight and am planning simply not going over that. Then when I get to goal I'll already be eating at maintenance calories.

kshama2001

Another vote for a small calorie deficit. I'm down 35 pounds, am only hungry right before meals, don't feel deprived or really like I'm dieting at all.