Frustrated

librarygoddess2

So here I am again... officially back to zero pounds lost from sixty... I'm so frustrated. I know what I have to do. I know what I did wrong to get back to where I'm at. My frustration is basically that it took me turning weight loss into a full-time job to succeed. All I did was think about what I was going to do to reach my goals. I turned it into an obsession, and as soon as I tried to just actively think about it, but not obsess, as soon as my life got busier with other equally important things, I gained all the weight back. The more I gained, the more I didn't care and then I ended up feeling uglier and fatter than ever. It just feels so frustrating that I have to set aside every other aspect of my life aside to have any form of success. That's not who I want to be for the rest of my life. I don't want to be Lesley the Fitness Guru, the healthy eating queen that thinks of nothing else.

I know I know... I can hear it all in my head... you don't have to say it. "You gotta want it..", "If it's important to you, you can do it.", "Think positively". I get it. I know how it works. I know how I succeeded last time. The problem is as soon as I let up just a tiny bit, I started to gain it back. As soon as I relaxed and said, you look beautiful; you can stop stressing about it so much... I gained it all back. Of course, it wasn't instantaneous, and I know that I've been dreadful over the past year, which has compounded it. Of course, the more I gained back, the more I got frustrated, and the more I wanted just to give up entirely; until I did... and now I hate myself for getting back to the state I was in before. I can probably give it the one to two years it will take to get back to the weight I want... but I keep thinking.. then what... you have to log your food and obsess about your weight for the rest of your life.... Yes, obsession.

I don't know if I have it in me again. I just can't get excited about it again. I assure you I do want it. I really really want it, I just... sigh... perhaps this is just a rant. Thanks for listening.

rosebarnalice

Sigh. Been there, done that. [read my profile!] All I can say is I hear ya, and I wish I had some magic pixie dust to share but I don't It's taken me a lifetime of ups and downs, and I still don't know that I've gotten it right. . . for keepsies. I'm maintaining now--and have been for the better part of 9 months--but who's to say that I won't find myself back in your shoes in another year or two. Keep on keeping on!

JennieMaeK

I feel ya. I started again more times than I can count. For me, it finally clicked in that this will be a lifelong commitment (not an obsession, mind you). But I've come to the realization that I will be weighing and count calories forever. At times it can depress me, but in reality, it doesn't take that much. I've lost 85 lbs and am less than 9 lbs away from my goal weight. But during this almost 2 year journey, I know that if I don't commit to constant tracking, I will gain it back.

Other people are luckier, they can get to goal weight and not track as much, just watch what they eat. Won't work for me.

You, obviously, know what works for you. You might be in the same boat as me, it will just mean a lifelong commitment to maintain the results you want. Daunting, I know, but then I think of the alternative.

Good luck to you.